ALL MY CHILDREN: IMHO

ALL MY CHILDREN: IN MY HUMBLE OPINION
THOUGHTS, MUSINGS, OPINIONS & FORECASTS

UPDATED ON 01 SEPTEMBER, 2002

THIS PAGE IS GOING ON HIATUS - I will not be updating until further notice. Sorry... ;-(

JUST MY THOUGHTS...

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY09/01:

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.... Listen to me, oh eyebrowed one... your daughter is a delightful and intelligengt young girl. She speaks up a storm and seems far advanced for her years. She is not lovelorn over the loss of a mother having been too young for the chance to really KNOW her. She is incredibly fond of Brooke; that has been proven time and time again. WHY is it that you would tell a child that she is wrong without the benefit of investigation? WHY, Eddie, would you not simply walk outside to see what Maddie so vividly described as "mommy"? Is it a good idea to deny a child's imagination (even though we know it was real)? Is it smart to tell a child they are wrong without thinking about WHY they might have come up with this sort of announcement? I suppose that this is normal for parenting in these circles... Eddie's normal routine is to make a googly face and then send the kid off for cookies with the servant. Mommy is home Mr. Investigative reporter... and your daughter gave you the scoop of your life. That'll teach you.

The word is that Jonathan Bennett's JR is history. He'll be gone within the next several weeks having been let out of his contract for a new venture. The role IS being recast rather quickly. Look for someone in their late 20's with a six-pack... ok.... just kidding... I have no idea who is coming in to be NuNuNuJR... I would, however, expect that the BOY will be a man.

Sorry if I am repetitive... I SOOOO want Brooke to become an out-of-hand wild and vindictive BEEYATCH..... bring it on. Make her hateful. Make her spiteful. Leave the tears behind. Give her that fighting spunk that tells off the best of them. Give us some knock down drag out CAT fights that has Brooke going for the juggler. Don't confine them to just MARIA... bring it on with Erica and any other woman that crosses her path. BRING IT ON!!! It is time for a Brookie make-over. Maybe... just maybe that will be the SPARK that entices the right man back to Brooke the FORMER victim of love... the question will now be WHO IS that man? Will they have Eddie choose her over Maria? Will Jack sweep the wild beeyatch off her feet? Will Chris Stamp get over his Diva? Is there another middle-aged hunk-a-doodle on the way into the fold? WILL Brookie find herself a younger stud and flaunt it in the face of old eyebrows? I've said my piece.... I want bad Brooke to take over... the stepped upon matron is wearing very thin.

THE TOP 10 Reasons Dimitri needs to come back to Pine Valley:
10) Pine Valley has had a significant shortage of royalty lately.
9) Peggy has locked herself in the closet until he returns.
8) Somebody needs to beat up Chris Stamp.
7) He's bound to find out that Alex and Anna pulled the twin switchero on him sooner or later.
6) There are no plans for a Dynasty or Gidget reunion at this time.
5) I, for one, would like to see what color his hair is now.
4) Some think that Alex is holding him hostage in an undisclosed location.
3) Erica needs someone to accompany her to an AA meeting at the hospital.
2) Maybe Maria will remember HIM.
1) There just isn't enough controversy on the message boards.

So.... I am picturing Trey/Ben and Kendall getting it on in that hot little loft. A couple of days later they discover that dear old dad... the creepy actor/rapist with the British accent (that turned into a voice that sounded JUST like Trey/Ben) is father to both of them. They turn and look at each other and each scream "EWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Soon Kendall discovers she is pregnant and everyone is a bit worried that out of ALL the F@#%ed up kids that have lived in or traveled through Pine Valley... this will be the be all and end all. WAIT!! That ain't gonna happen. NO WAY would AMC go the way of incestual relationships... If you ask me we've seen the worst of it already. Soon they will discover their common ground and BESIDES... Kendall is in love with Ryan (for the moment) and attracted to Aidan. Then there is that little matter of an amorous JR coming on to Kendall.... then all of a sudden he will look different and probably have a six-pack (a reason to be shirtless)... I suspect that Kendall and JR just may turn out to be an item down the road. As for Trey/Ben? He's sort of asexual to me... I can't decide who or what he should be mixed with... I like him more as some sort of MAD guy who threatens people and ends up leaving the show after having killed off one of our least favorite characters (we all have our fantasies...)

I was thinking today how we haven't had a good insane character and murder mystery in a while. It's about time. Who can turn into our psycho? Who needs to be offed and sent to heaven (in case they are needed back in a year or two). WAIT... there is one problem with this... Think about it. Nearly ANYONE in that town could turn into a psycho... nearly any one of the characters could get offed and make SOMEBODY happen. But in a town full of dysfunction I suppose there really isn't all that much need for a psycho... I expect in Pine Valley these days it wouldn't be noticed...

YOU just haven't lived on a soap opera until you've had at least TWO names. Whether it is split personalities, twins, sisters, brothers, amnesiacs or just two people who really, really look like each other... some of your favorite characters can be called by many names. CURRENTLY we are dealing with the Maria/Maureen confusion. We have Trey, who is actually Ben. Vanessa is sometimes Nessa and other times Rosie. Adam and Stuart just change hair styles and throw on a sweater. Anna is the butch version of Alex. Maggie is the (also) sexually confused identical twin to Frankie (unless my theory still holds up and it was actually Maggie that died...). Jake used to be Joey. Tad used to be Ted. Hayley turned into her mother while Mateo just looks really, realy different... I could go on but you all got the point and I think I have managed to bore even myself.

Does anyone realize that SKYE (who belongs in Pine Valley... there... I've said it) is the only SOAP character that can lay claim to having had (in some shape or form) the most powerful man on EACH ABC soap as her father? She is, first and foremost a CHANDLER, she is still under the illusion that she is a QUARTERMAINE (GH) and NOW.... Rae has gone and married Asa Buchanan... which would make him Skye's Step-daddy by marriage and THUS... in a sort of weird way... SKYE a Buchanan. She can hit them all up for some money and never have to work again!! Oh wait... she doesn't work now. Never mind.

So... is X-17 the Libidozone of 2002? No... it isn't likely to find itself in any punchbowls in the near future. I do love that the flashback had the vial of the X-17 labeled appropriately. We wouldn't have wanted David to inject the ailing Maria with any of that pesky X-16 now would we? One has to wonder if the miracle experimental drug has been upgraded much like Microsoft software or AOL versions. Many years ago David played with that little science kit at home and mixed a couple of household cleaners to come up with X... but the ecstasy people sent over a lawyer with a cease and desist so he named it X-1. Over the years Dr. Hayward and Mr. Hyde played with the formula and finally, five-years ago came up with the 17th version (with new features!) Fortunately for him (and US) Maria crawled into his life on that beach in California? uh.... no comprende... Did that plane fall down into Pine Valley beach... float into Pine Valley River and sail all the way to California? OR was Davey on the EAST coast when we pretty much know he got to PV from that hospital in CA only FOUR years ago.... and excuse me BUT... WHOSE BODY was he burying? ME THINKS somebody passed away from the previous version of the drug.... DAMN that X-16!!!

ONLY ON A SOAP: Here we have a wonderfully humorous and actor-chemistry enhanced scene in a car racing towards Wildwind from the Valley Inn. What is WRONG with this picture? For one thing... it took them the entire show and they STILL did not arrive at their destination. Let's put this into perspective... On All My Children people have recently made their decisions, booked their flights, FLOWN to Nevada and found someone in a remote hotel in a matter of 5 minutes... TIME is of no essence in a soap. MY OTHER favorite funny about Tad and Anna in the car going ON and ON and ON about the mere fact that Maria could be alive after having been dead. uhhhhh...HELLO? Both Anna AND Tad have returned from the dead themselves. How quickly they forget.... ahh sweet irony.

I understand that the Proteus storyline is coming to its conclusion very soon. Was that still going on? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh happy, happy couple. Leo and Greenlee are SOOOO in love and kissing, hugging and riding bicycles through not one but TWO music montages on Thursday... hmmmm... if you ask me that seals the deal. LEO is leaving. He's outta there. These people are too damned happy and we KNOW that isn't going to cut if for long. Greenlee needs a storyline... she needs an outlet. They have NO problem with the world or each other at the moment. YIKES... that is just not going to work in Pine Valley. QUICK... we need a third party. HURRY someone needs a disease or a really bad wound of some sort. Are the office pools beginning? Are we taking any bets? Is this guy outta here in October? November? How's he leaving? Somewhere in Hollywood Mark Consuelos, Cameron Mathison and Josh Duhamel will be having cocktails and talking about their new projects... well.. Josh and Cam will... Mark will be discussing Kelly's projects. JUST KIDDING.

Now that MARIA is back in town will there be other Santos' coming as well? There are rumblings that Sydney Penny (Julia) could be coerced into a stint back in Pine Valley... (no offense to the actress but what has she done since the show anyway?) IMHO I would doubt VERY much that Noah (Keith Hamilton Cobb) would be making his way back to the show... the actor is now on Andromeda and has been widely quoted as saying he would NEVER return to daytime television... perhaps Julia could return at some point without Noah... on a visit? In order for her to be back at all the reason that she and Noah had to go into the Witness Protection program would have to have been eliminated. THEN, however, the couple would be returning together, wouldn't they? SO.... my guess (if this is to happen at all) is that Noah is going bye-bye... whether in the form of divorce, or yet another premature death... WHO KNOWS?? Remember: We're still talking about the (possible) return of Trevor as well... I suggest we don't hold our breath!!

LAST but not least: I hate to say I told you so!! I knew there was a future in the pairing of Jack and Anna. Although I don't know just HOW far this will go... I do know that it just fell RIGHT into place this week as I had seen coming MANY weeks prior. Anna is not suited for the mad doctor (I know many would disagree) and JACK is in dire need of a front burner love story. WHY NOT? Will Jack be willing to take on the pregnancy with Anna? Will Anna lose the baby? Will Anna handle the return of Lily Montgomery to the fold? All of these questions and more will be answered eventually... The big question, I suppose, is whether or not Jack is but a mere REBOUND as Anna flaunts the relationship in front of the lying Doctor. And then... what is David going to do about it? Let's just say that we hope David doesn't have a needle filled with X-17 while standing next to Jackson....

Oh... one more thing... just WHO was it that picked out the bridal gown that Brookie wore (for DAYS)? That was undoubtedly the most unflattering thing she could have worn. Talk about making one's backside look larger...

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/25:

ALARMING Pine Valley trend: have we ever REALLY taken notice that there is a disturbing similarity to EVERY single younger person inhabiting our favorite BURG? They are all a bunch of pathetic cry babies with dysfunctional history. HEAR ME OUT... think about it... every single one of these people have had HORRIBLE experiences with parents or something similar and are not only psychologically MESSED UP, but usually keeping it a secret as well. At least until they can find someone to SOB to and then it all comes blubbering out. Let's review for just a moment: Simone has problems with father figures and is hiding something that happened in the past destroying her relationship with her father and sending her into a string of married men's beds. Greenlee is a princess with a trust fund raised by her snobby grandparents because her jet-set mother and con man father couldn't have cared less. Leo traveled the world with his grifter mother who possesses many personalities (supposedly)... he was raised to be a gigolo and really had no concept of parental guidance whatsoever. Ryan was raised by a drunk mother who fled an abusive father and grew up to watch his brother become a psycho rapist. Kendall is an attention starved quasi-harlot who wants nothing but the acceptance of the diva who had her in a rape. Binks is a strong but conflicted lesbian who uses that strength as a mask against what she knows is a fickle relationship with the teeny weeny diva. JR has a egomaniacal billionaire father, a dead mother, a non-attentive step father and a linebacker for a step-mother... he is a drug addict and an angry timebomb waiting to explode. Jamie is a child who is often ignored and couldn't even talk during his KD Lang phase. Petey is a snotty, bratty, Richie Rich character that someone is going to slug over a wall before or after he grows up to be a cross dresser with Opal's clothing. Maggie had a bizarre childhood, hardly knows her family and lost her twin sister... who she never really knew either. Trey was abandoned by a mother in one of her personalities and has assumed the identity of a man that died in order to be a lawyer and give people snotty looks while dressed in preppy clothing. Tim Dillon is conflicted because he lives with a woman from another planet and a man who is in heavy denial..... who is left... let's see... Aidan and Frank. They seem normal enough for now... but that won't last long... Frankie has a dark secret (the porn years?) and Aidan... who knows... maybe it's just that he can't act (but GOD he looks and sounds delightful.) SO... we've got a nasty trend here... is there NO normalcy in the youth of Pine Valley?

I changed my mind. Trey isn't Vanessa's son or Leo's brother. He is from Venus. He is an alien with strict orders not to allow a personality to come through while conversing with the humans. He is reading their thoughts with the special glasses that look like mere spectacles. Soon he will take over our planet. My guess is that his REAL mother is Janet.

EDDIE: Here is a clue that might help for you if you really want to be that GUARD DOG and protect your wifey to be. When you hear a noise and plan on checking on it.... DON'T wait for TEN minutes and discuss it endlessly. GUESS WHAT? They won't be there anymore. Sometimes I just want to throw things at the TV.

THE TOP 10 Reasons David and Anna should NOT have a baby:
10) Hasn't anyone seen Rosemary's Baby?
9) Although not impossible... I would imagine it is difficult to find a complete black maternity wardrobe.
8) Ducking and rolling on those overnight stake-outs would be tough on a pregnant Police Chief.
7) I don't think the Valley Inn allows newborns to live there.
6) David won't pay attention to the kid unless it has a heart problem.
5) Anna would FREAK when David insists that they name the kid DIXIE if it's a girl and DEXIE if it's a boy.
4) David would have to stop slipping Anna those libidozone cocktails.
3) Think about it... Vanessa and Charlotte would be dueling grandmothers.
2) A child in their midst could very well mean the end of those wonderfully stimulating conversations they always have.
1) Why go through ALL the mess and bother of a newborn when you can just wait for the grown child you've forgotten, given away or never knew about to show up in Pine Valley?

Yes, Maria is officially back. There she was sobbing away in the masoleum. That is all it took to jog our memories. OH YES... the crier. A rival to Brooke's teary eyed scenes. During the next sweeps period we can see the first annual Pine Valley Sob-off... a new form of reality programming that pits famous PV residents trying to out-cry one another. First up: Brooke the PV champ (face it... she's been doing it for years) and the challenger Maria Maureen Gorman Santos Grey. Who will win? Who will get the prize? What is the prize? Who cares? ;-0

Lipstick Lesbianca and Fraggie? It's a love story made of Enchantment lipgloss and push-up bras in one corner and a step stool in another. Will they or won't they? I expect we'll know by September...... 2003.

Spotted as extras on Port Charles: Jack and Mary Smythe having a cup of coffee in the hospital cafeteria. It must have been them... they don't seem to be in Pine Valley any longer...

I am torn... on one hand there is the reprieve from the painfully boring and nice David that we have been subjected to for a little too long these past months... but on the other hand there is the lying, scheming and manipulative scuzball that he has once again become lying endlessly to get what he wants with Maria... while lying regretfully to the woman that seems to be pregnant with his child. What do we like? What would we prefer? WHY is going to gain from the lies he is telling to Maria? What IS she really to him? HERE is what I think: Nobody knows. YOU HEARD ME.... I am convinced that the writers themselves are sort of toying with this one (much the same as I believed them to be doing with the identity of Proteus late last year.) Little by little they are hashing out this storyline amongst themselves while gauging the responses that they read in the message boards and 'word on the street'... They haven't got any more of a clue than we do.... ok, that isn't entirely true, they ARE four weeks or so ahead of us. The truth is that they probably DO know but they aren't letting this one leak one little bit. I actually think this is for the best. Sometimes I end up knowing too much too soon and THAT could be one of the main reasons I find myself getting bored. OMG, I may have just solved a puzzle....

Is there a 12-step group for scoop addicted people?
Step 1: Admit I was powerless over scoops
Step 2: Came to believe that I could watch TV without knowing what would be on before I watched it.
Step 3: Turned over my power to the writers of the show (reading ANY message board would tell you that this one is where most will stop.)
Steps 4 through 11: Read a book, watch PBS... maybe get a life? (What.... you thought I was going to do ALL 12 steps?)
Step 12: Turn off the freakin' TV.

MIA: So it IS "All About Eve" We are in a new phase of her game. She is moving on past the naive and shy home girl and gussying up to become the smart and saavy businesslady that is running the household. Suddenly she is snippy to flower vendors on the phone because that would be the only way to show you are powerful (natch!) and Liza... who is one of the smarter women Pine Valley has ever encountered is spilling her guts and acting the fool with the sister she never knew she had. I suppose that next to ADAM anyone can look trustworthy... but is Liza REALLY about to be SNOWED by Miss Mia? Don't count on it. Remember that Bette Davis WON in the end....

OK... was it me or did Maggie look like she was going to break out in a DUSTY SPRINGFIELD song in her wedding get-up?

I KNEW IT!! Daytime television proves it again! Beautiful people do NOT wear glasses. Heaven forbid. Here we thought that the character of TREY... er.. BEN... (whatever..) was going to be a hunk WITH specs but GO FIGURE... they are a prop... a costume.... mere jewelry to create a character. So once we find out the REAL reason that Trey... er... BEN is in town, once that fact that he is someone's bitter brother, son, cousin, or monkey's uncle... he'll probably whip those puppies off and chuck in WILLOW LAKE (where in future episodes that monster referred to by Binky will be seen lurking in the depths... wearing glasses.) Ahhh... glamor...

New characters? I am loving a few of the peripheral newbies that are being paraded out these days. The young intern / nurse that Tad conned in the hospital was a bit of fresh air... the VP "assistant" that came in with the problem to Binks (who naturally saved the day with her personal phone call to Brandy... yea... right) We liked HER too. Somebody must slap Val, however. please?

If Maddie lived in California they would probably pre-empt All My Children to talk about the Amber alert. For that matter it probably would have been the second Amber alert after the kidnapping of Colby on a "five-week fishing trip". That one would interupt the entire daytime line-up. If they keep it up we may never see this show again.

It never ceases to amaze me that someone VERY recognizable can lurk around in public places and private property during large events and NEVER BE SEEN... when any character can't usually SNEEZE without running into whomever it is they don't want to see on a normal basis. Perhaps she is invisible? One more question... where did she get the purse if EVERYTHING was stolen from her (including all money)... and what's worse... if she has nothing after everything was stolen.... what would she need a purse for? Gosh Pine Valley is one confusing burg.

I love modern medicine. Apparently our poor silent Jamie ran up the stairs some months ago in disgust over Brookie's impending nuptials to someone besides TAD and came down in time for the wedding with a new face (KD Lang has been retired) and absolutely no memory whatsoever. He was all smiles so my guess is either Prozac or lithium.

LAST but not least... I will have to admit that our final scene of the week was a touching one. Mother and child reunion. There can be no doubt now that Maureen is Maria. Not a twin. Not a look-alike. Not a ghost. Maria. Eddie and Brooke fans HAVE gotten their wedding but the way I am seeing it... the honeymoon is not going to be sweet. It's hard to say what will happen in the long run... Maria doesn't quite remember that she IS Maria at this time.... but Eddie will be torn. There was entirely too much "Forever" being stated at that wedding. Whether or not Eddie and Maria will end up as a couple again is something that it is entirely too early to guage... but I will say one thing: Brooke is about to change her personality and become LESS of a saint than the woman we have always known. For anyone who even DARES whine about her being "out of character"... I suggest that you remember that characters change. This one is going to do a 180. She is going to fight, she is going to snap. She is going to lie and she is going to be a bit of a beeyatch. Brooke for a new century. You go girl.

By the way: I TOLD you that Rae Cummings was going to marry Asa Buchanan!!!

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/18:

To HELL with who might be Trey's mother.... WHO is Rebecca? I was beginning to think that Trey was an ASEXUAL little weasel in need of ANGER management and a package of tissues in case the glasses got foggy. Now suddenly he's steaming up rooms in different ways with some blonde who seems to like him very much? Where'd he find her? Does she hang around in the hospital? The park? Did he meet her at Starbucks? Is she paid personnel? Will we see Rebecca again? I know.... they were waiting for Trey to work out a few months before revealing him bare-chested... that must be it. At least we know this boy with MOTHER issues isn't gay...

UH OH... Leo and Greenlee playing NICK & NORA to try and figure out whatever secrets Trey might be keeping is NOT a good sign. Happy couples on this soap become Nick and Nora while on their way to the backburner. This must NOT happen. What Leo and Greenlee need right now is someone to play into their happy little nest. Someone to woman to tempt LEO or perhaps a young man to persuade Greens. They've been happy for a couple of weeks now... (sort of)... that is long enough. Move along.

It didn't take Kendall TOO long to get over that chisel-bodied Ryan guy. WHO? Now she's got the hunky Brit boy to play with. A little lust in the afternoon... but wait... don't tell me... is there a SECRET lurking in that Brit boys past? Could there be something HE is hiding that actually sort of ties him to Pine Valley in a way that we, as of yet, do not expect? C'mon boys and girls since WHEN has ANYONE come to Pine Valley without an AGENDA or a GRUDGE? Aidan walks in and is immediately thrown into the KANE dynasty via the humble man-servant Chris. Fortunately his first career (there will be more) is exactly what Missy Kane and the boy toy were looking for to create the Penthouse in the sky. So what is it that Aidan brings to the land of Drama? Something to do with the way he was brought up. ME THINKS that it is Aidan that might have something to do with David.... Don't ask me why... but just the fact that David and Aidan were like oil and water so quickly AND the fact that David is involved with ANNA... tells me that there is going to be more of a connection than we have seen thus far. In the meantime, however... it sure is nice that summer has forced him to peel off the shirt a couple of times... nuff said.

Has anyone ever noticed that soap operas are SO much like the slapstick comedies of the 40's and 50's? All the close calls and coincidences are like the way the Marx Brothers would march in and out of different rooms in a hotel JUST missing each other each time while all in some silly chase. WHY would Edmund bring Brooke to the PINE CONE HOTEL for a little love rendezvous? Why would one door open as the other one closes? HOW MANY times are we going to see Maria come within inches of the man she was once married to? I know, I know... it's just another comedy of errors...

THE TOP 10 Reasons Erica and Chris should not be married:
10) UH... because they look like Mutt and Jeff?
9) Because her full name would NEVER fit on the checks.
8) Every minister they ask to perform the ceremony breaks out into hysterical laughter.
7) She's so tiny should could very well get lost in his hair.
6) Because that would mean that Chris Stamp might actually have a storyline.
5) She wouldn't be able to spend enough time running Enchantment... you know... that multi-million dollar corporation that she goes to once a month?
4) She can't eat too much Italian food or she'll become a little beach ball.
3) If she marries Chris that means he'll eventually end up with Brooke.
2) They are out of the teeny tiny wedding dresses at Diva's R Us.
1) Anytime somebody said her name she would think the post office was honoring her.

It would seem now that Trey has taken his shirt off he doesn't seem to want to put it back on.... OH... and did anyone else wince when Brookie looked at the champagne bottles in the the Pine Cone and announce "Tre(y) Chic!!" Enough with the TREY stuff, already!!

By the way... it was pointed out to me that RICHARD FIELDS who now seems to sound EXACTLY like Trey (they even seem to say the same things... go figure)... USED to have a BRITISH accent.... hmmmmmmmmm.... wouldn't it be more appropriate then to have Aidan be the bastard son of the rapist / actor? Very odd... unless Richard Fields was doing the British accent for Erica as some sort of seduction. Maybe he turned British in violent thunderstorms.

It would appear that the costumer found a nice sale on black 'outfits' with red floral patterns. First there was the slinky black number that Kendall wore on the night that Ryan drove off in the rain on the motorcycle. Up in the corner there was a red flower. Then there was the black sundress that Maria wore for several days with the red flowers. Today Binky was wearing the pullover top with the red rose... so... was there a sale or are they recycling the material and using it for different outfits as time goes on? Maybe they are trying to start a trend?

Speaking of ratings.. (ok, maybe I wasn't... but now we are)... If you go on a message board the misery loves company people will remind you ENDLESSLY that the ratings are down and the writers should die (they are blamed for everything from bad plots, boring diatribe and killing relationships to the problems in the stock market...) BUT... it would appear, however, that TV in Pine Valley still thrives. WHO KNEW that Hayley was even still doing her talk show THE WAVE?.... well... not only is she doing it, but it would seem that the show was on every television set. From scene to scene it was either on in the background or talked about by key characters. That Kelly Ripa just can't do any wrong, can she...

OH MY GOD! WHAT an EXCITING week this was on the show! SO many things happened. So MANY plot points uncovered and characters intertwined. I am LOVING it.... oh... wait... that was Access Hollywood... Big Brother... Eastenders... some cooking show... a three year old syndicated Party of Five... We're in one of those molasses periods where things do not move... what I would do for a SWEEPS period (or perhaps a clue as to what some of these storylines are about?) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MISSING in action: Where are Jackson Montgomery and Mary Smythe? Could we... dare we assume that they are AT THIS MOMENT re-kindling their past relationship if only to ANNOY the hell out of Greensnot and her future ex-husband? Did Jack finally bore himself to death with the self-righteous routine and check into a rehab for male beeyatches? Is Mary staying at the guest room of her parents mansion or looking for work because she is out of the inheritance? Wasn't there some sort of glimmer of hope that there would be SOMETHING that might happen that would give Jack a love life AND keep the marvelously talented Anna Stuart a storyline and DARE I say contract? HELLO?? Where have they gone? Was it too hot on that front burner for them?

By the looks (and sounds) of things it would appear that Janet from another planet is blasting off to re-visit that other galaxy... It would appear that Robin Mattson is not agreeable to the return engagement OR that the powers at ABC don't particularly care for the idea of a happy Dillon clan at all. MY GUESS is that there will be an eventual DILLON reunion on the show... I would venture to say that Amanda will be the next one to show up. Tim might end up being recast (there are rumblings that the current actor is not really working out...) and then WHO KNOWS.... it could happen that a lonely and dejected TREVOR will come back to figure out what went wrong in Pine Valley. If Janet is reinstituionalized (and that would seem to be the direction it is going) he would need to gravitate towards FAMILY and they will all be in Pine Valley by then. Just a hunch...

Perhaps it is a new trend... Whenever there is something that is unexplainable we will now see two characters who previously had NO connection whatsoever in a flashback scene with subtitles referring to 5 years prior. They will have a conversation in order to create the history that was heretofore missing. We'll call it "The parked car". Whenever two people have a connection that cannot be explained we can all look at each other and nod... "ahhhh, the parked car..." and then everything will be all right.

FINALLY Eddie and Maria ran into each other on Monday... oh wait... they didn't, but they were SO close.... OK, then... FINALLY Eddie and Maria saw each other on Tuesday... nope... not this time either... stood within SMELLING distance a couple of times but no visuals... Ok... so, FINALLY Eddie and Maria saw each other on Wednesday... NOPE... didn't happen then either... Thursday? NOPE... Friday.... Not quite... AUGUST? Hard to say... Wake me up when they reunite.

LAST but not least: I am loving the character of Kendall. She is coming into her own as a Pine Valley 'citizen' and bringing out the best in those she is working with. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she is making Palmer more obvious once again... (even if he is there to somehow and someway reunite errant mother and daughter... and sparking the desire of Opal in the process..) I also love Kendall with Aidan... who is delicious to look at (but could use a tiny bit of work in the line delivery...) AND... I So want to see the teaming of PV bad girls Kendall and Greenlee in a two-on-two game of "can you top this" with Erica and Binky in opposition. This could be a good deal of fun. HOW MUCH do you want to bet that Ryan WILL return (for a moment or two) JUST in time to find Kendall in a hot, steamy embrace with Britboy? Whoops... there he goes again!! I vote that Kendall (and Ms. Minshew) stick around for a while. She is truly growing on me!

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/11:

Binks for a new millennium: (IF you can't beat 'em... JOIN 'em). Now that could mean a couple of things. Binky professed that the sisterly slings being thrown at one another with Kendall sparked an idea that would finally give her the direction for her life. HUH? Of course I suppose that what they would like us to think (at least for a moment) is that LesBianca is going straight. As if one conversation could turn her back to the way it is supposed to be. I THINK NOT. Sure our hunky Brit boy Aidan is a lovely piece of man meat that need only take off that shirt and sweat a bit to bring the hetero out in ANY woman... but MY guess is that Binky is about to play the same BATTLE that Kendall and Greens have (supposedly) taken up. You see... if Bianca joins forces with dear old mama... she could end up bringing down Kendall to the level that she (Binks) believes Kendall belongs in. For that matter we all know that Binks is not the greatest fan of Greenlee either. SO... since Binky has seemingly had a lobotomy of late, forgetting ALL the nasty things that Erica did to her over the years and becoming the top cheerleader (oh wait... number 2 after that overgrown Italian boy toy that follows her around) why shouldn't she become one of the top lesbian executives at Enchantment. I'll bet it will be easy to meet models that way...

Brooke... darling... you keep telling Edmund that you have NEVER been happier than you are right now with HIM. So... why is it that you look like a catatonic coma victim with a fountain of tears running down your cheeks? Could your eyes get any wider as you FOREVER stare out in the opposite direction from wherever he might be? Good LORD, woman... if this is the happiest you've ever been... I would truly hate to see you depressed.

Liza and Adam ran through the ills of Liza's past on Monday... providing us with another mention of the name Jesse Hubbard. One has to wonder just how many dead people ARE coming back to Pine Valley....

WHAT was that butt ugly green couch in Wildwind's drawing room doing in a magazine of Pennsylvania's finest rooms? Come to think of it... WHAT was a magazine of Pennsylvania's finest rooms doing at some table at the airport?

THE TOP 10 Reasons Maria REALLY came to Pine Valley:
10) Final class of the Anna Devane School of Super Spies: Lurking 101
9) She heard the food at The Valley Inn was extraordinary and just HAD to try it.
8) Did YOU ever see her series?
7) She missed the easy breezy nights at Pine Valley Beach and the Boathouse.
6) She heard Mark Consuelos was finally gone.
5) She likes to go to strange parks and pick up faux birdwatchers?
4) Somebody told her they were holding the auditions for the next American Idol there.
3) She needed work and figured she could model push-up bras for Enchantment.
2) She thinks that JR is a hottie and wants a go at him.
1) Port Charles and Llanview had no room on their hospital staffs for lurking, amnesiac doctors with secret lives.

If All My Children were a musical I would expect Brooke to break into a couple of verses of "How do you solve a problem like MARIA".

What's this? Trey as Vanessa's nephew? Leo's cousin? Maggie's brother? A HA!! This could explain his overly concerned behavior around the girl. Is he back to find himself some Frankie revenge? Is he trying to find the money that Vanessa stashed because he is more involved in the Proteus story than previously believed? Is he Proteus? Does anyone care?

Speaking of not caring... what about those sparring rich folks? Those crazy, kooky, nutty Chandlers are just at each others throats AND using the same lawyer to do so. Right... that will work. I am picturing them pulling Colby, one on each arm while yelling at each other. Better yet... why not do a remake of "The War of the Roses" and start driving some bulldozers through the mansion. What can they do to make me care that Liza and Adam don't trust each other. Duh. Move along.

Adam and Stuart go fishing every year, this we know... but FOR 5 WEEKS? Ok... let's picture this one. Adam without a cell phone for 5 weeks... yea... that will happen. And I'm sorry... but a surprise grabbing of the daughter for a 5 week trip without informing the mother doesn't constitute kidnapping? Oh... right... Liza is crazy. I forgot. Never mind.

AAACCKK!! I've been calling her Nessa for MONTHS!! Was I talking about a personality that lived underneath the heavy breathing one? Did I simply not KNOW that there was a maternal, warm and caring woman wanting very much to help her son by being the best mother possible? WHAT is wrong with this picture? I STILL think that Vanessa is in control....

AAACCKK!! (No. 2) Hayley seems to be picking up the slack for her own personal Mateo. She is beeyatchy, bossy, and I am waiting for her to start sticking her finger in people's faces. Sure sure is slinging the attitude and acting rather royal. WHAT GIVES? Tim Man just saved her son's life. She was GUSHING over him as the donor. She wanted to do ANYTHING for him.... except, it would seem, give him the benefit of ANY doubt or perhaps a moment of time to explain WHY something had been said or done. HUH? Yes, Tim lied to his father... but there must have been a reason. EVEN if it were the WRONG reason, couldn't this so-called grateful mother have given the matter a moment before jumping to conclusions? Couldn't she have listened to the other side of the story? She doesn't have to anymore.... YES, ladies and gentlemen... the SELF-RIGHTEOUS crown has been passed to blondie.

WORD is that Trevor AND Janet will be returning to Pine Valley WITH James Kiberd and Robin Mattson taking the roles. The problem with this "scoop" is that the "word" is still not verified. We all know how THAT works on some of these message boards. By the way... word also has Finola's ANNA taking it to General Hospital on contract come February 2003. Sounds to me like the word of someone who doesn't want her to be on AMC. Hey... I can play this game too. WORD IS that Ruth Martin is divorcing Joe after that incident in the hospital supply room with that 22-year-old candy stripper. Get the point? Take THE WORD for what it is worth... you really don't know whose WORD it is.

Is Revlon a bit PISSED OFF that they aren't mentioned on the show very much? Is THAT why they are making our cute little Greens wear that HIDEOUS red stuff on her lips? What is that? Take it off!!

TREY scenario #2: I am also hearing that our man LEO is going to hear a familiar voice in the loft and believe it to be TREY. What he discovers, however, is that it is the TV playing an old movie starring none other than RICHARD FIELDS. Who is that you ask? He is the ACTOR who was friends with Eric Kane and raped the young Erica all those years ago. KENDALL is Mr. Fields daughter. So... why does Trey sound like him? It would make sense actually. This is the Vanessa connection. When TREY first on the show Vanessa "Recognized" him because of his father. Could it be that we were assuming it was the LAWYER she spoke of? We DO know that Trey is not a lawyer. We do know that he is mysterious and has links to someone in town. WHY NOT tie him up to Kendall and possibly even more. Wouldn't it be interesting to see the reaction on Erica's face when she sees yet another SPAWN of Richard Fields? This could be a catalyst in the return of THAT character and bringing Erica's rape to the forefront. That way she might actually come to terms with it at some point and THEN... who knows? Mother and daughter reunion? For now... We will just have to see if Trey is really a Fields... really related to Kendall and WHAT Vanessa (or Rosie) had to do with all of this. Could she be an ex-lover of Richard Fields? Could she be Trey's mother? Could this be why she HATES Erica so much? Stay tuned.

On Frankie and Simone: I am going to have to admit that I rather like this actor playing Frankie. There is something about his presence that works AND seems to bring some creedence to the whiney and extreme victim routine that Simone, an otherwise interesting character seems to be stuck in. Frankie is about to be christened into a couple of stories... not the least of which will be the discovery of fatherhood. Simone might actually start to get a little purpose by having someone to SUPPORT and thus NOT feeling oh-so sorry for herself. Is that possible? We'll see if she can stay away from the older married men, booze and sleeping pills. As for Frankie... he'll be fine as long as Jessie is looking over his shoulder. But he WON'T be the honorary Martin for long... not when the REAL poop is revealed as to the reason Mia is so scared to talk about her past. Whatever it is Frankie has a lot to do with it. He has referred to a nasty past several times now and we have to know this is no mistake. Kudos to Jason Olive... a newbie worth the time to watch.

LAST but not least we should have a little review... so here goes: Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Marrick Marrick Stamp. Nope... sorry... still don't care.

OH... one more thing: The storm, the lightning... and the point behind this was what? To set up a coincidence that Erica would think about Richard Fields at the very same time that he was on the late movie and being mistaken for Trey elsewhere? Does Erica do this jumpy memory thing EVERY time there is lightning? Has she been doing this for the last twenty whatever years? Nahh.... that was all to make Chrissy feel like the big strong man. Blecccchhhh.

Oh... another one more thing: I will bet MILLIONS (If I had them) that my prediction of LAST YEAR that Maria would walk into Brooke and Edmund's wedding unexpectedly is about to come true. Saw this one coming a MILE away. Make that about 2500 miles.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/04:

Next week it will be revealed that Mia used to be a stripper down in Florida. She is embarassed about her less-than Chandleresque youth and is running scared as one by one people that knew her are starting to appear. Fortunately for her she wasn't the only stripper in that Florida bar. When she got to Pine Valley Mark Consuelos saw her and RAN like the wind because he, too, had been a stripper there. He gave some lame excuse to the producers about a movie with Benjamin Bratt and fled. Oh those soap opera secrets.... they're killers, aren't they?

ADAM AND LIZA: If this keeps going the way it is they might BOTH end up in Oakhaven. Talk about conflict. Talk about confusion. Talk about Colby being with two NUTCASES. Everyone knows exactly what they want and all involved seem to be able to weild enough POWER to achieve it... call the lawyer, grab the video tape.. OH WAIT: LOOK... that's us saying lovely words to each other. The truth about Liza and Adam is simple. They are the same person. There is no difference. Both of them are innocent. Neither one of them is guilty. Tomorrow both of them will be guilty and neither one will be innocent. WHO WILL WIN? Well nobody, of course... especially Colby. Will they realize it? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It is a soap opera and therefore fun to be able to watch powerful people do whatever they want, however they want to do it AND get away with it. LIZA and ADAM.... are making me DIZZY.

ANTON: Word is that there is a return engagement for Dimitri's son ANTON in store. One rumor actually had the boy being related to LEO. HUH? That's just silly. If Leo and Anton were brothers would that mean that COUNT Dimitri Marick were to be Leo's father? AND... if that were even being considered... wouldn't that mean DIMITRI would be necessary in the Valley once again? Quick... someone call Michael Nader's agent. What IF Anton were to come back. Wouldn't it be more appropriate that he be returning because of Kendall? They were, after all, an item before she hooked up with DEL way back when. Maybe Anton will come back to reclaim the daughter of the diva? Maybe he'll have competition as she slowly turns herself into Anna Nicole Courtlandt? I say they SHOULD bring back Anton. Pine Valley just does not have enough Eurotrash!!

There is another Pine Valley out there.. We'll call it Pine Valley West. It is where the characters go when they leave Pine Valley Pennsylvania. There is, however, a catch. When they arrive they are ZAPPED of all memory. Sort of like the way they neuralize the people who have seen aliens on Men in Black. Maureen IS really Maria... but she honestly doesn't know it. She is convinced that anyone who would suggest that she is NOT Maureen must be a stalker or a rather dense and annoying person. If Brooke were smart she would follow Maureen back from that hospital to PV West and there she would find Trevor, Dimitri, Donna, Ted Orsini, Billy Clyde, Gillian and all manner of strays wandering around with different names. This will be the biggest mystery to ever be uncovered. If only Brooke... our favorite magazine editor... would follow her instincts and stop the badly staged throwing of lamps around hotel rooms in Nevada. Alas. We may never be able to uncover Pine Valley West.

THE TOP 10 Reasons Jesse Hubbard may never live in Pine Valley again:
10) HE DEAD.
9) He's protesting the lack of diversity in the lily white Valley.
8) Apparently he's got nothing to wear, we keep seeing that same outfit.
7) He wanted to fill in for Mateo but they wouldn't go for it.
6) Pine Valley hasn't got a Sizzler.
5) He's on a waiting list for returning dead people and it doesn't look good right now.
4) He doesn't want to have to work for Anna Devane as Chief of Police.
3) He's very busy creating crop circles in various parts of Kansas.
2) He's holding out for the return of Jenny and Greg.
1) He's too busy dating JLO. Oh... wait... that's Ben Afleck....

David and Maureen: Is there anyone else that is delighted because they believe that our dastardly DOC is becoming the evil schemer again? WELL... I would like to believe that he is back to his evil ways... and there is NO doubt that there is a LOT of scheming going on... but I am not convinced that it is about anything EVIL. The David that we know does things in order to achieve the goals that he wants. I KNOW that he is happy with Anna right now... and they even threw in the BABY talk in what I see as a RED HERRING to get us as far away from the TRUTH of his motives. AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE? Let's review. He has run off to Europe a few times and is being secretive about THAT... think about it. What has David been devious about endlessly before? DIXIE. If you ask me Maureen/Maria has something that will HELP our little blondie gal. She is probably NOT dead. She is probably hooked up to some machine in DESPERATE need of a transplanted organ of some sort... and Maureen/Maria was on that donor list. Remember who David is... OR... he's Proteus and she is a henchman. hahahahaha

For days in some hospital in Nevada there were (at least) two women walking around the hallway by the reception desk (endlessly, I might add)in purple shirts. WHAT GIVES? When Tad came to the hospital to look for Maureen and ran into that same woman hanging out in the same place all I could picture was the old television game show "What's My Line?" "My name is Maureen Gorman". "MY name is Maureen Gorman" "No... MY name is Maureen Gorman!"... ENOUGH. Will the REAL Maureen Gorman PLEASE stand up. (Oh... and Maria, can you get your butt to Pine Valley?)

On Petey: How many of you remember a movie called "The Bad Seed"?

Is it time for Brooke to CHANGE? Wouldn't it be fun if she actually DID sell her soul to the devil and became a roaring BEEYATCH in Pine Valley? Brooke with an EDGE? Kitten with a WHIP? Run around slapping them other HO's in the face and saying a few choice words.... Brookie herself admits to being SICK of all the crying.. (ok.. every now and then for the Emmy reel.) I vote for Brooke to STOP the bleeding heart routine and take up her OWN alternate personality. Anyone who would like to see another BROOKIE persona, raise your hand right now. There... that's what I thought. You agree with me.

I, for one, am DELIGHTED that Palmer is not only getting a storyline... but ISN'T being conned by Kendall. He is enjoying himself. SHE reminds him of himself. RIGHT ON. And Kendall as a NANNY? Suddenly all I can picture is Fran Drescher. bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Hey.... should Tim be fooling around so soon? Won't he pop some stiches?

Eddie's TO DO list for the week:
>See Chief of Police about personal business - (Done.)
>Put latest issue of Tempo to bed while Brooke has her 19th Nervous breakdown. - (Done.)
>Yell at Tad - (Done.)
>Pick up some fajitas for the kids. - (Done.)
>Talk suspiciously to self in public places - (Done.)
>Say "Maria" about 700 times. - (Done.)
>Talk to the world's fastest detective. - (Done.)
>Act all cool, suave and coy. - (Always.)
>Shave eyebrows... - (Maybe next week..)

POLL: When you went on YOUR honeymoon did YOU get a haircut and style? Somehow that just doesn't seem to be the right time for a visit to the beauty parlor... what did Leo do during this period of time play a round of golf? Pose for a few new (tasteful)nudes? It's just whacky I tell ya.

I'm ready now... who the HELL is Trey? He's someone's son... but whose brother? What is the connection and WHY don't we know? I have to stick with the original thought that popped into my mind. He is related somehow to DAVID. I think he is David's son. Call it a hunch. Nessy has known this all along. But... then... she isn't necessarily going to be Vanessa any longer. RUMOR has it she's going to be June Cleaver now. Hey... I predicted that too (except I said she'd turn into RUTH MARTIN.) Whatever works. Just keep Marj ON.

FINALLY: Maria is in Pine Valley.
FINALLY: She is no longer wearing that combination purple shirt and push-up bra
FINALLY:Vanessa might have some lines.
FINALLY: Ruth Martin makes an banana cream pie and not that same boring APPLE one.
FINALLY: People are using the airlines instead of the much overused Portals.
FINALLY:Jake is going to get a girlfriend... haha just kidding.
FINALLY: Brooke and Edmund can live happily ever after or at least for a couple of weeks.

So Chris Stamp is nothing but an Erica Lap-dog now? A body-guard? A yes-man? Is he on her personal staff? Is he receiving a paycheck? He has about 40 different careers... can anyone tell me why he isn't working? Ok... I've officially just spent more time complaining about Chris than he was on the show this entire week.

LAST but not least: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the teaming of Kendall and Greenlee. BRILLIANCE. They will be PERFECT together in their mistrust and competititive ways. There will be the common bond of screwing the DIVA... and that is about all it takes... so the two mini-divas equal the MAIN diva NOW... but something tells me the coy and oh-so-sure of herself Ms. Kane is about to do nothing but become the REASON both Greens and Kendall rise to the top of the heap. BRING IT ON. Erica in Enchantment is far more interesting than her pretending to be 35 while cooing manipulations to the man dujour.

One Life To Live fans: Does ANYONE else get the feeling that they are setting up "Gretyl" aka: RAE CUMMINGS to be Asa's next wife? Right now she is a fraud therapist in ruins being sued by the world... and ASA has taken a distinct interest in making her life as difficult as possible... to the point of following her around and harassing her. This is classic soap stuff, folks. He'll end up falling for her and Gretyl will become a BUCHANAN.... what does this MEAN? It means that SKYE will have the most powerful man in each of the main soap operas as her FATHER. First there was Adam Chandler... then Alan Quartermaine... and then Asa Buchanan? That's quite a pedigree if you ask me. (not to mention a pretty bizarre twist in character for Rae...er...Gretyl.)

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/28:

SORRY to all of those out there that see David and Anna as a couple that is going to go the distance. I will NOT disagree that they have become interesting in their 'unusual' attraction to each other. I am, however, seeing that there could be a fly in that ointment (it is, after all, a soap opera, isn't it?) and that fly could very well be Jackson. NOW... I am reading something in the manner that Jack 'handles' himself with Anna. Sure... it is all about the fact that he doesn't like Dr. David one iota... but at the same time it is CLASSIC love / hate behavior when two key characters do nothing but rub each other the wrong way. So what is happening with our changed Doc and the woman that he is willing to divorce for the better good of what she really needs in her life (what a guy...)? Suffice it to say that I do not think that pairing is anywhere near over... it's just that I don't see it remaining as exclusive as it may seem now..

OTHERS, of course, would insist that Jackson is about to be re-teamed with Erica. I see ONLY that Erica will pay attention to Jack a different way SIMPLY because Jackie is going to be on the map again. Whether it be with MARY SMYTHE, ANNA or even someone else that hasn't yet been considered... Erica will not be getting the normal amount of 'attention' that she is used to. SURE... she has Chris... but for how long? There HAS to be a problem with that relationship on the horizon. WHY? Because it is boring as SIN. The real juice will be in the roles changing within the dynamic of the Erica / Jack relationship... BUT I wouldn't get any hopes up to high... because this time around I truly believe that the MAN in this dynamic has done the most of the changing. Jackson KNOWS BETTER than to go down that all too familiar road again. I just don't believe for a moment that Erica's 'what about ME' flirtations would turn his otherwise very smart mind right back to panting mode. But who knows... she's done it in the past and GOD KNOWS the soaps are known to run the same tape where it has worked in the past.

What about Mary Smythe? Is Anna Stuart sticking around to make this delicious take on upper-crust trash a standard for the PV ladies of finer lineage? According to the latest SOW that would be a big NO. The report would have it that Ms. Stuart is quite temporary. BUT I disagree. Characters like this don't come along very often and she is KEY to a good many people on the canvas at the moment. MY GUESS is that a report such as the one being offered in SOW is, in itself, a red-herring to help the reading audience believe that JACK Will indeed set his goals for the mini-diva again. Don't ask me why... but I believe that Mary is going to stick around to cause more problems and remind the little peanut Greenlee that she comes from very strange and dysfunctional stock.

And I LOVE Greenlee... but let's be REAL here... could we dispense with the victimization. I KNOW that daddy just died (so when is it that we are going to discover he was NOT daddy?) but the Greenlee that I really like to see is the one that is ripping and roaring through the scene making proclamations and giving orders. Where is our little Erica wannabee? Where is the Revlon connection? Where is the SPUNK that made Greenlee who she REALLY is? The tears come very well for our Ms. Buddig. The Emmy reel is now set. Get back to BEEYATCH mode, girl... and do me a favor and take Simone with you!!

THE TOP 10 Reasons Vanessa became catatonic:
10) She hasn't been all that happy with the writers lately.
9) She heard that Mark Consuelos got a movie role.
8) Her oxygen tank was cut out of the ABC budget.
7) She saw Dr. Joe naked.
6) She remembered there were 3 more years on her contract.
5) Her agent can't get her booked on Kelly and Regis.
4) Too much sugar at the craftservice table.
3) She learned one of her personalities would be Ruth Martin.
2) She got confused and thinks that Mark Pinter is really dead.
1) She isn't catatonic at all... it was just a bad botox injection.

Aidan and Binky: It would be almost downright irresponsible for ALL MY CHILDREN to decide that Aidan or ANY man would be able to turn our resident Lesbian into a heterosexual. FORTUNATELY I see this as just another one of those 'it'sn not what you think' moments. Aidan is more than likely playing this little GAME in order to work on Kendall a little... and we all know that Kendall will not stay single TOO long. Binks is and has been rather vocal about who she is. She is a strong and sometimes rather OPINIONATED character. No English accent and hot sweaty torso would be able to change this around. HOW MUCH do you want to BET that our lady ERICA is behind this "DATE"? Perhaps Chris FOR Erica? This smacks of pay off from a million KANE miles away. I am laying odds...

GO LIZA! GO LIZA! GO LIZA! GO LIZA! You gotta love that Liza is getting back at Adam... but WAIT... now Adam knows that Liza knows that Adam knows that Liza knows about Adam knowing about Liza. Who's gaslighting Whom? Isn't marriage a beautiful thing?

I would like to say how PLEASANT it was to see JESSE HUBBARD back in town... so to speak. What was best about this little twist in casting was the fact that literally nobody reported the actor visiting the show again. That, in this day of reports, scoops and rumors is almost unheard of. Remember those days when we actually watched the show and DIDN'T know what was going to happen or who would show up?

BRAVA!! This weeks shining pratfall award goes to: SIMONE. Her fall from the bar after taking the pills along with her double vodkas (slightly obviously too I might add) was the way a fall SHOULD be done. MIGHT I suggest that Brooke take a lesson or two from Missy Simone?

Was Erica on summer vacation this week... or perhaps off sealing the deal that she will never turn 50?

Frankie Hubbard: Is he too big to be Frankie? Dr. Frank perhaps? The rumors have the young man rather quickly involved with a couple of storylines. We already know that he is SOMEHOW a part of the Mia / baby storyline.... is he the father of the child? Does he KNOW that he is the father of the child? I have heard tell that Mia and Frankie have a somewhat SORDID history that may have been the REASON they produced a child. Hmmm could the sweet girl and the boy wonder intern have been involved in some PORN in order to pay the bills? Mia is definitely ashamed of something AND there was that mention that Frankie had gone off to be the biggest DIRECTOR in Hollywood. SOMETHING tells me this is the BIG secret that is being held over the pixie's head.... HOW will Adam feel when he finds out that his little sister-in-law can be viewed regularly on DVD? Ahh, youth... the choices we make are so silly. I also see Frankie coming to the rescue of the most annoying sniveling victim this show has seen since HAYLEY in one of her "the world is so cruel" phases. SIMONE... GOD what a whiner. But what is this story with the ever-changing father that keeps brushing her off as though she had committed some similar sins in the past? Has DADDY come to the rescue of his daughter after the poor choices in the past? Is it simple arrogance or ego that has him denying her the support she seems to so truly need at the moment OR... did she somehow involve DADDY in the mistakes of the past? Hmmm... And do we have a love story brewing that will make the Martin-like intern Frankie turn a bit more into a Hayward wannabe? It took a while for the young Hubbard to show up... and already it feels as though he has been there a VERY long time...

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE: When a doctor like Jake comes into a hospital room and finds that he knows the patient just rushed in? HELLO!! There are about 20 people in this town WHY do these people act surprised when they see someone they know?? It is always amazing to me that people in Pine Valley go to the same restaurant day in and day out (The Valley Inn or BJs) and then act stunned when they see the very person in town that they don't want to see. Wow... what a shocker. Go figure. Then they always mutter something about going somewhere else. SORRY... that would require building another set. Unless you want peanuts at the PIT off the highway YOU'RE STUCK... so just walk on over there and say something catty and get it over with. As for Jake and the hospital... dude... if it weren't Simone it would have been Hayley's turn... or Greenlee... or Anna... or... well you get the picture.

Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." Two days later: Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." Two more days go by: Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." STILL NO MARIA.... remember when records skipped? SOMEONE move this one ALONG!!

When Palmer first 'hooked up' with VANESSA (when she was just a heavy breathing con trying to be a socialite) he did it to GET BACK at Opal. Opal seethed and twitched when she saw the "old coot" with Nessy and that made Palmer VERY happy. Is it a coincidence that OPAL is back in the picture with Palmer as he tries his hardest to do EXACTLY the opposite of what she would like... by extending himself to Kendall? I, for one, would LOVE to see this play out. It works. It's PERFECT to bring the three actors to the forefront. Palmer IS an old coot... but he's still a lot of fun. OPAL, as we all know, has to be the most enjoyable of the characters to write for... and GOD LOVES the hairdos... Kendall will get a new lease on Pine Valley life AND just WAIT until Erica and Binky get a load of this twist in the plot. I LOVE IT. Thumbs UP.

What if: Roger WEREN'T dead at all? What if this were all YET another twist in the longest storyline in history? What if Roger is gone... and that coffin that Greens wanted TORCHED on Wednesday... is filled with the $$$$ from the house that Proteus built?

Did Frankie call Mia "Rocky?" Is she going to end up punching out a few folks in the Valley?

HINT HINT HINT: The cold and seemingly heartless personality that Dr. Zeke (Simone's father) possesses is tell-tale of a man who has been through whatever it is he warns against. SO... the scene that found the PSYCHIATRIST (would you want that snarly beast telling you how to help YOUR LIFE?) scolding and warning Frankie about getting EMOTIONALLY involved with a patient (death to the career, he said...) was a first big clue to the storyline in a couple of ways. FOR ONE: it is a direct challenge to the young doctor (Frankie). To be told NOT to do something is naturally the key to its happening. Frankie is most definitely going to champion our sniveling victim Simone and WILL be emotionally involved in no time whatsoever. PLUS: It would be my guess that Simone's mother was a patient of Dr. Zeke at one time... it stands to reason that the bitterness that the man feels has something to do with HER. Now... it would also seem that Simone has taken the fall for this unfortunate MISHAP in the past that is turning the DOC into a snappy, scowling mess. Boy they sure do know how to hire them at Pine Valley Hospital don't they...

LAST but not least: This week's FINALLY: Brooke is face to face with MARIA / Maureen and DOESN'T faint. She know's it is her (even though we know that "Maureen" will undoubtedly try and convince her she is just a look-alike.) NOW... talk about your major coincidences..... Brookie walks into that hospital in Nevada (obviously straight out of the portal) and asks for Maureen Gorman. The busy nursie points to the tall dark woman with brown hair and a purple shirt. Slowly Brookie makes her way over and places her hand on the woman's shoulder. WHOOPS... not her but BOY does she look like her. Brooke turns around and talks to herself for a moment and LO AND BEHOLD who comes around the corner but the REAL Maria. Timing is everything. And to add the icing to that cake? She's dressed almost identically to the woman that nursie had pointed to. I will say that the look these two shared to end off the week was rather a memorable one. Worth the wait. More will be revealed.... sometime in 2002. ;-)

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/21:

Give the boy a damn FATHER! I thought about this and I am rounding a corner that I have been to before. Since Leo first landed in Pine Valley we've all been speculating about who dad was going to be. It was actually rather touching when he had his heart to heart with the COUNT... you could feel that Leo really liked this guy and wouldn't have minded the relationship... (I pictured Leo humming "Don't it make my brown eyes BLUE.."). SO HERE GOES... Who's DAD? Personally I think it would be a DOWNER for the father to turn out to be WOLFIE... we didn't even KNOW the schnook. We now see that Vanessa (in her own drugged out primadonna way) really loves the boy and doesn't want to see him get hurt... SO... I suspect that a true confession is imminent. SO... I am going out on a familiar limb and predicting that ERIC KANE is going to be the father to the boy. WHY NOT? Nessy was a starlet and Eric was a director. Leo would then be a part of the KANE family and have ties to Erica and BINKS... which is perfectly natural. The only other possibility I can see is David, which seems somewhat unlikely unless David was about 10 to 15 when Leo was born to that woman Siohban... (making Nessy a GRANDMOTHER instead of a mother...) WHOMEVER the father ends up being it DOES appear that the new couple DUPRES will each be handed a wedding gift in the form of an identity of their fathers. Ahh Pine Valley is such a fun place.

Ok... so how many of you want to ask your parents for a DNA test just in case?

BROOKE... honey... it was about that FALL (if that's what you could call it) on Tuesday. Are you too old for a real prat fall? Having a little problem with that hip? Is your back out? You're a wonderful crier... GOD KNOWS the tears easily flow... but leave the stunts for someone who can actually do them. Next time maybe you should fall into someone's arms?

A WEEK OF FINALLYs:
FINALLY Brooke sees Maria.
FINALLY Greens calls Simone a 'bed-hopping skank'.
FINALLY Leo and Greenlee got married.
FINALLY Palmer was on the show again.
FINALLY Fraggie is getting a storyline.
FINALLY Opal gets what she wants (sort of)
FINALLY Liza starts to put the pieces together.
FINALLY Erica reaches out her hand and accepts Kendall. (ok... that one didn't happen.)

Does anyone else get the FEELING that Ted Orsini might be back in the picture? I mean... NOT ONLY did TAD start mentioning his doppleganger... but it also seemed that Maria was more afraid of HIS voice and presence than anything else. It would almost appear that our Ms. Gorman might have been struck with a touch of that pesky soap opera amnesia only to meet Mr. Orsini (perhaps at a casino crap table?). Something has gone wrong with that relationship and NOW she would appear to be running AWAY from the recognizable voice. She didn't seem to know who Brooke was at all. IN FACT... she ran over to help the woman after her really badly done fall (ok... enough about that.) So what if our fav Mr. Michael E. Knight is getting a double duty role storyline? Why not? If Vicki Lord Davidson can bring back Nicki Smith for the 700th time (don't get me wrong I LOVE Nicki!) why shouldn't the Tad /Ted storyline get another visit? BRING IT ON>

The TOP 10 Reasons Mark Consuelos REALLY left the show:
10) He was sick of working with all those nasty tall people.
9) One of the kids on the set bit his pointing finger.
8) The Oompa Loompas needed him back.
7) Maria and Mateo feud?
6) Horrific teeth cleaning accident.
5) The actor who plays his son went to the producers and had him fired for naming him Enzo.
4) He couldn't stand that beeyatch that played his wife on the show.
3) He's going on tour as a stripper.
2) He Accidentally stepped on Susan Lucci and was banned for life from the set.
1) Kathie Lee needed a co-host for her new morning show.

THE BIG HAIR REPORT: So you think that Chris Stamp has BIG hair now... take a look at this photo of Mr. Scalia playing Joey Buttafuoco in a 1993 television movie:
CLICK HERE FOR BIG HAIR

Why are the candles used in soap operas ALWAYS new? Perhaps there is someone I could write to for the candles that are no longer being used? There must be TONS of them. Let me know and I will send you my address. ;-)

Killing off the old folks: There have been rumors rampant for several months that Myrtle would be leaving the show... at one point she was, according to some, supposed to die and give LaLucci a 'losing her second mother' storyline. This could still happen. NOW Palmer is in the hospital and in ill health. Is this the end of THAT character OR could it finally be the impetus for a reunion between he and OPAL (who desperately needs to be something besides give us comic relief once a month...) It is obvious that James Mitchell and Eileen Herlie are not as spry as they once were in Pine Valley (or the real world..)... it would makes sense that they (and the never present anymore Ruth Warrick) will or might be written out of the show at some point. Let's face it... after all the years put into the roles wouldn't it be better than just disappearing? Can anyone say LANGLEY?

Mia, Mia, Mia... GIRL does someone have to drop a BRICK on your head? You're so sweet and sincere. You couldn't possibly be a bad girl now COULD YOU? What is wrong with this picture? Is there anything that we are not seeing? PLENTY. Mia has secrets or some sort of history with several key characters at this point. Trey has something on her, Adam is using her for his own agenda, Liza is her sister and confided with her about the money, Marian will protect Liza in the end, Frankie is undoubtedly the father of her child, Jake is going to be the big brave he-man because of his involvement... AND there is Mia looking like she just stepped out of HEE HAW saying "AW SHUCKS"... such innocence. NOT. Something tells me that this girl I am suggesting should buy a clue is actually full of them. I might suggest that she is fully in charge of the situation AND might actually be doing a little playing on her own. SHE WANTS Adam, if you ask me. She wants Jake too... but he doesn't have the POWER that Adam possesses. She wants Trey out of the way and will somehow and SOME WAY turn the tables on him (remember that Trey has a secret too). I actually believe that Mia doesn't want to hurt Liza... but as she sees the nails coming towards her the tune will change. OR... it is entirely possible that Mia could figure out the tactics currently being used by ADAM and join in an alliance with Liza to make sure that Adam gets his. At this point there are many interesting scenarios that could take place... NONE of them, however (IMHO), paint her as an innocent. She sure does play that well though.... doesn't she.

CEASE FIRE at PV Hospital? What did I miss? When is it that Jakey decided that he was no longer at WAR with David Hayward? They love him, they hate him, he is the devil's spawn and then he is the man who saves ALL lives. It's funny with a show like AMC. You can miss ONE line in a show and something will simply not make sense as a result. What I do know is that what I saw was a cordial Jake having a nice conversation with David about work getting a person's mind off of things and that he would be on the schedule. NO harsh words. No inuendos. NO nasty comments. NO evil looks from either one of these two sparring partners. SO WHAT GIVES? Why is it all of a sudden warm and fuzzy in PV Hospital? I'll take a stab at it. ADAM CHANDLER is about to find himself with some formidable FOES. All right... he already has plenty... but the fact that Jake is already out there 'protecting' MIA from the big bad Silver haired devil tells me that SOMEHOW and SOME WAY there will be an involvement of Jake and David in wrestling Adam to the ground. David has been so good lately. Isn't it about time that he did something nasty again?

Ok... so now Jack has a storyline.... could somebody write in some SEX so he can smile? Or at least stop barking, shifting and rolling his eyes at everyone around him? He's clearly a man who is intensely frustrated and wants to blame the world around him. How long has it been anyway? 2 years? 3? Good lord send the guy away for a private weekend!! Get him a HOOKER... do SOMETHING!

The portal is alive and well: Did anyone else happen to notice earlier in the week that Eddie, who was in Pine Valley being self-righteous with Simone one moment, is told that Brooke and Tad kissed and is suddenly opening the hotel room door in NEVADA where the former man and wife were staying? Hmmmmm... for a period of time (Leo and Greenlee's wedding day seemed to be lasting well over a week) that was running so LONG... Eddie sure did know how to get where he wanted to be rather fast. He must have some frequent PORTAL miles and a quick connection to a POD. That would explain his quick appearance nearly 3000 miles away... but how on EARTH did the guy know NOT ONLY what hotel these two were in... but what ROOM? It seems to me the guy at the front desk wasn't giving out any information like that. Maybe Eddie paid off the guy and asked him to point the finger to the room where "Studmuffin" was staying. Yea... that must be it.

Over in Llanview, Pennsylvania there was a moment at the big WOMAN of the YEAR dinner honoring one RAE CUMMINGS that Nora was announcing her and Asa stood up and announced that "RAY CUMMINGS IS A MAN". I had to laugh. It would have been a perfect daytime memory for years to come were that REALLY the case. For those of you who may not know the storyline (but should actually be familiar with the character as she has connections to Pine Valley) RAE Cummings is the town Psychiatrist for the nut jobs that inhabit Llanview. OR IS SHE? Apparantely RAE Cummings is a fraud and that was what Asa was referring to. When Gretyl (her real name) was in college she wasn't able to graduate because she was too emotionally attached to the type of work she was going for. When she wasn't going to get the degree in Psychiatry she ended up taking the diploma of a man she had gone to college with who HAD graduated. She happened to notice that the college mispelled his first name substituting the letter 'E' for 'Y' and thus had her middle name changed legally to RAE to explain the name. So... you see... RAY CUMMINGS IS a man. Unfortunately Gretyl Rae Cummings is really a woman. Oh well... it would have been fun. Sort of like Tootsie in a way. ALL these lies, however, continue to make me wonder if there really IS any connection between RAE and our Myrtle and RAE and Skye CHANDLER. Are we leading up to some new revelations in those areas? Stay tuned.

LAST but not least: Where do we suppose they will be taking the 'pairing' of Palmer and Kendall? Will it go anywhere at all? It was totally set up with Erica in the hospital as a soft spot in Palmer left there because of the death of Dixie. I would suggest that there is ROOM in that old ticker for Kendall to fill the space. But HOW? Are we talking "Sugar Daddy?" Will our Kendall become the thin equivalent of Anna Nicole Smith? Doubtful. I really do believe that Palmer and Opal will begin to become closer (and already have.) Kendall will become the 'niece' that Palmer seems to be lacking now. She will play the role with all of her might but I suspect that both characters will grow fond of each other in a platonic way that makes EVERYONE ELSE rather crazy in Pine Valley. Why not? Could Palmer be the glue that bonds Erica with her daughter in the future? Could Kendall help the curmudgeonly old man remember just how much Opal cares for him? Will ANY of the people in Palmer's life allow the old COOT to do what he wants without having their two cents thrown in to the mix? FAT CHANCE. Kendall is about to come in to her own. She is going to become an honorary Courtlandt MUCH to the dismay of Erica AND will thus have enough money to do and be exactly what she wants. I might even go as far as to guess that her 'involvement' with Palmer could be an opening to a storyline that would have Palmer leaving the show AND Kendall being the MAIN beneficiary in his will. I am also going to guess that PETEY is going to LOVE our gal Kendall, much to the dismay of Opal. So Kendall is not going anywhere... it would seem she had found her ace in the hole.

Oh... One more thing: Have we ever noticed that there is ALWAYS someone with a brown envelope in Pine Valley. Yes... that wonderful brown envelope filled with the unnamed amount of CASH for whomever it is being delivered to leave town. This week it was Chris (who has no real income that I am aware of) delivering the tidy sum to Kendall (she has previously received the plain brown envelope from Uncle Jack... and spent it.) I have decided to move to Pine Valley JUST to annoy all the rich folks. I would like to make it clear that I will need to see brown envelopes from Adam, Liza, Palmer, Erica, Chris, Jack, Grandpa Smythe, and whomever else has enough in the bank that it really wouldn't make a difference. Then I will move to Llanview and see if I can work the plain brown envelope trick over there as well.

Oh... One more thing on top of the one more thing: Don't you think at THIS point people in Pine Valley would get a clue and NOT go to the weddings? I mean REALLY... these things are never anything but a disaster and OFTEN lead to at least ONE death. That can't be a good risk. It certainly is a lousy percentage. Are YOU feeling lucky today?

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/14:

Whyi oh whyi do zey alwveys meck ze Frahnch acksents zound zo FECK? Oui, oui.. du yew ZEE vut I meeeen? George Pompidou, Eiffel Towah and all ZAT stuff... ZEE... I zay the FRAHNCH theengs and zat makes ME a FRAHNCHMAN az well!! Oui oui.

From Jake's New Book "How NOT to be a Doctor": When approaching the mother of a young patient who has just had a TRANSPLANT make sure to look dour and foreboding as though there is some awful complication or the surgery was not successful. As soon as the parent's heart rate is raised and they are convinced their child is a goner THEN and ONLY THEN should you tell them that everything is all right and to start saving for the kid's college education. WAY TO GO, Jakey.

So... how did Wolfie get the gun through today's customs from France to Pine Valley? They don't have security in the PORTAL? Oh... and wasn't Wolfie cocking a RIFLE in France? Last minute decision? Did he change guns like some people change outfits before a trip? "NO... I don't like Zis one... it izzz to beeg for ze trip!! I vil take Zis one and make zure to take it out and show all ze peoples that I am ze bad guy.."

Ok. I will try to dispense with the French jokes now.

HEY!! SCOOP here: I know why Tim Dillon came to Pine Valley!! Because he has a SECRET. Everyone who has a secret must go to Pine Valley with that secret. It's in the rule book. It's a HUGE best seller in France... of course over there it's called "ZE Rule Book".

This week will go down as the week Binky got BUTCH. Now, when she finally DOES have that relationship that Disney dreads we will know who wears the pants.

Kendall to Erica: "You ROYAL BITCH". Now... I always KNEW she was a DIVA... but now she's been elevated to ROYALTY? Kendall... stop raising the pedestal!!

The TOP 10 REASONS that Leo and Greenlee should NOT get married:
10) Because they live in Pine Valley?
9) Miss Cleo predicted problems... what? She's been arrested? She's a fake? That was OPAL?
8) Because Maria will come crashing through the doors thinking it is Brooke and Edmund's wedding and make a complete ASS out of herself.
7) Leo is still mad because Greenlee wouldn't let him invite the leather pants to the ceremony.
6) HELLO!! Lightning struck the church... if that ain't a SIGN I don't know what would be..
5) Has anyone checked the accounting over at REVLON yet?
4) If Greens is the new Erica she had better get started, she's about 10 marriages behind. Oh... wait... that would be a reason why she SHOULD get married.
3)Word is that Laura is in town and might be creeping around in the ceiling looking for the sprinkler system.
2)Are they really ready? They've only been engaged 3 times. Is that enough?
1)For God's SAKE, Kids... Take a good long hard look at your parents! Oh wait... just who ARE your parents?

The EYES have it: Lucky Leo wasn't out on the CON for the day in school that told him all about genes and eye color. Lucky TOO that he was actually paying attention to Greens in bed as she casually mentioned the "C" word on the morning of the wedding (now known as the longest day). If Leo hadn't been able to recall that science fact he may have gone on believing that he was going to become a short, pudgy and balding Frenchman when he got older. I'll bet he was relieved.... gosh I sure was.

Oakhaven Sanitarium, it would seem, is attached to Pine Valley hospital. Our Doctor Wagner from Vienna (aka Wolfie the bad guy) walked in with his fake credentials just as easily as pie. Vanessa's room (complete with phone and a hidden beauty parlor) is easily accessible. It is equipped with what we call "convenient soundproofing" meaning some conversations are private and nefarious while others are heard readily right outside that door... take for example: Vanessa pounded and pounded and nobody heard while moments later Wolfie ze bad guy tapped lightly and the door immediately opened to a guard that must have been off getting a sprinkled donut a moment before. And that Chief of staff...my GOD what a namby pamby... he may as well have been an ACTOR in a lab coat. What? It was an actor? They're ALL actors? OH MY GOD! I thought they were real. Perhaps it is I that needs the sanitarium. I wonder if they would give me a TV in my room....

Opal must be the best character to write for. You can get away with so much in her dialogue. GOD I love her. Nuff said.

Why aren't we seeing some more work scenes in Erica's new Penthouse apartment? Why isn't Aidan up there toiling without a shirt? I demand to know.

Jakey might be getting back in the picture as a part of the story with Adam, Liza and Mia... the question would have to be HOW? There are some things that point to Jake taking ON the Silver-haired fox as he has in the past. Deja vu. There is the possibility that he is going to move on from the Mia relationship merely because the man is self-righteous and she won't listen to his warnings. But it could go both ways. What if JAKE were to throw the warnings at Mia and suddenly... a little bit down the road, she hears it when she is seeing Adam at his 'best' and runs to Jake for help? PERSONALLY, even though we are seeing that Adam is playing Mia for his own nasty purposes I STILL believe that he is going to fall in love with her. If you ask me the Head Chandler is not the sort that stays out of 'love' very long. He needs someone around him to add to the aura of power and because he believes that he can be the romantic and loving husband (but don't ask any of his exes about that...)There is only one other option for Jake... He could become the new Jack. How? He could exist in Pine Valley as the studly pathetic who rarely IF EVER has a relationship. Some of these people just don't know how to pick their mates, do they...

Looks can be deceiving: Liza and Adam are in the thick of it now. Adam is working the nefarious plan to gaslight his wifey and she is alternating between the doe-eyed routine and the angry blonde. Either one of those personas would not look to be the best way to go for Liza. Adam is, it would appear, winning this game as he has in the past. NOT A CHANCE. Times are a changing in Pine Valley. ADAM is going to LOSE this battle. I not only theorize this I am adamant (get it? ADAMant?) that this is the case. WHY? Because WE ALL KNOW that Liza is no loser. There isn't a chance in HELL that she is going to fall for all this BS that Hubby is pulling on her. I would suggest that she might allow Adam to BELIEVE that she is believing it. I would suggest that she is going to play him by appearing to allow him to play her. IN THE END there will be a turnaround that will surprise EVERYONE, and most definitely Adam. Here's the twist. I am saying that Liza will win this battle with glorious colors... but don't you know that this is what made Adam fall in love with Liza in the first place? Adam will be angered and it will seem like one of those endless messes that results in a bit more retribution on his part... BUT.. It could also be that Adam will genuinely rediscover the love he has always had for the strong minded and willed Liza simply by her having beaten him. Stay tuned... it could take a while.. but I am NOT sure that Adam and Liza are completely done.

Rumor (and an SOD article) says that the suddenly in demand Jackson Montgomery will be mixing it up with Erica again. zzzzzzzzz... oh sorry.... that news put me to sleep. IMHO this is NOT going to go anywhere further than it has been going for the past several years. In other words... what this is going to be all about is ERICA's colossal EGO. It is a law in nature that people like things as they are for their own conveniences. FOR YEARS now Jackson his pined over the diminutive diva and Erica has ALWAYS liked it that way. SO... when Jackson is now FINALLY going to be moving on to a relationship that moves beyond an interupted dinner in the Valley Inn with some extra... Erica will see that her 'sure thing'... (or groupie if you will) is leaving his "job". The green-eyed monster will strike and MARY will get the brunt of this. BUT.. by NO MEANS do I see Jackson and Erica getting 'back together'. I know there was an article, kids... but by now you MUST have heard of a red-herring.

Candles in Pine Valley: I love candles. I love romance. I love that people can turn things into beautiful and memorable love nests.... but for GOD's SAKE... when on EARTH did Leo have the time to set up the boathouse as ornately as it was? Did he plan ahead for this? Was there some point that he called up some flunky and had them run over to the Pine Valley WalMart and purchase all the necessary goods? HOW DID HE DO THAT? Better yet... how long was that boathouse set up as it was? Wouldn't anyone else have stumbled on it? I fully expect that there is some place in Pine Valley that you have to reserve the boathouse for your personal use so that people won't all go there at the same time. Wouldn't it have been ironic for Leo to leave that hideous wedding with Greens and pop up to the boathouse to see it raging in FIRE because there was one too many candles? Sorry... I'm being to practical. I love the candles. Nice job Leo.. you can take up party and atmospheric decoration and design to support Greens in your marriage. See? You DO have other talents besides gigolo and CON.

LAST but not least: Maybe ABC will do another cross-over as Adam, in his continued gaslighting attempt of Liza, tries to get ahold of Dr. Zeke MacMillan and cannot do so. So he calls Rae Cummings. Rae jumps at the opportunity and moves to Pine Valley where people still don't know that she is a roaring FAKE. In PV she sets up the bogus office and starts to treat patients. One day, however, Adam's crack team of investigators drives that 5 minute drive to Llandview and discovers the dark and dirty secret that Rae is nothing but an old HO with ratty hair and a couple of bracelets that she bought watching ABC soaps. Adam suddenly wonders if Rae has any OTHER secrets and orders a LONG overdue DNA test for Skye, who is languishing over there in Port Charles. Finally it is determined that Skye IS a Chandler and she moves back into town just in time for the going away party for Hayley. SEE? Some good comes out of Adam's being a control freak.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/07:

Adam and Mia revised: For some time now I have thought that the next woman in Adam's life would be Mia. There have been many hints and it is, IMHO, simply the sort of move that Adam would make. It fits. This weeks developments do NOT change that theory. In fact... it only looks like a stronger bet. This is what I am seeing: Adam is at his diabolical BEST. He is back in his evil shell and plotting a mile a minute. When he picked up that message left so carelessly on Liza's cell phone by Trey... tipping him off to the very thing that he thought he knew already you could SEE the wheels turning and the smoke coming out of his ears. THEN Adam later figures out that MIA is in on this somehow by remembering that she had dropped those bank books in front of him at the hospital one day several weeks ago. OUR natural inclination would be that he is going to add Mia to the hit list that Liza is currently topping. Right now that may actually be true. BUT... he is going to play Mia like a violin and attempt to WOO her so as to reel in the theiving wife and once again try to convince her that there is NOTHING wrong when she is seeing everything with her own eyes. The trouble is that MIA will discover that Adam is setting up his wife AND thus setting up MIA as well. She, as it turns out is not going to be the pushover that Adam counted on... and isn't THAT what attracted Adam to Liza in the first place? At some point down the road as this battle with Liza over Colby rages on (AND IT WILL) there is also going to be a turning point where Adam's feelings start to become real for Mia as opposed to part of the "plan". Eventually I expect they will become a couple. BUT... I also believe that in this battle with Liza the winner may not be the one that you expect. If you ask ME... Liza will be the victor in this game of WAR... but the battles are going to take many victims and cause a great deal of casualties. This ought to be GOOD.

Mateo revisited: This may not be the best place to talk about the role of Mateo. Once a kindly and unassuming busboy Pine Valley's finger pointing poster child for anger management became a solid BORE to watch (but he did have nice teeth.) NOW he's gone and a new Mateo has climbed into Hayley's arms effortlessly. SURE the guy doesn't have that nasty, snarling, "I'm going to protect my family by doing something absolutely insane" sort of attitude... but he fits the mold for me. WHY? Because he isn't snarling and acting like a big jerk with an ego. Will Mark return? IMHO he will not. SURE the folks at ABC are saying that he will be back... but let's look at some facts: He is going off to make a film. His wifey is loaded. His character has become one-dimensional and subject to criticisms like this one. Mark is going to stay out there and find himself some movie roles because he CAN. Whether or not Kurt remains in the role beyond what was originally anticipated is up to the response he receives and the job that he does. What is important right now is that there is a Mateo there to be reunited with Maria. It's a soap opera, kids... they need the reaction from the key characters. What good would Maria's return be if there were NO key family members there to see her come back?

The Top 10 Reasons Maria may have stayed away:
10)There's too much DRAMA in Pine Valley and she's really a comedy sorta gal.
9)Eddie was starting to look like a muppet and she really wanted a young stud.
8)She found out that the Pulitzer Prize was a joke and Eddie is illiterate.
7)She wanted to check out her lesbian tendencies.
6) She watched too much One Life to Live and thought she had multiple personalities like Vicki/Nicki.
5)She was following a pretty butterfly and got lost.
4)She's been searching for her luggage from the crash.
3)She just HAD to get that life long dream of being a showgirl in Las Vegas out of her system.
2)She's never really been gone at all. After the crash she was found by a pack of wolves and nursed back to health. Soon they made her their queen and named her Sheena. She's been living in Pine Valley Jungle over there by Pine Valley Beach.
1)She refused to come back to Pine Valley until Joe Martin was ousted from Chief of Staff at the hospital because the old leach used to fondle her and threaten her job if she told anyone.

Speaking of Maria. Isn't it fortunate that she is alive? They were running out of space in the Wildwind Masoleum. Now there will be room again in case one of the other actors wants to become a big star and they need to bring their character to an untimely death. I was worried.

Did anyone else notice that Hayley grew another foot this week? OH... wait... she was standing on a soapbox? She was in HIGH and MIGHTY mode? What has gotten into the tink these days? Bad batch of blonde hair coloring? She is a beeeeyatch and If I were Mia I would have SLUGGED her or at the very least told her to mind her own FRIGGIN business. Perhaps if she could have shoved that FOOT she grew into her mouth. RUMOR has it that Hayley's contract is up in the fall.... could she be jealous of Regis who only has ONE job now? She can go if she keeps snarking at everyone like she is the newly crowned Queen of Pine Valley. What is it with this girl... she's either the Queen Beeyatch or a whiney, helpless, needy and pathetic drain of energy. Is there no grey area for our Ms. Ripa? Did she film those scenes after Mark had left and she wasn't getting any? GIVE HER BACK HER PERSONALITY!! Whoops... looks like I climbed up on her soapbox. Let's carry on...

This week held the goodbyes for Ryan. There was that very well done "what would it have been like" scene with Liza (cue the shmaltz music), the touching farewell to Gillian in the Masoleum (make sure those candles are lit), and the warm and real novice father and son hugging as chiselbod (a vision in black) was ready to hit the road... Also filmed and for some reason left on the cutting room floor were some other personal goodbyes as Ryan walked through town: "Good-bye ashes of the turret. Good-bye park. Good-bye Boathouse. Good-bye Valley Inn. Good-bye Myrtle's Boarding House. Good-bye Wildwind. Good-bye apartment building that everyone seems to end up living. Good-bye Pine Valley Beach. Good-bye Pine Cone Motel. Good-bye SOS bar. Good-bye Pit Stop bar on the freeway. Good-bye Chandler Mansion. Good-bye Pine Valley Gym. Good-bye Pine Valley Hospital." It is all very touching. Then we find out he is just revisiting all the places that he ripped off his shirt and had sex.

They sure didn't waste any time dept.: NuTIM Dillon is on the screen for all of 30 seconds and he is already show us his slim/trim stomach and happy trail. Save that mental picture, ladies and gentlemen. I guarantee you that within a couple of weeks from the 'surgery' our Timmy Dillon is going to be showing off that svelte figure yet again... and there won't be any scars. Pine Valley has the magic of HEALING scars. Just ask Erica (who has had both heart surgery AND a disfiguring facial scar that required a mask)... and remember Laura? She got herself a new heart and was wearing some low-cut blouses within a couple of months... maybe sooner. I have decided that I not only want to get a job in Pine Valley (you know the sort that you don't actually ever have to work on..) but I will also be having ANY necessary surgery in that magical town as well...

NO, I do not need surgery.

James H. Kenyon III: The plot thickens. Trey is far more a part of Pine Valley now and I am beginning to like the situations. His interactions with the deliciously evil ADAM this week were perfect (and I must say that Trey's portrayer Sam Page held his own with the veteran!) Now we have Trey (or whoever he is) interacting in between Adam, Liza and Mia... working for Vanessa and Kendall and having NO love life to speak of at all... what does this all say? Well... we know he's an imposter with an agenda. Is he looking to find his father? Mother? Was he jilted by a lover? Has he had surgery to look like this Trey Kenyon person or have ALL of those who encountered him in the past (like Mia) only known him to be the imposter? ONE thing that keeps ringing true to me is the pregnant woman that Alex and David knew in college. Somehow this little tidbit of information keeps haunting me and I believe that somehow or some way it will eventually come back. Why not now? What if TREY were really David's son? What if Siohban, who I believe committed suicide... HAD the baby and then died. Perhaps Vanessa has known all of these years and that is why SHE knew Trey? Perhaps she was delusional and just thought she did? All I know is that they keep saying that they will reveal his true identity soon..... well... we're waiting. David has wanted a child... this would be the ultimate payback AND irony.

Trevor Dillon: The plot thickens. There was a phone call this week from our new perky Tim (not Timmy) Dillon. Porkchop doesn't want Hayley to know about Janet from another Planet and is swearing the Tim Man to secrecy. What gives? Here's what I see: There is a GREAT possibility that the character of Trevor Dillon will be arriving back to Pine Valley at some point. BUT... Janet may not be. This tells me that James Kiberd is biting but Robin Mattson is not interested. But it could be that the JANET problems are for more of a reason than has been revealed. For instance. IF Janet were still having some whacko problems it could very well be that she has been returned to an institution. BECAUSE of this Tim might be in Pine Valley and NOT wanting to return 'home' (wherever that is..) This could also be the reason that AMANDA is going to eventually come to town with some problems. Let's face it... that girl has had a few ODD things happen in her immediate family. Having a Whacky mother like Janet cannot have been that easy going. Why didn't Trevor want Hayley to know? That's simple... her kid is in ill health. Trevor didn't want the focus to be on him. That's our TREVOR. NOTE: I still see Amanda coming to town and ending up as Bianca's lover.... just a hunch.

Jack, Jack, Jack: Is it possible that we've complained long and hard enough for this character to finally get himself NOT ONLY a storyline... but perhaps a COUPLE? Let's review: This week we had an encounter with a jogging Jackson (looking rather good with his hair DOWN) and Anna (who was running in the other direction.) COULD IT BE that there might eventually be sparks for this couple? There certainly DID seem to be a bit of a peace-offering and it became a solid set-up for the District Attorney's self-acknowledgment that he must move on from Erica. (YES... about 5 years ago.) Whenever a couple has battles on a soap it is an instant reason for them to find sexual compatibility. Why NOT with Jack and the Chief of Police? Sure... she is with David Hayward... for NOW... things could change. That, however, is not ALL we witnessed for the DA. Later he ran into what was interpreted as an EX-love from many eons ago. Jackson walks into the Valley Inn to encounter the manipulative MARY Smythe... a woman who is in town because she is about to lose all her money and inheritance and must figure out a way to discredit her OWN daughter in order to be able to get to that money herself. Jackson was slightly bitter about her being in town and more or less told her to leave as soon as possible (Soap interpretation: She ain't going anywhere.) SO... is it possible that these two could end up rekindling whatever it was that they once had? YES. And there is more. As I talked about here in last week's entry ROGER is supposedly getting shot as a bullet aimed at someone else ends up snagging him. In the hospital it will be revealed that Roger is NOT Greenlee's father and my guess is that Mary is going to tell Jack that he IS. On top of ALL of this I could not have been the only one that saw Mary's eyes LIGHT UP when she discovered the handsome man that just stepped back into her life was running for Governor... and after watching the speech we all know that he will win. IN SUMMARY: Jackson is about to become a leading man again. I, for one, am thrilled to finally see this man working for the contract he is on. BRAVO... and I think he'll make a wonderful father for Greens.

Timmy...er... Tim Dillon is a cutie. Did anyone catch Maggie eyeing the boy? Maybe it was the way she kept asking for him to show her the place where the scar would be... BUT WAIT... maybe she will try to warm up to him because she figures he might be the one that finds out HER secret. Remember I still believe that this isn't Maggie at all, but FRANKIE.

And who ELSE saw the human St. Bernard coming to the rescue... or at least thinking about it... of Simone Torres? She got all bent out of shape because daddy couldn't have Phillie Cheese Steaks on the 4th and ran off like a dejected 6-year-old. Jakey made one of his faces that shows concern and interest at the same time. Then he ran into the closet and burst out in his cape and tights with the big R on the shirt (for Rescuer). He should be giving her unwanted advice within the week. Then they will start to have a relationship until, of course, someone better comes along and Simone will dump him like most all of his women do. But he's a Martin so he'll survive to give many more self-righteous lectures to family members and friends... unless, of course, J. Eddie's contract is up in which case Jakey will run off to California and buy another boat. Am I getting ahead of myself here?

So... if Rae Cummings lied about her name AND about her being a psychiatrist for all these years... could she ALSO have been lying about the baby she had many years ago? Could she have been exaggerating about the father? Could it be that Skye CHANDLER is possibly going to be looking into that DNA test with Alan Quartermaine in the near future? DO IT. Bring back Skye Chandler to Pine Valley. Robin Christopher rules.

IF you ask me... SIMONE is a basketcase. She is a fixated on older "father-figure" types.. has an unresolved relationship with her own father AND keeps sleeping with sleezy men. FINALLY she is starting to feel like a part of Pine Valley.

Is LEO hiding something? Currently there is an ad running on SOAPnet that highlights Leo and Greenlee in Love but then states "But does she really KNOW him?" (while showing Greenlee's face of concern and suspicion.) What could this mean? Is it about a new and more sinister secret being held by our LEO... something that will drive the couple apart permanently and eventually send our boy LEO packing.. (around the time his contract runs out in October..) OR... could this simply mean that Leo wants something more than he is letting on to? Could it be that the CON artist still lives within the boy and Greenlee's money REALLY IS the target of all of this? OR... it could be as simple as the FEAR that the boy is going to express when Greens mentions CHILDREN. Whatever it is... trust me... it does not bode well for the future of this couple. Stay tuned.

I still say, by the way, that GUY is a hired hand. He has been PAID to portray the role of the Count. WOLFIE is really Proteus (and more than likely the real father of Leo) and Vanessa is merely working for Wolf. Much should be revealed this week at yet another disastrous wedding in Pine Valley. BOY... these people should just get their acts together and take the wedding to some secret and very secluded spot in another state or country. Will they NEVER learn?

LAST but not least: I am a Bianca Montgomery fan.... I think. I have been an advocate and continue to praise the presence of a realistic gay character on daytime television... BUT... MUST WE turn Binks into her mother? YIKES!! I wanted to HIT the girl this week in her judgments and impatience regarding her sister. The normally open-minded and very FAIR young woman has turned into the complete opposite. She is hard to take right now AND someone that isn't walking the way she talks. I hope this is a temporary lapse... or I might be rooting for the kid to move on to college somewhere FAR FAR away.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY06/30:

PLACE YOUR BETS: They are bringing in a new hunkadoodle to portray the TIM man but he is coming in as a savior to the Santos Family. What does this mean? Will we have a kind-hearted and loving but cantankerous younger version of Uncle Porkchop? Maybe... but the chances are that he is going to be a bit of a PILL... perhaps even more. My suggestion would be that young TIM may be looking for a bit more from Hayley in return for the liver than she would really want to be giving. NO NOT THAT...(get your minds out of the gutter... he's a blood relative!) but I suspect that there will be trouble and he'll be coming to her for the payback in no time at all. OH... one more thing... how much do you want to bet that our boy Timmy is shirtless and showing off a six-pack in a matter of weeks... perhaps DAYS after giving up part of that liver of his? Yep... place your bets.

There is NO SLIMEBALL that could ever be as good as Adam Chandler. The guy is the master. But wait a minute... I have a question. It is one thing to recycle a storyline (Adam was gaslighting his wife Dixie in order to gain the favor for custody of JR way back when.).. but WHY wouldn't Liza get this clue? The character of Liza is making me dizzy with her rollercoaster fluxuations between helpless damsel with headache to screaming, hostile butch in control of it all. Which is it? Is she going to be the Liza we have known and loved in the past and take the advantage here? Will we get the satisfaction of seeing the MASTER overthrown in his own game? Wouldn't it be fun to watch LIZA play the helpless twitching femme fatale only to reverse the roles and pull off the ultimate gaslight scam on ADAM? Most believe that could or would never happen. I say that would spice up this been done before storyline and give us something to REALLY root for.... a stronger and MEANER Liza Colby Chandler. NOW... by weeks end with the twist of a nosy ADAM listening in to one of the stupidest phone messages in history (Why would Trey need to draw a picture somewhere that it could be retrieved?) it is obvious that Adam and Liza will be at WAR (what is it good for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!) This is where I expect we are going to see the once ALWAYS victorious Adam get his run for the money AND the child. This may have been the way that it has always gone in the past... but Liza is no pushover (even though she has been portrayed that way on and off in recent years..) This is going to shock us and the old LIZA is going to KICK Chandler ASS!

Summer in Pine Valley and the drug dealers are out saying silly cliche lines ("That depends... are you flying solo.. or would the lovely lady like to take a trip to?") and looking amazingly similar to former drug dealers (remember Marcus?) or former young leads (remember Robert Duncan McNeill as Phillip Brent with Lauren Holly's Julie Chandler?) Whoops I spoke too soon.. big bad Ryan chased the bad drug actor away and now Pine Valley (espcially JR the skinny brooder) is safe. Phew.

This Weeks Top 10 List: Top 10 reasons Ryan is going to leave town.
10) His six pack is actually a small keg. They've been painting on the definition with make-up lately.
9)Thought he'd check out the musical theater in Florida with Roger.
8)Saw Kendall with Aidan and realized he was jealous... about Aidan
7) Got drunk with Josh Duhamel and made a bet to see who would be the first to leave.
6)Is moving to Hollywood to audition for Frankenstein 2002.
5)Longs to wear loose fitting clothing.
4)Secretly believes that Gillian never died and is going to go out there and find her.
3)He's decided to go to Smile camp with all the other unfortunates who's mouths have frozen in the shape of a scowl, frown, grimace or some other form of drama mask. (Remember when your mother told you not to make that face or it would freeze that way?)
2)He's developed a phobia of other long lost or unknown relatives showing up in Pine Valley and needs to get the hell out before they do.
1) He's been selected for Big Brother 3 and will not be allowed to leave that house for several months.

Remember this: When visiting Pine Valley should you want to meet a hotty and flirt the night away just go to the Pine Cone Motel and walk around with something in your hand until someone comes barreling out of their door and knocks it over. If that doesn't work just play your music too loud until someone hunky dude decides to come barreling into your room (remember never to lock your door.)

In Pine Valley the lovely Mental institution apparantely caters rather nicely to its clientele. Maybe it is my imagination... but it would appear that our favorite looney woman (Vanessa aka Rosie) has had her hair done. Were those highlights there before? Oh... one more thing... since when do locked down and institutionalized patients get private phone calls on pretty princess telephones? Come to think of it... where did the big bad Wolfie get that direct phone line?

Speaking of the old Wolfman... IMHO it is he that will end up being the father to LEO. He's the sinister one. He's the PROTEUS type and I do believe the end to the Proteus saga is VERY near. If Wolfie comes to Pine Valley and tries to end it all for Leo (probably hitting Roger...) it will be the downfall of the Proteus regime. With this revelation there will be an arrest (the ACE Chief 'o' police ANNA will nab the nasty, snarling man...) Leo will discover that the COUNT, in truth a rather nice guy, is NOT his father AND the whole story will end with an admitted Wolfie as a bad, bad man, Vanessa as a crushed and not too popular mother and LEO with all sorts of Emmy reel material as he discovers all the truth about a father he never knew and a mother he thought he did. Ahhh... daytime drama.

It all makes sense considering it is now being reported that Marj Dusay will be leaving the show in July. That would signal the END of PROTEUS. She is supposedly still on contract and off to Port Charles to create yet another fine character. (It is PC's gain...) I LOVE Vanessa and always will... but the character was painted into a corner with this storyline AND especially with the INSANE and ASYLUM bit. There wasn't a WHOLE lot of hope for redemption in the fickle town of Pine Valley.

Has anyone else noticed how many of our favorite characters seemed to have crossed eyes this week? Simone? Ryan? Brooke? Was it the lighting? Were their cue cards written funny? Is someone playing with our minds? Was it ME that was crosseyed? Life is a mystery.

The future is here. It is time for the summer transition. Who is going to be with whom.... it would seem that they are teasing the possibilities in order for us to write on our message boards and give the thumbs up or down for the hints being dropped. Will Tad end up with Brooke? Will Brooke end up with Eddie? Will Eddie find his true love again in Maria? Will Maria think she might prefer Tad? Will Tad be looking at Simone? Will Simone be interested in Frankie? Will Frankie be out for Mia? Will Mia be after Adam? Is Adam still in love with Liza? Will Liza have second thoughts about Tad? Will Tad find new love with Greenlee? Is Greenlee going to get a load of Aiden without a shirt? Is Aiden after Kendall? Will Kendall have a roll in the hay with Trey? Is Trey Asexual? Is Binks going to make it with Maggie? Is Maggie going to boff JR? Is JR interested in the still uncast Amanda? Is Amanda interested in the adult Bianca? Is Jack EVER going to have a relationship at all? Food for thought. Sit down and enjoy the feast.

SPEAKING of Jackie... it could be that he might actually have a relationship on the horizon. The big rumors NOW say that he is going to re-connect with an old flame. I don't know who that old flame is quite yet, but I would be willing to bet that it is MARY SMYTHE... let me tell you why: ASIDE from the fact that the man has been seemingly CELIBATE and deserves a love life, sex life AND storyline... there is the scoop that says ROGER will be shot and Greens will discover that her daddy ain't really her daddy. YEARS ago I predicted that one as a motive for his horrible treatment of the girl. I figured that his relationship with MARY (and her money) forced him to be a 'father'. So... what if this reunion between MARY and JACK is to precede the truth about Greenlee's parentage? If Jack had a relationship with the maven WAY back when... who is to say that he won't be the girls father? NOW... that would be a Greenlee of a different color... But it would give our JACKSON far more of a role in the burg. I am not buying the ERIC KANE father rumor. It just doesn't fly. I vote for Mr. Montgomery.

That brings me to an idea that ABC could utilize to match the craze of reality television and promotion for participation in the show. GOD KNOWS that the fans of this and any other soap believe their way a storyline should go is always the RIGHT way a storyline should go. So why not mix a bit of the soap world with the concept behind something like "AMERICAN IDOL"? In the future we could have a character discover that they are not who they thought they were. In this discovery they will also discover that one of the MEN in town is their REAL father. THE TWIST? The fans can call 1-800-NEW-DAD1 for Jackson or 1-800-NEW-DAD2 for Eric Kane... or perhaps 1-800-NEW-DAD3 for Adam... 1-800-NEW-DAD4 for Chris.. You get the idea. This sort of promotion could be tied into the other storyline plots as well. INTERACTIVE soaps of the future.

Rumor has it that Robin is the next DEVANE to come to Pine Valley... Negotiations are under way... supposedly. I know there are those that don't like the invasion of GH characters on the Pine Valley landscape. I personally don't see where the difference is. These are characters that are rich with history... but can also be here to create some more in a different home. Put it into perspective. Have you or anyone you've known ever made a huge move? I moved from New York to Los Angeles. Does that mean that my 'character' in NY is all that matters? I am in Los Angeles now creating new history. Anna is in Pine Valley and fits rather nicely. It would only be natural (especially after the highly rated reunion last year) for Kimberly's Robin character to come and be a part of Anna's life again. I LOVE the idea. Sign her up!!

OH MY GOD... AIDEN without a shirt. Need I say more? Ryan who?

SIDEBAR: There are still people complaining about Aiden's accent. GET OVER IT. It is BRITISH... not AUSTRALIAN... and I can't understand some of the other actors sometimes either. There... my little rant of the week.

And now... let us take a moment to reflect on the departure of Mark Consuelos from the role of Mateo. I thought he was delightful as the young busboy who won the heart of TINK back in the days of yore in Pine Valley. SOMEHOW, however, the character (and, unfortunately, the actor) turned into a snarky, snarly, agitated and affected finger pointing obnoxious fool. (But how do you REALLY feel?) Mark is off to point fingers at a new group of actors and we wish him luck. He will be missed.... ok... not by me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

LAST but not least: We are now embarking on the re-emergence of MARIA into Pine Valley. What is this storyline about to bring? I expect there will be a 'fight' between Brookie and Maria/Maureen for the aging Pulitzer Prize winner (SORRY... to me he is beginning to look like one of the old guys on the MUPPETS).. What I suspect is that BROOKE is going to be changing character a bit. She isn't going to be the MARTYR we are all used to. She is going to turn a bit into a BEEYATCH with a little more EDGE. It would be about time. But what about Maria? I might like to suggest here that the character may have grabbed the opportunity 5 years ago to leave the life she had and find something better. WHY NOT? She was presumed dead and it was the golden opportunity to disappear. This, of course, would mean that she may NOT have had amnesia at all. So what about the pretty pictures of Wildwind Castle? EASY: She may have left the old life but there would obviously have been times that she regreted the decision and couldn't find a way to get herself to admit to anyone that she WAS Maria... as opposed to Maureen. It would be EASY for Eddie to jump back into the arms of Maria if she had a case of amnesia for the last 5 years... BUT how is he going to feel if he finds out that she just changed her name and began another life because of inner conflicts and a need to move on? Suddenly he would be discovering that he didn't lose his wife the way he had thought at all. THIS would strengthen the role of Brooke in his life a great deal THUS making this TRIANGLE a whole lot more EVEN and interesting. Could he forgive Maria? This is the way that I see this storyline playing out. But TIME will tell....

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY06/23:

Let's begin with Maria... or Maureen S. Gorman as she seems to be currently known. Could it be that there is a middle initial there for a reason? Take a close look. Maureen S. Gorman... wait a dawgone minute... that's MSG! Isn't MSG that food enhancement that causes highly allergic reactions in so many people? Could it be that this is why I am seeing the negative responses to the return of the character? Visit any message board and you are bound to find a good amount of symptoms including: nausea, rapid heartbeat, weakness, headaches, and/or difficulty in breathing. Fear not Brooke fans. She won't be MSG for long. At some point it will be brought to her attention that her real name is Maria Santos-Grey and that would make her initials MSG....oh... well... there goes that theory.

Tuesday began with Greenlee's proclamation: "Forget the men.. it's just us girls today!"... and thus began a silly, and utterly catty update of the 1939 film classic "The Women". MEOWWWWWWWW... every female available visited the set THAT day with all divas center stage (and a few of the divas in waiting...) There was Erica dishing out the condemnations and judgments as only the grand dame can do... and there was Opal dressed as though it were still 1939. The Queen of the beeyatches, Rosie...er...Vanessa... or whatever she wanted to be was dressed to the nines in her straightjacket and carrying on conversations with Mary... a woman more inclined to be a partner in crime than an arch nemesis. Greens and Simone were all buddy, buddy again and running the big WEDDING show that Greens put together telepathically from Paris (what a job...) Anna even showed up looking shell-shocked in a sea of WHITE gowns (she later met her match in a rather butch in black Liza). Binks and Fraggie were hanging out as if they might be needing a wedding dress... (as if) and even Myrtle made an appearance to shed light and wisdom to the dress loving world as Brooke and Maddie dropped further hints about the coming arrival of the Princess of Wildwind. Pine Valley was AGLOW on Tuesday... and I mean that literally... they had to call in for extra make-up to keep the noses powdered throughtout the shooting day... "The Women" were everywhere and ready for action... "I've sharpened my CLAWS and they're Jungle RED!!"

Brooke to Erica at the Wedding show: "Shopping for round 10?" Erica to Brooke at the Wedding show (after telling her that white wasn't white for the 'mature bride'): "Think Pastel suit..."

Somehow after watching Chris Stamp this week I am convinced that he and Erica might actually deserve the fated 'romance' that they are involved in... they deserve each other. After listening to Stamp channel Erica's closed-minded and harshly judgmental mode of thinking while talking with Kendall I came to the conclusion that he is either wearing too much hairspray to keep that mane intact or perhaps put on Erica's underwear by mistake and has cut off the circulation to his brain. I CALL A FOUL that this man can stand in front of Kendall and tell her that she should leave Ryan alone if she really loves him. PTUEY on him. That is such a bland and uncharacteristicly silly move. Is Erica hypnotizing him in front of the fireplace? Is she programming him while he sleeps to listen to her high maintenance Diva rules of life and living? This is a guy that was supposed to be an FBI agent, a detective of some sort... HUH? This guy wouldn't find a clue if it were painted on Erica's pushed up boobies. But he's protecting Ryan... his son. The son that he's known for all of three or four months. The son that proposed to Kendall. Way to go Chrissy... better run now... I think the diva is calling you...

Top 10 Ways that Roger will leave Pine Valley:
10: Will decide to go back on safari
9: Will reveal that he is really gay and cannot stand being in the same town as that magnificent creature Palmer.
8: Will be choked to death with one of his ascots. His heart will be given back to Gillian's frozen body and she will come back and have a cat fight with Kendall.
7: Will suddenly realize that Simone is really a man and run for the hills
6: Will jump on the back of Ryan's motorcycle and retire to Florida to do musical theater.
5: Will have a heart attack and die while making love to Myrtle Fargate.
4: Will become the victim of a horrible hit and run wheelchair incident (Phoebe will later be apprehended and charged with the crime.)
3: Will hold a press conference announcing the real identity of Proteus AND Deep Throat.
2: Will die in a car crash in Switzerland and find himself on As The World Turns as Cady McClain's SORASed son. Many will think he's too tall for the part.
1: Will be revealed to be the father of Leo, Trey, Aiden, Greenlee, Timmy, Maddie, Sam, JR, Kendall and Happy the dog. All previously mentioned characters will murder him in a ritualistic murder in the style of Agatha Christie's "Murder on the Orient Express".

One rumor that I have seen flying around (I believe it is somewhere over Pittsburgh right now..) is that Roger WILL actually be shot and perish. According to the scenario Vanessa will crash the big Leo / Greenlee wedding and someone will have a gun... I believe the rumor pointed to Leo having the gun for 'protection'. But he will miss Vanessa and shoot Roger who will end up in the hospital with moments left to live. Greens is going to want to give blood to her daddy dearest and find out that there is no match to be made. As a result Mary is going to confess that Rog isn't her daddy... according to the rumor the real father will end up being Eric Kane. NOW.... as interesting as that sounds (just the prospect of Erica and Greens sharing a father cracks me up) I find it HIGHLY unlikely. For one... we have matched so many in PV with Eric as a potential father for years. For another... let's be real. Eric Kane would have to be DEEP into his 70's by now. Mary Smythe is at best in her early to mid 50's. YUCK. Erica is looks at LEAST 35 to 30 years older than Greenlee and would be more suited as her MOTHER rather than a sister. Eric, we should also remember, has not been on the show for up to 15 or more years also... it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. NOW, as for the rest of the scenario... I DO believe that Rog is going to croak. We all know that there is no such thing as a normal wedding in Pine Valley AND it is highly probable that we will find out that Greens isn't exactly who we thought she was due to parentage. My question for this show would have to be a rousing: Does ANYONE really know who their father is in this town? Is it required to shuffle the deck every couple of years to shake up family trees? Answer: Uh... yes, of course!!

On Thursday we were greated with what would have to be the beginning of yet another storyline's beginning. A phone call to Dr. David that registers shock AND the uttered words of "Don't tell Tad yet..." The next thing we know he is leaving town with that all-telling serious brough... The hints: David wants a family. Dixie's body was never found. Dixie was pregnant. Hmmm... let's see what we can do with this. David is going to Switzerland because the body of a woman that they suspect could be Dixie is in a hospital. She is hooked up to tubes or something because she can't be dead (that would be a bit smelly at this point...) and he is being brought into to identify her. It could also be that a woman had given birth before dying after a car accident and they are just now getting around to finding the doctor that would be notified. Dixie is gone but the baby is alive. David can bring this baby back to the United States and ask Anna to raise it with him... that instant family he had been looking for without the morning sickness and 9-month process for the black-wearing Brit. Tad, of course, will not know any better... thus making the dastardly doctor the arch villain that we all remember him to be. It could be that he continues on the straight and narrow snooze fest that he's been on since he first brought up the willow tree... Maybe he will bring back this child TO Tad. That would heighten the bonding that is going on between Brookie and her ex. Brooke has discovered / uncovered the identity of Maureen and is leaning on Tad to figure out that dilemma... when all of a sudden the ball is in the other court and Tad needs to lean on her. One thing leads to another and BAM... we have another child who could potentially grow up into a dull and lifeless young actor who doesn't speak and looks like KD Lang. Whatever happens... I will gaurantee you that our Doctor flew off to Switzerland on the Thursday show... Tad's storyline grows..

You know what I would like to see? A couple of the guys in a cat fight. I am thinking Ryan and Chris in white flowing gowns on the ground scratching and screaming like girls. Now THAT is entertainment.... somewhere.... maybe on another planet?

The good and the bad of it all: I am always thrilled to see the attention paid to matters that really need attention. The service held regarding the Day of Compassion Friday was a well done and important highlight to the week. It is a matter that people do need to be reminded of AND I was especially happy to see Anna speak of Robin.. a character with one of the most memorable HIV storylines in daytime. BRAVO to ABC. The BAD: Was it me or did Stuart look an EASTER basket blew up all over him? I love the character and at least he tucked in his shirts and combed his hair.... but REALLY.... those are just not summer colors. hahahaha

The LAST but not least of it all: Some tidbit theories to start a new week:
1) It is not a good idea to marry the chief of police and constantly be teetering on divorce.... just how many times can that man be arrested?
2) Just how long can we hear that Trey's true identity will be revealed? DO IT. So who is he? I KNOW!! He's Gillian come back in a new body. No... that's not it. The boy is going to have to be the son of someone prominent... that will be the only way he has a chance of sticking around. I am still not convinced he isn't going to be TOAST rather soon (and the reason for a new PV murder mystery..) but IF he ends up as the son of someone in town that has some roots.. (David? Jack? Chris? Adam..? He hasn't had a child that he didn't know about in a long time...
3)I believe that JR is going to have a relationship with Fraggie. Will this anger Binky? Probably not... because I suspect that the return of AMANDA DILLON is going to bring someone into Bianca's life.
4)hey.. did you hear that Maria was coming back? hahaha
5) If Adam is truly after MIA (right now only to get to Liza...) but Mia really has the soft spot for Adam (some would say that ADAM is the REAL father of that baby she had adopted or sold to the black market.) What will happen to the marriage of Adam and Liza? Are we going to see the battles in court for Colby? Will sister vs. sister be the big topic for months upon months as it is revealed that Colby wasn't the first child born out of sperm sample provided by the silver-haired fox? ARE WE finally going to see the Liza we all know and love... whom I will refer to politely as LIZILLA? Will she become the evil snarky BEEYATCH that graced us upon her return PRE the Adam days? One can only hope so... but then... who would Liza end up with? Do we see a possible pairing of Liza and David Hayward? Could Liza end up with TAD one more time? Will ANYONE ever have a relationship with JACK? Something is afoot here and I, for one, look forward to the fireworks on the fourth of July.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/12:

On Brooke English: Does one get the impression that she had to FINALLY make the grand gesture of letting go of TAD as the 'first priority' only to set up the storyline that has already begun? Are we to believe that the selfless Brookie is going to forge ahead towards what SHE wants with Eddie and not allow whatever might be happening in Tad and K.D. Lang's life to interfere? WHOOPS... this could ONLY mean that it will be Ed who is making the choices of picking different priorities (once Maria aka 'Maureen' is in the picture.) Poor Brookie. She finally figures out that it is more important to grab for that happiness when someone is going to start pulling that rug out from under her. I am willing to bet that the months ahead will start with Brooke herself sliding completely from selfless to selfish by hiding the identity of 'MO' from Edmund. Of course that can't last long and then priorities will be switched all around. What I would like to see is Brooke getting ANGRY... perhaps a bit vindictive. Is it possible that the leading CRIER on our show will be able to expand in character dimension and show a side that we have never seen in her 25+ years? Since Maria is most definitely coming back I am hoping that we see more than a traditional triangle with Brookie and Ed... perhaps a bit of the dark side of Brooke could emerge?

Now... As young Jamie (aka KD Lang, aka grumpboy) left the therapist's office today Tad wittily called his son a "babe-magnet". Are we to assume he was talking about that little pig from the movies?

Yesterday Arlene the lush left the bar and a full cocktail. Today she had children and a tube of Benadryl on a commercial during the show.

Good LORD... let's hope there is no truth to Count DuPres' being Leo's father. LOOK at the man... should we assume that 30 years from now Leo will become a shorter, dumpier version of himself? PERISH the thought.

And lucky for Leo he had a pint-sized INTERNATIONAL EXECUTIVE there to protect him. Because we all know how powerful and scary International Executives can be. Especially when they are under 5 feet tall and weigh about as much as a stuffed suitcase. I am sure the Count was trembling....

LET the gaslighting begin. Out with the old and in with the new. LIZA had better do some homework on her husband's past history with wives. There was a time that ADAM thought it would be in his best interest to make DIXIE feel as though she were going crazy... thus having her institutionalized and creating the necessary reasons to be able to claim the right to have custody of JR. A few years have passed and here we have Adam confering with the doctor about Liza and EXACTLY what symptoms he should look out for "Just in case". These doctors just give this stuff away? Wouldn't it have been easier for Adam to just go to a website for what he needed? Something like www.gaslightyourwife.com? So now Liza will start to see flickering lights and hear voices ONLY to begin feeling that her tumor is returning and thus giving ADAM the upper hand in the battle he is waging for his rights to CHANDLER Enterprises and Colby... Stuck in the middle of this power struggle is MIA... who right now I would suspect Adam is using. By sticking that cufflink into her bed (you thought it was in Jake's bathing suit??) he is going to plant the seed of doubt (down the road) into Liza's head... thus making her believe that there IS something going on with he and MIA... and destroying the element of trust that is there. MIA will then be painted into the corner and will only be able to stick with Adam if she really wants to keep any manner of family at all. SO... this may not be the brightest setting for a love story... but down the road the conniving ADAM (now thoroughly out of love with Liza) will need to focus his 'love' energy elsewhere and Mia is the most obvious of targets. EXPECT this relationship to happen....

On MARY (and Roger): It would seem that this couple is one and the same. They are both basically users and egotists out for the easiest way to live. We already knew that about Roger... but now we see that Mary is hanging precariously between the affluence of her father and the threat of living penniless... To have heard about the character when Greens was the only one in town one might have thought that she was a bit TIGHTER with her father... but today it would seem that Greenlee's grandad is siding more with his grandaughter than Mary. Why the shift when the monies were being pulled from Greens about a year ago? WHO KNOWS... but I do believe that Mary has the makings of a delicious and conniving character... someone who fits rather well into the devious scenery in Pine Valley.

Did anyone else get a quick, but distinct impression today that Greenlee could possibly NOT be Roger's daughter? ROGER: "Greenlee's our daughter." MARY: "No she's not. She was my daughter from the day she was born. My responsibility, my headache." NOW... this could simply mean that Rog was a bit of a no-show in the fathering department... OR... it could mean that he never really was Green's father to begin with but played the 'role' in order to keep himself in the bankbooks that came with being a part of the Smythe clan. With ALL the talk about LEO's real father today coming from Greenlee... you just cannot help but to believe that there is a segue about to happen that would indicate that LEO is not the only one who is about to find out about their real father. OR... at least that the man they thought was their father ISN'T at all.

Wasn't it nice to be able to see Winifred actually having a giggle with another staff member in the hallway today? All we ever see is te poor girl running around on her own... it's good to know that she has other's giving her a hand in the household.

DO sometthing with SIMONE already... this thing with Roger is just not working. She's a journalist... she's got to be able to get the clue that Roger is not really into HER at all.... he just wants the money that can be made from the writing of the book on Proteus. Somebody buy Simone a clue.

By the way: Whatever happened to Roger's heart problem. He had that rare heart disease being treated by the drug that David was experimenting with at the cabin in the sky that nobody knew about. Roger almost died several times but is now dancing around Pine Valley in ascots and drinking cocktails like a teenager. WHAT GIVES? And what about the drug that David worked on? Did he give up on that experiment? Has he forgotten the "life's work" when he moved on to the family and willow tree thing? Me so confused.

OK: here's a theory to leave you with. AIDEN is going to end up being the son of Siohbhan who was good friends with Alex Devane. David will have been the father to that woman who committed suicide all those years ago. Alex hated him and could have kept it secret that the child was actually born as the mother died. Since Alex was in school and couldn't care for the child she arranged for her sister Lindsey to assume to role of mother. This way David will end up with the family that he wanted so bad... it will work because it will be a tie to the Devanes AND because we can already see that David and Aiden don't like each other very much. PERFECT.

Is it just me or was it odd that Leo would have been trying to button his shirt from the top button first? Ok... that's nit-pickimng and we all know it was entirely for the view of his stomach and pecs.

Did they ever tell us when and HOW Jakey was cured from the "problem" he got when he was shot? Remember the boy couldn't 'get it UP' Libidozone did help matters at the end of 2000... but that was the last we heard of it. Apparently the problem went away... but HOW? Is Jakey on a regular dosage of libidozone? Does he partake in the world of Viagra? Or is it just a MIRACLE?

HOW IS THIS for irony: I work on a website for Columbia TriStar Television at Sony. Two of our shows are The Young and the Restless and Days of Our Lives. I have never seen a day of either of them. NOW it seems that I am going to be heading up a new archive of storylines for the history of both of those shows. So... why is it that I can't be working for ABC or Soapnet? Life is so odd.

LAST but not least: as I step out from the daily dosage of AMC on this site I will give you my wish list: In the next year (or so) I am hoping that they bring back the ENTIRE Dillon family. Trevor and Janet would hopefully be played by Mr. Kiberd and Ms. Mattson. I trust that the show is going to bring back Michael Nader in some capacity IF ONLY to wrap up or bring some sort of closure to the very long and extended vacation Dimitri is currently on. I PRAY that they remain faithful to the sexuality of Bianca and hopefully can break new ground with a daytime relationship for the character. I wouldn't mind seeing ONE happy marraige without a disruption at the wedding... I don't care who.. (and I know that one is a pipe-dream...) TO ALL who read me every day... I am sorry for abandoning you. I WILL come back from time to time and jot down some things... but unless I am given a few more hours in my day I must stop this daily chore. Thank you for your patronage!!

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/11:

Another slow day in the Valley today...

The BEST part of the day had to have been what I see as a positive and interesting switch for the character of Arlene. Something happened to the bad-girl lush today that might have been somewhat unexpected. For one thing there was a solid sense of guilt... a genuine remorse felt by Arlene because she wasn't able to help out baby Lorenzo. Sure... there was a bit of the con going on as the show began and she was trying to weasel her way into the home of her daughter and the little napoleon guy.... but she may have actually turned a corner in the fight against her own alcoholism... MATEO isn't the easiest person to listen to... but I have a feeling there may have been a good deal of logic in his words.. AND in the end, Arlene walked away from that drink AND from feeling sorry for herself. With alcoholism there are no guarantees... she could be back on a barstool in no time at all once again feeling that the world is letting her down and that booze is her answer. BUT.. it is also possible that we could see the return of this character in the future with a more positive and SOBER storyline. Perhaps she'll just wait for a more pleasant Mateo to arrive....

Kendall and Erica today: Kendall: "Blah blah blah blah blah Whine, moannnnn, kvetch." Erica: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, condescend," (toss hair here.) Kendall: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me." Erica: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me." Kendall: "blah, blah, blah, snarl, grovel." Erica: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, snark, HISSSS." (pouty lips here.) Kendall: "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, grrrrr, whine." (pathetic tones used.) Erica: "blahdy, blahdy, blah..." (recycled dialogue used here.)

So... this explanation that Chris was giving to Ryan about his mother... he got all of this revelation from one small hand-written letter?? I know he read some of it... but he seemed to have been able to explain away YEARS of doubt, anger and aggravation..... with just a few words? Call me skeptical... but if the woman showed up at the door with this sort of 'news' would these guys be so quick to forgive? How do they even know this was really written by her? This is WAY too clean... Far too easy to explain away years of hurt and abuse. Life should be so easy....

When this Mateo leaves will they have flashback scenes of all the snarling and finger pointing? Memoriessss... light the corners of my mindddddddd.

One thing about the ENDLESS tug of war that goes on with Kendall and her real momma is that they seem to be pointing out the similarities between the two characters. BOTH are running away from love right now. Are we supposed to believe that they are going to find out how much the same they really are and sit down over a few mineral waters and bury the hatchet? Yea... right. I wonder which body the hatchet would end up buried in... At this point the only way that I can really see these two becoming any semblance of mother and daughter is with Erica finding out that Mona was raped and Erica was the child of that rape herself. Something has to change in Erica's history in order for Kendall to be recognized as anything else but this god-awful reminder of a past that Erica cannot let go of.

LAST but not least: YAWWWWWWNNNNNNN!!! Sorry... I got nothing.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/10:

Is Erica finally aging? Today it almost appeared that she was older... MIND YOU... I am not saying she looked OLD... just older. It was in the eyes... not as much make-up or a different sort of lighting in the studio. All I know is that she was beginning to look a bit more mature and a little LESS painted up to appear younger. I rather liked it.

No matter WHAT she looked like, however, I still wanted someone to just walk in and SLAP that woman silly today. I was rooting for Opal to do the trick but she had to go and be Miss understanding and Best gal pal. I would like to think that this little chat that Opal had with Erica today would be a catalyst for a period of growth and understanding for the DIVA lady.... but I am losing hope that there will ever be much of a change. Like a terminal disease... Erica grows up, has her lesson, and then pounds right back into diva mode all within a years time.... change is short-lived in her world.

Blimey... it would appear that there may be a bit of a problem for some of the very American viewers... the new stud in town is talking a BIT like Brad Pitt did in "Snatch"... a film that rendered him unintelligible. Personally I love the difference, the accent, and don't mind the man who is speaking either. I hope that they don't give up on the change and Americanize the character. GIVE the accent a little time... perhaps you will all start to get used to it, thus making it a bit easier to understand.

I ALMOST thought that Marius Wolfe was Count DuPres. My immediate thought was to look at Leo and wonder what he would look like with a receding hairline... fortunately Leo is saved up until this point... although we have not seen the Count yet... (even though I don't suspect that the man is really Leo's father at all...)

Then WHO IS Count DuPres and why is Vanessa so scared of him (or for Leo?) WHAT IF: Count DuPres were the REAL PROTEUS? At the moment the character feels a little like the Wizard of Oz... sending the henchman to the hotel room to punch Leo in the stomach and snarling about how many people try to pull one off on the Great and powerful count. I was picturing some guy in an ascot controling the snarling messenger from behind a big French curtain... and soon we shall find out if he's an older version of LEO or simply a French bad guy who Vanessa had business dealings with many years prior. How do we know this isn't Proteus... a man who wanted to keep his existence separate from Vanessa Bennett... but got her working for him many years prior. Perhaps he is a bit of a tyrant who WOULD be a danger to Leo OR to Vanessa because of the secret she's been holding about the 'relationship' they had. NO... I honestly do not believe that Count DuPres is the father. It was just a convenient NAME to make sure that the REAL father didn't know the boy existed.

Speaking of Nessy... and we do love to do that... do we not LOVE the pictures she apparently has drawn and has hanging on the walls of the CELL she inhabits at the looney bin? You can be sure she isn't hanging them with thumbtacks or nails... My favorites are the ones of Greenlee and Mateo (all TEETH). WHO KNEW the woman was an abstract artist? A new career could be coming alive for the girl. She can share space at the gallery with Stuart in a storyline of the future. Eventually, of course, they would fall in love and Vanessa and Stuart would marry sending Marion packing to divorce court and a great many bar stools.

I think I might be picking up on the reason that our boy Ryan is going to leave the show. He is going to go out and search for answers about his mother. The question at the moment is whether or not she is still alive. Considering we are dealing with a show that nobody seems to die on... I wouldn't be surprised if she was somehow tucked away in a witness protection program (living next door to Julia and Noah?) But even if the woman is really dead it will be a whole new chapter for the searching Ryan to seek out what the story is behind the myth that was given to him ALL those years. Perhaps the whole point to that letter today was to give Ryan a reason to seek out his roots.... get on that motorcycle and discover. That would leave the door open for him to return should he want to. NOW... what happens to Kendall is another question entirely.

My favorite line of the day: Chris to Erica: "What... are you sniffing GLUE?" as she flailed her arms and threw her one-millionth hissy fit.

I loved the way Trey used the threat of giving Angie Dickinson a part that Rosie wanted in order to get Vanessa to come to the forefront. Clever.

HEY... what ever happened to all the speculation about Opal getting back with the old COOT, Palmer? If it is going to happen they better get to it pretty darned fast. The old COOT isn't getting any younger.

LAST but not least: The happy couple was at it again today. Anna and David are the Bickersons... they just don't get each other. David (still holding the wounded paw.. further proof that the fact he will not be able to work will play a part in the next week...) was HELL bent on bastardizing the young studly Brit. I suppose that David's idea of family didn't include a man more chiseled than himself. But Anna is determined (and very quickly I might add) to include the young man into the portrait for the Christmas card. Lindsey was obviously someone very important to her in the past... and the past is something that we are about to see a lot more of when it comes to the character of Anna. There will be something about the way that Lindsey died... a mystery will have to be solved and the bonding between Aiden and Anna will progress (although there will be problems... especially with the increasingly jealous Doctor on hand... HE doesn't trust the brit boy.. could he be correct?) One thing that struck me odd about the character of Aiden is his clothing. Even the street people usually have a certain style of dress on this show. I am not sure that I have ever seen someone in raggedy old jeans like this guy. A nice touch. A good switch. Now let's see what he looks like in a speedo. haha

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/07:

There is an unwritten law in Pine Valley. Every June the children shall rise and take over the local hangout. They will be obnoxious and rich. They will think they are better than everyone. There will be ONE leader of these kids each year. She will be a blonde. The only stipulation to this person is that the blonde shall have a name that begins with the letter M. Last year we had Mindy. She was a good leader but has since abdicated the throne. Now we have Morgan. Isn't life grand?

People always complain about younger characters being aged prematurely or SORASed (Soap Opera Rapid Age Syndrome). I have finally figured out how and why this is happening on All My Children. Yesterday I was reminded that Erica Kane had been raped at the tender age of 14, the result of said rape being daughter Kendall, who was then given up for adoption. 14? Let's all do some math together, shall we? Alicia Minshew just turned 28. Sarah Michelle Gellar is 25. I know that these are merely the actresses and the age of Kendall could be a bit older... but if we LOOK at either one of these YOUNG ladies it is plain to see that isn't the fact. Therefore... this would make Erica either 39 or 42. (Cough, cough...choke....gag...) Suddenly I had pictures of the Oscar Wilde story about the Picture of Dorian Gray.... and then it hit me. For every child that is SORASed and loses a year or two of their lives... we now know where that year is going. THEY GIVE IT TO ERICA. SO... Ms. Kane, a mature woman of 55 (according to IMDB)is playing that younger woman at the expense of our younger characters who have aged needlessly. FOR SHAME. I tell ya... there oughta be a law.

I had a very interesting theory shared with me yesterday that I would like to enhance and expand upon here.... WHAT IF: the rumor of Myrtle's 'demise' is true? BUT she decides to go out with a bit of a bang... On Myrt's deathbed she decides to tell a few SECRETS that she has been holding out on for all these years. To ERICA: Mona was raped as a younger woman and Erica was the resulting child. This would mean a great many things: ONE: Eric Kane was NOT her real father (which could very well explain a great many things about their tenuous relationship..) TWO: Mona LOVED and treated Erica with such care and pride EVEN THOUGH she was the child of rape. Hmmmm... would this not suddenly paint an entirely different picture for the DIVA and her relationship with Kendall? Another secret that Myrt tells is the truth about Bianca's father. It seems that Travis was NOT the man that we all thought he was. He was sterile and unable to father the child with Erica. Bianca is JACK's Child. Now wouldn't that change a few things around the old homestead? Last but not least... it was suggested that another secret could be that Kendall was not raised by the saints the HARTS have been made out to be. Let us just imagine that perhaps Mr. Hart was an abusive drunk that violated young Kendall... perhaps Mrs. Hart was abusive verbally but hid it well to the world at large. MIND YOU... these are all theories.. but if Myrtle were to leave WHY NOT make it a slamdunk that changes lives and alters stories? I would like to thank my friend TIM for offering the original thoughts.

Chris Stamp is SO talented. We had forgotten just how talented the man was. Remember all the jobs he has had over the time he has been in Pine Valley? Well... he took a rest but now he is BACK in action. First as an architect... and NOW as a contracter. Is there anything this man cannot do?

It would appear that Greenlee found a quicker PORTAL to Paris today than Leo. At least fast enough to make sure she could get to the destination... do a bit of shopping... light hundreds of candles... and run a bubble bath before the boy entered the room with the grinning bellhop.

And would it have been so hard for Leo to have taken the clothes off before jumping into that tub? No comprende.

ON Aiden: Is it a pre-requisite for all Devane's to have been a spy at one time in their lives? It would appear that our hunky new BRIT has ties to the WSB and spent a few years in the Army. I smell a storyline filled with intrigue, shadows and mystery this summer.

And MIA... this girl gets around doesn't she... there she was in the hospital today pretending to want to be with Jakey (whoops, did I say that?) when she catches eyes with Aiden.... who looks at her like he knows her. Is there anyone she doesn't know from the past AND... why are they all following her to Pine Valley? It's a small world after all...

Mateo update: It seems that Mr. Ripa... er... Mr. Consuelos is going off to other parts of the world to film a movie called "The Great Raid"... about a band of midgets that attack the enemy by jumping out of the bushes and hitting them on their knees with sticks. Mark will play the head Oompa loompa. Ok... just kidding. "The Great Raid" will star Benjamin Bratt and is based on a true story about a 1945 raid on a Japanese Death camp in the Phillipines. According to an article in ABC Soaps in Depth Mr. Consuelos may NOT be coming back to the role of Mateo..

Maggie and Trey... why is it that these two seem to have something going to me? Is it possible that they know each other previous to this Pine Valley meeting? I still think there is the distinct possibility that they are related somehow... which, of course, is going to end up tying a good many other characters together as well.

Mia demanding that "this is the last time" she will give money to Trey is much like an alcoholic announcing they will never have another drink. Mia... get a clue... if you aren't going to fess up... he's not going to stop.

Did anyone else get the impression that there is something MORE to the fact that David hurt his hand today? It is established that the hand is not damaged permanently, thus he will not lose that best surgeon in the world title.... it is established that Jake is a big huge horse's ASS for being such a Martin about the whole situation... It is established that David will be "out of commission" and off the schedule for about a week worth of surgeries... THEREFORE: Who is it that you suppose will be coming in needing surgery for a life and death matter? WHO is going to lose out because of this? MY GUESS? it will have something to do with ARLENE and baby Renzo (please give me another name) Santos. After all... the kid could be dying but there can't POSSIBLY be another surgeon to do the transplant. Call it a hunch.

LAST but not least: AGAIN with the digression. Erica continues to be the most predictable and annoying character in the soap world. She is doing just fine one moment... ONLY because she is getting what she wants in her life (for that moment) and then ALL OF A SUDDEN there is that backtrack. She sticks her nose where it shouldn't be... opens a letter that doesn't belong to her, immediately assumes the worst (trust? What trust?) and is all over Chris like a cheap suit. Why would anyone want to be with a high maitenance princess like that? What exactly is the appeal? I love to hate our diva... today she was up to her old tricks.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/06:

We start todays program with Erica having a snit over the phone about a permission slip for a FIELD TRIP to Georgetown for Bianca? HUH? First of all.... isn't Binky about to graduate at any moment? Was it not Binks and all the other current high school crowd trying on their caps and gowns at BJs? Wouldn't the school year's field trips have been completed by now.... better yet by 5th grade? Oh... one more thing... Doesn't one have to wonder how it is Binky is graduating at all? I never saw her go to school... she seemed to always be somewhere else. Funny thing is poor JR was out of school for about a WEEK because of his mother's death and HE has to take an entire summer's worth of classes to make up for it all. NO FAIR!!

So why were they handing out the caps and gowns in the local diner anyway? Wouldn't they do that at Pine Valley High School? I know... the gymnasium was being used for a huge class of young teenage girls and boys learning how to act beeyatchy and holier than thou for a summer's worth of harrassment in local Pine Valley establishments. The town will soon be filled with Mindy's, Cindy's, and Lindy's throwing attitude and prolific dialogue like "As IF" and "Whatever!" I believe the first batch of Stepford teenagers has already landed in BJs. The worst part is that these kids are this obnoxious WITHOUT drugs...

Lucky for us, the viewing audience, the evil teenagers had their nemisis in SUPER MAGGIE. What she lacks in size she makes up for in strength of will and sarcasm. Don't mess with the mighty MAGS because she is out to prove once and for all that she is a friend to LESBIANS the world over.... or at least in Pine Valley. Where is THIS one leading? Well... aside from the nagging feeling that I keep repeating here (I still think our Magpie is Frankie) you HAVE to know that poor susceptible Bianca is going to be falling for Fraggie all over again and making a mess out of the whole situation. Rumor is, however, that Binks IS going to have that long sought after relationship after all. I also recall that SARAH was supposed to return to Pine Valley in either June or July. My guess is that Sarah will show up at the PROM and have Binks gasping and mooning. Of course this will make Fraggie begin to wonder what SHE is feeling.... ahhh young confused love... or like... or whatever you want to call it.

Someone call up Donald Steele right now and let them know about the prom. We're talking National News here. Big stuff. Erica Kane's lesbian daughter and former almost lover lookalike play dress up and stick it to the conservative morons at a high school dance. Wow.. that really ranks up there in the big time headlines, don't it?

Are we going to see a bit of a "performance" tomorrow from Erica? She has seen her daughter in an embrace with the Frankie doppleganger and did the coy, nervous smile thing that screams disapproval masked by an attempt to be "cool". There could be a diva fit... OR Erica could do a performance for Chris and over-compensate her disapporval with an exaggerated show of support for Binks and the so-called straight sister of Frankie. WHO KNOWS what Erica is going to do... but don't be fooled for a moment into thinking that Momma has accepted Binky for what and who she is. Oh puhhhhleeasssse.

Erica is working that coquettish vixeny thing she does to nauseating effect of late. She is trying the same old tricks and mannerisms that she has used time and time again over the centuries to get her men right where she wants them. The problem? It just doesn't seem to be working any more. Isn't there a way for the woman to start acting her age? NOBODY expects her to be completely changed.... NOBODY expects her to grow up... but geeeeezzzzz the manipulative machinations are so transparent. Is "love" that blind or was Chris simply NOT a very good judge of human nature?... No wonder he kept missing all those Proteus clues...

Speaking of Chris... he totally sold out today. It is NOT bad that he has fallen in love with Erica. I know there are people who really like this pairing (and although I don't see the chemistry.. I also don't feel it is a bad pairing either). When his son came to him today and asked him very simply to try and look beyond what Erica was telling him and have that ounce of an open mind to consider that there could be another answer to the arson in Erica's house... Chris totally turned the other way. WHY? Is Erica that strong of an influence on her men? Do they no longer have their own minds? Is she the sort of lover that would actually not allow a man in her life to be able to think for himself? Kind of scary isn't it? Erica is a perennial character. She is the sort of character that is as much a part of Pine Valley as the Valley Inn itself... and yet there are times when I would prefer to watch the Fishing Channel than to sit and watch another over-wraught hissy fit put on by the Queen of denial and narcissism. She lost me today when she thanked Chris for "CHOOSING" her over Ryan... and then proceeded to coo like a bird and batt her eyelashes and flip her hair like one of the bimbettes graduating high school. Then, of course, she will do or say somethng that makes me like her again... even though I know it will go in one of her ears and out the other. Hey... let's face it... Erica is going to be wearing mini-skirts and flirting with men into her 80's.

I am still trying to figure out the logic behind a penthouse on the roof of Enchantment. Now we will start seeing those scenic skylines of bustling downtown Pine Valley.... Is this an attempt to urbanize our grand dame? Is there a reason that she should be so close to the mother-ship? What if there is some reason that she should be selling Enchantment? Would she still live above the company that once was hers? Maybe its as simple as making it more believable that Erica actually runs this company in the firstplace. She is rarely there and normally taking care of something entirely different than anything that resembles the business that would be necessary to keep a company of that size and 'power' afloat. OH yea... it's a soap opera. ;-)

Something tells me that Kendall is going to marry Ryan. Don't ask me how this is going to work with Cam leaving the show... but all I know is that Kendall is sincere in her change right now. Ryan is sincere in his wanting to stick by the girl. IF he were to leave without her... IF she were to screw this up somehow and send him packing... we will have a Kendall that is TEN times the evil little witch that arrived not so long ago. Hell hath no fury.....

Did you ever notice that people ALWAYS lurk upon their arrival to Pine Valley?

First impressions: I am a sucker for a British accent. I am a sucker for a MALE British accent. I think I am going to like this Aiden character... MAKE YOUR BETS... how long before he takes his shirt off? The question on our minds right now would have to be just how many sisters did Anna have? Is Aiden the daughter of Alex? Is there yet another Devane out there that we haven't dealt with yet (thus meaning that we will have more Devane's coming to town in the future..) I wonder why EVERY single family or person in soap land has missing, presumed dead, or secret relatives that even the other people in their families knew nothing about. Have you ever finished watching the show and had the desire to call up your parents to see if they were keeping anything from you?

LAST but not least: I miss David Hayward. You know him... the smarmy and sarcastic Doc that drugged the boatload of people? The man who didn't used to care about what anyone thought? Sure... he still doesn't give a darn (keeping it clean here..) but I have come to the conclusion that the David we are currently seeing is a POD. An alien ship came and took him away leaving this carcass of sappy neediness behind. Bring our David BACK!! Oh... one more thing... is anyone else getting the feeling that someone in town is going to end up being the long lost CHILD of David Hayward? Why? Because he is SOOOO adamant about wanting to have a family that to me it makes sense that he will get what he is asking for... perhaps not exactly what he is asking for... but we all know how THAT works, right?

On One Life to Live: As much as I love Erica Slezak doing Nicki Smith.. there is something that TRULY confuses me about the current state of her personality. WHY is it that with ALL of the times that Vicki has been Nicki in the past... NOT ONE Of the people who have been around her all these years is getting a CLUE that there is something up. BO especially... Asa, Rae, Renee.... even Gabriel... Wouldn't a light-bulb go off over one of these people's heads when Vicki/Nicki is being her hyper self? What about Ben... didn't anyone ever fill him in on her history? Are all of these people that blind to the differences that she is so obviously portraying? I do hope someone figures this out soon... love Nicki but COME ON!!

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/05:

It must be summer: Watch out ladies and Gentlemen it would appear that we have a new batch of no-brained, nosy and snooty teenage girls roaming around the Valley. Apparently they are rather bored too... because they know ALL about Maggie's twin sister and the relationship she had with Bianca. I doubt they'll do the drug route again with the kids in the Valley... nahhh.... they'll just be plain old annoying, holier than thou, rich kids out to push buttons with key characters. Isn't summer fun?

I really do hope that we find some purpose for the character of Maggie (who I still think is really Frankie) very soon. Thus far this poor little teeny tiny woman has done nothing but sulk and create the latest pathetic victim creature in PV. She is sporting quite a chip on that little shoulder of hers. I say she's got a secret... perhaps it is finally time that she does more than grouse about how cruel the world has been. Maybe, just maybe... we'll get a smile too.

Did you ever notice that when two characters who DON'T want to see each other run into each other they just stand there and glare at each other? Today it was Binks and Maggie... although after the glaring I could swear that our Binky was smirking as well...

At this point I am no longer feeling anywhere NEAR sorry for the pickle that our MIA is getting herself into. She's making the bed and will have to lay in it. She's digging the hole and will have to jump in. With all the trusting relationships she is making there isn't ONE she could confide in about this terrible, horrible, hideous, bombastic thing she did in her past... She can't trust Jake? Liza? Stuart? Adam? Colby? Winnefred? Are there no animals in the Chandler mansion she could speak to? A pool boy? I don't like Trey any more than the next viewer... but for GODs sake, Mia is handing him the ability to take advantage of her on a silver platter. Mamma Mia, indeed..

Speaking of Trey... I loved the scene today that had Binks confronting Kendall in the park. There we have the siblings sparring and Trey sitting on a park bench soaking it in. Binks is in Kendall's face and pronounces: "I didn't set that fire and ALL THREE of us know who did." There was Trey on the bench smirking and looking about as smug as a smarmy arsonist can look. This guy is forever making these faces that scream guilt and give away practically every motive he might have. How is it that absolutely no one is noticing this in Pine Valley?

I keep saying that I really must move to Pine Valley... here's LEO, for instance... poor guy... hasn't worked a day in his life and yet he has a personal trainer at a gym. MUST BE NICE. When I move there I am going to see if they have any other classes or opportunities that I can get without working. Perhaps a yoga class that you just walk into anytime that you want? My bags are packed... I'm waiting for my cab.

JR... if you were paying attention today... would seem to be on his way to a summer of cracking the books at Tad's abode. They may still be trying to figure out what to do with this character... perhaps in the meantime we will always have him just out of reach... in the other room... reading a book or studying. Whether or not Jonathan Bennett will be continuing on in the role may be in the air at the moment. I suspect that he is leaving. Once the boy surfaces at the end of the summer it is entirely possible he will do so with a different face and body... (no doubt a six-pack because he will probably study in the gym as well...)

Don't you just LOVE how both Anna AND David come running to LEO (of ALL people in the world) for advice about their relationship? LEO? This is a guy who married a girl because he thought she was going to die. This is a guy who married that girl because he was trying to get back with the girl he has been engaged to about 4 times (in-between the hundreds of fights, pouts, and mis-understandings.) Yes... that's it. Leo is the expert on relationships. He can help.

Each day it becomes a bit more of an obvious ploy that Adam is starting his play for Mia. Watching him work her after Jakey had left the building today was PURE con.... If he were to tell her that she wasn't allowed to have the run of the house... If he weren't to be as sweet as sweet can be HE KNOWS he would be driving the pixie away from him and into the arms of the Martin man. Adam wants Mia. He wants her and he is going to get her. She is taken by his patience, generosity, and giving nature. She will trust him with all of these fine "qualities" and then he will reel her in. There is one hitch to all of this. Although I do believe that Adam genuinely has a growing feeling for Mia... I can't help but to believe that this impending relationship is also motivated by other reasons. ONE: I believe that he is watching his wife slowly move away and ALSO believes that the money she took from the company will and has driven a wedge between them. TWO: There is always the chance that Adam could be USING Mia in order to be able to gain the young thing's confidence as a means to get his money back OR stick it to Liza. THREE: What if this is motivated by the need, once again, to beat Jakey at HIS game. Hey... anything is possible in Pine Valley.

LAST but not least: Could we be seeing the re-teaming of Tad and Liza? We already know that they have a close friendship that has grown over the years. Will it rise above the "pal" state and move into romance as TAD is consoled by Liza about Dixie and (eventually) Liza is consoled by Tad about the things she is bound to go through with Adam (and Mia)? How far will this support team go? How long will they be able to run Chandler Enterprises with Adam breathing down their necks? Something tells me that they will not only start discovering each other again... but will also get the better of Adam in the world of business and the bank like the good old days. I for one would love to see this familiar and amazing couple of actors working closely together again. Michael E. Knight is simply the best and Marcy has NEVER looked better. KUDOS.

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/04:

As much as I know this was the sort of show that so many of the viewers live for I have to admit that I was almost ready to throw something at the TV today... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Actually... I was in my office and a couple of people asked where my shoes were. Then they looked over at the TV set and saw them there. I smiled sheepishly and didn't bother explaining.

WE GET IT: Erica loves Chris, Chris Loves Erica, Leo loves Greenlee, Greenlee loves Leo, Jake loves Mia, Mia thinks she loves Jake, Anna's passive personality loves David, David's Pod person loves Anna, Brooke loves Eddie, Eddie loves Mari....uh....Brooke...yea...that's it, OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.... Tune in tomorrow and none of these people is going to want to be with each other any more. Ok... maybe a week.

Only in Pine Valley do speeders not only get pulled over... but dragged into the police station for doing so.

Do you ever get the impression that Dr. David is more or less the male version of Erica Kane? The facial expressions of disgust and befuddlement when normal everyday things happen to the man. The disgust and blind arrogance that he displays when people don't "GET" him or do the things he would 'expect' them to do. I half expect the guy to blurt out the famous "Do you know who I AM?" line. Maybe that is why David was actually one of those people that I sort of believed being with Erica. Chris on the other hand (as much as I do like the character) just does not seem to fit with her (an opinion... not a fact.)

Erica Kane: Is it possible for a human being to look flawless at all hours of the day? In the morning... after some afternoon nookie... after a long evening out in the sooty City of New York (don't flame me, that's where I am from... I love the place but it is sooty) Do you get the idea that there are make-up and hair people directly out of the line of the camera in every scene that we watch the Diva do?

Was Jakey wearing that bathing suit under his clothes?

Anna and David: Is it me or were they having the exact same fight over two weeks ago?

I DO hope that Greenlee has stock in some Champagne company somewhere. Do I hear Orsini Vineyards?

I am TELLING you that Count DuPres is going to be an actor or an OLD friend of the family or ex-trick of Vanessa's that owes her a favor. Whomever it is that Leo meets in Paris in the next couple of days is NOT going to be his dada. There is a whole lot of family history in the midst of being shuffled around on our show right now. One gets the impression that there is still the possibility that Trey is going to be mixed up with Leo SOMEHOW... and that people we didn't fully expect to be around much longer will suddenly have a bit of a storyline (read yesterdays entry on ROGER...) Vanessa is SO hiding something about the man that fathered Leo... the question would have to be whether she is hiding it because of LEO or because of the father? Who is the man that our Leo will be looking at in disgust and contempt in the near future. It's a soap opera... you didn't expect him to run into this guys arms and instantly try to make up for lost time, did you?

Maybe if we are lucky they will show Maria's hand tomorrow.

LAST but not least: Let's start a rumor right now. I am going to say that my hunch of late is that there WILL be a return for the perenially popular TREVOR sometime this fall. I don't know why I am feeling this... but with the definite return of TIM Dillon and the rumored recasting and return of Amanda... NOT TO MENTION all the name-dropping that has been going on in grand style (Trevor this and Trevor that..) I would suspect that TPTB might be looking for some form of reaction as to what the audience is looking for. Do we want Trevor to return? In what capacity? Does James Kiberd know this? Is he even considering it? My guess is that there is always that possibility. Many moons ago I predicted that Maria would be back for the May sweeps. So I missed them by a couple of DAYS... Now I am predicting that Trevor will make his way back to Pine Valley in October or November of this year. It seems far... but it really isn't. As for Janet? I am not so sure about that. Robin Mattson may not be as willing to come back to the grind... but one never knows... does one?

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY06/03:

Doesn't the back of Maria's head look spectacular? How lucky for us that she had it highlighted in the last 5 or so years... otherwise we might have thought that she was cryogenically frozen somewhere and released by an evil-doer... (which we all know there are plenty of in Pine Valley) So who has it out for Brooke? Who has been waiting for that moment that she might actually be happy to unfreeze Maria and let her loose in Pine Valley to burn and pillage relationships?

So let's talk about Maria... I think that we can put to rest the rumors or vague wishes of those Brooke & Edmund hopefuls that Maria might be a twin or anyone on earth except for Maria... But lets be realistic... a warm and fuzzy reunion with Eddie would be soap opera suicide and Eva just signed that new contract. There is trouble a brewin' and we ALL know it. Let's look at some of the scenarios. Here is this gorgeous woman away from the family she knew for years... why wouldn't she have a relationship of her own right now? Why are we assuming that she is single? For that matter why would we assume she would be interested in Edmund at all once re-introduced to the man? She has amnesia undoubtedly... so her identity is subconscious and that of a person who has no memory of what she may have been before. So maybe NOW when she is brought back to Pine Valley she'll find herself having a crush on Bianca... hey, she's of age now.... and supposedly about to have a romance. WAIT... I KNOW... we all think that Maria is going to come back and remember Edmund and the life they had. EVERYONE is saying that there will be a triangle between Ed and his two women. Well what if Maria really wanted Brooke? Ok... enough of that. My point here is that there is MUCH more that meets the eye and all of the diehard B&E fans as well as the M&E fans will all be sitting it out for MONTHS to come having their tug of war about who the winner will be. I KNOW!! Maria is going to end up falling for Chris Stamp!!

And those oh so obvious foreshadowings were gushing today. Although I still want to know why the name of a 5-year deceased doctor was on a LIVING donor list (it was explained by a nurse saying "I'm NEW here."..) earth to Pine Valley hospital.. the key word in living donor list is LIVING. I digress. We all know that having Maria on that list was merely a set up (as is the entire Enzo storyline) in order to bring that name out into the conversations of those who will be most affected by Maria's return. I feel a bit of angst coming round the bend. Do you?

The Jake curse: For some time now... since his rescue of the damsel in distress (Mia) at the Christmas tree lot, Jakey has been courting the young lady. SORRY BUDDY the curse has once again begun. Jake and Mia are going to make love this week. That, according to the Dr. Martin rule book, will be the beginning of his falling in love with the girl with secrets (a girl with secrets in Pine Valley??) The writing is on the wall. Adam wants Mia and will have what he wants in the end. The real story here is the growing number of lies that our little princess and savior to the Chandler family is telling. The hole is being dug deeper and deeper and deeper. There's this whole Trey connection and the suggested 'crime' or 'dastardly deed' they shared in with her son several years prior. Trey probably brokered a blackmarket deal to sell the child in order to pay off some of her gambling debts. Then there is the matter of the FATHER of the child... a man that apparently doesn't know that there ever was an offspring. WHOOPS... now it would seem that some intern is coming to town and Mia is freaked. I suggest once again that Frankie is that intern AND the father of the child. Then there is this family that Mia always wanted. The Chandlers (or the antithesis of the Martin's). There is the ever-trusting new sister Liza ("Oh why don't YOU take the money and keep it. I don't need it.") and the ever scheming brother-in-law who looks to be wanting to keep playtime in the family... Why is it that Jake seems to pick women that are intrinsically interested in somebody else? Sure.. Mia looks to like Jakey now.. who wouldn't?... but LOVE? Adam is far more of a challenge AND he has more money than GOD. I only hope that we don't have yet another who's the father scenario with Jake and Adam... that one has been done one too many times.

Arlene: I believe the old saying is that you can't remove the spots from a leopard. Oh and speaking of spots... my guess is that Arlene's liver has a few of them (or would that be her skin...) Arlene is in town looking like a million bucks because she sees the opportunity to somehow get her HANDS on a million bucks. She may be playing that 'I really want to be a mother to you' game... but Mateo has this scenario called. She is UP to something and it is going to start playing out soon. Momma Arlene is ultra aware that her daughter is a mushy and vulnerable mess in situations like this. It is like night and day... two weeks ago Hayley was marching around barking orders like a dictator ("I am Hayley hear me roar!") It's sort of a sad statement that any trouble (and I don't make light of the sickness of a child) and she turns into a blithering idiot that will gullibly fall for any line handed to her. Poor Hayley... life is so black and white. Arlene knows this... ("Hayley.. if there's anyone to blame it's me.. I was drinking Vodka when I had you. No wonder you turned out a drunk") Hayley didn't even blink. The word is that Arlene is only going to be around for a couple of weeks. I don't believe she will have that operation.... my guess is that her liver is fermenting and the doctors will all gasp in horror. THUS... the search will begin through other hospitals for donors (Brooke was going for that donor print out today). It will be Brooke that stumbles on to Maria AND it will be Hayley who wakes up and kicks her Mommie dearest out yet again.

How many con artists can one town hold? Pine Valley is FILLED with the schemers from base to brim. Vanessa is the ultimate con currently creating other personalities. She cons her sons and anyone that crosses her path. Trey is a con looking for what he can get out of whatever crosses HIS path. Roger is a con because he knows no other way to make money. Mary is a con because she is a society beeyatch that simply has to have her way. Adam is a con because he is the almighty and powerful billionaire pulling strings. Liza is conning her husband, Kendall is conning her mother (most of the time), David is a con in the name of love and libidozone and Anna has been known to pull a con or two herself. Have I missed anyone? Life is full of strife and confusion in this town of con artists.... and we all wonder why there is so little romance or fun in their lives..

What exactly does Ryan see in Kendall? The girl is trouble. SURE... I like her. I root for the underdog. I want Kendall to win simply because I want Erica to lose... it's sort of like voting for the lesser of two evils on election day. But like most of these characters... do we really think that all of a sudden Kendall is going to stop being that punching bag that comes back for the same hit over and over? NOT QUITE. I would suggest that she is STILL planning the ultimate payback for the wicked witch of Enchantment. NO.. she isn't being totally honest with Ryan. NO she will not be able to resist an opportunity to exact revenge sometime this month. AND THAT, my friends, will be the moment when Ryan knows that Kendall is NOT able to trust him (we saw THAT foreshadowed today) and will ride off to parts unknown on that motorcycle of his (hey... maybe he'll take JR with him..) Kendall, of course, will be left behind to become a roaring BEEYATCH that proves to be the bane of her momma's existence... some more, that is.

Remember Will Cortlandt? He was Dixie's sister who ended up being crowbarred to death by Janet from another Planet. It was a murder that many were suspected for. I have been eluding to the future murder mystery that will surround Trey (as a victim) and possibly a few family members. Trey IS related to someone in Pine Valley, you see. I don't, however, think that it is anyone we previously thought it to be. If you ask ME... I would tell you that Roger is the boys daddy... and Roger knows a bit more about Trey than Trey would like anyone to know. Perhaps it was Rog who sent out the thug a couple of months ago to slug Trey in the elevator and ask for money... Why not? Roger isn't very nice to his children... he just wants their money. NOW... I might also suggest that Vanessa, who at one time eluded to the fact of knowing Roger previous to her entrance in PV.. is Trey's mother. It's all so twisted... BUT... it would make Greenlee and Trey brother and sister THUS giving us the same sort of scene set as Dixie and Will when it comes time to kill off the nasty so-called lawyer and arsonist. Trey Smythe? It could happen.

Line of the Day: Greenlee to her mother: "You're apologizing to me? That would mess up my mascara if I believed you.."

Soap Opera Law #37: (Brooke, take heed..) NEVER be too understanding with a loved one on a Soap opera. It always comes back to bite you in the ... well... you know what I mean.

So... when is snarling man leaving for the coast? And.... has anyone seen the picture of his successor? The boy looks darn happy to be alive. Shouldn't they have used the brooding head shot? Something that might suggest a the capability of a dramatic turn? This boy's picture suggests a whole line of musical theater credits and perhaps a stint with "Up with People". We know that snarling man is taking leave from the role... but is his snarling character going with him?

LAST but not least: I would like to suggest that Bianca is going to still have some involvement with Maggie. According to scoops Maggie is hanging around a bit more. WHY? Because I believe that she isn't Maggie at all... she's FRANKIE and... that love story that people were hoping for is still in the making. Frankie didn't die... it was Maggie who had come a looking for the long lost absolutely identical twin sister that got snuffed in that room long ago. Talk about your bum luck. So Frankie has been trying to figure out how to avoid being Frankie because she really doesn't want to face that side of who she is. Bianca, of course, represented that issue. NOW she is going to start feeling that Bianca is someone she wants to love and will begin shuffling around the young lesbian again. Binks... who has not been the bastion of kindness, understanding and forgiveness of late will give "Maggie" a lot of crap. There will be a clue, however, that tells Bianca that she is dealing with the OTHER twin. 5 will get you 10 that it will have something to do with those sonnets that Frankie liked so much and gave to Bianca. Call it a hunch...

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/31:

Could it be any more obvious that Trey is not who he says he is? Since we all know that the lie detector was registering wildly because Kendall had a little something slipped into her water... we then ALSO know that Trey was lying and is definitely the one who set the fire. AND... could he be any more smug? Are these people blind not to see him doing those snarky grins everytime he feels he is pulling one over on the rest of the populace? Damn this boy is SO going to be a murder victim. We're talking Carter Jones... Zach Grayson... Paolo... the boy is toast. BUT FIRST we are going to have to find out that he has a different name and identity than that of James H. Kenyon. Place your bets, folks... is he related to Vanessa and the boys? It is looking that way to me...

Could it be any more obvious that Maria is returning to town?? For those who don't want to read scoops (and haven't been on a supermarket line OR seen the ABC ads with Eva) there were scores of mentions for the character over the last couple of weeks... growing and intensifying up through today. If you don't know Maria is coming back at this point I would have to assume that you don't take hints very easily.

Could someone please explain to me how a woman presumed dead for nearly 5 years could be on a LIVING donor list for transplants at Pine Valley Hospital? That is one NUTTY hospital.

Loads of mentions about Julia today too.... should we assume that Sydney Penny is thinking about a return to the daytime format? I haven't exactly seen her burning up the film world.... (she'd have to come back single, however, as I also understand Keith Hamilton Cobb would never be interested AND is working on Andromeda...)

Cro-Magnon DAD: Mateo manages to be the snarly little Napoleon complex jerk in any situation, doesn't he... Don't you love it when the people immediately rip into every single doctor or nurse when something isn't working for them? GRANTED I know that Enzo is a sick little puppy and that is a stressful point for the parents... but why is it that Mateo (and every other character in soaps at some point) find the need to assume that the hospital staff is trying very hard to kill their loved one? Those bastards.

So I understand that Mark Consuelos is off to California to film a movie. This, of course, means that Kelly (aka Hayley) will be smooching a new man on the set while this Enzo storyline continues. I wonder how the auditions for that role went? Director: " OK... I want you to snarl, accuse me of something and then point your fingers in my face....... PERFECT!! You've got the job..... oh wait... you're too tall... NEXT!!"

Here's my question... If they need to bring in a replacement for Mark as Mateo that could possibly mean that the Enzo donor storyline is going to continue for awhile. First we hear that Maria is the only donor possible. Then, of course, we see that Arlene has shown up and we wonder if she is a possible donor. By what I have seen it would appear that this is an operation that should or MUST happen very soon. There is no way they are going to find Maria that quickly so maybe Arlene IS The donor to be. BUT then wouldn't the kid have a miraculous cure? SO... what if we were to believe that Arlene WANTS desperately to be the donor but is not a match (something about a pickled liver..) Because of this last ditch effort we see Eddie having a dream that shows him Maria and plants this seed in his head that she is actually alive. He runs out on the search for the missing wifey (and donor match) based on clues given in the dream. BAM... he finds her and the baby is cured. It's a stretch... but there has to be a reason that they would continue to need Mateo there.

I don't care WHY they have Arlene back... I am just thrilled that she is there. She didn't look strung out either... something is different. Is this a new Arlene? GOD I hope not. I adore the lovable and devious lush. Nice hairdo too.

Add to the love list: I've got to say that Anna Stuart as the dastardly matron Mary Smythe is going to be a personal fave. She is wonderful. She is what she is and spares no expense to make sure she gets what she wants. There is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that Greenlee is wonderfull well-adjusted considering the MESS that her parents really are. I DO hope that they decide to give Ms. Stuart a contract and match her up A LOT with the likes of Vanessa and Erica. Fireworks are fun and that is what we would be seeing.

Lines of the day: Leo & Mary after he has stormed into Greenlee's announcing he wants to kill his mother. LEO: "Boy, those rap songs. You hear them once, they're stuck right in your -- gonna kill my freakin' mother gonna kill my freakin' mother" Mary: " Oh, it's ok. You don't have to pretend with me. I know how terribly frustrating it must be not to be able to get your hands on your family's drug money."

IF you ask me... (and even if you don't) I would tend to believe that JR (Jonathan Bennett) is leaving the show. When you hear a scoop that tells you a characters future in Pine Valley is being discussed... mix it up with some rumors that the actor is planning on or would like to leave... it usually adds up to an exit. This could also be what is happening with MATEO (Consuelos). We already know that Ryan is going... and the rumors are still out there for a fall exit in Leo land. IMHO JR is going... but will be back before the year is out as a more mature young man (you know... the kind that can rip off his shirt and show the world his six-pack...)

And that begs the question of HOW Ryan will be leaving. Today could have been an indication. It almost appeared that Ryan was starting to slip a bit in the support department. You know, because it is a soap, that he will bounce back and forth in the support for the errant Kendall... but at one point I believe he will cut and run. I suspect that Kendall will be exonerated for the fire at Erica's house... but Kendall will not be changed. What Ryan will see is the angry young girl who is bent on revenge. He is going to suddenly realize that EVEN with this last experience of being accused and managing to climb back out of that hole... she is going to find a way to crawl right back into it. He will jump on that motorcycle and take off without her. This will leave us with Kendall the SUPER beeyatch and more mother vs. daughter WARS well into the end of the year. Will Ryan come back? Somehow I doubt it... only to wrap up the storyline... beyond that I don't see it happening.

And LAST but not least... I am glad that we are finally coming to that point to which the subject of Leo's daddy will be addressed. I have predicted that Vanessa made up the man and now that Leo is adamant about finding him will have to arrange that he be 'created'. Today was somewhat telling. Vanessa paniced because she realized that there was a solid reality that her son was going to be hunting down this fantasy person. At first she admits that he isn't the father but falls conveniently back into one of her more looney characters in order to weasel her way out of telling Leo who the real father is. I suspect the writers may not know that yet. But Leo is about to go to Paris and find the guy anyway. AGAIN... this is a soap. I would suggest that Nessy will make sure that there is someone there to portray Count DuPres in order to give Leo whatever it is he THINKS he is looking for. Count DuPres will come back to Pine Valley to continue the role for a while but will eventually be discovered as a fraud thus revealing the TRUE identity of the man that Leo is going to call DADDY. Place your bets... have your arguments. There are people on the boards looking to see what direction they should go in based on what the audience would like to see. I still say that LEO is a Kane. Vanessa was an actress... she worked with ERIC Kane all those years ago. LEO and ERICA are brother and sister. That is my final answer.... that is, of course, until I come up with another theory that I like.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/17:

Mental note: Was Anna's mention of Robin (While talking on the phone) a hint of more General Hospital cross-overs to come? What has happened (I am wondering out loud) to the rumors of Ian Buchanan? We already know that a new fangled Devane is arriving in early June (a hunka hunka replacement for the now beyond rumored departure of the current six-pick Ryan... who is going California). I can hear the rumblings amongst the nay-sayers now... "grrrrrrr them thar Devane sorts belong in Port Charles... arrrrggghh" I am looking forward to our new British hunka boy Aiden.... something new and fun. And God knows I would love and welcome the addition of the wonderful Kimberly McCullough in the role of Robin. It would add a much missed dimension to Anna that I think might even soften up some of those who want her gone. What's that you say? It wouldn't? You think I'm wrong? That's all right... you'll forget all about it by the time I'm back in a couple of weeks.

Maggie is a snarly little thing, ain't she? AND, it would appear that there is more to her than meets the eye. There is our little seen little Frankie lookalike skulking around the hospital looking to give people grief AND realizing the trials and tribulations (not to mention backlash) of being a junior BEEYATCH. What a minute... what's THIS? We have a warm and 'friendly' HUG from the big bad guy in town? What is the deal with Trey and Maggie. Let the theories begin. The first thing that popped into my head, of course, is that they are somehow in a relationship. Snarly matches with snarly rather well. BUT then I remembered the connection that I believe will be the fit for the episode we all witnessed today. TREY and MAGGIE are either brother and sister or cousins. Trey is either Vanessa's nephew or SON... we have talked about the possibility of Trey being related to that clan already. Well Maggie is the sister of Frankie, who was the neice of Vanessa... there you go. The hug that these two shared was one of camaraderie and support. To me they looked like the two misfits or outcasts of the family who understand each other. NOT lovers now nor in the past. More will be revealed...

I know I've gone off on Erica this week.... and deservedly so. But now I must also look at what is happening to the character of Bianca and wonder if I am not starting to dislike who SHE is as well. She seems to have done some sort of 180 from the understanding and always open-minded young lady that came to Pine Valley a couple of years ago. Now she seems to jump to conclusions AND judgments immediately... sort of like... hmmmmm... who does that... let's see... HER MOTHER. Turning Bianca into a lesbian version of Erica Kane is a horrifying thought. It will keep me awake at night tossing and turning... screaming out for mercy. Ok... it won't do those things but it does puzzle me. Erica has no excuse and is the biggest non-changing DIVA piece of work we know... but who, I am wondering, is the REAL bad seed daughter of the woman. Is it Kendall... or is it going to be BIANCA? My favorite theory for ANY character is that they have an evil alternative personality. Let's give Binks one. We'll call her Gladys for lack of imagination at the moment. So what if it was Gladys who went upstairs and set that fire. Then Gladys turned back into Bianca and walked into her own handiwork like some sort of sweet little victim. Sounds about right to me... Evil Binks could be fun. Next thing you know there'll be a motorcycle and a leather wardrobe.

Speaking of Kendall.... good GOD the poor girl is not in her right mind. She let Erica go ON AND ON about how evil and awful she was. Nobody seems to ever shut that woman up. Kendall just stood there. She didn't deny a thing. NORMAL humans defend themselves even just a little bit... this one didn't seem to have the time nor the state of mind to be able to do this. Muttering 'it's all my fault' in front of Erica... how silly is that? How convenient.... And that arrest... The only thing that I hate worse than Jack getting on his white horse for the Erica gang ONCE again... is the fact that all this REALLY means is that we will once again end up in the kangaroo court of Pine Valley justice watching Erica yell across a room without anyone doing a damn thing about it.

Give Hayley some St. John's Wort... she seems to be a bit out of sorts these days. At some point the Chandler family must have voted her the safety monitor for the family. I'd say that she is playing the "back-burner" to the hilt... because those on the back burner are normally doing nothing but giving advice and getting into other character's (with storylines) faces. There she is, whenever we do see her, cocking her head in that 'I know everything' manner and twisting her lip in a superior manner. Hayley has shucked her victimhood and is now taking over the shop. Don't mess with her because she is a big bad momma with bleached blonde hair. She's got your number and will put you in your place. God FORBID you mess with her family. She is woman hear her roar..... until Arlene is in town and THEN she'll be whining to Mateo about her awful up-bringing and calling up Axel because she can't handle her dysfunctional family. I'm tellin' ya... a little St. John's wort will do the trick.

St. Mia of the Chandlers: I will give Hayley ONE point, however, in regard to the family member that has situated herself so firmly into the lives of the Chandler clan. Mia is SOOOO up to something and I believe that even WE, the audience is meant to believe that it is all a little girl batting her eyes and being taken and coerced by the evil-doer named Trey. There was one moment today that little Mia was at the door at the Chandlers being egged on by Trey (while Hayley lurked with one of her snarkier snarls forming and then turning swiftly into a sly grin). Trey insinuated that Mia was doing a CON and Mia was defending herself as though this could not be possible ... WHY NOT? Why couldn't Mia Longstockings be a bad girl in Shirley Temple camouflage? How do we know that this whole act isn't hiding a VERY sordid past that may just as easily become the present in no time at all? Trey knows her. He has something (and it has to be more than the identity of her baby's father...) She is going to show another side soon... and I get the impression that either Hayley or Trey are going to meet a bit of 'resistance'.

Too much of a not so good thing: Poor JR is being "poor babied" to death... it is no wonder the kid wants to do drugs... what I don't understand, however... is why he is hanging around the house listening to it all. These mansions are HUGE... and god knows there is a good deal of land and the ever populated BOAT HOUSE for him to hide out in... and he sits in the living room sulking and hiding his face with his hands as his family ALL tries desperately to make up for years of horrendous behavior. JR will probably leave the show and come back as a 22 year old stud with a six pack and a penchant for the old man's eat 'em alive business sense.

ADAM and Trey seem to have a bit of a "relationship" beginning as well. Adam already knew of Trey by reputation... something that is rather unlikely for someone as seasoned as Mr. Chandler. Normally you would see Adam scoff at the thought of advice from a youngster like Trey... and yet there he was waiting for a meeting. Adam dismisses him and then proceeds to allow him 'back' in order to suggest a meeting time for the future. This is a foreshadowing... we are now insinuating even more of the Pine Valley townfolk into the realm of the junior evil guy. Somehow and some way Mr. Trey is going to get into the lives of these people and anger each and every one of them. My suggestion is that he is there ONLY to get his hands on some of the Chandler fortune... while alienating Liza and Adam along with any peripheral family members in the way. Hayley already doesn't like the guy because of his connection to Vanessa.... LITTLE does she know. IF you ask me... and you probably aren't but that's ok because I tend to say whatever I want anyway... Trey will be murdered sometime this fall... with nearly IF NOT ALL of the town of Pine Valley having some sort of reason to have murdered him. MOTIVES will be everywhere... and Mia will be the one that is charged. Let's just hope all this doesn't take as long as Proteus.... By the way... where is Vanessa? Vacation? Plastic surgery? Healing group therapy sessions? learning a trade?

D*I*V*O*R*C*E: The Anna and David story. Is it me or does the idea or thought of these two having a baby leave you a little cold? I just don't see it. Their 'partnership' is based on sex and danger. They are versions of each other. With a baby the dynamic would be shifted to a very weak and ODD place... one that I highly suspect will go down only as theory and lore and not become a reality. Anna IS a mother... we know that. If David sticks around we will eventually find out that he is a father (it's a soap, remember?) But together? Nine months? Screaming babies? Not a chance. These two have trouble dealing with each other without a child in the mix. They are already talking about a divorce. I wouldn't be surprised if that relationship has hit the skids by the time I am back writing in two weeks....

Mateo has all the answers.... he can teach JR how to snarl and be suspicious. He can teach him the finer art of pointing fingers and blaming the whole world because you're short. Ok.. JR isn't short but the anger is there. Does anyone else wish that the punching bag might have mysteriously moved drastically to the right or left leaving JR clear space to pummel Mateo instead??

And was it ME or was the reaction of both Hayley AND Mia when Liza (or whomever was in the other room today) screamed a bit non-chalant? Neither one of them lifted an eyebrow. Neither one of them moved very suddenly or made any real effort to run into the other room to investigate if something might be horribly wrong. It was like watching a couple of stoned chicks in slow motion.

Scoops will tell us now that the wedding of Brooke and Eddie is going to be postponed because Brooke is going to request this of Ed. Uh oh... the writing is on the wall. Brookie is going to regret this decision even though it is a wise one (happy marriages don't really work next door to the funeral of a loved one...) So what happens in the meantime? First there will be the sightings... the suspicions... the memories... the thoughts of possibility and then before you know it there is yet another dead person BACK in Pine Valley. HEY... maybe it's Jamie who goes out and finds Maria. He's had more time to think what with all that not talking stuff. He plots to find the dead woman for Eddie so that mom and Tad can once again be a couple. Once that happens he can leave the show and come back in a few months as an 18 year old who can act.

Wow that was a shocker today when Ryan dragged his father out on the lawn of the burning house and proceeded to lock lips with him. WOW did they ever go at it. It was almost SEXY. What? What do you mean they didn't do that... oh.... NEVER MIND!

ONE life to live was brilliant this week. Erica Slezak was superior. EVERYONE did a stellar job. I am almost sad to see this live concept go away..... My thanks to Gary Tomlin for the foresite to see the talent in his cast and the fun in his storylines. LOVED the "I see Dead people" segment. KUDOS

LAST but not least: To the winners of ALL MY CHILDREN: Josh Duhamel (Best Supporting Actor)

I'll be BACK!! See you again for a Monday June 3rd sarcastic rendering of ALL MY CHILDREN. (I hope you miss me just a little...)

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/16:

Perhaps I should begin today with the proclamation that I really DO like All My Children. Maybe a few affirmations or reminders of this would be appropriate. It is starting to feel that the time that I am taking off for the next couple of weeks might be a good idea JUST to ease what might simply be a case of burn out or too much of a (not so)good thing. Admittedly I am having FAR more fun with and would actually MUCH prefer to be writing about One Life to Live at the moment. That's where the juicy stuff is happening. Over here in Pine Valley it feels like that movie "Groundhog Day"... you know, the one where Bill Murray keeps waking up and re-experiencing the same day over and over and over and over. Only in THIS one the protagonist(s) don't seem to be learning too much from the mistakes or experiences from the 'days' previous. Pine Valley may as well be a second home to me for as much time as I have spent there since 1978. Some say it is good to leave for a bit in order to miss it upon your return. I just want Ercia to shut up, Proteus to be caught and forgotten and for GOD's sake can Leo and Greens either marry or call it a freaking day? On that note....

Top 10 Reasons why AMC is not doing live shows this week:
1) Susan Lucci isn't on vacation.
2) The producers were worried that they might actually burn down the set.
3) People might notice that Switzerland was only a few feet away from Pine Valley
4) The audience might catch one of the actors putting the fake tears in their eyes.
5) The director was afraid that Jamie might forget one of his lines.. oh wait...
6)There wouldn't be enough time to keep Opal's hair up in that shape.
7) They were afraid James Mitchell (Palmer) would forget where the studio was.
8) Susan's histrionics coach wasn't available this week. (but those lessons seem to be paying off...)
9) No dead people could show up at the end of the show because they never seem to find the bodies in Pine Valley.
10) Producers felt the audience would be able to tell that Leo and Greenlee really can't stand the sight of one another.

Remember kids, this is sarcasm.

By the way... it seems that the rumors about Cameron Mathison leaving the show in June are true. According to some sites and boards there are quotes attributed to this news in an up-coming soap mag. Apparently he will be leaving with the open clause of coming back for a visit from time to time. Now... I do believe that is what Cady said at first as well.... but I digress. HOW is it that Ryan will end up leaving? There have been the much heralded rumors of Ryan being killed and reunited with Gillian in that big boathouse in the sky. Well.... unless he is coming back to visit from time to time in a white gown as a spirit... that isn't likely. Besides, they seem to be killing off ANYONE who leaves the show these days and that might get to be a bit much. Maybe one of these days Ryan is actually going to DO what he constantly threatens to do and move to another town. OR perhaps he is going to perish as a result of this fire today... languishing in a hospital room for the next several weeks before checking out. OR... maybe he will languish for a while and then leave Pine Valley once recuperated because he's smart enough to realize that there aren't all that many happy moments to be had in this burg. Whatever the case... I suspect that our new DEVANE character (Aiden) will be arriving just in time as the new 6-pack in town.

Speaking of Leo and Greenlee: Did anyone catch the little mention of a Maharincess by Leo as he perused the LONG list of names that Mary Smythe had FED-EXED to her daughter for invites to the wedding? First of all... if this isn't a bit telling about the sort of major BEEYATCH Mrs. Smythe is going to be then I don't know... and as for the Maharincess... that would have to be a reference to the episode of I LOVE LUCY where our favorite red-head (no NOT Brooke English) was posing as a Maharincess from a foreign principality wanting a private meeting with the all-too famous Ricky Ricardo (whom she couldn't get any time or attention from otherwise.) What was the name of that little country?

Sorry but Roger and Simone: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Sorry but Roger and ANYONE: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Is Chrissy about to give us a temporary Soap Opera paralyzation: The Sequel? This poor guy can't get a break. You'd think he could just be a hero without catching a bullet or an entire roof to do so. What a guy. AND... the branch does not fall far from the tree. There's our hero offspring in there in a vain attempt to save daddy. Lucky for everyone he had enough time to raid the fire truck and suit up to look like one of the heroes from 9/11. But we all know that the brave and amazing firefighters there OR anywhere else in this land would NOT be stopping to have a conversation with any screaming and flailing armed female (or male for that matter) when duty is in front of him. I might be a little tired at the moment but I would have to say that this might be one of the worst recreations of any sort of disaster that they have ever done. Very little of this 'disaster' worked.

Can we assume that Erica will be living in the Valley Inn for awhile? Does this mean that Binks is off the hook for her probation considering there isn't a roof owned by her mother for her to live under any longer?

One Life to Live update: MEGAN was today's "I see dead people".... GOD how I loved Megan.... so nice to see her again today. Todd (Roger Howarth) is a superior actor... all scenes with Roger were ACES. Max waking up in Vegas married to Roxie: What a freaking HOOT!! And am I alone in actually LIKING the idea of pairing Bo with Gabrielle? God knows I was loving the scenes that NICKI was doing with (and without) Bo today. If you ask me that show should just stay Live....

LAST but not least: To the winners I cared about: From ALL MY CHILDREN: Josh Duhamel for Best Supporting Actor, and ONE LIFE TO LIVE for Best Drama (a fitting end for the LIVE week). HOWEVER... Susan Lucci should sue CBS for putting her on camera and as they called "and the winner is....SUSAN...." and the poor thing starting walking out on the stage. I must say that for all the sarcasm I dish out I LOVE that woman and really wish she hadn't been put on camera for that moment.....

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/15:

I believe I have reached my Erica Threshold. She is beyond a cartoon at this point. I will always WANT to love the character because she is so over the top... but the fact that she never seems to grow ONE iota from experience (and lets face it the soap world is one blessed drama after the other) is making me weary. You know there is a problem when there is a burning house and you find yourself on the ground in a kneeling position praying for several key characters to be trapped and forever lost. That is generally not a good sign.

Let's be realistic. As I said yesterday I believe it HAS to be Trey who set that fire. You can automatically rule out Kendall as the culprit because she walked out the freaking front door. WAY too obvious. We all know that Kendall is SO much like her momma that revenge and evil thoughts are most definitely on her mind... but to go as far as to sneak in and burn down the entire house from a room she had just described in detail (and there will more than likely be some sort of explanation for that down the road as well...) is a bit too much evidence. Trey, on the other hand is the trouble-maker dujour. ADD to the list of motives for the eventual murder plot (of Trey). Kendall will want him dead once she figures out what he is doing. Ryan, Chris, Erica and Binks won't be entirely pleased with him either.... but that is down the road. The question remains as to WHY he would want to burn down Linden in the firstplace. EASY. The guy needs money. He was there in the court room as Kendall described the room and exacted her revenge and hatred on mommy and little sis. Trey is not stupid.... (at least not YET..) he will more than likely come to Erica and offer HIS services in disposing of Kendall through legal routes (another kangaroo court no doubt) and all it will take is a nice tidy sum of MONEY that Erica will have to fork out. MIND YOU it is not that difficult a scenario to swallow considering Erica is so vocal with her one-note hatred and intolerance of her first born. She'll fork over the dough to anyone who offers the promise of good riddance to devil children. She paid off Donald Steele didn't she? Meanwhile this will just fan the 'fire' (so to speak) that enrages Kendall and perpetuates the continuing back and forth of revenge and hatred between mother and daughter.

I am reading that people expect someone to die in this fire at Linden. WHY? What is it that makes people believe this is going to happen? I had read there would be an "off-screen" death of a major character during sweeps. HELLO>>>>DIXIE is dead.... Nobody is going to die in this fire even though they would have you believe that by watching the show today. It's called a cliffhanger. Binks, Chris, Erica, Kendall, and Ryan are all in the scoops for next week, folks. I think my favorite prediction read HAD to be that Myrtle was going to roll up her sleeves and jump into the flames to save someone in the fire, thus perishing herself. Ok... let's all stop and just try to picture that for a moment. BWAAAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok. That's enough of that.

I read a scoop for next week that stated: "Chris has a realization about Erica." I laughed out loud (again) and knew immediately that he finally would realize that she was a short, demanding, egotistical, silly, and arogant Diva BEEYATCH. Upon this realization he would pick up that crutch he'd been using and whack her over the back of the head with it. At least we wouldn't have to hear any of the endless screaming about how awful Kendall is any longer.

Food for thought: Did anyone notice in the scene with Dr. McMillan and Simone that he asked her if Trey (her lawyer roommate) had even passed the bar. Simone got this look on her face that told a lot more than we might have thought. HAS HE? Is the guy a lawyer at all? Is this something he SAYS he does to get things that he needs? How fast is it going to take to REALLY start exposing this guy for the fraud he is? The more I think about it the more I believe he HAS to be a part of Vanessa's family...

They TRIED to make it work dept.: Leo coming out in a veiled attempt to recreate the Tom Cruise in his underwear scene from Risky Business. I love ya, Leo... but not quite.... besides.... should of been white briefs, dude.

Excellent acting today by two consumate pros. Both Tad's very poignant and real reactions to his surroundings and the realization of what could have been were heartbreaking. Brooke was wonderful support. The tears were real... the quivering lips were incredible. I'm impressed.

It makes you think, however... Here Dixie had this entire dinner set up complete with three choices of wine and a strawberry shortcake in the kitchen. It was all in order. Where did she go? Did she run out to the supermarket to pick up one last item? What was she doing in that car? Where was Lanie? Wouldn't you think she would have been there to meet the family... especially TAD?

I am now reading rumors that Maria is going to be first seen as a NURSE in a hospital. Seems to me I heard that somewhere else... let's see... where did I see that... hmmmmm.... oh yes... HERE.

Whatever it is that Roger thinks he is trying to pull off with this "affair" with Simone, new buddy-buddy relationship with Greenlee AND the lie he told today about the possibility of getting back with Mary... is all going to BLOW UP in his tired face very quickly. He is sloppy. He REEKS of suspicion. Leo is already catching on to the guy. Greens will be on to it soon. I am surprised that our REPORTER Simone isn't catching on a bit quicker. What is Roger's game? Is he still working for someone or is he just greedy and after something on his own? Where IS he getting the money for these gifts being bestowed upon SiMOAN and the almost married couple? SOMEONE is bankrolling it... and I suspect it is still Proteus. Yes, Proteus.... remember that name?

ON OLTL: Quite frankly I am enjoying this show more than All My Children these days. This week especially. I had thought that I would be making a few notable sarcastic mentions on each of the live days after watching actors miss marks and flub lines.... but guess what? They are doing a spectacular job ONE AND ALL. I am truly impressed with the show and finding it a great deal of fun to watch.

LAST but not least: I have sent over my resume to REVLON this week after watching yet another day of leisure and fun as Greens gets to stay at home and lounge around in bare-midriffs while sitting on Leo's lap and running around the building talking about wedding plans.... Guess what, folks.... SHE WAS WORKING. She gets one call and does the "Oh yea... I was going to call you. let me write down those numbers." She leaves the room and in moments is back to discuss the next frivolous thing that is to take place in her day. I want that damn job. Hire my ass now.

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/14:

If you ask me it was Trey lighting that fire in Bianca's room. Why? Kendall doing it is WAY too obvious. Besides... they didn't show the face of the culprit AND whomever it was had gloves on.

The BLAME game....Pine Valley was awash with guilt and blame today from one end to its other. Topping the heap of finger pointers (on a day without our #1 finger pointer MATEO...) was Jakey. Boy that guy sure knows how to tell people what is wrong with them. Is it possible for a person to be any more sanctimonious and annoying than that man? (For the most part I like Jake's character... but BOY when he gets into one of these self-righteous moods I just want to take his neck sort of like Homer does to Bart on the Simpsons). Dixie is dead, a very sad development indeed... but is it REALLY necessary for Jake to rant at David about it being his fault ESPECIALLY when he discovers that David didn't even know she was dead? BLAMER #2 is David himself who struck with guilt and grief finds it necessary to AGREE with Jake for the first time in his dastardly life. There is our favorite arogant male whimpering on a park bench that Dixie's death is all his fault. Talk about a God complex. oh puuuhhhlleeeaaasssee. BLAME GAME chapter 3: Everyone's favorite scapegoat artist has to be Erica. The world and everything wrong with it is Kendall's fault if you ask our pintsized Diva. That evil spawn of a rape is responsible for any bad thing that happens whatsoever in the life of Erica and Bianca AND while we're at it she's the reason for all those Middle East problems as well. And FINALLY (for today) we have the youngest of our BLAME machines. JR... a boy who has every right to feel the grief and dismay that he is currently going through... but is he looking for pity by blaming HIMSELF for the demise of his mother? STOP CRYING and TURN ON CBS for heaven's sake... your mother is alive!! She's just straightened her hair and gotten rid of the push-up bra!!

Isn't it odd how those pesky photographers are around snapping photos for any teeny tiny little event that happens in Pine Valley? Kendall is going to court for giving champagne to a minor and there they are camped out in the courtroom snapping away as if anyone is really going to give two HOOTS about something so utterly insignificant. The number ONE job in Pine Valley seems to be that of the stalking paparazzi...

UH OH.... Jack's a district attorney and the last viable lawyer in the burg went nuts and was carted away. SO.... this means that our current bad boy is probably going to start being everyone's attorney AND blackmailer. My, my... won't he be the busy boy. Seems to me that Trey isn't the most likely choice for that recurring lawyer in a town that seems to need a lawyer most of the time. It is time to bring back our man TREVOR. Now there is a lawyer that people can count on...

There we are having another emotional moment of grief and loss with one or more of the characters as they discover the news about Dixie Martin's fatal accident in Zurich. There is sadness. We have flashbacks. Now it is time to cut to a commercial... So what are we advertising today? DIXIE paper plates.... coincidence?

I was wondering if Erica paid off that silly judge today to give Bianca the 'sentence' that he did. 6 month probation? Living in your mother's home (at the age of 18) and "abiding by every single one of her rules"? I half expected Bianca to jump up and plead for lethal injection instead.

And speaking of Erica... the KANGAROO court was back in session today in full bloom. No sooner does Kendall plead not guilty than Erica is making her announcement to the court that she "won't allow this". HOW does this happen over and over and over? It is such a mockery of ANY semblance of a judicial system. NOT TO MENTION that you just want to slap her, maim her, gag her, trip and kick her, put a plastic bag over her head, drown her, sew her lips shut, or pound her into the ground like a nail. Doesn't ANYONE in this burg ever get tired of this woman? Better yet... doesn't anyone EVER do anything about it but pacify her? What is WITH Jackson Montgomery? He chastises her to NO END in the last kangaroo court trial (Frankie's murder) and then hypocritically seems to be tipping the scales to satisfy Erica in the case of Bianca. Arrest that mouth and through her contempting mini-bod into prison for disruption and diva arrogance!! 6 months probation without hair, makeup and accessories. That ought to do it.

ON Mia: If we didn't see further proof of the ultimate pairing of Adam with Mia today I think we're all blind. FIRST of all her defense of Adam against a peeved Jake gave a solid clue. NEXT she is sitting there telling the BLAME GAMER (whoops... add him to the blame list above) that ALL parents aren't perfect and blah blah blah blah blah. Mia has this situation at an advantage. Think about it... Adam is in this position of vulnerability because of events and is scared because the man OBVIOUSLY loves his children and cannot seem to do right by any one of them. The fact that he feels this weakness and his achilles heal IS his children will have Mia seeing a lightbulb. She will KNOW that her saving grace is talking to ADAM. She will confide in Adam about the mistake she made with her own child in the past. Not only will Adam understand and help her with the financial burden of the blackmail (which will undoubtedly continue) BUT... I suspect that this will alert Adam to the ways of Trey (add another motive to the eventual Trey murder.) This sort of confidence with each other (Adam and Mia) will also bring the couple closer together because they will find themselves with this bond of mutual self-pity and regret over children. It will become a glue because they will both be trying to MEND their ways AND will have a 'secret' between them. ONE MORE THING: When Jake walked into the room and watched as Mia comforted Adam... that was yet another clue of things to come. Further proof would be the fact that his complaints and 'warnings' of the silver-haired fox went on deaf ears... Jake is about to strike out YET again. Pity.

25,000 bail for giving some champagne to your sister?

ON One Life to Live today. Erica Slezak is a superior HAM... it was such fun watching her dance around as Nicki Smith singing along to "It's Raining Men" in the living room of her home. AND may I say that much like our wait for the completion of the Proteus fiasco... it was a pleasure to FINALLY see Todd and Blair face to face with the truth about baby Jack. Damn that took a long time.... BRAVO to the cast of OLTL... they are doing phenomenal work in the Live week!!

LAST but not least: Seems to me that Anna is trying very hard to listen to her inner voices that tell her NOT to be the mother of a Hayward spawn. She's getting the birth control, isn't she? Is this going to be another storyline like the one with Erica and Tom all those years ago? Is she going to be agreeing to this pregnancy when with David but taking the birth control all along>? David will find the pills and the doo-doo will hit the fan. Fine with me... I like these characters but I simply cannot see them as parents of anything.... hell, I'm not sure I would trust either one of them with a PET.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/13:

It is tremendously difficult to be sarcastic on this, such a sad day in Pine Valley. I expect, however, that I will somehow manage to try.

First I must say that the show DID have me all choked up today... primarily with the scenes that involved JR. I was quite taken with his ability to show the genuine emotion appropriate to the loss he had just been handed. This was not crocodile tears... he was drawing this from something ... and doing an AWESOME job. I was equally impressed with the emotion shown by Tad, Brooke, Adam, the wonderful Opal and Liza. KUDOS to handling the delicate and timely passing with finesse. EVEN THOUGH we all know there will come a time when Dixie appears again.

MORE kudos to the pulling out of some very timely and dated clips of Tad and Dixie past. What sweet, thin, rosie-cheeked youngsters they were. There was a time that the love that they shared was an amazing daytime feat. Extraordinary acting and believable dialogue. Together forever.... I know there are still a lot of fans out there that believe this couple belongs together... and REMEMBER I am partial to these characters. I would be happy whatever the choices because my main goal is to make light of the silly world of Pine Valley... but over the years and the MANY marriages and sordid fights and nastiness that these two went through ALOT of the luster of that beginning romance was lost. I realize that even REAL life has its ups and downs.. but considering that it isn't real life in Pine Valley I would imagine that there isn't a hope in the world for the fairy tale romances that people seem to look for UNLESS the couple rides off into the sunset never more to be seen. All in all I must say that it was pleasant to see the young couple again in the days that the love was so fresh and believable. Thanks for the memories.

On that note: WHO besides me almost expected to see a twilight Zone episode replay on the plane? The way that TAD stared out that window and reminisced about his past with Dixie was almost eerie. At one point his eyes opened wide as he looked out that plane window and uttered a surprised "Dixie!" I thought for sure she was outside on the wing pounding on the window to get in. Perhaps she was playing a harp or doing sign language to tell Tad that she was all right? Maybe she was holding up signs and telling him to move on? Somehow watching tbe world in Pine Valley for all of these years has set me up for the sublime surprise. Alas... she did not appear.

CONGRATS to All My Children on winning FOUR of the CREATIVE ARTS EMMYs in the categories of: Casting, Costume Design, Music Direction & Composition, and Technical Direction/Electronic Camera/Video Control. One can only hope this is only the beginning. The remainder of the EMMY Awards are announced this Friday, airing on CBS.

HERE is a rule to live by if you live in Pine Valley: Whenever you leave home MAKE SURE that you always carry your passport and a gold card... you know... just in case a friend needs you to console them on an international flight. Better safe than sorry.

Leo and Greenlee.... is this this the first we have heard of the DATE of the wedding? Greens told her mother (shortly after removing her tiara and communion dress) that she would like her to come to her wedding in JULY. So maybe this thing is really going to happen? I wouldn't place any bets on this thing QUITE yet considering these two did also have the same sort of fight today that they have had a thousand times before. There are two ways of looking at this. ONE: They are hopeless and this will never work or TWO: They are destined to be together and have this intensely mundane argument another million times. If we are pushing for the second option I ask ONLY that they start to have the arguments elsewhere and come back on screen once they have made up. I would love to see these two become a bumbling Nick and Nora flushing out crime in Pine Valley in the ways of Charlie and Cecily or Hayley and Tad in their separate days of sleuthing. Surely there must be high intrigue in the halls of Revlon?

By the way: It seems that the mention of Leo's father today was NOT in vain. Apparently Count DuPres is being sought in the audition phase. They are looking for particular characteristics that would fit the role and obviously make the man look like he could be Leo's father. I, for one, do not see this as a solid answer to the question of Leo's paternity... which has been asked about since the tall lad showed up a couple of years ago. What I see is a man named DuPres OR playing a man named DuPres to hide the truth about the paternity of Leo. In other words... I do believe we are finally coming to that time where we will figure out that Leo has a tie to a person in Pine Valley that we already know. Vanessa has been hiding this AND once she is out and trying to re-structure her own life (and she will be)she is going to find herself in dire need of getting someone to pose as Count DuPres in order to make sure that Leo doesn't find out who his real daddy is. I've been waiting for this.

And WATCH OUT: It is said that Momma Smythe is going to be a HUMdinger. Apparently the socialite is a combination of the Erica Kanes, Vanessa Cortlandts, and every other dysfunctional mother that ever crossed through the Valley Inn dining room. She outta be a doozy. I expect this will explain a LOT about our little peanut...

OLTL Report: It would appear that the actors in Llanview are up to the challenge. Day #1 and I really didn't see anything that would constitute a 'mistake'. It felt like normal throughout the show and THAT is high praise for the work that is done on a daily basis for these soaps. It was nice to see LUNA return for a surprise 'visit' (she was in the background of the casino in Las Vegas as well as holding the cards at the closing credits.)

Speaking of credits: I LOVED that they listed the names of the actors in the opening of the show (One Life To Live). Nice touch and well deserved for a group of talented people putting themselves out there like they did.

One more OLTL note: It is good to know that Pine Valley is not the only place where the portal is alive and well. It seems that Christian and Jen are off for some time together after a particularly trying year (mostly apart). They made their way to Las Vegas from Pennsylvania ONLY to be followed in an instant by AL, Natalie, Roxie AND Max. You'd think is was just one set over or something.

LAST but not least: Be careful of the company you keep. MIA is losing it very quickly. What I don't get is WHY she can't be honest with the sister that she is so intent on keeping. She has cried that river of tears about the world that she missed out on not having a family. She has whimpered like a sickly puppy about how lucky and happy she is to have found Liza, Adam, et al.... Trey shows up and becomes instant nasty guy and all of a sudden she is playing games. If she talked to Liza about what Trey is holding over her head... that 20,000 would have been a drop in the bucket... PLUS the burden of carrying a lie would be lifted. So what does she do? She steals the money and then looks as freaking guilty as sin when Liza speaks of putting the funds back where they belong. Uh-oh... somehow I think the family unit is about to blow up big time. Gosh... do you think Jakey can get her out of this one??

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/10:

Ok... you have just got to feel sorry for JR no matter what you might think of the actor or the character's teenage rebellion and drug habits. Personally I have liked young Jonathan Bennett since his arrival. There were many who didn't really like him but I suspect that the logic was primarily because they still wanted to see Jesse McCartney. NOW we have a young man who has been tossed around and subject to the adults in Pine Valley. That cannot be easy. Now, like Tad, he is given this sudden ray of hope that there might be some normalcy and WHAMMO we will have his mother killed off (until further notice)in a car accident in Zurich of all places. JR is either going to turn into a surly mess, an angry Adam... or disappear altogether. IF that pilot of his ("Eastwick") is picked up I suspect that Mr. Bennett will be gone under the guise of needing to get out of that town (probably for school). Down the road they will bring an even older actor in for the role (a la Joey aka Jake...) For now... I just feel sorry for him.

Speaking of Dixie... will her "death" have anything to do with the re-emergence of Maria? For a good while there were rumors that Maria would first appear in dream sequences, undoubtedly happening during Edmund's sleep. Now there are reports on some boards stating that the June 3rd appearance of Eva LaRue would be in a hospital. They don't say WHAT hospital or under what circumstance... so I say let the theories begin. FOR ONE: It is entirely possible that the discovery of Maria's existence could happen completely by mistake IN EUROPE when Tad.. a man on a mission to attempt location of the now missing body of his pregnant wife... finds her STILL in recuperation from injuries all those years ago. It is also possible that Maria could have assumed a new identity and life and is not a patient but a nurse or Doctor in one of these hospitals. Whether or not it is an amnesia story or a simply Maria's desire to start a new life after the trauma of the plane crash... I don't know. It is also possible that there still COULD be a dream that Eddie has in which Maria appears in a hospital thus tipping him off there there is something more to the fact that her body never showed up. Edmund's dream could very well be prompted by the fact that Dixie's body has not been found making him remember the time in his life when his own wife's body was not located. Personally I vote for the theory where Tad is dashing from one European hospital to another. He is looking for the (hopefully) wounded body of Dixie and runs across a Doctor who looks a WHOLE lot like Maria but doesn't seem to have any clue who he is. Little by little he figures out that this really IS Maria and goes through the angst of not only losing his own loved one (Dixie) but also wondering how it is he can tell Brooke (and Edmund) that their happy little existence is about to be torn apart as well...

In the old days it was the sweeps periods that had all the exciting returns and interesting twists happening... so why is it the return of Maria and Arlene... both HIGHLY anticipated... are happening AFTER the sweeps period is over? Just curious.

Dixie might be gone but I guarantee you they will be selling her star necklace on ABC.com. Aren't we relieved for that? I would hate to think that we would have nothing to remember her by.

Perhaps ABC.com will be selling the lost script with Jamie's lines on it. But on the other hand.... they may not want anyone to find that and possibly give it back to the kid.

LANGLEY IS ALIVE??? Perhaps they are planning on having him fall into one of the archeological digs and perish somewhere along the way. Brooke happened to mention that Phoebe was down visiting him at one of his digs... it cannot be that easy to visit one of those things in a wheelchair.

I am just not buying the pairing of Jake and Mia. I don't know what it is.... perhaps it is just that I get so turned off by Jake in his sanctimonious periods (most of the time) that I don't imagine him having all that much chemistry with anyone... but his constant appearances and neanderthal mentality when it comes to "protecting" whomever it is he is around is getting slightly old. I would like Jake to go insane now ... or perhaps develop a second personality a la Vicki / Nicki over there at One Life to Live. Jake's other personality can be Drake. Drake is a stud with a penchant for leaning towards the Tad the Cad behaviorisms... enough of the straight and narrow. Give the man some EDGE and THEN we'll see who the chemistry boils with.

Speaking of One Life to Live.... Expect to see a comment or two on this site in the next week on a daily basis. WHY? Because they will be doing their live shows all week and I just kmow they are going to be a HOOT. I am SOOOO looking forward to the confrontation of Blair and Todd regarding baby Jack. I am going to love seeing Nicki do just about anything... but NEXT week she will be revealing the secret she has regarding Natalie (LOVE her) and Jessica. Things are going to be fun in Llanview.

SORRY... again, I love Greenlee.... but today as she played dress-up with Simone she looked more like a schoolgirl in her first communion dress than she did a bride. She is such a peanut.

Why would Oakhaven have a CARD? Sure... I know it was for visitors... but don't most visitor passes come in the form of some sort of badge that can be readily seen and accessed? Oakhaven gives you a CARD? What... you put it in your wallet and produce it whenever asked and otherwise are assumed to be just one of the nuts? So Leo gets the card and manages to lose it ONLY when he gets to Greenlee's office. SORRY L&G lovers.... but this is yet another round of the same old same olds that has them lying to each other and playing the tired game that has lead them OFF the path so many times before. Next come the ultimatums. Deja vu of a deja vu, folks.

Speaking of the same old same old.... the whole bit with Leo and Vanessa today was so played out I just can't help but to Kvetch. Why on EARTH would either of these characters believe what the other one had to say for one moment? How many times have we seen this "I'm on your side... we're a team" bit that they do to each other. Each time they walk away chuckling and acting convinced that they've just conned the con. STOP! Get Vanessa out of that place (and that outfit). We need her being a matron of society and chuckling that breathy laugh. Proteus-be-gone!!

Where was Trey today? Somewhere looking in a mirror practicing his snarling faces?

LAST but not least: If I didn't know this were a soap opera... I would almost believe that there were a possibility for the oft-split Liza and Adam to rekindle their light... Adam is being downright understanding (after the initial reactions of course..) Liza is thoroughly unconvinced that she can leave the man and by the end of today's show is feeling safe enough to return the money that has been missing. Is this all a play? Is Adam THIS much of a master over the domain that he can manuevre his recently ailing wife into believing that everything is all right merely to jump on the cash and then start foaming at the mouth? What about Liza? Does SHE have another plan up her sleeve? Why does Hayley give a damn about any of this AND... just how long will it be before little Mia loses this new family because she, like everyone else in the Valley is not being honest. Liza wants to return the money... whoops.. If you ask me I still believe that Adam is going to set his eyes on Mia... especially since he is now fully aware that Jake has something to do with the story. Adam is up to something... I just know he is.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/09:

The word is that Eva LaRue Callahan's first airdate back is on June 3rd... that's a Monday in case you were wondering.... Apparently she will first appear in a dream that Eddie is having.... so NO, she will not be walking up to someone's door in Pine Valley or swim up on the beach or surprise someone at the boathouse. Actually that would be fun to have her just walk into BJs and order a burger and look over to Opal and say "hello" like she'd never been anywhere at all. Anyway... it is just about time to pull out Sam and Maddie from the attic and dust them off. Get ready.

The plot thickens. Roger is UP to something.... Let the theories begin. For one thing I KNEW that there had to be something OFF about his 'romance' or even just his interest in Simone. This is a means to an end. The guy is working her to get at his daughter SOMEHOW. My guess is that Roger is in the thick of a COUPLE of things. ONE: He is working for Vanessa STILL. Don't ask me how or WHY for that matter. I know she is still in the sanitarium and it would seem a bit difficult for her to be giving orders to anyone about how to handle anything at all... but what if Roger were doing her dirty work in order to make SURE that Leo and Greenlee don't marry. Somehow and someway she is moving in on Greens by working her way through the new best friend SIMONE. Roger is coming on WAY too strong for this to be anything but some sort of a set up. And then there is the fact that the Slimeball is also the one blackmailing Trey. There too I can see a connection to Vanessa. Trey knows Vanessa... Vanessa knows Trey and his father. It stands to reason that either Roger knows Trey as well OR has been told to 'handle' the situation through the thug hired to work the beepectacled one over. There are already people who are wondering if Roger might be Proteus. I REALLY doubt this. Roger WORKS for Proteus. The question will be whether or not he is working for Proteus alone OR for Proteus AND Vanessa. NOW that the man is slimy for a reason I am starting to like him again. NOW that I know that this thing with Simone is a ruse I feel better. Soon we will have Simone in a meeting with Brooke talking about bad choices with their men.... perhaps on the next Ricki Lake Show?

Did Jakey stick some sort of homing device on Mia? Why does it feel like a bad situation comedy or a stalking when he suddenly seems to be showing up no matter where it is that she is... and always when she is with Trey? I am sure that our boy Jakey means well... but somebody CALL OFF the dog!!

ON Leaving town: They want to go, they don't want to go. Not too long ago Leo was set to leave Pine Valley. Admittedly he was in one of his martyr, moody, pity-pot days... but he was ready to bolt. Greens was not. NOW all of a sudden it was Greens that wanted to leave town (uh... did we NOT just get the dream job at REVLON?) and it is Leo who wants to stay put. This is the story of their relationship in a nutshell. Over on the other side of town there is the happy couple of Ryan and Kendall. First HE was leaving town and she talks him into staying. Then she was leaving town and he talked HER into staying. NOW he is ready to go again and she is not ready? Oh for heaven's sake... I KNOW!! Why don't Ryan and Greenlee get the hell out of dodge and Leo and Kendall can stick around and keep each other's miserable company... he from his cross and she (hopefully) from some anger management class at Pine Valley hospital. Better yet... why don't they ALL leave for a little while and give us a break. (No letters... I'm KIDDING.)

Trey is SO going to be murdered; Could it not be any more obvious. Not since the lovely Paolo sashayed into Pine Valley life and started making lives miserable have we had such a quick and rather icky transition from whatever he was to told smarmy, snarky guy as TREY. This boy may as well walk around like one of those Target commercials with a big bullseye on his forehead. He is quickly giving a great many people a motive for wanting him to be GONE. On the list thus far is Mia, Jakey, Leo, David, Mateo, Hayley (because of Mateo), Adam will get in on this, Liza will hate him because of Mia, Roger is already involved, Big bad blackmailer guy is possible... but we don't know him... Vanessa, of course, Maggie through osmosis... and there is more time so who KNOWS how many more characters will be set up to have a reason to make sure our Trey is a corpse. By the way... his corpse will be the kind that is seen and NOT missing. If you don't know what that means you will a couple passages down. Expect Trey to stack up the enemies within the next several months... I really believe he's a goner.

Greens gets wise. UH OH... happy, peppy Revlon girl is now picking up the vibes about the mystery of Simone's "man". She heard the voice today and comically wondered where she had heard it before. Then we saw the lightbulb go on over her head. It is going to HIT the fan tomorrow. My theory, however, is that there is more to what we will see in her reaction than expected. At first this will not bode well for Missy Simone... Greens is going to be wanting more than anything to believe in and trust her daddio. Soon it will click, however, that daddy is up to something no good... the same as he always has been and always will be. For those of you who thought it was fun to see Greens actually have a friend... it would be my guess that Peanut will still want to be friends with Simone. Everything happens the roundabout way... but the fact is that Greens needs the friend. First of all, however, there will be sparks. They begin tomorrow.....

Jack IS dating!! Did anyone else find it comforting to know that Jack is NOT just watching Soapnet at night when he is done with his duties as District Attorney? Was anyone else besides me wondering why this guy couldn't be up front and center with a romance? Is anyone else as grateful as I am that he isn't going for that pint-sized egomaniacal DIVA all over again? Apparently he is dating a plethora of beauties in all shapes and sizes... this is what they would have you believe considering Erica actually asked the guy whether his dates weren't all small with brown hair and brown eyes. I love Erica, I hate Erica... I suppose that means Ms. Lucci is doing a good job. I AM sorry that the dating world of Jack Montgomery is not something that warrants a bit of air time... but I will admit that I am happy for the guy that he isn't eating for one at BJs night after night after night.

And LAST but not least: The soap opera rule about death is simple. If there is a body that is usually the END of the road. It doesn't mean that someone who looks like the character or some unknown identical twin can't show up... or even a long stint as an angelic nuisance might not occur... but if we see the body you is DEAD. On the OTHER hand it would make sense that if there were no body whomever it is that is supposedly 'deceased' is more than likely going to show up somewhere and at some point in the future. Case in point over the last several of years. Tad, Anna, Dimitri, Stuart and now Maria were all 'missing' when their untimely ends occurred. How odd. First of all I think it is SO sad how many people in Pine Valley seem to die unnatural deaths that would cause a body to be completely gone. Second of all I must say it has got to be BRUTAL on all others in Pine Valley to see people disappear and then suddenly be amongst the living again. And only Jamie is being sent to a shrink? The DIXIE rumor is now becoming a scoopish fact. Tad will finally be talked into going to Zurich to meet his pregnant wife by Brooke. Unfortunately it will also be Brooke that tells him the news before they leave that Dixie has perished in a car accident. Lo and behold the body will NOT be found. Thus, my friends, it is simple. This buys the producers time. Dixie could very well be dead but there is that OUT clause that says "hey... if we want to bring her back we can always say that the body was never found..." So... will we see Dixie with young child in a couple of years? Will that child be found and raised by Tad before she returns (if that is to happen)? Was it too early for a child to have survived without the mother? Apparently Tad is going to discover the sonogram of the child Dixie wanted to name "Kate".... (go ahead... rip out Tad's heart!!) Brooke and Tad will get on a plane to Zurich to see what they can find. And so it begins...

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/08:

This just in from a Gossip column written online: "All My Children" deals with the off-screen death of a major character. The death will bring some characters together and rip others apart. NOW... the biggest key to that scoop is the term OFF-SCREEN. How far off screen are we talking here? To me the most OBVIOUS major character currently off screen is DIXIE. Is this her death they speak of? It would make sense in a good many ways. With the actress who created her off on another stage of her own professional life it might make sense to the Producers to give in and end the lovelorn Tad's off again on again romance. We all knew that something had to happen with her sudden decision to reconcile and tell him about the baby. (even though she called up David every day but sent her news about the baby to Tad in writing...). If it is Dixie that is going to bite the dust there are all sorts of things to look at. ONE: It is a soap. If the producers and Cady McClain DID find their way back to each other in the future the character could find a remarkable and miraculous return. Let's be honest, it wouldn't be the first time. AND... even if Dixie died it would be more than likely that the BABY would live..., giving the Tadmeister a daughter by Dixie and thus the appropriate memory to carry on. If the daughter does come to be with Tad it would not fit with the predictions of the BAD TAD that have been talked about... but I know that wouldn't be such a horrible thing....

But what if it ISN'T Dixie that is dying in the near future? Is it possible that it could be another MAJOR character? We have talked about Myrtle... is she major? She is barely ON screen... would that put her in the OFF screen status? What about Phoebe? She is just about as major as they come. Ruth? She's most definitely OFF screen. Dimitri is a major character that has no closure. Alex is still a character that we don't have any resolution to. The list COULD go on... but the chances are far greater that it will be Dixie... WHY? Because her death will ultimately bring Tad closer to Brooke and tear Brooke and Edmund apart. Her death will affect JR, Adam, Liza, Palmer & Opal could grow together as a result, David could lose Anna by his reaction... all sorts of activity could occur as the result. Dixie gets my vote.... but it isn't as though she were going to come back anytime soon. I believe that the real Tad and Dixie fans were beginning to settle with the fact that she isn't around anymore. If the producers give the fans that baby they have been clamoring for it could be the buffer to the ending of the popular character's life.

Another item from the news desk: There is a town meeting being called by the blue-haired matrons of Pine Valley society. It seems that there is a call for the NAME of the town to be changed. WHAT? Change the name of Pine Valley you say?? The offering has been submitted to reflect the society that inhabits the small burg that doubles as a big city. It seems that every character has this nasty habit of lurking around corners and listening to whatever might be going on in conversations that probably don't have anything to do with them... (or perhaps everything). Considering this epidemic of nosy neighbors and friends the board is calling for the name of PINE to be stricken from the records and the more ominous and appropriate LURKER put in its place. Thus the dark and forboding feel that is evident daily in what used to be this sleepy and somewhat peaceful town is portrayed in the signs that great its visitors. Welcome to Lurker Valley. Come here and you will undoubtedly live in a whirlwind of drama, lies and deceit. Love will be a game that is played over and over... and most, if not ALL of the information you will gather will be done by sneaking around corners and making funny faces while others are revealing key plot points. Oh... one more thing. Lurker Valley may be hazardous to your health. It seems that one out of every three characters that make their way into town will be leaving in a casket (unless of course they can't find the body...)

TALLY: Today's Victims were: Marian, Binks, Erica, Mia, Kendall, David, and Tad. Woe is them. Today's people most obviously about to be proven wrong: Liza, Tad, Adam and Mia (Mia to Trey: "I'll get your money... but this is the LAST time!" HA HA HA HA!!

Is it me or is Trey looking more and more sinister by the day? He was rather puppy dog like when he arrived. I know he was supposed to be... and I know that it was pretty much just an ACT... but NOW he is Mr. tough guy (at least with the little tiny woman he is pushing around.) That look he gave while looking in the window at the Chandlers Mansion as he stared upward through those glasses started to smack of crazy guy. Here's an irony.... Vanessa is 'mentally ill' right? Anna is in Oak Haven asking the doctor if that sort of thing will run in the family... Trey is looking a bit crazy these days AND there are rumors that Trey could possibly be a brother to either David and / or Leo MEANING he would be the son of Vanessa.... So is the mention of mental illness running in the family ON PURPOSE? Were we meant to feel that this was really all about the fear that Anna has about having a baby with Doctor Mood Swing? Is she really wondering if the baby she would have (in her 40's) with the Devilicious Heart surgeon would end up running around pretending to be Rosie the Actress and quoting Shakespearean lines? OR>>>> is this a set up to let us know that mental illness is indeed a family trait but it is NOT David who is getting that gene... but TREY?

IT IS confirmed that the house that is going to burn down in a week and a half or so WILL be Erica's Linden House. This begs the question: Is it because Erica will have forgotten that she threw that scarf into the fireplace? Will it finally catch on fire and take the whole place down? Here's another question... will this finally be the end of that hideous self-serving portrait that hangs over the fireplace? I would like to think so but knowing Erica there are a few copies of it in storage somewhere... just in case.

LAST but not least: I don't get it. There are actually people out there that get angry at an actor because they decide to leave a role. They argue and complain that they (the actor) OWES it to the fan to keep them happy. Essentially if they thought about their statements they would realize that what they are saying is that the fan OWNS the actor until it is time for the FAN to let them go. I don't know about anyone else but that SCREAMS of mental illness right there (as long as that is one of the topics of the day..) Anyone ever see "Misery"? Perhaps if you are thinking that Cady McClain is a bitch for not sticking around to let YOU enjoy the baby she is SUPPOSED to have with Tad.... it might be time to stop watching the show and start catching up with REAL life. All together now: "It's a SOAP OPERA!!!"

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/07:

Ok... I've seen enough. Roger is gross. For a nano-second at one point there was a sympathetic notion that Roger could be some sort of victim. For a brief iota of time I thought maybe he really did love his daughter. NOW... it is ONCE AGAIN obvious that the guy is a creep as he always has been. He no more cares about what his daughter cares or feels than he does about starving children in Africa. The way he is hounding maliciously... and like a dirty old man after the MUCH younger and obviously confused Simone KNOWING that she is the first real friend that his daughter has had in FOREVER.. is a sad statment on his character.... oh... and we saw the neck today. Put the scarf back on.

OH MY... I was in one of my moods yesterday and thought I would have some fun with this Mia maternity / paternity storyline. WHOOPS. I seem to have struck a chord with some that didn't quite understand that I was joking. HOW ABOUT THIS: What if I theorized a little more safely. I have actually gone to this place before some weeks back... but I fully suspect that FRANKIE is our intern arriving this summer. This name has been bandied about for some time now and we DID see Mia sort of choking when she saw the list of names for the interns that would be arriving. WHAT IF: he were the man who doesn't know that he was the father of the young boy in question? He will finally make it to town and Trey will be causing all sorts of problems with Mia. I had to think that Mia getting $20,000. for Trey was just the tip of the iceberg and that there would be FAR more demanded in the weeks to come. When Frankie arrives it would be the most direct means of threat to Mia. NO... I honestly didn't think that she had gone to a fertility clinic. I was playing with the irony of the same cast of characters having done so (Liza / Adam / Jakey) in the past. Although it would have been funny if you ask me...

Is it me or is there something unnatural and quite WRONG with David the Domestic and his sudden POD like urge to have Anna all barefoot and pregnant with little Haywards? Where is this coming from? Is it a mid-life crisis? I believe that the responses that Anna was giving in her facial expressions alone were telling of the outcome of THIS little twist. NO WAY, Jose....

Line of the day: DAVID to ANNA: "I'm going outside for some warm air because it is COLD in here..."

I'm sorry... I love Greenlee... really I do... I even sort of like the possibilities of Simone (aside from her decided lack of judgment) BUT... the squealing... the giddy squealing that these two were doing today was unnatural. It just wasn't right. It was like a couple of teenage girls spotting Justin Timberlake. Make them stop.

I feel rather sorry for Tad and Dixie fans today. We have to know that with that glimmer of hope that was seen on our friend Tad's face... there is a tragedy brewing in days to come... only a FEW days from what I understand. NOW... all this means is that the show is more or less biding its time in a decision as to what they will do about the character OR the actress who created her. IN other words... Cady could decide that the role she is playing on ATWT is a short term one and that DIXIE is really her home character. She could want to come back and that would make a lot of people happy. On the other hand the Roseanne character could end up feeling rather good and then TPTB will have to decide once and for all if Dixie is going to come back at all OR if the character will be recast. In the meantime I suspect we will be given the news that the baby has NOT made it. It will obviously also mean problems for Dixie's health as well AND could it could be communicated to the Pine Valley folks as her death. But.. in soapland we all know that isn't necessarily what will be the case. Just ask Maria Santos and Eva LaRue Callahan about that one... but remember her return took 5 years.

Was all that jewelry on Erica's neck some sort of shield against bullets in case Kendall decided to pop back over and complete the job she failed at last night?

What exactly happened to Binks when she hit her head? All of a sudden she is jumping to the conclusions that momma Erica is some sort of SAINT and that Kendall is completely to blame with all that has occurred. HUH? Doesn't Binks usually have the most sense of anyone in Pine Valley? Isn't she usually the one who thinks out her responses and gives the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really IS her mother's daughter after all.

And speaking of Kendall and Erica. Every time I see one of them continuing the cycle of revenge I cannot help to see them as the Israel and Palestine of Pine Valley. By the looks of things there would seem NO way to end this cycle of anger and revenge. Wow... that was deep. Thank you for letting me share.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Michael E. Knight. Today he is 43. For his birthday ABC is going to give him a storyline.... right?

And now they are selling Simone's comforter set. GEE... should we take a poll to see if Simone's or Greenlee's is the better comforter? The more popular? The prettier? YIKES.

LAST but not least: I MISS VANESSA!! Are we gearing up for the grand finale of the Proteus saga that began about this time last year? Can we get her the hell out of that asylum and back into society as a skulker.... Will she be the one that is out there lurking at Erica's? Can we bring Arlene in any earlier than May 31? Ok.. I know we can't. But I am a dreamer.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/06:

Something tells me that Erica is NOT going to be receiving a Mother's day card from Kendall this week. I am still sort of upset that she didn't receive a Mother's day bullet... but we just can't have everything, can we?

If I were smart and living in Pine Valley I would invest in some form of Champagne store, Vineyard, Stock or anything at all to do with the bubbly. It seems to be the drink of choice for Valleyites.

Speaking of Champagne... I wouldn't mind having a job over there at Revlon either. I know she's NEW... but I haven't seen her do a lick of work... much less talk on the phone or even sit at the desk. Thus far she has had a mini-hissing fight with Kendall, gloated, flirted and made out with Leo, gloated some more with her new boss (who didn't seem to give a crap that Leo and the champagne were there), and leave early to go off and hire Simone and play "feel-up" with Leo in bed. Now THAT is a job. The cosmetic industry has a wild one there. Watch out.

Who's the DADDY? Now that Mia has quickly admitted to Jake that the father of her child (Matthew) is Trey (we know it isn't now... it was just to get Mr. Nosy pants off her back) How long before we find out who the daddy REALLY is? Let's think about this for a moment. Someone left a 'donation' at one of those fertility banks and Mia got pregnant. (I guess that must run in the family because that is how Liza did it with Colby...) Is this as OBVIOUS as it seems right now? We know of TWO men who donated their sperm at one point of the show some time ago. They were ADAM and JAKE. So is one of these fine gentlemen the father of little Matthew? If it is Jake that would make our little Mia a future Martin... for sure. But in my guesstimation I would have to say that Adam, who was trying to make sure that Liza was preggers with his sperm ALSO got little miss Mia's kid out of the deal. HE, of course, does not know this BUT... we already see that he is interested in Mia (or is growing a soft spot for the cutey.) What if he found out through Big Bad Trey that the baby was his.... (imagine hitting the payload twice in one clinic with two sisters..) that might bring our Adam around the corner to Mia all that much quicker. I am thinking that is the direction we are going...

Did I see horns growing out of Trey's head today? He's getting snarlier by the moment.

So what is wrong with Roger's neck? Why is he wearing that thing? The safari is over.... or is it?

Jamie ran out today and was missing for a while. They TOLD us that he was found by Tad at the Train tracks... I know the REAL story. He actually ran out and made his/her way to SOS and began a set in his/her alternate personality of K.D. Lang. Tad finally found K.D. singing "Constant Craving" at the bar and it broke his heart. He didn't have the heart to tell his boy's mother that Jamie was really K.D. Lang. Ok... that's a stretch. At least we got the sullen, grouchy little thing to crack a smile today. I still don't quite understand why he is so bent out of shape about Edmund when he was all gung-ho about the matching not two months ago. Fickle kid.... unless it was K.D. Lang who didn't mind Edmund.

Crime reports today show that The Valley Inn in Pine Valley has MORE crime occurring within it's walls than the entire state of Rhode Island. It is getting so bad that they are considering training the extras...er... I mean waiters... to be armed security people as well. If Anna doesn't work out as Chief of Police she can sign on as the Head Waiter at the Valley Inn.

Scoop is that there will be a FIRE that Trey is involved in somehow the week after next. Although I am not quite sure how it is he will be involved he will have been burned and will go to the hospital. Word is that it will probably be Erica's abode that gets the torching... or perhaps the Adam Castle?

Macho, macho men: The winners today (a three way tie) Chris for being such a guy and hobbling over to Erica EVEN after the beeyatch lied to his face. What a guy. Ryan comes in second for playing mediator and being so calm, cool, and collected in the restaurant. Lest we not forget he also gets the gold star for sweeping the Kendall off her feet and carrying the weepy thing away into the night. What a stud. I guess that is just an inherent right for all those Kane women. I would love to see some big brawny chick come and sweep Bianca off HER feet. Probably won't happen. Our third macho man is the geeky Trey who is SOOO big and mean when it comes to the teeny tiny little Mia. He was pushing her around today like some big tough guy. Somehow it just doesn't work, does it...

Did anyone else notice Erica come home and throw her shawl into the fire place?

A day without Brooke in tears is like a day without.... Brooke in tears. (here's a clue, folks... when the child is being damaged because of the family fighting... DON'T continue to have the fights in the living room... DUH...)

And LAST but not least: HOW is it that Jakey seems to be able to find Mia anywhere she goes. Does he NOT understand that if she wanted him there she wouldn't be skulking with the Trey thing in the BACK of the joint? OH... and what is this "I saw your car so I knew you were here" business... He knew she was in the back of the restaurant? That's kind of scary if you think about it. Does Jake have an OFF switch?

One more thing: Take a GOOD look. Doesn't TREY look a bit like Hugh Grant if he were wearing glasses. Those same pursed lips and jaw? Just a thought.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/03:

It suddenly occurred to me today why Jamie was not able to speak. It's all so utterly simple that I don't know why I didn't think of it before. We all assumed that it was because the character was traumatized by Vanessa dressed in her turban and hugging the boy ferociously in the hospital that day. NOPE. The real story? The young "actor" is a relative of one of the Disney big wigs and was given the part as a favor. Once he started talking and making those god-awful faces into the camera the producers CRINGED and started wondering how they could 'get rid' of the kid while still doing the favor for the Disney honcho. Considering having an actor simply walk through rooms is nowhere near as damaging as when a bad one opens their mouth... AND considering that the Jamie role is sort of a good pivotal plot device to up-coming events in the Pine Valley landscape the show decided that he would not speak again until such a time as he could be recast (as a teenager undoubtedly..) Thus we have a silent Jamie. Makes sense to me!! Ok... I made all of that up... but at least the kid ain't talkin'.... ;-)

GUESS WHAT: There is another DEVANE coming to town. NO, it isn't Alex. This one is named Aidan... a younger male (perhaps one of the new breed of stud-boy for the summer ahead?) Aidan will be portrayed by an actor new to the daytime acting thing. His name is... Aidan Turner (so how do you suppose they came up with the character's name...hmmmm) He will be a mysterious man from Anna's past (obviously related to her somehow) and will first appear on June 6th.

On the REVLON front: Actress Alexandra Neil (ex-Jeannie on OLTL)will be portraying the big Revlon executive Casey Wexler... she'll be on the show next week. I would still love to know when it is that Greens GOT this job. Is this part of the big scheme that Erica has cooked up for Kendall? It wouldn't make sense if it were considering we have seen nothing but Erica trying to hide evidence of the Revlon wooing of Greenlee in the first place. SO... that would mean that at some point in time Greens contacted the folks at Revlon, got herself hired, moved into the office AND is taking job applicants. HUH? Revlon is a corporation, right? I work in a corporation and absolutely NOTHING ever happens that fast. I have GOT to move to Pine Valley.

Did anyone else notice that Pine Valley from Erica's Enchantment window looks more like a hustling, bustling metropolis than the quaint little town that we would be lead to believe it to be?

Line of the Day: Erica to Chris: "Where's your other cane?" Chris to Erica: "Right here!" (grabs Erica KANE... get it? Yuck, yuck, yuck... snort, guffaw...)

Do you people EVER listen to yourselves??? I had to laugh at the conversation between current studboys at the bar today. Each of them will go out of their way to defend and protect the woman they love. Leo will not have people telling him anything bad about his Greenlee and Ryan is INSISTENT that his Kendall is not what people would think and that she is misunderstood. AND YET... as soon as the two guys tell each other about the one that they are with they sit there and slam the other's choice. Ryan will WARN Leo about Greens and Leo all but laughs at the choice Ryan has made about Kendall. Instead of buying another drink it might be time to buy themselves a CLUE.

DEJA VU: Are we reliving the whole Brooke/Tad/Eddie/Maria storyline of the 90's all over again? YES! When Eddie and Brooke had their love affair it was TAD who was having problems in his life and used Jamie as a reason to guilt Brooke into believing there was something wrong with Eddie being there in the first place. Brooke, who at the time was easily swayed because it had to do with her only remaining child, was soon won over by Tad and the sense of an existing family... leaving Eddie in the dust and giving space and opportunity for the beginning of the match with Maria. Ahhh... history is repeating and Eddie, not being a fool in the least, is watching it unfold. The only thing he DOESN'T see yet is just how complete this may all be... I suspect that his 'fear' that Brooke is in the same place she was all those years ago will be the cause of DREAMS that Edmund is going to have that will be the re-introduction of the Maria character. Perhaps he will see her telling him that she is NOT dead after all and thus will begin to wonder if he should be looking for her. From what I understand Maria will not be on the show on a full-time basis until July and thus it stands to reason that Ed is going to be playing a part in her actual return. Meanwhile there ARE going to be pieces that need to be picked up for both Brookie AND Tad when all of this starts to go down.... Brookie for obvious reasons and Tad because....

Scoops now definitely show Dixie having a change of heart and calling an elated Tad this coming week from her perch in Europe. It would seem that she is going to tell the sulking sour-puss that he is going to be a father again and for a few very happy days he will be on top of the world. BUT... and there is always a BUT in a soap opera... the other scoop that has David 'going (peacefully) to his enemies door could mean that news of the baby's death OR problems with Dixie herself might be delivered by David to Tad OR by David to Opal, who is supposed to be coming to Tad with bad news.... This will send Tad on another tailspin to the bad boy depths and that will not make life in the world of Brooke, Eddie and Jamie any easier.

And then we have Kendall and Erica about to move on to yet another level of their utter hatred for each other. The FAUX family dinner complete with canned chuckles and fake niceties.... Erica is going to be revealed for what she has been doing in front of Chris and Kendall is going to be looking pretty shady pulling out that gun in the middle of the one big restaurant that EVERYONE goes to in Pine Valley. (This will not exactly bode well for future employment...) The big question here is NOT whether or not Ryan is going to understand and stay with Kendall... something tells me that he will 'understand' her anger and probably support it to an extent. What I also see, however, is that the happy-happy-joy-joy relationship that has been cooking between Erica and Chris is about to hit the skids... at least for a while. HE is no pushover and will walk away (yes walk...) from the scheming Diva because she hasn't actually changed one iota from the times before when he walked away from her. She's a liar... let's be honest. This will ONLY set off the diva and make her start to hate Kendall even MORE than she already does. Trouble in Kaneville...

Sorry... but there is a part of me that REALLY wanted Kendall to pull that trigger today... Wouldn't that have been a surprise.... (heavy sigh)

And there was Jakey to the rescue for the upteenth time... in the right place at the right time to save the damsel in distress and tame the snarky and mouth-foaming Trey... damn... this boy has sure changed the colors he shows to others QUICKLY. No more Mr. Nice guy. Jake, however, seems to think that this White Knight routine is going to get him somewhere.... WELL... based on past experience I would think that he would know better by now. NOPE. She'll bat her eyelashes at him for a while but I am already counting down until the time that she starts to realize that she really wants to be with the almighty and powerful Adam. It WILL happen.... mark my words. THEN who is Jakey going to stand around in a towel for?

LAST but not least: So what is with this Big Bad Blackmailer (BBB)? What is with the mask? Who is it that we shouldn't be seeing the face? And why oh why does he keep hitting the sissy lawyer in the stomach? Did his momma tell him not to hit a man with glasses? Is part of Trey's secret double life a history of gastrointestinal problems that are aggravated when hit in the stomach? So many mysteries.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/02:

Who would have thunk that Simone could have the sort of luck with men that Brookie does? Dear, dear girl doesn't really have the common sense necessary for a real relationship... or so it would seem. OR the taste, for that matter. First she's chasing around the grunting, married midget (with great teeth) and now she's after Roger, fresh off his archeological DIG. Sorry... I just do not get this attraction. We DO now know that it has stemmed from a one night stand. So, what they are saying here is that these two characters are THAT attracted to each other that they have fallen passionately in lust after a one night stand. Oh... what's this? They met in a bar? Ahhhhh... so this has a little something to do with alcohol... now it is starting to make sense. But I am still wincing after the "your eyes are like two black diamonds" line. The way he's dressed... the way he is talking... this must be a 1940's Humphrey Bogart movie...

This just in: Erica actually had TEARS today. None of that dry-eyed wheezing and noises that make those around her wonder if she isn't having a heart attack. Even Binks was all misty today... sob...snort... "YES... I'll move home, Mommy..." hmmmm.... just in time for Sarah to show up at the door? I suspect the tears will be ending long around that time.

I kind of like this Mia vs. Hayley thing. I would have loved to watch the two of them go at it today. It didn't happen... but I am imagining that it WILL when things start to heat up with Mia and Adam... and they will. Of course by that time it will be a bit of Mia vs. Liza too and THAT ought to be a great deal of fun. Meanwhile I am going to suggest that Hayley quit her snarking at everyone and everything and get her ass to an AA meeting. She needs to get out some of that residual anger and self-righteous indignation (she is currently wearing that crown) and work through some of these issues that she is wearing on her sleeve. Honey... we know you are married to Mateo, but that doesn't mean you have to BE like him. Stop pointing that bony little finger and take a non-addictive CHILL PILL.

Hayley, however, DID mention Trevor today. That MIGHT be a good sign. It could only be a reference to the past (and very popular) character only because he is in direct line to how Hayley got there in the first place... On the other hand it IS possible that some of Hayley's relatives will be popping into town ONE BY ONE and the reunion will begin. First we will see Arlene (May 31st), then there will be the dream visions and eventual return of Maria. There are still the rumors of the Dillon KIDS coming to town and now the mention of Porkchop himself. Could it be? IMHO that would be an excellent casting choice. Back to the Future in Pine Valley.

I read an interesting rumor (that many were vehemently denying) on a One Life To Live board that stated Timothy B. Stickney (RJ Gannon) would be leaving the role and it would be recast with Darnell Williams (better known to US as Jesse "You DEAD, girl" Hubbard.) The rumor was met with what would be expected for any popular actor or character on ANY soap. There was respect for the ACTOR (DW), but the truth is that the fans of OLTL would not want to see TBS replaced. It would appear that this was one of those fabricated reports... but it was awfully nice to see Darnell's name being used. Perhaps they will consider SOMEHOW bringing him back to Pine Valley as well.... Frankie is supposed to be coming this summer... why not his DAD (or someone who looks JUST like him.)

The scene with Trey today confused me slightly... Here is a big bad blackmailer threatening to expose Trey's DOUBLE life and demanding 50,000.00. Trey, in a matter of moments, manages to turn around the game by telling big bad blackmailer (BBB) that HE must do something for Trey before the money is handed over. This is where he begins to process of telling BBB that there is someone in his (Trey's) way and he wants him eliminated. So let's get this straight. BBB is threatening to expose Trey unless he gets X-amount of money. Trey tells him that he has to 'get rid of' someone in order for the money to be delivered and BBB AGREES??? That is just silly. Don't they have Blackmailing 101 classes back wherever BBB is from?? If you are the blackmailer you do not take orders from the blackmailee. It sort of undermines your 'authority'. If you are going to end up doing WORK in order to get your money... it stands to reason that the thing you are holding over the blackmailee's head cannot be all that bad. I would suggest you go back to the drawing board and retake Blackmailing 101. Personally I think that BBB should just come out of the background and slap some sense into our snarky little dweeb boy (Trey). Perhaps someone could call up Donald Steele and give him the story of the Double life that the bespectacled wonder is living. How bad could it be? He's a transvestite? He's a Disney executive? He works for Revlon? He's Spider-man? He was once a growth on Ryan's left arm (which sort of makes him his long lost brother...) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How long does Binks have to stay in that hospital bed for the non-threatening cut over her eye? Are they going to wait for it to heal?

And LAST but not least... WHEN did Greens get her connection to REVLON. I know that we saw her realizing that she was being courted AND that Erica was trying to thrwart that process... but with all that she has been doing lately AND the fact that she is still running at the drop of a dime whenever the ultra Diva calls... WHEN did she contact Revlon much less get herself involved enough with the company that she would be sitting in wait when Kendall arrived? There seems to be a bit of a continuity discrepency here. Is she WORKING for Revlon already? Is she just crashing the joint in anticipation of Kendall's arrival? You know what would be the PERFECT goof on this storyline? The Revlon executive should be SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR. First of all she is a spokesperson for some of the REVLON products, second of all it would be a RATINGS grabber having her play the COMPETITION for Erica Kane and Enchantment. It would be a HOOT to watch Ms. Gellar (now a far more adult blonde) working against Kendall, Erica and Greenlee. Just a thought.... It would most definitely draw some older fans back to the show.....

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY05/01:

The rumors have returned. Several weeks ago when the notion of Skye Chandler Quartermaine making a visit to Pine Valley during the May Sweeps for a 'special reason' was bandied about it was also suggested that this could be because Myrtle would pass away. Considering the current fad of making up stories and insisting that they are real scoops or press releases (as opposed to allowing that something might just be a theory) I have been wary as to what is or is not based in possibility. About a week ago there were further reports regarding Robin Christopher that had the star denying or simply unfamiliar with the news that her character would be visiting Pine Valley. More and more sources seem to think this was a case much like the death of Gillian last June in which so many conflicting stories and the shroud of secrecy kept because the story was important enough to genuinely be a surprise. IMHO that is what is happening here. When I recall the recent 'health' issues that have plagued our Myrtle... always downplayed by the character when hacking and nearly fainting in public places, I really get the feeling that they were solid clues to a future story. It would NOT surprise me in the least if the actress (Eileen Herlie) were to want to retire and take the rest of her life easy and out of the make-up room of the AMC studios. Personally I feel it would be an honorable and distinctive means of letting a character go, especially at that age. Death is inevitable and she is NOT a young person. Let's be realistic... the death of Louis Edmonds (Langley) has STILL not been addressed simply because there never has been an easy way to do it. The show could send Myrtle off to Florida or something but that just doesn't seem at all what the character would do... she's a fixture and she belongs in Pine Valley. SO... if Eileen wants to leave why not a sad and final send off that will always be remembered? It isn't as though the actress might come back for another contract in a few years....

It's good to be the QUEEN: It seems only natural in Pine Valley lore to have Erica, who just finished a trial for "murder" with Jack barking at her like a rabid dog, to go directly to him and try and "Fix" things for her daughter. What does Jack do? He agrees to 'keep this out of the papers' and make life easy for the little binkster. WHERE WAS UNCLE JACK WHEN I NEEDED HIM? Sorry... I digress. It is this sort of hypocricy in Jack's job that makes me understand why he isn't going to get a single iota of respect in his position from people like Anna. Let's face it... they are all doing the jobs put in front of them entirely as they see fit. There really are no rules in Pine Valley so why bother pretending that something is right or wrong in the first place. Since this is a soap opera why not allow for anything? Land of the lawless? Break a rule? SO WHAT!! Fortunately there are slimy little press people hanging out in nearby holding stations waiting for that phone call for the big old scoop about any infraction from the PV royalty. And then they all act as if they are being put upon like poor unfortunates... oh puuuhhhhllleeeaaasssee. Poor Binks.... a lesbian, a drunk, rejected in love AND now a future jailbird. Lifes a beeyatch, ain't it?

We KNEW that the Erica and Kendall situation was too good to be true. Today we were treated to more of those wonderful visions of happiness as each of the mother/daughter team smiled and did the faux nicey-nice to each other. Each would have had a trick up their sleeve if they had been wearing sleeves at all. This war is not over and I don't know about anyone else... but I am swiftly moving over to Kendall's camp for that side of the fun and games.

However, I did consider that job as Erica's bodyguard. 500,000. a year???? Sign me up! I'm on my way to Pine Valley as we speak. Do you have benefits?

Message to Leo: NEVER say: "Nothing else is ever going to get in our way" on a soap opera. Bad move, silly boy.

I see Roger was back today. Apparently by the way he was dressed he had been on a safari. And it would seem that Simone has been his jungle love. Ok... sure... and when did this happen? Before the Mateo infatuation? During? After? Did she meet Roger in the laundry room? On her way to the publisher to pitch her instant Six Figure book idea about Proteus? I feel boring all of a sudden. Everyone in Pine Valley has a secret and here I am always telling the truth.

Does anyone wonder if Kelly Ripa will feature the book about Proteus on her new Book club once it is finished?

Did anyone else notice that Hayley took her BEEYATCH pill this morning? Was that girl extra snarky today or WHAT? Give the girl a talk show and she thinks she knows everything. haha

On Vanessa/Rosie/Blanche Dubois (or whatever her name was today): Loved the line to Trey after he realizes she hadn't REALLY signed the power of attorney: "I know there's a number of personalities roaming around in here but come on... none of them is STUPID."

Macho boy is back. Mateo and the snarling face is back and looking for trouble again. Hayley has had him tied up in the back of SOS for a while and suddenly, much to my dismay, he got loose. NOW he wants to work with Agent GIMP to nail Ms. Supposed Proteus in one of those silly soap opera schemes that are so far-fetched that they are funny. MEANWHILE: I am still out on my verdict regarding TREY the wonder boy... but I will say one thing: If this kid talks lurker man (from the elevator) to get rid of Mateo... Trey will become my new best friend. Nuff said.

How JOLLY good that Liza can talk normal again. She must have slept on the correct side of her head last night and it all kicked in. She has started to put the make-up back on to. Now it will be time for some reality.....

TOLD YA: Mia runs into Adam's arms today when he gives her the check for her son. Hayley walks in the room and stops dead in her tracks as if to say: "What's THIS all about...?" It has begun. Liza came in just in time to refute the accusations that Adam the snarker was throwing at Mia regarding her need for Chandler money. Little did Liza know that she was, as a result, instrumental in the beginning of the relationship that will take away the husband that she doesn't THINK she wants right now. She'll want him just as soon as she starts to see that he wants MIA. And just wait until Jake gets a hold of the notion that Adam and he will be competing for her. And what hand will Trey have in all of this? Was he the father of the child in question? Is he Maggie brother? David's & Leo's? Perhaps he is Jesus Christ come back to earth. Perhaps a bit too controversial for daytime television....

And LAST but not least.... even Erica rolled her eyes at the news of Greens and Leo as told by the peanut on the phone. Erica: "I don't have time for all your romantic ups and downs..." Well of course she doesn't... it has nothing to do with HER. (Note to Leo and Greenlee fans... RELAX... I'm just kidding! ;-)

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/30:

She's buying it!!! I could picture Adam Chandler in the other room once he had left Liza having concluded a successful conversation in convincing her that everything he was doing was for her own good and because he cared. There he stood rubbing his hands together like Montgomery Burns in "The Simpsons" mumbling "Exxxxcellent!" Is Liza being snowed by the big guy? Is Adam aware that his wifey is snowing him? Is this marriage ticking down to the bitter end? Will there be a court battle for custody of the little Colbster? In truth we ALL know that everything that happens in soap operas is cyclical. This could only mean that it could be time for a good old fashioned court battle over a child. Adam has to have them for each child he fathers (no matter how he did it...) This battle over money is between two very stubborn people who have not been able to be honest with each other pretty much throughout the entire marriage. The first time, the second time OR the third time. I still say that Adam is pulling one over on Liza and will have his sights on Mia before we know it.

Speaking of Liza... there would seem to be a new fashion statement in Pine Valley. The bandage on the left side of the head. Liza was apparently getting such rave reviews for the look that they have decided to give it to young Bianca as well. Who's next? Perhaps either Trey or Leo can wear one after a fight? Greens or Kendall? Before we know it the bandages will be on everyone in the Valley. A trend to be followed by us, the normal citizens. Perhaps ABC can start selling them during the commercial breaks.

On the RUMOR front: I am now hearing that TAD, who some have been saying is going to turn into BAD TAD is going to get a call from Dixie on the road. Somehow and some way she will have had a change of heart and will decide to let Tad know that she is pregnant with the child that they had always wanted to have together. Reunion? Think again. The rumor goes on to say that there will then be an unexpected tragedy (something new and different in the soap world.) There is no word at this time what that tragedy will be (if it is to be at all....) It could range from the loss of the child (which would send our blonde Martin further away, thus giving ABC the out on Cady), It could mean that Dixie herself will die. Personally I think the child will be the one that perishes. This way there is an excuse for the character to stay away from Pine Valley without having to kill her off. Tad, as a result of all the loss that he is encountering will start to lose a bit (or a lot) of his edge and THUS... bad Tad will emerge. It isn't that far a stretch considering we already have Angry Tad in our midst.

So.... if all the rumors start to come true that would mean that at some point by early this fall AMC will have lost the beefcake that it currently seems to rely on. If (and that IS a big IF) Ryan should be leaving as early as June and LEO is thinking about hitting Hollywood by October.... the show is going to definitely be needing some suitable beefcake to parade around in bedrooms with just a towel. I think we can all expect that there will be an influx on troubled and devious young men into the Valley within the next few months.

Oh wait.... there's always Mateo and Trey (he said sarcastically)

Speaking of Trey... out of curiosity... why is he asking Mia Longstockings for 20,000 when the blackmailer was insisting on him having 50,000? What is the deal with all of this sudden NEED for 'William'? We now know that the kid was adopted some time ago. It is blatantly obvious that Trey is NOT in touch with the parents that adopted the child. It is also obvious that Mia is clouded by the guilt that she feels for having given up the child in the first place. BUT she isn't thinking at all. Here is this guy telling her that something is wrong with a child that he told her to forget about... but wait... he doesn't know WHAT is wrong... just that it will cost around 20,000 to save the kid. Anyone hear an alarm going off??? Trey is getting creepier by the day AND I feel more and more confident in my prediction that the character is not going to be a long standing Pine Valley citizen. Unless, as I said before, he is related to Vanessa, David and Leo... because that family seems to always get away with everything AND find redemption. What about JAKE: Is Jakey going to be the wise and knowing MARTIN that he usually is and start to slap his little Mia Longstockings around and back to reality? Is he going to pick up on the bad boy vibe that Trey is now swiftly beginning to give off in nearly every conversation he has? Count on it.

OPAL is back doing her 60's drag. Today she looked like a cross between Nancy Sinatra and "That Girl". These boots are made for walkin'....

Looks like little Bianca is going to be the next one to be visiting the AA meetings. Is Axel set for a return? Is Hayley going to give a speech? Will Bianca lose her driver's license and need rides from mommy's chauffer? Life is tough in Pine Valley. Quick, Erica, call Dr. Facinelli in Brazil to fix Binky's boo-boo!!!

LAST but not least: I am really feeling for Kendall these days. I think she is absolutely correct in her feelings and has every right to be as mad as HELL at the Diva mom. So today we see the beginning of the reconciliation for these two wayward family members? NOT A CHANCE. No sooner has this truce been called that there will be a little peanut spoiler. YEP... Greens is going to spread the cheer of the dirty deeds that Diva mom has been up to and WHAMMO... that little fuse will be lit in Kendall again. Word is that Kendall will be pulling a gun on dear old mother in a public place very soon. Not exactly the best of Mother's day presents....

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/29:

YOU GOT ME: It would seem that the "hot off the wire" press release was a hoax. Someone out there has a bit too much time on their hands and felt it would be clever to create this fabrication. One the one hand I really could care less about the politics of the Executive Producers or Head Writers... and I suppose that some individual out there really thought this would be funny... but I honestly don't get the point. Oh well... onward.

Now that Bianca has been rejected and freaked out in a haze of alcohol... now that she would appear to be hideously scarred from the wreck that has resulted in her running away from the company of a STONE girl what is NEXT? First of all we must all be reminded that the last time BINKS ran from a STONE was the scene of the Frankie crime. This time she apparently jumped on a horse and got thrown into an amnesia tizzy. For weeks there were no memories of the events. NOW she lies in a hospital and all we have seen thus far is her covering her eye on the side of her head that isn't visible. This brings in memories of a certain nasty scar suffered by a Santos heroin back in the 90's as Julia was horribly cut by a mirror (I believe) during that hectic hurricane that struck the Valley. For weeks our lovely Julia hid and wallowed in the grief of lost beauty. She found herself in shadier parts of the Pine Valley surrounding area and that is where she ended up meeting Noah. So... by this token can we now believe that Bianca will find herself in places that momma would not want her to be ONLY to be 'saved' and nurtured by a larger lesbian with long dreadlocks and a surly streetwise personality? Then of course they will be involved with a crime syndicate, get chased and threatened and end up somewhere in the United States in the witness protection program. Poor Binks... can't cut her a break. And just when we thought momma was going to give Kendall a break...

Speaking of Kendall... she is certainly softening. Is it Ryan that is doing this for or to her? She actually had feelings for Bianca and showed a genuine concern for her well-being when she found out her accident had occurred. It is obvious that Kendall did not give the champagne to the younger sibling out of some malicious need to destroy her... she expected that Binks would drink responsibly. Obviously Kendall has never been a rejected lesbian. So what does this all mean? This kinder, gentler Kendall? To me it solidifies the possibilities that the romance that is growing between she and Ryan will be ended abruptly and in a manner that will find her at odds with everything and everyone because of it. THEN we shall see the true anger and resentment towards the world that the character of Kendall personifies. Maybe Ryan IS going to get killed off.... unless of course our friendly press release person is spreading this one around as well....

But how did Kendall and Ryan beat Erica and Chris to the hospital? E & C left LONG before the younger versions. Was Chris hobbling through the parking lot? Did Ryan break speed records and pass them along the way? How is it that Kendall got in and out of Binks hospital room in time to TRY and warn momma NOT to go in there. Are there faster portals? Is it possible that a portal can get in a traffic jam? Did Erica have to reapply her make-up on the way or have a hair person check her out? Ahhh... the mysteries of Pine Valley.

They're BAAAAAACK! It's the Leo and Greenlee show. They are Jumping the Shark this time around. We are over this. Get married or carry out a double suicide pact but for heaven's sake if we have to go another 100 rounds of "I love you, no, I hate you, no I love you..." I may have to shoot MYSELF in the head. PLEASE someone send these two to a definition of SOULmate. I do believe it entails far more than a solid animal magnetism and lust... OK... for all you Leo and Greenlee diehards, let's be honest. Do you REALLY think this is it? Do you really think this is happy ever after? Are you all really ready for the next wave of ins and outs and stalls to progress in their relationship? IMHO there is really only ONE reason that this couple is currently together.... and that is....

TO SELL SHIT. Here we go again. Leo and Greenlee sitting on a bed. What happens? ABC starts trying to sell the bed comforter set and engagement ring. What next in this crazy marketing world? Leo's tighty whiteys? Bianca's fake blood? Maggie's fashionable hip-huggers? A weeping willow? David's new theories on family values? A wig shaped like Leo's bowl haircut? What's more sad.... that they are selling items in nearly every commercial break OR that there are a great many people out there buying them? Ahh life in the big corporate world.

ABC is spinning off a sitcom pilot on All My Children right now as well. It's called "The Hayward's". It's starring David Hayward as a happy and well-adjusted family man in a beautiful house. He has a beautiful British wife who fights crime while he is saving lives in the local hospital. They come home at night and make mad passionate love only after family dinners with their adopted 'daughter' Maggie, a waif with a troubled past. Hilarity ensues. Watch out for the whacky In-laws!! Mom's a doozy. The show is set to premiere on ABC this fall Tuesday nights directly after the new dramedy Enchantment Girls starring Erica Kane as the Mogul and Greenlee Smythe and Kendall Hart as the competing ruthless warriors of the fashion world. ABC is the place to be this FALL.

LAST but not least: Did we hear a bit of the future uttered out of our little confused Maggie's mouth today? All of a sudden she was explaining her whole sordid and sad upbringing to David and Anna so that we, the audience, would have a clue as to what makes her tick AND what to expect when Vanessa's sister comes to town... AND SHE WILL. We now know that momma was a drug addict and not a very good mother. Hmmmmmm... drugs... let's see... could that be because PROTEUS was in the family? Could it be that she was something to do with the whole Proteus mess but started sampling the merchandise and couldn't stop? Are we going to have another good name actress come in and vamp for us in Pine Valley OR will we have the delightful Marj Dusay playing an Adam/Stuart styled role as both sisters? Oh those drugs.....

SUNDAY EXTRA IN PINE VALLEY04/28:

HOT off the wire: ABC ANNOUNCES NEW PRODUCER, HEADWRITER FOR AWARD-WINNING "ALL MY CHILDREN"

"All My Children," the Emmy-winning daytime drama broadcast on the ABC Television Network, will experience exciting creative changes in the next month; it was announced today by Felicia Minei Behr, Senior Vice President of Programming for ABC Daytime.

"It is my pleasure to announce that Paul Rauch will join 'All My Children' as executive producer," stated Behr. "Paul is an extremely experienced and talented producer that will successfully guide 'All My Children' into its thirty-third year on television."

Rauch currently serves as executive producer of the CBS daytime drama, "Guiding Light." In the past, he has served as executive producer of "Another World," "Santa Barbara," and "One Life to Live." Rauch replaces Jean Dadario Burke, who has been with "All My Children" since 1997.

In addition, Megan McTavish will return to the acclaimed soap as its headwriter, effective immediately.

"Megan McTavish has a long history with 'All My Children,�" stated Behr. "She has worked with many fine people throughout her successful career, including Agnes Nixon." In addition to McTavish re-joining the writing team of "All My Children," current associate head writer Fredrick Johnson will now serve as co-head writer with the Emmy winning McTavish. Johnson and McTavish replace Richard Culliton.

McTavish joined the writing team of "All My Children" in 1987. In 1992, she became the show's headwriter. After leaving in 1995, she returned to the headwriting position in 1998. She has also served as headwriter for "Guiding Light," "One Life to Live," and most recently "General Hospital."

Behr concludes, "I want to thank Richard Culliton and Jean Dadario Burke for their wonderful contributions to 'All My Children.' Ms. Burke was truly an asset to the show and to the network, and we thank Mr. Culliton for adding a sense of intrigue and mystery to the show, something no other previous 'AMC' regime has done before."

"All My Children," which celebrated its 32st anniversary in January of 2002, has successfully maintained its popularity and continues to be one of Daytime�s most compelling dramas. "All My Children" took home the 1998 Emmy Award for Outstanding Drama Series, the third time the show received this top honor, having also garnered the award in 1994 and 1992. The show also received its third consecutive Emmy Award for Outstanding Drama Series Writing. This year "All My Children" has received the Writer Guild Award and the Glaad Media Award. The show is the recipient of four 2001 Emmy Awards.

Created by Agnes Nixon, the show revolves around the lives of the residents of Pine Valley, a fictional town which closely resembles the Philadelphia Main Line.

After some weekend investigation it would seem that Cameron Mathison is definitely leaving the show come June. Apparently the actor had the out in clause for June put into his current contract. NOW... this is where the speculations start to happen and the truth may become muddled. For instance: I have not seen it written that he is leaving the show permanently in June. It is entirely possible that the actor wants some time off for his up-coming nuptials. Others, however, have written that the actor is moving to Santa Monica, California (Los Angeles) and that would make the NY AMC shooting schedule a bit daunting. The most interesting "scoop" I have read thus far has Vanessa breaking out of the looney bin and immediately going to get some form of revenge on Erica. According to the scoop the BULLET that she has earmarked for the Diva is going to hit Ryan instead, thus reuniting the surly six-pack with his princess in some heavenly scenes. True? Who knows. This is the beginning of the rumor mill and could be what some people would LIKE to see happen if Cameron is indeed leaving. IMHO he IS going to move to California and thus leave the show. It would makes sense because he had been thinking about doing this late last year. If I recall correctly his contract was re-upped in the eleventh hour and it was never revealed HOW LONG the contract was for. NOW... whether we will go through another nasty shooting of a major character one year to the date of the death of Gillian will only be told with time. Hmmmmmm.... I wonder if anyone is going to need an instant heart transplant?

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/26:

Has anyone ever thought that it might be a very interesting piece of timing that brings Greenlee's mother to Pine Valley? Have we even thought for a moment how ironic her arrival could actually be? Let me explain: Vanessa is a looney... we already know that. BUT... we also know that there is someone ELSE calling the shots and Vanessa is but a puppet in the game of Proteus. For weeks...nay... MONTHS I and everyone else that watches this show have been speculating about the possibilities du jour in the Proteus identity game. NOW... what IRONY might I be talking about? Let's have a look at the facts. We know that one of the main problems facing Leo and Greenlee now and in the past has been the fact that Vanessa has found Greenlee to be an easy target for her lunacy. She has drugged her and thrown her in a leaky boat. She has held her at knifepoint while doing a horrendous imitation of Doris Day on acid... let's face it... Vanessa does NOT like Greens. NOW... wouldn't it be funny if it turned out that the real villain in all of this MESS were to be Greenlee's mother? I believe her name is Mary. More facts: She is RICH, she has had all sorts of power over ROGER (who worked for Proteus, remember?) She's been invisible for years BUT is familiar with Pine Valley... and Vanessa OBVIOUSLY has a deep resentment towards her daughter. This week Vanessa is going to VOW that Greens and Leo will not get married and I am beginning to suspect it is for better reason than Greens taking away her little boy. Think about it.

Binky fans... are we witnessing a breakdown? Today Bianca was trying her hardest to play denial while visiting with her Frankie lookalike. She wanted SOOOO bad to pretend one was the other and went as far as to drink a couple of bottles of champagne to get the job done. It isn't going to work. Binks will feel the effect of the drink and 'forget' that Mags is not Frankie. She will be rejected and set out to feel hideously sorry for herself thus having a car accident and raising all sorts of issues between Erica and Kendall again. NOW... some of you could be wondering if this is going to lead to some form of alcoholism on Binks part. We already know that the girl has an addictive nature having spent time in a rehab for eating disorders. Although I wouldn't HOPE that Binks is going to battle those sorts of demons I would have to admit that it isn't that far off base that a troubled and confused teenager would resort to that "answer" when there don't seem to be any others. Binks is at a cracking point and drinking, no matter what consequence we see in this up-coming week, is a means to get 'away'. On another note: It is reported that the girlfriend from the rehab (Sarah)... the one that almost married and had the mother who just could NOT accept her daughter unless she was attached to a man..is coming back to town. She will arrive in June, but there is no word on whether or not this is a quickie visit, a recurring role or a contract.

I must agree with some posters that although there is a bit of a DRAGGGG effect with the story that is being churned up about KD LANG (in case you are wondering that is what I call Jamie... it was pointed out to me one day that he looked like KD and I heartily agreed,) there would seem to be a VERY good reason that these scenes should be taking place. HISTORY is important (read ANY message board and you will see the anger whenever history does not seem to be being wathced, remembered, or paid attention to.) With Maria returning to Pine Valley in the near future it would make sense that the writers would need to somehow recap a current audience as to the characters history. BUT it isn't only important that Maria's history be explained. It is also VITAL to the storyline that is coming that we all remember that not only did Tad have a relationship with Brooke in the past (and their child is Jamie, aka KD LANG), but Edmund and Brooke ALSO had a rather passionate time of it way back when. IT WAS MARIA that came between them as a matter of fact and THAT may just be happening again in the near future. Remember TOO that when the plane went down in August of 1997, it was Brooke who had changed seats with Maria in order to allow the former to read through some Tempo Magazine stuff up towards the front of the plane. There was a VERY long period of time that the brooding and grieving Eddie was not able to forgive Brooke for having done that... even though there is no way it could have been known that a crash would occur. Remember also that TAD, as bad as he seems right now (he's a MESS) is being set up for a major role in all of this up-coming love story upheaval. We may be a little curious as to why Tad is being such a male BEEYATCH right now. We may want to know why Eddie and Tad are going head to head. We may want to know why we all want to slap Brooke several times and laugh maniacally afterwards... but I believe it is ALL in order to set us up with a connection to the past.

It was almost comical to me to watch the motivations that Chris had for his now almost 'miraculous' recovery from paralysis. To hear him speak it he is fighting this affliction with the intent of carrying the little diva up the stairs. Focus, focus, focus....

Ahem... So big sister Kendall gave a couple of bottles of champagne to little sister Bianca. Did she then become entirely responsible for whatever Binks does? Erica would have her believe that. In what parallel universe is it that 18-year-old's aren't exposed to alcohol? In ALL states of the USA it isn't LEGAL to drink in bars and establishments... but that isn't to say that the 18-year-old isn't going to TRY and drink somewhere. I AM NOT advocating the under-21 drink... but I would like to casually remind the audience that less than a week ago Binks was at the Valley Inn drinking Mimosas with Leo. THAT is illegal.... sometimes I forget that when I grew up in NY the drinking age WAS 18...)

MAN oh MAN I was hungry when I watched those two skinny minnies with all that picnic food. Sure... she doesn't eat mayonnaise... I understand that she might not like a condiment or two... but did she eat anything? Chill out, surly girl... live spontaneously... enjoy the moment. This guy, no matter WHAT the future may hold, is there NOW and with LOTS of food. EAT!!!

LAST, but not least: So we have an evil element in town to blackmail the evil element in town. Very interesting. Trey has secrets? GO FIGURE. Whomever our mystery slugger may be they went OUT of their way to mysteriously film his looks. Is it that we were supposed to know him? Is it that we aren't supposed to recognize him from the past or get a look for the future? There was one moment when he turned around in order to slug Clark Kent in the stomach and say his final nasty threat (for the moment) before he left. HE has the goods about the 'person that Trey really is'. Hmmmmm... and just what sort of person might that be? Are we tallking a murderer? A drug dealer? A shady lawyer? A black marketeer? A blackmailer? A heathen? A slimy element? All of the above? It is all beginning to make sense. When a person is any of these things previously listed... they HAVE to go to Pine Valley. It is like a magnet that draws that element. So here we have Trey all dressed up with no place to go. He's a lawyer, sure... but he seems to be a little low on the cash. NOW he is going to start revealing the true colors to those who seem to think, for the moment, that he is a nice guy. He will begin with Mia and THAT story will start to unravel. Trey needs money to help "the baby". Now that's suspicious. If the baby was adopted that would tend to make one believe the parents might be taking care of the money situation for the child. SO... where is this kid? And how long ago did all this go down? I was getting the impression that this kid happened several years ago and thus would be a bit older than a BABY. Trey will first alienate Mia (and Jake in the process). He is alienating Vanessa because he is blatantly trying to get power of attorney from her. He is alienating Leo and David because of the mere fact that he came to PV to defend Nessy. He will alienate the Chandlers because he is going to try to get to THEIR money through Mia. The list is beginning and the man is about to start racking up the points against him... one by one throughout the busy burg of angry people. I'm telling you Trey is a future murder story waiting to happen. So what is this secret that is worth 50,000.00? Son of Proteus? Brother of Leo and / or David? Just how 'dastardly' is this guy going to turn out to be? Oh wait... if he's related to Vanessa, David and Leo.... he can do whatever he wants... he'll eventually be redeemed.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/25:

Ok Leo and Greenlee fans... they are once again getting engaged. Today gave us that hint of the happy wave again crashing on the shore of these two confused lovers. I almost missed it, however, considering I dozed off for the second time this week while watching All My Children. Either I need a little break or I've been eating too many carbs in the morning.

I was awake for Tad's rant with Eddie today. K.D. Lang had already done the sullen routine and waddled up the stares. Later K.D. heard everyone fighting and dropped a glass or something. Why can't K.D. talk? How old is K.D.? I KNOW that the kid wanted the marriage between Eddie and his mother AND like Eddie told TAD the BAD it isn't like he was harping for a rematch of Tad and Brooke because they had been divorced for YEARS and Tad had married Dixie about 6 or 7 times since. Gee... I wonder if any of THOSE weddings made K.D. stop talking and pout around the house. TAD is getting to be a bad boy again. It is a place that I am not sure I am happy about him going. I like the CAD... but the Bad? Is it fun or is it just annoying? I haven't decided. It would seem that he is personifying the self-righteous behavior of a MARTIN. Seems odd to say, but I wish he'd stop being so Martinized. Quite frankly Brooke could have used a nice, swift slap across the face today as well. They all need therapy. Maybe it is I who needs therapy? All I know is that I keep waiting for silent boy to break out in a K.D. Lang tune and for everyone to start clapping their hands and singing along.

I don't know about anyone else but I am actually convinced FOR ONCE that a relationship that two characters SAY is over actually IS over. The talk that happened between the characters of Greens and Jake today was an excellent closure of that 'relationship'. This COULD be a harbinger of the success of Greenlee and Leo's nutptials. She will only have to deal with the ever-changing mind of Leo AND the under-handed behavior of the town's new bad boy TREY.

Lots of BITTER people today. David vs. Anna, Tad vs. Edmund, Greens vs. Jake, Adam vs Liza (sort of), Marian mad at Mia (probably still resenting her over the drinking lecture), Brooke is mad at Tad, Brooke is cross with Eddie, Brooke is mad at the world, Tad is mad at Brooke.... well... you get the picture... lots of sniping. Will they all kiss and make up tomorrow? Doubt it. It's SWEEPS.

ARLENE is coming back in May folks... this from the SOW May Sweeps scoops. NOW what could THAT mean??? Could it be that our favorite boozer mom is PROTEUS? Is she just coming back to make trouble for Adam? Is Adam bringing her back to hatch a plan against Liza? Is she working with or for Trey? Anna? Palmer? VANESSA? Or is she just on because we all adore her and love every single damn scene she does? ARLENE ROCKS!!

Maybe Arlene found Maria on one of her islands and is dragging the Doctor's butt back to Eddie for some sort of reward.

Line of the day: Leo to David as David waxes poetic about the trials and tribulations of staying in Pine Valley and making the right decisions about life. Leo: "Did you swallow a self-help book today?"

Did anyone ever think that since now Anna is the Chief of Police it will become the highlighted career in town? In other words.... When David was on all the time everyone had some sort of heart problem. It just seemed to work out that way. NOW that Anna is in charge of the Pine Valley Police Department that would have to mean that someone is going to end up getting arrested, questioned, or detained in some way or another on a daily basis. I believe it was Leo today wondering if she was going to arrest her daily... I am beginning to wonder the same thing.

So who is going to blackmail our boy Trey? I think it is David. I don't know why... but David is NOT stupid and SOMEONE has to be picking up on this boy's routine. Maybe, however, MIA is on to his tricks of the trade. She knew him before. I'm telling you he's going to end up a murder victim down the road because once ONE of these people finds out he is a bad boy AlL of them will find out.

Did anyone else notice that moment when Colby came down to Liza and said she needed MIA to give her a bath because MIA let her wash her own hair. Liza looked up over Colby's shoulder and uttered "We all need Mia." The camera, of course, panned over to Adam.... who will REALLY be needing Mia very soon.

LAST but not least: It is time for some ACTION. Let's get on with the sweeps. Beeyatch slaps, car accidents, a death or two, big names arriving, craziness and revelations. ACTION, ACTION, ACTION. I am looking forward to some fireworks.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/24:

Today Trey was talking to someone on the phone about the money that Leo had in the safe at the Valley Inn. It would be very easy for us to assume that he was talking to the 'big boss' aka: Proteus... but I think we know better. Actually... It makes sense to me that Trey isn't necessarily working for Proteus. Personally I just think he found out about the money that Vanessa had and wants IN on that. SO... who is he talking to? ANNA. Why? Because he is tipping HER off to the whereabouts and movements of one Leo DuPres in order to make sure that the Greenlee lover doesn't get his way. But wouldn't it be a GOOD thing for Trey to get Leo out of town? That way he might have more of a chance to have his way with Peanut... Nahhhh... again I think that Trey is working Greenlee about the same amount as he is working Vanessa... Leo... David... and probably Anna too. Trey is out for himself. Trey wants the money. SOMONE is going to figure that out and that will be the person who is going to blackmail the boy.

Actually I thought that Leo and Trey made a cute couple having their little fight today and Trey trying to talk Leo OUT of leaving town. Ok... sorry... I must have been bored again.

And why does Palmer want that old coot Joe to be OUT of that hospital so bad? Why is he badgering Jake to make sure this mandatory retirement package is signed and thrust into immediate action? BECAUSE, as has been suggested by others... HE IS PROTEUS. The way this could make sense is that Joe... who has been around for about a hundred years knows something about Palmer... who has been around for about a hundred years, that Palmer doesn't want anyone to know. Therefore it would be in Palmer's (aka Proteus) best interest to make sure that Joe, who now has a good deal of extra time while in the hospital, isn't able to blow Palmer's cover. SO... what is it that Joe could know? Whatever it is I might even suggest that it dealt with something they did TOGETHER many years ago. Something that could suggest Palmer could be more than he is. Confused? Well... it is confusing but more will be revealed. Palmer has been an ardent supporter of the elder Martin up until recently... so what happened? I suspect that it will all have something to do with Vanessa... the libidozone... and that past connection. The only thing that bothers me is that Joe could blow his cover with or without his job at the hospital... so whatever it is that Palmer is up to has something to do with what is happening or WILL BE happening there. Start making your wagers boys and girls... I think one of our elder statesmen are about to be revealed as someone that you never would have expected.

Another suggestion for Proteus has always been Adam... the only problem I see with this character's involvement with the notorious drug dealer is that ADAM has far more of a future in the Valley than I see either Palmer or Joe having. (GOD... I would love to see the elder Martin becoming the town's most nefarious bad guy ever...) Adam, if you ask me, doesn't NEED to be Proteus. It is his nature to be the bad guy and the heavy without having to stoop to the levels of that sort of business. Adam does shady deals... but isn't it Palmer who has always had the secrets and illegal dealings. OK... Adam hasn't always been legal.... but there is TOO much coming up with Liza and Mia for him to take the big fall as the big drug Czar.

Enough about Proteus for now.

In Mateo's absence Brooke and Tad decided they would honor his memory by pointing fingers at each other and doing nothing but the blame game as KD LANG still refused to talk and looked to have a Herpes sore on the corner of his mouth. Sexually transmitted diseases at HIS age? oh... he was in a fight at school? Why... did they call him a little girl? MAKE HIM TALK!!

In that old soap opera RULE... Brooke and Tad are now fighting and not liking each other very much. Granted it is all about the kid... but they are NOT seeing eye to eye and that could only mean one thing: They WILL end up as a couple. Of course, by this rule that would mean that Leo and Trey and Tad and Edmund are going to end up together as well. Maybe that rule doesn't work ALL the time.

Did Greens call the nurse at the desk a Diva?

Is Greens coming to find out if there is a future for she and Jakey? Or is she simply and FINALLY putting some closure into this relationship so she can go back to Leo for round 542?

By the way... why does TAD hate Edmund that much right now? What has Eddie really done to deserve this? Where was Tad through all that time that Ed and Brooke were courting? Wasn't Jamie one of the biggest supporters of that relationship? I still think Tad could use a dose of Prozac or Lithium to stop that whining and fighting of every single piece of information that is given to him. Tad: lighten UP... or is it the entire point that you are becoming a heavy??

Domestic Simone and vulnerable Greenlee. What a pair. They actually like each other. I suspect that must mean that this revelation about Roger is due any day now? And... when is the last time we EVER saw anyone doing laundry on this show?

Last but not least... Sweeps officially starts tomorrow. I for one feel that the show could use a few jolts to liven it up. That isn't to say that I am not enjoying it.. I ALWAYS enjoy this light hearted romp through ego and non-realityville. But BOY would I love to see some conclusions and a few silly slaps. Bring em on...

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/23:

Word has it that Skye Chandler is NOT going to make the trip to Pine Valley in May. According to the Media Domain message board several people talked to Robin Christopher at the SSW weekend in California recently. They asked her about her crossover to AMC and she had no idea about what they were talking about. Rumor? Perhaps. It could be veiled in secrecy because it is for a reason that has not yet been revealed in the Valley. It could also be that the folks who asked gave Robin the impression they were talking about a more permanent move and she was denying that. OR... it could be as simple as what we heard being an internet rumor run amok. It isn't, as we all know, anything new...

So... Greenlee is there at ENCHANTMENT today wearing her little gopher phone piece and sitting at the desk outside of the office. Suddenly there are all sorts of people roaming the hallways populating the busy company. But there is no sign of Erica and we all know that Kendall was in bed at the Valley Inn with her new six-pack... Do they all alternate days to actually do some work for that company? The only time they are ever really together in the office is to snarl and snipe at each other for a few minutes before one or ALL of them are suddenly off to put out some fire or tend to some lover (present or past.) I wonder what sort of benefits Enchantment offers....

Ryan and Kendall are very much together now. They woke up together all snug as a bug in a rug. He cleanly shaven and oiled up, she in full make-up and lip gloss. Kendall wanted to know if the sex they just had for the last 8 or 9 hours constituted a "date". Ryan thought it best to make sure that the girl know this was NOT going to be a one-night stand. Ryan is the MACHO dude of the week maxing out his credit cards to turn the people hating Kendall into a warm cuddly Princess. What a guy. And then there were the plethora of sexual innuendos throughout the Ryan and Kendall scenes today. My favorite, Ryan sitting with Kendall between his legs as they both played some sort of video game: "My thruster is right on your tail!" And this is the network owned by Disney?

Let the speculation begin! Maria returning could mean any number of things. For some who refuse to believe that a dead person could come back from the grave (lest we forget there was never a body recovered..): They believe it isn't going to be Maria at all. It has to be a lookalike, perhaps an identical twin which, of course, nobody EVER knew about. Then there are those Eddie and Brooke fans who absolutely refuse to believe that he would just jump back to the character that has been gone for nearly 5 years when he has finally found the love that they believe is the right one for him. This COULD be true... there is no gaurantee that Maria and Eddie are going to jump into each others arms. Let's face it, the show would be wasting MONTHS of angst, decision, tears, and drama if that were to be the case. SO... in the meantime: Couldn't Maria have a fling with Tad? Perhaps Jack? Maybe she'll come back married with some character we don't even know yet? Will she have amnesia and not want to have anything to do with any of these people? Could she be Proteus? Is she going to admit to having disappeared because she is really a lesbian (while winking hopefully at Bianca)? Let's just say that whatever ultimately happens for or to Maria in Pine Valley... they will take their sweet time to get us to that point. I will say ONE thing and that is I KNOW she will eventually end up with Edmund... I know this the way I knew she would eventually return. In other words... it could take another 5 years, but it will happen.

NOW it would appear that Leo and Greens are going to end up planning yet another time to get married. Lovely kids, but is anyone else to the point of simply not giving a hoot if they ever get together (for real) or not? GOD KNOWS that these two sexually charged children will sleep together again. They have always been very attracted in that sense. That has been the basis to their entire relationship... animal lust. But animal lust isn't enough and shouldn't ever be the basis for a decision about marriage. They should know because after they've had the relations and smoked their afterglow cigarettes they are almost inevitably fighting and sticking their noses up in the air at each other. There is NO hope for the sort of "romance" that mature couples can achieve in soapland (or real life..) these two have too many issues, baggage, and hormones to actually calm themselves down and hitch up for a lasting relationship. Why marry when they probably haven't been able to spend more than a week at a time being nice to each other before the lines are drawn and the dirty looks begin again. MOVE ON!!

And it's about this book. Simone takes a couple of notes from a rambling and troubled Leo and only a couple of weeks later has a SIX FIGURE book deal that is going to make both of these two RICH and FAMOUS. In the matter of a few minutes Simone mentioned chat shows, book tours, best seller lists AND... the Oprah Book club. (Simone, Oprah is laughing at you...) AGAIN, I am sadly reminded that I must move to Pine Valley in order to get my book published. Or perhaps I should just pray that my mother is really a notorious money hungry socialite who has secretly conned lovers throughout her years and is now going CRAZY and killing people because she is disguising herself as a druglord when we REALLY know she is a simple, kind-hearted and misunderstood victim of circumstance with a four year contract.

And LAST but not least, on this pre-SWEEPS day (not a whole lot going on if you ask me...) Have you ever noticed that characters tend to become meddling and somewhat self-righteous inbetween storylines? Binks has always been a moral FIBER character for the show. I suppose they believe that it is important for the girl to be a moral compass considering she is one of those dastardly lesbians. I digress. Why is it that characters have to put themselves smack dab into the middle of their friends and family's business while they are waiting for the writers to give them something to do? Don't they know that as soon as their storyline begins those very same friends will come around and be a budinsky for them as well? Alas... Binks was meddling with Leo today ONLY making the long and drawn out saga of the spoiled and over-sexed children EVEN LONGER. Hey Binks... stop eavesdropping!!! :-)

Fear not. I am bored and this is all sarcasm.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/22:

It is hard to truly predict exactly where our young TREY is going to go. He is a charming young man, so it would seem... and YET all of a sudden we are seeing an entirely different and somewhat nefarious side of the boy. For one thing we are fully aware that he is out for the $$ that Vanessa is hiding. This proves that the money that Leo got out of that locker was just some chump change and NOT the drug money that Bianca was harping on him about. HOW? If it were the drug money Trey would now be in possession of it because he ripped off Leo. We know that isn't the case since Trey, a crafty dude who seems to have been able to wire both a hospital AND a mental institution adequately enough to project the robot voice to Vanessa without anyone else being clued in. It would also seem that Trey knows a few faces in the Valley. We know he already knows Mia. Something tells me he knows Adam. He isn't the favorite person of David or Leo at the moment and before long I suspect we will discover that Clark Kent boy is tied in with Proteus himself. NO, I do not think that Trey is Proteus. I think that Trey is Proteus' son.... or merely works for the man. Boy wonder is too young to be Proteus. A natural theory that I am coming to that is based on the quickly emerging nasty nature of the boy with the glasses is that he will eventually make enough enemies in town to be the next big murder victim in Pine Valley. A new whodunnit. Soon we will see Trey being blackmailed because someone is going to figure out something about his past that could blow the nice-guy cover he seems to have at the moment. Right now the only person that could be is MIA.... but, as I said before... I suspect there are more that know him. Now I ask you... does everyone have their own little robot voice gadget? Do they sell them in Pine Valley at Radio Shack? Why doesn't anyone ever get caught while using one of those puppies??

Hey Dixie fans... the rumor now has Cady McClain having signed a 3-year contract with As The World Turns. Of course this could be sour-grapes reporting because they are so miffed that Ms. Cooney Martin would ever leave Pine Valley... but on the other hand it could be the final tip-off to what I suspect will be the recasting of Dixie as early as this FALL. One way or another I believe that Dixie is coming back with baby in hands.

Anna had Bed-head and a bare-midriff today. Was it casual Monday? Is there no dress code for the Chief of Police?

Ryan and Kendall would seem to be the next super-couple... although I suspect that you could put Ryan with Lassie and it would turn out to be the next super couple. They have taken turns heating up and cooling down. Going from heavy petting to backing off and proclaiming they 'can't do this'. Well... it almost didn't happen again today. She looked at him as if to say... 'it just isn't right. I need to be picked up and carried up the stairs like Mumsie Dearest'. Finally they consumated the relationship and now we can expect they will be doing it every other scene. There will, of course, be several instances where Kendall believes her trust has been shattered. There will be endless sappy songs and rows of newly lit candles that are magically ready for the couple as they enter the room. ONCE... just once I would like one of those candles to fall and burn down the place sending the couple out into the street in their sheets. Kendall is going to fall in love and soften JUST in time for someone to show up and make life difficult... even more difficult than MOMMY can make it. Is Gillian returning? Will all the dead people from the past come back?

Jake gets a haircut and turns back into the ugly self-righteous jerk that he has been known to be in the past. Today he just marches into Adam's home, proceeds to insult the man and then tell him to leave the room so he can talk to Mia. HUH? How's the air up there on Planet Martin? To me it is SOOOOO obvious that Jake is falling for Mia and becoming the default macho pig man (filling in for Mateo on his time off) that would seem to be necessary in daily Pine Valley dialogue. The problem with this (at least for Jake) is that it is going to end up working against Jake (whether he is right or wrong about Adam). Mia is softening towards the silver-haired manipulator and he WILL get his way. This could be a bit of a triangle for Mia, Jake and Adam... but if Adam is interested he WILL win.

But IS Adam interested? I brought up last week that it appeared rather obvious that the wheels were turning in Mr. Chandler's head as he leared at the younger sister of Liza. It would seem that he has plans for her... but are those plans on the carnal level OR are they merely a part of the plan to OVERTAKE the company that once completely belonged to him. One has to wonder if Adam is possibly for real in his trying to protect Liza by having her declared mentally incompetent. In doing so he would be protecting her from a jail sentence because the stockholders and board members were now 'asking questions' about the LARGE sum of money missing. But would Adam have changed this much over the years? Has he softened enough to let this 'love' be more important than the money? NOT A CHANCE. He is angling to have Liza put away so he can not ONLY get the money back from her (he KNOWS she stole it.) But also this way he could get custody of Colby AND eventually seduce Mia into his bed. He knows what he is doing. Liza is going down. The major irony about this storyline is that Adam could very possibly be somewhat serious about his desire to help his wife... but it WILL be the stubborness, paranoia and GREED of the latter that will eventually get him back to the ruthless persona that we are all used to. So, in essence, she will have changed him to a more loving man only to turn around and change him back. But GEEEEZZZ... how gullible is Mia? Lurking Adam gives her the line about being on Colby's prayer list and BAM she is helping him out. Mia is doing the doe-eyed thing now... her edge should be appearing very soon. Then and only then will I believe that there is a real basis to her and Adam in the future.

Perhaps if David is going to live in that room at the Valley Inn they might want to add a table for the food they are forever eating on the bed. David almost hurt himself on that dinner roll tonight. If that thing were stale it could have done some major damage. Of course if these people are kinky..... ok... I won't go there.

GOOD LORD... there was a commercial for some asthma medication today that spent 3/4 of the ad telling you all the side effects. After listening to it I would almost have to believe that shooting yourself in the head might be a quicker and less detrimental remedy.

Last but NOT least: Is anyone else curious about the sccop where Palmer is going to cause problems for Dr. Joe in the hospital? What are these two old coots up to? I thought Dr. Joe was retired? Is it that he is going to want to come back and be Jakey's sidekick now? Does he want to be a candy striper? Does he want to be on the BOARD and make those all important decisions in emergency meetings called whenever someone looks at someone cross-eyed and Dr. David gets blamed for it? OR... is this yet another level of the Proteus story. God how I want one of these oldtimers to be the bad guy. That would really make my day.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/19:

THE MONOGRAM: This might be PURELY speculative on my part... but I am wondering about the letters on TREY's shirt. JKH in that order. Granted... the way he explained the monogram to Greenlee was that it stood for James Henry Kenyon.... the large K being surrounded by two smaller letters of J and H.... but for some reason when I first saw those letters BEFORE it was revealed that our bad boy lawyer was the injector in Vanessa's hospital room, I read it as JKH immediately thinking that it would stand for James Kenyon HAYWARD. Here is a theory: Trey's father is also David's father. Trey, being younger than David, is part of that family AFTER David would have assumed that Charles was dead. Charles, a lawyer, is also the big cheese Proteus. Vanessa has always known this AND of her other son and as a result has built her part of the Proteus empire. Up until recently there has been no reason for Trey to come to town. I am sure that he was previously aware of the fact that his 'mother' has two other sons... and it would appear at this point that there is a significant amount of resentment for that. (I'll get to that.) Because Vanessa had been having a breakdown and was now hiding money from Charles, who would have been immediately recognized by David, Trey was sent to 'take care' of her defense. It is very important to them that Vanessa NOT be sent to jail for the crimes committed.... because it is very possible that it would only expose both the bigger Proteus picture AND the fact that some of the things we assume Vanessa to have done might not have been done by her at all. SO... Trey (JKH) sneaks into the hospital room and injects his mother with the libidozone derivative in order to induce a psychotic episode and have people believe she really IS insane AND at the same time he gets to FRAME DAVID for the activity because the libidozone would be connected to him. Next week we will see Trey trying to bring down Leo as well.... I think our new LAWYER is part of the troubled family of Leo, David, and mumsy Nessa. The big question is whether or not LEO shares the father too... could it be that Vanessa didn't want the connection to the man that was supposed to be dead to be revealed THUS creating this DuPres character?

And what if Trey is a Hayward? It is obvious NOW that he has a past with MIA... today there were more red herring clues that would have us believe he was a young lover with missy MIA way back when... the choice of words would have us thinking that they were both a BIG part of the 'adoption' that took place. Trey: "We gave the baby a better life"..... This does NOT mean that he was the daddy. I have discussed here previously that I thought it possible that he was involved with this 'adoption' in an illegal sense... possibly a blackmarket thing that is coming back to haunt MIA... I do NOT think that Trey is the DADDY of that baby... (who will be appearing in no time at all, undoubtedly),,,, It seems to me that Trey was the person that HELPED our girl Mia at that time in her life... MY GUESS is that the INTERN she is so frightened of is going to be the father of the child OR perhaps the man who bought the baby?

COLOR ME curious: Where is Ryan getting the money for fancy dinners and beluga caviar? As far as I know this guy hasn't worked a moment for months and months and months. Is this another case of the magic of Pine Valley or are we talking a little sideline that we aren't aware of...? Is Ryan doing some modeling? Is he selling his body? Is he gambling and whipping off his shirt for the ante? Is he writing a book about grief and Princess loss? I KNOW... He's really Proteus, right?

Having dinner in a smalltown is HELL. Poor dear Kendall wants to have that special moment with her favorite new hunkboytoy Ryan and all those nasty little peanuts keep coming into the ONE freaking restaurant that Pine Valley has. Boo hoo hoo. Perhaps Kendall forgets that this is a one-horse BURG? You want Beluga, honey... you have to share it with all the people you don't really want to see... or you could jump on that portal and go to some swank joint in NYC, London, Paris...

Partners in Crime: Oh... I guess that should read Partners AGAINST crime, shouldn't it? ANOTHER thing that I saw coming months and months ago was the pairing of Anna and gimpman in charge of all the bad people in Pine Valley. Anna needs a partner to keep that nasty, snarky District Attorney off her butt. Chris needs a reason to get up out of that wheelchair and reclaim that manliness he feels he has lost (sniff, sniff). Erica will have to be civil to Anna (Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!) It all makes sense if you look at the broader strokes. Pine Valley is going to be based around all the common criminals and detective cases... It is going to be Anna and Chris as Anna and Robert Scorpio. At least we will not always be in the hospital. HEY DERRICK: How do you feel about THIS decision? First they give Anna your job THEN she goes and hires on someone else to partner with her.... It would serve this town right if DERRICK turned out to be Proteus.

Speaking of ANNA and General Hospital: It would appear that according to SOD, Ian Buchanan is in negotiations with AMC to bring Duke Lavery back from the 'dead'. (Why not?? Everybody eventually comes back in PV) There are all sorts of reasons that Ian and his character Duke LAVERY would be returning. For one... it would give the writers a triangle for the Anna and David pairing. They don't trust each other all that much but they don't currently have anyone getting in their way... and that doesn't last long in the soaps. Another reason would be that Buchanan would undoubtedly be playing some relation to RYAN, which would make things weird or dicey for stud boy... AND perhaps get the dander up for one of our favorite macho dudes Chrissy. Remember now... Ian is in negotiations.. it isn't a signed deal yet. IF you don't know who Ian Buchanan is you can catch him in the first scenes of "Panic Room" as the male agent showing the house to Jodie Foster and her daughter.

Didn't Libidozone bring out all of the inhibitions of the folks on the boat back in November of 2000? Weren't people screwing in rooms and running around yelling "Let's get Naked?" ... Isn't it sort of telling then that injecting Vanessa with the drug would cause her to have a psychotic episode? Is that her deepest inhibitions? Perhaps our girl is a bit looney after all?

People were bored hanging around the hospital today so they all walked across the street to the Insane Asylum and were free to hang out in the halls, chit-chat, peek into rooms and bribe nurses for records. I believe that in a matter of a few minutes we had Leo, David, Greenlee and Anna all pop in for that casual visit to the nuthouse. New Set?

Were the reports of Liza being institutionalized a bit premature? Is it possible that what we were hearing might have been the dream sequence that we saw today combined with the message that Adam was giving to Dr. McMillan about making sure that his wifey was to be declared mentaily unstable...? MY GUESS is that there still may be more to the idea that Adam will do what he can to RID himself of Liza and regain control of his company... but sending her to OakHaven might be, as suggested today, HER fear. With Adam now eyeing Mia it would seem to me that he isn't going to try and anger Liza's family. If her were to do a repeat of the gaslighting of Dixie and send Liza off... How would he explain this to Mia? Stuart? Marian? COLBY? Adam will find other means to do his dirty work. Liza, on the other hand is probably going to make ALL matters worse. AND MIA is going to be playing for both sides WHICH is going to create the foundation for a future storyline that pits Mia and Liza against each other BECAUSE of Adam. Something even tells me that Mia might at some point be given the custody of Colby because Liza IS acting a bit "crazy" because of her anger. Then, of course, we can expect TAD to the rescue. Tad is good at rescues and totally needs something to do.

Last but NOT least: We are going to see LEO being talked into writing that tell ALL book on mumsy by Simone. We will see Eddie getting a bit angry about the way that Tad is treating him over the care of Jamie (the young actor that looks a LOT like K.D. Lang... and acts just about as good as her too.) Binks is going to be drawn to Maggie... who apparently is not going to tell her anything she wants to hear... so she'll get drunk and have a car accident that Erica is going to proceed to blame on Kendall. And at one point they will all be in the Valley Inn stumbling over one another.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/18:

It is probably not the best sign that I fell asleep during the show today. I believe it was a combination of the fact that I ate too many carbs for lunch AND the show being a little... well... slow. I had to go back and watch a bit of what I missed ALL over again.

The water is bad again. The macho men got out of the wrong side of the bed again as JACK, who is really not a happy camper these days; Chris, who is so stuck in the quicksand of pride and manly ego; and Adam, (who is normally rather snarky and saw no reason for an exception today) were all barking this or that to whomever was in front of their faces. Time for a male retreat where they can bang their chests or hit a bongo drum. Better yet... send them all to a karaoke bar.

Poker in Pine Valley (Strip or otherwise.) Does everything have it's own signature in this town? First of all the thought of a Strip Poker game with these four characters combined is sort of scary. Second... I cannot honestly say that any one of them was actually playing the game. There was Ryan kept jumping in and taking his 'turn' before Chris and Kendall... which doesn't work. They were antying up the clothing BEFORE the hand as opposed to taking it off after losing... that is unique. And I must admit that the logic of Ryan's taking off ONE shoe and then going for his shirt (rather than the other shoe) was a bit odd. But it was Ryan... and apparently he does not need a reason to take off his shirt. Personally I was rather relieved that they all ended this triviality so quickly before anyone got embarrassed... I am sure many of you out there would NOT have minded seeing any one of these individual characters losing their clothing... but the combination was WEIRD!!

Did they mean to have Leo say this? While in the room being 'interrogated' by brother David, Bianca and Maggs David told Leo to "Think". Without missing a beat Leo flopped his arms up and down and proclaimed "NO, I am not going to think.".... as if that would be a problem for him...

Out of curiosity: Why are all the women in commercials for Wrinkle creams in their 20's?

PANTS SIGHTING: Leo's leather pants were located on Kendall today.

Is it me or... The way that Jack (the perrenial bachelor of Pine Valley)was snarking at Anna today... AND the way that she was snarling right back at him, made me wonder if there might not be a love story in the future for these two characters. Sure I know that Anna is currently married to Dr. David... but that doesn't mean a great deal in these parts. Their marriage is CONSTANTLY being tested by each of their inability to trust one another, not to mention the fact that it seems to be largely based on the physical. Whenever two characters are at each other's throats on this show (or any other soap for that matter) it is usually a given that at some point it will be revealed that there is a sexual tension. Why not with Jack and Anna? Both have a contract going through at least the next year of the show. Jack hasn't had a date in a hundred years... which could attest to the snarkiness. I give it a month or two before they are discovering themselves eye to eye and quivering lip to quivering lip.

Mia and Trey... Is he the father of her child? Was he the lawyer that helped out in the adoption? Is it possible that there never really WAS an adoption and that Mia set up some sort of illegal deal through Trey to "SELL" the child? She was young and more than likely in need of some cash... remember she came to town with a gambling problem and a debt. Were she and Trey one time lovers or are they somehow related? (NAH... too many long lost siblings in this town.) What is it about Pine Valley that causes people to go and run into the very person they seem to be dreading the most... and, of course, have not seen in years?

Maybe it is just me... but I stopped over and caught Cady on ATWT the other day and was a little confused. Keeping in mind that I don't really know either the history of that show OR the character she is playing I must say that the only differences I saw in Cady were the hair and the fact that she wasn't wearing her push-up bra. Maybe there was a need for her to move to another job to escape the oppression of the Martin's and the self-righteousness of the Dixie character.. but is Roseanne really all that much of a different character to portray? I wish her luck but I just don't see that it is all that different.

Last but NOT least: Out of curiosity... is Mia going to be able to DO anything with those bank books that she cannot seem to hold onto? Can she just walk into a bank and withdraw millions of siphoned dollars SIMPLY because she has the books? And what was she so frightened of when Adam went to pick them up? Did they say "SIPHONED MONEY" on them? Perhaps..."DON'T LET ADAM SEE THESE"? They are bankbooks, Mia... many people have them. Considering there is probably only one bank in PV I would imagine they look the same as everyone elses. I thought Mia was a poker player... she sure isn't showing that poker face NOW. ;-)

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/17:

The word on the street... ok and in the SoapNet commercials... is that the drug that induced the psychosis in Vanessa was none other than the Pine Valley fave Libidozone. One has to wonder if the figure in the light green suit injecting LEO yesterday may not have also been using the drug... THEN one has to wonder if there is a reason so many people seem to be injected with things in Pine Valley.. wait.. Pine... needle... I get it.

Did anyone else think for just a moment that they could be doing a PREGNANCY story with Greenlee when she fainted yesterday? Sure, there was no morning sickness but the light-headed peanut could be carrying the child of either Leo or Jake. That might drag Jake into a forefront with the diminutive one again OR could eliminate him entirely and bring Leo to the forefront (especially after today's "letting go"). You know what's sad? We've seen these two "letting go" of each other so many times now that there is no believing it. At this point it's like having a roomate who plays the same damn song over and over and over. CHANGE the damn music, please.

Continued confusion: I just don't know what it is about this Jamie storyline... but it isn't working. I cannot tell you if it is the young actor who just doesn't fit OR if it is the way the character is inbetween this helpless childlike behavior and being a teenager. The way he was acting, pouting, sulking or whatever he was doing today was not in line with the age that he looks to be. NO words? NO talking back? No bitterness towards parents? Vanessa? The world? How old IS that kid at this point? Doe he really need a 'babysitter' with Myrtle coming over? And does anyone have a clue how much time it took for that poor old lady to gussy up in make-up for that 30-second scene? Sorry... slipped off topic. JAMIE: I realize that the real point of this 'quietly' brooding boy is the relationship with Tad (and Brooke) but the whole whimpering reaction to Vanessa is just odd to me. Are we going to have a new summer of Teens on drugs starring Jamie instead of JR? AAAAACCCCKKKK!!!

Speaking of TAD... there are a couple of things that could be coming down the pike for our former CAD. When I watched him in the hospital with Liza today I wondered if there wasn't some sort of history repeating itself storyline in the works. IF the story about Liza being Oak-Havenized at the hands of Adam Chandler has any truth to it... what if TAD were to be the one that goes in there and saves the blonde? Seems to me that it could play into a relationship for the two again. Seems to me that it could ring as a reminder of the same story arc that occurred all those years ago at the beginning of Tad and Dixie. Remember that Adam had Dixie institutionalized and it was Tad who saved her Southern Belle Butt. What if this time it were to be Liza Belle? It is NOT looking good for a happy future in Chandler mansion for the nucleus family of Adam, Liza and Colby...

OR is Tad going to be there to start picking up the pieces for Brooke once Maria is back in town and Eddie dashes off to catch THAT bus? The whole story about Tad's struggle to remain in Jamie's life and not lose there like he feels he has against Adam and Dixie with JR seems to point to a decision that he will support Brooke in the days ahead when she either doesn't get married OR gets married only to have it come crashing down in front of her. Jamie is, as was indicated by Dr. Tad in front of Dr. McMillan today, reacting to the impending nuptials of his mother. Whereas all thought that the boy liked the idea... it could be a replay of the JR storyline that reacted when Tad and Dixie were separated. Already we have a couple of potentials for TAD in the near future... BOTH of which could and WILL be interupted with the return of Dixie with child come this fall or winter. You can count on that one. Cady who? That role is a SHOE-IN for a recast. I heard the suggestion on Sonny's board: Why not get Jensen Buchanan to take over the role?

And I don't know about anyone ELSE... but to ME it is plain as day that there will be competition for Jake when he finally does start the heavy wooing of MIA. It is written in the stars that once Liza is 'out of the picture' Adam is going to start moving in on her sister. Look at the clues they are slamming over our heads. Liza is looking to screw over Adam and asking Mia for her help. Mia is discovering that Adam has "depth" and a heart underneath that Wall Street outer shell. Sounds like a conflict to me!! Mia has been looking for a family and now she has one. How long before something goes WRONG and the family thing is screwed up? Well... if she is drawn to Adam... that might not make Liza or Marian all that happy. CONFLICT again. Then there is the fact that Jake has given his two-cents worth about Adam to MIA. With that knowledge we have ourselves the set up for YET another triangle set up with JAKE. To me it is inevitable. Sparks should start flying very soon... hell I saw Adam learing at Mia today!!

So just what is the "HIM" that Mia refers to when she says 'it can't be HIM' about Trey? Today we caught the glimpse of lurking Mia watching smirking Trey (while reading a file... probably Mia's) in the hospital. She is trying her DAMNDEST to avoid the guy... so you KNOW there is history there. What sort of history? I will gaurantee you that it has something to do with her CHILD. (another clue was Adam's mention of how well she became a mother bear for someone without any children...) So is Trey the father of this child in question? Is he the lawyer that set up the adoption of the child? Is he the father who adopted the kid? MY guess is that Trey is a daddy. He is a part of Mia's past that she thought was over for good. She should have known better than to move to Pine Valley...

In Casting news... It is being reported that Anna Stuart (Another World) will be joining the cast on a recurring basis as Greenlee's mother (Mary?). This is the missing link in the Smythe family and a character that has always been painted to be rather loathesome and VERY rich. HOPEFULLY it will play out for good deciphering scenes giving us more dirt about the background of our favorite peanut. It could also bring Roger back for a bit of fun and games... He is on so rarely that I don't REALLY know the point of his being on the payroll... Anna Stuart, by the way, will be (or has recently done so) filling in for Linda Dano in the role of Rae Cummings on One Life to Live.... just a quickie. Roger always painted his ex-wife and Greens mother to be such a BEEYATCH... I hope that is how this is played. You have to know that it will play heavily in the storyline with Erica. Erica is going to see how Greens has been treated by her own mother and begin to not only review her relationship with Greenlee, but with Kendall as well.

Speaking of castings... I am beginning to think that the report of Theresa Blake's Gloria returning to Pine Valley MAY have been someone hearing the news about Eva LaRue Callahan and somehow getting a bit mixed up. I have not heard ONE more thing about Gloria's character since that initial report.

I LOVED the scene in Liza's hospital room where the nurse told off Tad for giving her attitude when she was simply doing her job. That hospital is run like a MARTIN aristocracy... and I found it refreshing to hear AND see one of the staff give one of them holier than thou Martin boys a bit of the what for when they started throwing their weight around. BRAVA to the nursie!!

Just out of curiosity: If you were sitting on millions of dollars siphoned off of a company that you were running... would you put the BANK BOOK with all the records right under the bed in the master bedroom? Wouldn't that be just a little too easy to retrieve by... oh I don't know... ANYONE? I watched Mia fishing out the books today and fantasized that Winifred came up there to clean one day and decided to spend the rest of her days on a Caribbean island sipping Mai Tai's and and having her personal masseur Sven work her over. Liza, darling, I know your brain was hurting... but there must have been a more creative and far safer place to hide something as IMPORTANT as a couple of million dollars!

LAST, but not least: It would appear that we could be getting a storyline for Marian and Stuart. With Hayley "cured" and becoming everybody's savior, mother, and advise columnist... we need an addictive personality in the Pine Valley roster. For a while there we had several. There were Tom, Skye, Phoebe, Mark... more recently there were Erica, JR and Arlene (my all time favorite)... but now there is really no one to go to the AA meetings in the hospital. Attendance is down and Axel is looking for a sponsee... Marian, who was a former lush and party girl is about to find out that a couple glasses of wine at lunch are not going to work the way they used to... and the fact that people (such as Mia today) are calling attention to this plight will only make the situation bigger. So we are going to have MESSY Marian and Al-Anon Stuart, lot's of tears and running mascara and a weakness that Adam can play on while trying to get 'rid' of Liza. Have another Martini, Marian...

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/16:

We can rest assured that Greenlee will never become a doctor at Pine Valley Hospital. She merely glanced at the blood stain on the bandage covering Trey's cut and went out like a light... or was that part of the new strategy that might be testing the new man in town for potential?

FASHION POLICE: Oh dear GOD what were they thinking? Opal with them spindley legs underneath that psychadelic pastel yellow cumberbund with sparkles. YIKES. And moments later in the very same room we had Kendall who couldn't seem to be able to decide whether she wanted to power dress for success or the S&M dungeon. There she was confused in her combination corsette and button-down dress shirt. I suppose that fashion is all interpretive... but I must say that aside from Liberace and some lingerie store on Wallstreet there can't be too many people who understood the outfit choices today...

I had a thought (pretty scary, huh?) WHAT IF: the fact that Leo is now flaunting this Proteus money around and involving the little Lesbo peep in his shenanigans can't be good for either of them when the real Proteus gets wind as to how his (or her) money is being spent. Who is to say that there isn't going to be some sort of backlash that is the 'cause' (aside from alcohol) of the crash that is being rumored to involve BINKS in the May Sweeps. How do we know she isn't going to be run off the road by the big bad Proteus looking for some sort of revenge on those out to spend his or her moola?

And by the way... What was Bianca doing in the Valley Inn on a school day at the age of 17 drinking mimosas with an older man? Private party or not what will these people DO when The Valley Inn gets busted and loses that liquor license? Where will they go? SOS? BJs? The dive off the freeway?

I loved the scene with Liza and Adam today. I'll call it: "He Flashbacked, She Flashbacked". It would seem while Adam described some of the roadblocks that eventually lead to the grand love they share as man and wife... all she could muster up in her flashbacks were the parts where she hated him and left. It would appear that the evil brain surgeon has programmed Liza to only remember negatives and evil parts of people. At least her flashbacks were there to remind us that she really IS a good looking woman. I only hope they aren't giving her a mirror during this recovery phase.

AND IN THIS CORNER: Let the battles begin. Greenlee was NOT pleased with the press conference that occurred with Diva and Diva Jr. There she stood in her diminutive glory watching as Kendall was about to get the glory she KNOWS she deserves. But WAIT... the press turns on a dime to ask all those vital and pertinent questions about the sort of Enchantment employee who had a knife to her throat the night before. Once again we are reminded that this is a VERY small town that seems to think something like that is worth a press conference in the first place.... What is best about this whole REVLON scenario is that the three divas (hey... is that like the three tenors? or... three blind mice?) are all out to GET one another and all think they are using the others to imminent success. Remember the scene where they all did the voice overs while smiling at one another? This is the crux of the storyline. And it will go round and round and round. Sad but true: I expect that the BIG loser in all of this will NOT be Kendall nor will it be Greenlee... look for the sassy DIVA herself to be crying helplessly in Chris' arms somewhere down the line.

Rumor now has it that Liza is going to Oakhaven. Adam is all peaches and cream until there is reason for him to mutter "What's love got to do with it?" As he tries to be kind and soft with the recovering Liza he is on the phone trying his best to do what he can to gain back what he's lost. Adam is and always has been underhanded when it comes to the things he wants. He is a king in the world of revenge. It is inevitable that he is going to catch on to the less than stellar trust record that Liza is playing right now. MIA will play a great part in this mess but I am not yet sure WHICH part. She is going to have problems of her own with Trey and a child re-entering her life. BUT ADAM is going to pull a DIXIE on Liza by putting her into Oak Haven in order to be able to do what he needs with his company. It figures, doesn't it? ONE MORE THING: With Liza going to Oak Haven it only seems fitting that she should have some sort of storyline involvement with Vanessa, right? Could it be that it will be Liza that begins to get to the bottom of the Proteus story? (PLEASE?) Could it be that Liza and Vanessa will somehow and someway be working together to some end in the near future? ANYTHING could happen if we're talking about Pine Valley, right?

Another look at who might be Proteus: Every so often I feel it is a good idea to look at the current candidates for the office of PROTEUS. We've been here before and at one point thought it was all over. Like a recurring nightmare or a bad rash... it seems to have begun all over again... SO... could it be ADAM? Does he have a past that would have connected him with Vanessa? Does Vanessa even really KNOW who Proteus is? Adam isn't my favorite choice because it just doesn't seem feasible. CHARLES... a character that is only referred to and really has no history other than what has been SPOKEN by David and Vanessa could very well NOT have died. For all we know (and I have stated this here before) he is one of the characters in Pine Valley in disguise... What about MARIA? Could that be why she is coming back? With all the Eddie and Brooke storyline possibilities... I tend to doubt it. What about Doctor JOE? This kindly old guy who ran the hospital for over 30 years could have come from a diabolical place and have had the BEST of cover-ups for a drug cartel. Is Ray McConnell thinking of leaving the show? Wouldn't that be a HOOT? ALSO: Palmer could be bowing out by revealing a secret past that includes the relationship with Vanessa and Drugs, drugs, drugs.... HERE's a good one: What about Eric Kane? What if Eric Kane (who I speculated might have known Vanessa in her acting days) was really ALSO Charles? Not only would that make the man Proteus... but it could also make him the father of both Erica AND David.... that sounds like fun to me. And then there is the kindly little old Myrtle. Carny indeed. What did she REALLY do with her past? Who is she REALLY? Some people have also speculated that DAVID is really Proteus and has been snowing dear ANNA all along... sure.. that is possible, but I still don't see someone that key to so many storylines in PV as a suspect. And ANNA herself? Where was she REALLY during those years of 'amnesia'? What about TREY? is it possible that the boy wonder is a mastermind of the drug world? NAHHHHH too young... but there was that mention of his FATHER when he first arrived. Could that be the connection to Proteus? Wouldn't it be fun to find out that Proteus was really Dimitri? That way at least we could come to some conclusion with that character... For now that is all I have on that subject... more will be revealed.

There is also a scoop that has Simone tied to Roger in the past. HOW? Is it possible that Greens will now have a SISTER on the show? Is Simone the daughter of Roger from another woman? If that is the case.... what was all that about the psychiatrist Dr. McMillan? Could it be that Roger is the REAL father and Dr. McMillan the adopted or foster father? OR... is it possible that Simone had an AFFAIR with Roger in the past? (ewwwwww!)

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: It would appear that Leo lost the leather pants already. This is the quickest span of time from the point of putting them on and finally removing them for something else. To think that ALL it took for him to change was a couple of million dollars. Go figure.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/15:

Macho macho man, I want to be a MACHO man... the week has barely begun and already there is a fight for the highest level of testosterone in the Valley. Mateo (winner in every week he's aired for at least the last year of the show) is UP there snarling with the best of them. Vanessa went and compared him to Proteus today and you could just see the little man's plummage spreading. BUT was it Mateo who jumped into the lead of our MACHO MAN contest today? NOPE. That crown (no wait... a crown is probably not very masculine, is it?) would have to go to CHRIS the DUDE. This is such a GUY that he doesn't want to be seen in public in that gosh darned awful wheelchair. What will people think? (uh... perhaps that you can't walk?) He is desperate to prove to Queen Erica that he is every bit a man. It all starts when she drops her purse and he can't pick it up for her. (TIP to Chris: She is closer to the floor standing than you are sitting.) Chris does his manly best to RISE to the occasion for his DIVA. Erica is just as kind as a self-centered manipulator can be... she reminds him that nobody will be looking at him anyway AND makes sure to tell him that no man STANDS up Erica Kane (every pun intended, I'm sure.) Later our MACHO MAN winner struggles with his wobbly legs to put himself between the crazy chick with the blonde wig and the woman (as well as a room FULL of Valleyites)whom he so desperately wants to impress. I believe I might have seen our past winner Mateo jump to his feet and applaud. Today's runner-up MACHO men were lining up for future prizes. Tad is rarin' to go, Eddie is understated but manly all the same. Leo is fighting mad at the new rival Trey... who is sporting that bookish MACHO thing. Ryan is in macho tease mode and David has a category all his own. The only hold out in MACHO land would have to be Jamie... who is more in the girly man category than macho-to-be... not that it matters because sometime during the course of the year he will turn turn into a studly six-packed teenager... remember this IS Pine Valley.

Pine Valley's definition of STAGE FRIGHT: Greenlee with Vanessa by the piano in the Valley Inn grimacing with a rather large knife at her throat.

Pine Valley's definition of CAPTIVE AUDIENCE: See above but from Vanessa's perspective.

SORRY to Brooke and Edmund fans but if this sort of event at an engagement party doesn't spell DOOM for a happy future, I am not quite sure what would. Vanessa's theatrics and spellbound audience probably was FAR better entertainment than what was anticipated... but the 'happy' couple (and our splendid writers) really must be realizing that there has to be something far more dramatic to top this when the couple gets married. That is, IF the couple gets married. ALREADY there are rumors flying around that would indicate this might NOT happen at all. Some would like to believe that the return of Maria would drag out a triangle giving Brooke and Edmund miles and miles of angst to play out for their Emmy reels. BUT... there are others that suggest that Maria and Eddie will be too strongly bonded to drag that sort of thing out. IF That is the case it would be Brooke with the buckets of tears and the 15th consecutive bad man decision in a row. One rumor has TAD coming to the rescue resulting in an eventual re-coupling for that couple (right... just in time for Dixie to return.) Others would suggest that Brooke is going to jump off the Pine Valley Bridge into the Pine Valley Ocean. Ok... just kidding. Whatever the case is it would have been FAR more effective to have Maria show up at the wedding of Edmund and Brooke ONLY if we had not known that Eva was going to return. As it is WE DO.. and it would be rather anti-climatic now. The way I see it is that SKYE Chandler Quartermaine will run into Maria in Port Charles and return to Pine Valley to spread the sunshine and damage as many lives as humanly possible. This is why I like Skye so much (aside from the fact that I would gladly marry Robin Christopher... and I am gay.) The point behind all of this? The more I see the more I know that the main reason why we have not been given a great deal MORE of the romance that B&E fans might have enjoyed is because it ain't gonna happen, kids. Brooke & Edmund=TITANIC. Say bye-bye.

Was it me or were they playing up the problems Myrt was having today a bit more than the usual "worried about Erica" routine that Ms. Fargate normally gives? I cannot help but to wonder if Eileen Herlie might not be on her way into retirement and planning to leave in a manner that would give our Erica more to emote about. Think about it... if they were to 'kill off' Myrtle it would be the SECOND mother figure that Erica would lose. This would be damaging to the little CEO and would undoubtedly fill HER Emmy reel for next year.

Speaking of Erica and Emmy reels... She and her oldest daughter had that first spark of civility at the Valley Inn today. WAY down the road I get the impression that there might actually be a genuine relationship there. Granted there is a lot of ground to cover and this entire REVLON storyline to fulfill... but I would venture to guess that it will be Kendall that comes out smelling like a rose and saving momma's BUTT in the cosmetics industry wars. This could be the set up for a future rivalry between a different breed of cosmetic industry leaders.... Kendall, Greenlee and maybe even....RYAN?

CALL IT A HUNCH: But I am getting the feeling that Ryan is going to start venturing into another form of big money business in the NEAR future. It struck me when Kendall was asking him for the advice in business that he picked up during his dotcom venture. I thought to myself: What if Ryan were to find himself embroiled in this MAD world of lipstick and rouge as a partner with Kendall and yet another thorn in missy Erica's side? Of course... if all pans out as I have laid out in the entry above, Ryan would be the perfect son-in-law taking over the family business in the future.... Ryan looks good now, but who KNOWS when he's going to need some good non-smudging make-up to keep up the appearances of that six-pack!!

HERO COMPLEX: Sorry... but does our girl Greenlee have that damsel in distress syndrome? Leo is desperately trying to save the little peanut when new triangle member Trey (wouldn't it be funny if his last name were CHIC... trey chic? get it? oh never mind...) Where was I? Right... Trey swoops in and saves the day and in moments Greens is boo-hoo-hooing in Clark Kent's arms. Leo is fighting mad because this was to be HIS save (he gets macho points for that.) Greens is snarly at Leo due to guilt by association. She'll want to get back into those leather pants by the end of the week. Personally I am not so sure that I can see peanut with Trey... but who knows where they are taking this one.

GREAT FUN: Vanessa doing her stand-up comic routine using the residents of Pine Valley as her jokes. I guess it is true: Blondes really DO have more fun.

Note to TAD: No more caffeine. Perhaps a little St. John's Wort? Maybe Prozac?

As I have said here before: It is obvious to me that whomever Proteus is... all they want from Vanessa now is the money that she hid. Watch for Leo to find himself in a heap of trouble as the real Proteus catches on to his spending the money that he picked up from the airport today. Whoever Proteus is, they are really well tuned into Pine Valley... pumping that robot voice in wherever our delightful Vanessa may be.. Someone on the inside? Derek? Jack? Anna? All of these folks would have been able to get something into the hospital AND the jail cell... but this is a soap opera and I am still rooting for Charles to reappear.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: Have you ever noticed that the Pine Valley Police department takes a criminal once they have been apprehended and stops from person to person in order to allow them to give a little speech to the criminal? Today, for instance, Vanessa is arrested and all stops to allow Greenlee to make her empassioned speech to the warped thespian. They move Vanessa out a little more and stop again in order to allow Maggs to get her two cents in. I can only imagine there were several other stops along the way to the jail cell. Time did not permit that we should see them all.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/12:

A new war begins? With the announcement of the return of Eva LaRue Callahan back onto the AMC landscape come May there is already divided camps of thrilled fans and grumpy Brooke & Edmund supporters. IMHO I think that a LOT of people are jumping to conclusions about the re-emergence of the popular actress and character. There is always the chance that she will NOT be Maria (although I highly doubt it.) There is always the chance Maria may only be staying for a short while... (again.. after all of this fanfare, I doubt it.) And there is the complete likelihood that Eddie will NOT jump into her arms as most are assuming. Let us ALL remember that this, being a soap opera, THRIVES on this sort of a predicament for characters. I am SURE that all involved are completely thrilled at the juicy roles and storylines that are about to transpire as a result of Eva's return. SURE... I know that there are fans that want Brooke and Eddie to be a happy romantic couple. WAKE UP!! What couple stays happy TOO long without exiting the show or becoming so boring that we all wish something else would happen. The mere fact that Eddie and Brooke were put back together signaled the plans that there would be a deterent to happiness MONTHS and MONTHS ago. That is the nature of the beast. (For those of you already threatening to stop watching the show... may I suggest As the World Turns?) WHAT makes anyone think that this is cut and dry? In what alternate universe has anything gone as quickly and easily as one character being dumped immediately upon the arrival of another. YES, Eddie and Maria have history. LOTS of it. But Eddie now has TWO times the history with Brooke and there is the potential for an amazing amount of drama once Maria is part of that picture.... NOT TO MENTION the time it will take to unfold and explain where the hell she's been for nearly 5 years. Let's not jump to conclusions.... why don't we all enjoy that there is a MAJOR storyline afoot!

UH OH!! Leo is back in leather. April 12 is day one. Let's see how long they last this time....

Don't you just love the way that Greenlee answers her front door in her panties?

OK... granted Dr. David has a spotty track record for TRUST levels in Pine Valley... but do you ever get the impression that he pretty much gets blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong in that town? There was Jack today blaming him for the disappearance of Vanessa on top of the possible injection of whatever. Things down at the DA's office are cut and dry. Whatever occurs the first person to blame and confront is David Hayward. True... 75% of the time he is responsible... and the fact remains that we still could see David having something to do with all that is going on with Vanessa right now. But I doubt it.

TAD is stressed... yesterday Eddie had a line that compared the good Martin to Adam Chandler. I am sure that we ALL thought "NO WAY" to ourselves for a moment... but the jury is still out. Tad IS acting like the maniacal over-reacting dictator. I suppose this could be attributed to the old 'kick the dog' theories. Adam is taking out HIS woes and anger on Tad by firing him and taking away the 'son' they shared through Dixie. JR will still be in Tad's life... but never the same way. So what does Tad do? He beelines to Edmund and Brooke and starts throwing his weight around regarding Jamie and HIS parentage. FEAR has taken over Tad Martin and things are looking VERY rough. One has to wonder if TAD could use some yoga or a bit of meditation. Could it be that he is going to be the one that catches the eye of Gloria (if that rumor is at all true..) or even MARIA (as a very interesting QUADrangle with Eddie and Brooke? Tad is SO due for a storyline... I can only hope that some woman is going to calm his ass down and make him happy again. Of course then (and only then) will be when Dixie returns to Pine Valley (with their child!!)

More and more I am thinking that David's father Charles is the one that is trying to drug Vanessa and break her out of the hospital. WHY? They as much as told us today. What if Vanessa (as Proteus) stashed away all these untold MILLIONS of dollars that she supposedly has done. What if Charles... who is supposed to be dead but really was the REAL Proteus... is now looking for his money and unable to get to it because of all that is going on with Vanessa. SO... he comes to Pine Valley (or perhaps has been there all along) and decides that he will get her out AND, as Palmer says, have her lead him to the bucks. It would make sense to me (also) that Vanessa was always scamming for money from Palmer and whomever else crossed her path because the REAL Proteus always had the reigns on the big drug money. Vanessa couldn't get a hold of it. In the end she did and now whomever the real Proteus turns out to be is ANGRY and wants that money back. Thus... the mystery person in the hospital room.... the gaslighting... the break-out.

I would still love it if ARLENE were to show up as the real Proteus... having pulled all these strings and now responsible for drugging Vanessa and breaking her out of the hospital. Arlene and Vanessa is one of the most magical soap couplings that could be asked for.

Mateo couldn't be more obnoxious and obsessed. This thing with the gun... what was that? Isn't it ironic that the husband of the alcoholic is acting with such compulsive and obsessive tendencies that it might be HIM that could use a meeting? Is Mateo going off the deep end? Lest we not forget that the return of Maria will affect him a great deal as well.

Has anyone even considered that MARIA could be Proteus? She is a doctor... she would know about injections... the only problem with this is that she would be recognized in the hospital (unless she were to be disguised.)

THE PARTY: Don't these poor schnooks in Pine Valley know by now that something is ALWAYS going to happen when any amount of residents are all gathered together for a party of any type? Happy occassions are ALWAYS marred by some event or catastrophe that will forever taint the meaning and 'happiness' of any particular moment. One might say that this party that Brooke has given for her engagement to Edmund could and should be treated as an omen of the things that will be coming their way. Never a dull moment for these people.

I will say that the ending of the show today had to be one of the BEST cliffhangers that I have seen on AMC in a very long time. NICE JOB. Spooky, creepy, effective... MARJ rocks!! Greens is a sitting duck. Personally I think she was simply being punished for the bed-head hairdo that she wore to the party. For shame.

At least the party gave the show an opportunity to empty out the attic: A smiling Phoebe, wordless Myrtle and retired Joe were front and center to wish the happy couple a worthy blessing. I believe Joe had one of his pat lines: "I can't think of a couple who deserves this more". I wonder how many times he's said that to a deserving couple over the years. The only person missing from the attic today? Ruth. No doubt she was in the hospital working like a slave OR at home baking a pie. We know how Ruth loves to bake those pies...

Last but not least: I've said it before but I feel I must say it again. RENZO? They named their kid RENZO? He is going to grow up and kill them both for the crap he is going to get for that name.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/11:

WORD ON THE STREET: From Soapzone: EVA LaRUE RETURNS TO ABC DAYTIME'S "ALL MY CHILDREN" Eva LaRue will return to the cast of ABC Daytime's Emmy Award-winning drama, "All My Children," this spring, it was announced today by Angela Shapiro, president, ABC Daytime. "I am delighted to have Eva back at 'All My Children,'" said Ms. Shapiro. "Our fans have been waiting a long time for her return and it's my pleasure to welcome her home." Ms. LaRue joined the cast of "All My Children" in March, 1993, as Dr. Maria Santos, a young but top-flight neurologist. The strikingly beautiful doctor fell in love and married prize-winning journalist Edmund Grey (John Callahan). All of Pine Valley mourned Maria's untimely presumed death in a plane crash in 1997. Her body was never found and five years have passed. Could Maria, in fact, still be alive? Ms. LaRue's television credits include recurring guest-starring roles on "Third Watch" and "Soul Food." She also starred in leading roles in "Head Over Heals," Danielle Steel's "Remembrance," and had the title role in "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes: The Annette Funicello Story." Her feature film credits include "Hell of a Guy," starring opposite Rob Lowe and Michael York, "Robo Cop 3," "Heart Condition" and "Crash & Burn." Ms. LaRue also co-hosted "The New Candid Camera" with Dom DeLuise, "World's Funniest Videos" and "Weddings of a Lifetime," with her husband John Callahan. Eva LaRue married John Callahan in 1996, several years after their on-screen "All My Children" characters wed. They're the proud parents of four-month-old daughter Kaya McKenna.

WORD ON THE STREET (Part II): says that AMC is bringing back yet another character that we haven't thought about in some time.... except I did mention her yesterday as one of the ex-wives of Adam Chandler. It appears that Theresa Blake may be returning as Gloria Marsh. NOW... when last she was in town she was hooked up with none other than Dimitri Marrick... the Count in one of his more SULLEN periods. There was rumor at that time that she might have been PREGNANT? Would or could she be coming back with someone's (read: DIMITRI) child? If she is indeed returning what would her agenda be? Would she be looking for something from ex-hubby ADAM? Would she be needing that job back in the hospital? Is she still a nurse or would a settlement from the COUNT have been enough for her to have become a DOCTOR over the last several years? This is an interesting choice of characters to return. Perhaps I shall begin mentioning a few others on this page and see if they too will suddenly be returned....

Giving Derek Frye an EDGE: I was MORE than pleased to see that Derek had been only on a vacation and is now back on the job in Pine Valley. I was also happy to see the show address the fact that he had been unceremoniously passed over for the job of Chief of Police. It seems to me that with ALL of the returning cast members from somebetterrated days in AMC history that it might not be a bad idea to take what the show ALREADY HAS and develop IT a bit further. In other words: Let's give Derek a storyline. I LOVE that edge he had with Anna today. Perhaps he could be a harder cop than the man that every personality in town has walked all over in the last several years. PUT ME on the petition that gives William Christian a contract and a nice juicy police driven storyline. It would be about time IMHO.

She gets BETTER and BETTER and BETTER. Marj Dusay will have an assortment of choices to submit for her Emmy reel next year. I only hope that the show sees it fit to give the wonderful HAM another juicy storyline towards the end of the year so the voters don't forget about the marvelous performances being done currently. The crazier the woman gets the better.

And YES, I do believe there was yet ANOTHER mention of David's father CHARLES today. In fact... there was a whole segment where she was acting out the end of their relationship and her angst and anger over what had 'transpired'. This, of course, would be for the benefit of David who was present for the performance. BUT... I would not be surprised (like I have been predicting for some time now) if there were MORE to this story. TOO MUCH emphasis is being put on this character for there NOT to be more to that story. I truly believe that the man is alive in some way shape or form. I believe that he has been pulling the Vanessa / Proteus puppet strings for a great many years. The fact that he is "DEAD" has made it easier for him to remain undetected. What I haven't quite figured out YET is whether Charles is someone that has remained completely anonymous and out of sight OR if he may have transformed himself into a completely different person.... I don't know why but I am getting a feeling that we KNOW Charles as someone else.

THAT will teach Brooke and Eddie to go to a Country Inn that is too close to Pine Valley... there ARE no secrets, after all. They FINALLY get taken out of the moth balls and into what could have been a bit of a front burner situation and BAM... TAD is at the door acting like ADAM (Eddie's words). It seems to me that you might have to go a bit further than that to actually get away from someone who has an agenda on that show. Then again... there are the portals that seem to allow travel to ANYWHERE within moments. ONE MORE THING: The NERVE of Brooke to go and schedule her engagement party on the same day as some game that Jamie had box seets for. OH MY GOD!!

And there was Jakey batting the eyelashes and offering St. Mia time off from all those incredibly hard MINUTES of work that she has put in thus far.... She'll probably get paid for the time off.

More about Vanessa: Is this a statement on Leo or Vanessa that she should be able to overpower him to that extreme. I KNOW that he was sort of taken by surprise... but the boy is 6 feet two and has quite a few pounds over the little woman.... who is mostly hair and attitude. Suddenly she is SO strong that she can have him down and keep him there? Looks like Ryan needs to take our boy LEO out to the gym for a few workout sessions...

When David arrived at the Police Station: with the flowers for ANNA I could have sworn I heard that old pop tune from the 70's by Foreigner: "You're as COLD AS ICE... you're willing to sacrifice our love.." Did you hear it too? Brrrrrrrrrr

That reminds me of my favorite line of the day. David arrives at the police station with the flowers for the frigid wifey. The cop at the desk looks at him and says: " Flowers for ME?" David: "That might be YOUR fantasy, but it isn't mine..." That's our David... arrogant through and through.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/10:

The truth about neuro surgery: Today I received an email from a friend who sees the sort of surgery our gal Liza just had first hand. Guess what? The bandage on on side of the head while keeping the hair IS normal for the procedure. Guess what? The black eye is ALSO something that happens to a good many patients after the procedure. It is a result of the trauma. WHO KNEW? Mea Culpa to the folks at AMC... it appears this one was researched and played out correctly.

Now... back to the sarcasm: Considering the manner by which soaps will play up on certain themes... could it be possible that Liza is FAKING this memory loss in order to achieve some form of ground while otherwise out for the count? IN other words... if Adam were to have the advantage of health and mobility in the parts of Liza's life that she feels most vulnerable (Colby, Chandler Enterprises, Money) while she is incapacitated... is it at all possible that she would come out of the operation feeling that she might be able to play a little better at the game she KNOWS Adam is or will play by FAKING memory loss and catching him at HIS most vulnerable? This would play out conveniently for Liza... and you will notice that she felt it was all right to draw the line at remembering her own daughter. She can have slight memories where it counts before that ends up playing in Adam's favor.. All I know is that in most soap operas things are rarely what they seem to be. There may be hope for Adam and Liza down the road.... but there is definitely skepticism NOW and this operation may have given Liza pause to believe she needed to take severe steps to safeguard certain areas of her life. So... "who are YOU?"

I also loved how Liza starting moaning in a pathetic, fearful manner when Adam told her he was her husband today. Very telling.

The mad finger pointer was back in action today. Now he is threatening Trey for representing NESS. I believe his exact words were "You can kiss your career goodbye..." And just HOW is it that Mateo is going to manage to destroy this guys career? Better yet... just how important does Mateo really think he is? LATER: We have Mateo pointing fingers at several others in a neanderthal display of unbridled anger mis-management. Our little macho dude is in his wifey's face about what he would do to get even and exact his revenge. Hayley is shaking her head and secretly rather relieved that they have her job with Regis to fall back on.

Adam's other half: The goodness and wisdom of Stuart was felt today as the enlightened one was able to share wisdom with his surly and often UNenlightened brother Adam. He spoke of acceptance in family and love. He rambled further about the fact that he didn't have his whole brain. I became distracted because of all the birds, bunnies and farmyard animals gathered to listen to him speak.

Speaking of Adam... recently we had ex-wife Erica hugging and treating Adam like she actually wanted to be there for him. Today it was Brooke offering words of wisdom and a cup of Joe... my guess is that Dixie called up on the cell phone that can call from anywhere, Gloria sent a candygram, Natalie dropped a flower from heaven and Arlene sent something to Hayley because she couldn't remember Liza's name. I believe in Arlene's case there was a bomb squad checking it out.

On Promotions: Erica has now promised one to Greens. I believe it was VP of Manipulations, Enchantment.... or was that VP of Coming to Work when not in Man Crisis; or VP of the Peanuts of America. How about VP in charge whenever Erica's in jail?

Speaking of promotions... it sure seems that our little MIA has moved up mighty quickly in that Chandler family. She is a waif gambling her way into town at one moment and being given the secrets to the hidden millions in the next. Suddenly this girl is the glue holding this family together. She is the one reminding Liza about Colby and getting that first moment of lucidity out of her (unless that is part of the plan between she and Liza to bilk Adam...) Here we have Adam grumbling and angry, Marian passed out from the last drunk, Stuart off feeding the animals, JR brooding somewhere, Mateo running around pointing fingers at people and blinding them with his teeth, and Hayley trying to be everyone's mother and sponsor whenever she isn't off co-hosting some daytime talk show... MIA is now the glue that is holding this family together. Talk about fast rising promotions. She'll be running Chandler Enterprises in no time at all.

WHOOPS: For all those saps who thought our Leo was being his normal Momma's boy... I would have to say that today's tape recording sort of came as a surprise to me. He is determined to get his mother to pay for her CRIMES. THIS, if you ask me, is merely FURTHER PROOF that the crimes are not really hers. Proteus IS going to be someone else.... which brings us to...

Mr. (or Ms.) Mysterious syringe holder. Who is this person capable of being IN a guarded hospital room? Is it someone on the staff that would easily slip in there? Would they be responsible for the sleeping security outside? WHERE do they hire these security guards? Don't they know they shouldn't eat all those donuts before guarding a room? Carbs make you sleepy... not to mention the sugar intake. ANYWAY... someone is making our crazy faking lady a bit ... CRAZY. Whatever was in that syringe would, I suspect, be there to help whomever is injecting it keep Vanessa as much TO BLAME as possible. Vanessa must begin to feel as though she might actually REALLY be going to that place she has been faking for so long now. The guessing continues.... but the truth is that being TOO logical here about who could be holding that syringe is not going to do any of us a lick of sense. There can be any number of explanations for whomever that is to be in the room. Not all of them have to be entirely feasible for it to 'work'. Suffice it to say the story is shifting gears... and Vanessa is going to be out and about in a CRAZY manner. Most will believe that she is faking this 'character'... but our syringe today indicates that she will NOT be. I still say it is David's DAD. NOW... is it possible that David's dad is someone that we already know?....

WHY is it that every time that Vanessa sees either Leo or David (today it was Leo) they give her that line: "I am your mother, (fill in the blank)" EVERY TIME. I would assume that at this point everyone in the free world knows that she is their mother. Is there any reason that she would believe that either Leo or David would forget?

Nell Carter is STILL giving us an official wake-up call. Nurse Allie is STILL at the opera and capable of standing up without embarrassment. We can all heave that heavy sigh of relief about that.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO: "The WAVE"? Was it cancelled? Does Hayley still do that gig? Is WRCW still a station? Is Liza still in charge? Did Ryan ever actually quit his job there? Where's Rudy? Did they ever give him more to do than be everyone's gopher? Does anyone even care about any of these things? ;-)

The maturing of JACK: In a matter of moments the distinction of Jack becoming the older generation was made clear. First he called Trey "Son". Moments later he told Leo he was a good "Kid". Poor old Jack. Perhaps if they gave him a woman he would feel younger.

Anna's been missing... did she get her hands entangled in her hair? Were they unable to remove them?

After looking at the tiny little Brooke standing next to the tiny little Hayley and watching the tiny little Mia scutter by while already knowing that there is the tiny little Erica, Greenlee, and Maggie (I could go on and on and on) I have decided that All My Children would better be known as "Little Women".

LAST (but not least): I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the part of the show today where Erica, Kendall, and Greenlee all made smirky faces at one another and thought their devious thoughts with voice-overs. This is one of those tried and true soap world devices that I just have not seen enough of on All My Children. Let's have more of this!!! Devote an entire show to it. Put all the characters into one place for some reason and have them ALL thinking their evil little thoughts. It would be hysterical. Ok... it was just a suggestion.

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/09:

Burning question of the day: Could somebody PLEASE tell me how major brain surgery is performed without removing the hair? Is this modern technology? Was it done with a drill? Do they SUCK out the problem and seal it up with some caulking? Perhaps Dr. Frankenstein bolted her down and ran to another room to flip the switch sending lightning bolts coursing through the skull. I can just see the memo at the AMC studios now: "Brain surgery??? We JUST re-did Liza's hairdo. You want to cut it off? I DON'T THINK SO." - Hair and Make-Up. I did notice that Liza had a black eye today. Perhaps the surgeon BEAT the big bad tumor out her. Then again she was scowling tremendously so they could have badgered or humiliated the disease into leaving. I love soap operas.

I know that Kendall and Erica are both quite a bit alike. I know that each wants to get one over on the other. I DO see both as being rather smart and definitely COY. BUT PLEASE... could it have not been any MORE obvious that there was a trap being set by Erica for the daughter she 'claims' to be letting into the FAMILY business? Is Kendall so blind with ambition and the smell of revenge that she might not actually SEE the cheese in the trap being placed before her? GEEZZZZ "here is the password to all of my secrets on the internet and OH, by the way... that file over there? It's top secret, for my eyes only." Does Kendall need the anvil to fall on her head?

Little sister Bianca has picked up these Dragon Momma tricks and is OH so wise to the trap being set. Unfortunately it would seem that both mother (Erica) and daughter (Kendall) are SO much alike that they will forge ahead with their perspective plans to get at or to the other one. They don't listen... they are, in essence, one and the same. BUT Bianca is all knowing, wise and already seems to know that business through and through. She must pick this stuff up through osmosis while picking up her mail. She was running the place today with a "I know everything" smirk on her face. Perhaps she will open a rival cosmetics company in the future for Lesbians. She could call it DISENCHANTMENT. The lipstick lesbian crowd will finally have a trademark.

Today we began the plugging in process of Maggie Stone. A little light and fluffy fare in which key pieces of future information were possibly indulged to set up how it is that this little tiny lady would fit into the Hayward family picture. ONE: Could she be any smaller? Is there a requirement that key females on this show should be able to fit into your palm? Sorry... I digress. NOW.... since I call Greens PEANUT... I am going to dub Maggie THUMBELINA... or perhaps Thumby for short. Thumby just happened to mention that she might want to be a doctor today. Dr. Uncle Dave wants to open a few doors for her, be her mentor. She should be saving lives by this Fall. Mags also let us all know that she really prefers to be alone. Therefore it is a given that she will be in a relationship before we blink our eyes... who with? Trey? JR? Frankie? BINKS? Maybe she could become kissing cousins with LEO.... ok, that was gross. I do have one guestion regarding Thumbelina... she was given access to David's room WEEKS ago and has had to have been in there for this whole period. How did she know if David and Anna were there or not? Did she ever walk in on the all-to sexually active couple? Perhaps she had portaled her way up to the secret cabin that everyone knows about and begun some medical experiments that would eventually save lives in Pine Valley and win her numerous awards.

And wasn't LEO attractive today while he chewed his food with his mouth open and basically spit some of it out on the table when he discovered that brother dearest and the British super spy were a couple? Attractive.

Liza theory: (or is that dream?) We already know that she is going to wake up and look at the silver haired guy and wonder WHO the hell he is... WHAT IF: she were able to remember everything in and about her life up to the point where she married the man. She could be that wonderful raving beeyatch tycoon we once knew. She would have to reintroduce herself to the kid... but that isn't impossible. Her relationship with Marian could be that caustic mess that it used to be. She could have the fun rivalrys around town that made life so much more interesting. PARTIAL amnesia would be fun. It would also give Adam a run for his money which is NOT necessarily a bad thing at all. History has always proved that Adam is his snarling best when being challenged or thwarted in any manner whatsoever. So picture this: Liza: "Who ARE you?" Adam: "Liza, I'm your husband... Adam Chandler!" Liza: "But you're.. you're so OLD! Where's that guy with the six-pack?"

Predicted it here: Simone and Greens are now going to be friends. It was a shoe-in once they were spotted on the couch with every known junk food and conversation about men. How it is that this mutual admiration society began is sort of beyond me... sometimes on these shows they just occur and what lead up to it is sort of left to our imaginations. Last time these two characters were together they were hardly on the friendliest of terms... and yet today the two were full of trust and secrets. Hell... Peanut left for work with Simone sitting in her loft like she'd known her for years. On the lighter side... it is about time that our little Peanut found herself a GAL pal just like Erica has in Opal. What's an Erica wannabe without that gal pal to be her bridesmaid in the many weddings she is bound to have down the road?

AGAIN: The chapel. It is a silly set. These people are not religious... what makes ANYONE think that they would spend those special moments asking for help from GOD? It doesn't make sense to me that the shallowest of creatures are suddenly given faux depth by sitting in front of a cross and sputtering words that promise they'll change "if only you do this for me...." The only real purpose for that cross today was to separate the split screen when using Adam and Stuart in the same scene. That I can understand.

Of course there were those times that I went to my local chapel to pray for a storyline to speed up... maybe this IS realistic...

It's time to bring Skye back to Pine Valley. She can bring Jax with her if she wants. Robin Christopher could very possibly be the best daytime actress on all networks.... Skye is one of my ALL time favorite characters. Adam needs that trouble-making daughter. Colby is too young, Hayley is on her way out and recently became his mother anyway... Sure, there are those who seem to think that Skye is really a Quartermaine now BUT she never did drop the Chandler out of her name AND she never DID take that DNA test, now did she? She is coming to town for an event (Wedding? Funeral?) in May. Couldn't that be the beginning of a storyline that will require her return in the future? SKYE needs to be in Pine Valley.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/08:

Could it be... that Vanessa is NOT Proteus after all? Here are some thoughts on the subject. First and foremost: The writers of the soap opera have been known to shift gears midstream (or after the fact) for many a storyline in the past. The evolution of Proteus alone was one that had the viewers guessing from week to week who might be behind the crimes. In my humble opinion there was never any concrete decision as to the culprit as they went along. I suspect they may have come up with conclusions piece by piece. In the case of Marj Dusay it is entirely possible that the decision to crown her as Proteus came while the actress was in negotiations. At the time it looked very much like it could be the proper (and spectacular) exit for the actress and the Vanessa character. As fate would have it, of course, it seems that Marj not only stepped up to the plate in contract negotiations (signing on for another 4 years) but also in character. Suddenly the boards and I am sure the fan mail are intensely favorable to the job VERY well done with the over-the-top character. This, of course, creates the dilemma of HOW Vanessa is redeemed and kept on board for the length of that contract. Solution? Well why not play into this acting CRAZY storyline by turning it around. WHAT IF "Proteus" was one of the characters of a split personality. Sure... we are seeing Vanessa pretend to be Rosie right now... but HOW do we know that Vanessa isn't just one of the alters (a la Nicki Smith) that is there without knowledge of others. Vanessa may be in need of that psychiatrist without even knowing that to be the case. THUS the powers that be could have decided that ALL ALONG Vanessa aka Proteus might just as easily have been a pawn in a well-produced puppet show in which yet another character sight unseen is pulling the strings. WHO IS PROTEUS? It could be someone as obvious as Palmer Cortland (perhaps even in cahoots with Opal) or lesser known, such as David's long 'dead' father. Who is that mysterious stranger who is going to be stalking our favorite loony? Could it be someone OBVIOUS who will eventually end up as the fall guy? Could David's father actually be alive? Think about it... if that were the case Vanessa could very well have been a sympathetic psychological prey causing David to have to re-evaluate everything he's known about his parents his whole life... perhaps even to accept Vanessa for the future... Hey, it could happen.

Whew... that was a long thought, eh? Let's all take a deep breath.. IN, OUT, IN, OUT.

A retraction. MEA CULPA, Marcy. It is my understanding by reports that have come from the Californa Super Soap Weekend that Marcy Walker is NOT (repeat) NOT pregnant as I had been told and proceeded to report here in on this site. Apparently, she looked svelt and rather good. BRAVA to one of my favs.

Speaking of Liza it was a wonderful treat today to be whisked through the brief but telling slide show of Liza in the past. The clips highlighted the plentiful history of the program with the advantage of being able to capitalize on the actors that STILL work together in the show. There we saw the ever-youthful Liza with Tad the Cad, Marian the lush, AND Adam as the couple first met all those years ago. Oddly enough there was no footage of her years in California. ;-)

Marian broke down today and regressed to the vices of fear that she utilized for all of those years as a martini-guzzling man-eater who sold real estate. I was lead to wonder whether or not there had been anything that I missed regarding Marian dealing with the drinking as a 'problem' and thus the apologetic tears and shame when getting busted by Stuart at the hospital. Is she an alcoholic? Is this fodder for another recovery story? I was not aware that Marian had stopped drinking altogether. I was more under the impression that the PLACES she drank were more the problem. Oh... one more thing. Don't these people have a little money? Does it accentuate the PROBLEM or pathos of the drinker to have them purchase some nameless rot-gut brand of Vodka? I half expected to see a skull and cross-bones on the bottle and the sudden appearance of Hayley to sweep the weepy Chandler off to a meeting.

And then there was MIA (so THIS is what a family is all about) Saunders. She is all confused by the outpouring of affections (and money) from the sister that wouldn't give her the time of day... until she figured there wasn't much time of day left. All it does is make her think that having a family only means losing a family. BUMMER. So AGAIN she is thinking about the little boy that she gave birth to and then gave up. She confesses to Jakey who is all ears and sympathetic beyond belief. Now that Mia has mentioned that little boy 3 or more times we can start the countdown to the appearance he will eventually make. The question has to be who holds the reigns on this one? Is it TREY with his mysterious agenda in Pine Valley? Is it this new intern that had her heaving gasps of fear upon seeing the name on a list she shouldn't have been looking at in the first place? TODAY we saw the feet of someone that we can ONLY assume is going to play a role in this storyline. Knowing that the show loves to show skulking feet for weeks before a character arrives we COULD assume that these legs belonged to our scary intern... but on the other hand how do we know it wasn't Trey. He had left Greenlee's loft and would no doubt have come to the hospital to see his client Vanessa.... So... what does he know? What does he have on our gal Mia? Why is it that she is not willing to see him? I don't expect we will wait TOO long to figure some of these things out. One thing is for sure... Mia and Jakey are a shoe-in for coupling now. If Mia has a kid Jake gets to be instant DAD....

Loved the lecture given by one ego about another ego. Hayley decides to tell Daddy dearest that the world doesn't revolve around him and that his guilded prayers in the chapel these non-religious people only go to in times of FEAR and need are largely selfish and misguided. Sure, Adam, Liza's brain tumor is all YOUR fault. The world revolves around you and if only you were a BETTER person. I have to say that I agreed with Hayley today... but I would be willing to bet almost anything that she probably sat in that chapel herself saying the same things at least once in her 11 or 12 year history in Pine Valley. So hers was advice no doubt based on experience?

Could this storyline with Revlon be a softening of the rivalry and anger between Erica and Kendall? We already know that this relationship that is heating up with Chris and Erica is going to explode in her face once he finds out she is lying about the reasons she is giving Kendall a crack at Enchantment. Sure... Erica has a plan (doesn't she always..) but could it be that she might start to see the err of her ways by listening to the likes of Chris? Sending Kendall off to Revlon to 'spy' could be a rollercoaster ride to say the least. Erica is not going to decide she loves Kendall overnight... but with the influences of the do-gooder father and son team of Chris and Ryan both of the battling divas could begin to see the world (and possibly their next of kin) a little differently. MY THEORY: is that Kendall is going to do something powerfully positive that will impress both Revlon AND Erica at Enchantment. This will prove to Erica that there is more to the girl than a conniving little beeyatch. It will also show Mama Kane that the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree and might be more advantageous on HER side rather than against her. There is so much to go with this potential storyline. There are the characters of Greenlee (who will undoubtedly play into this as a complete Kendall adversary) and Bianca who might actually start to feel a bit of jealousy towards Kendall if she sees her mother start to feel differently down the road. Loads of potential here, folks. Dig in.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/05:

WHAT was that thing Erica was wearing today? A blanket? A towel? The curtains from Enchantment? She looked like she was wearing an outfit designed by Myrtle for little old ladies. Is Erica finally catching up to Susan's real age?

Touching moment today as Ryan came in to Myrtle's and saw the empty wheelchair by the fire. It smacked of the scene in one of Ebineezer Scrooge's middle of the night travels when he spotted Tiny Tim's crutch without its owner over by the fire. sniff sniff.

Somebody MUST tell Vanessa that looking nuts does not sell the package. There she was done up like a flapper from the 20's today. Crazy as a loon? If dressing for effect were to make one crazy I dare say I would have been 'institutionalized' YEARS ago.

Mateo is back.... Oh goody.

Erica and Jack: Is he REALLY over her? Or is this the set up for the triangle that I have been predicting. Diva lady is thinking ONLY of herself as usual and comes to secure Chrissy with employment. The problem is that she merely ASSUMES Jack will pull those strings simply because she is asking. FINALLY he tells her to sit on it. I would love to believe this is a turning point for Jack... perhaps even for Erica... but we all know better. Chris will get his job back (or perhaps will become the new Chief of Police?) Erica will get her love affair (at least until Chris discovers she is a lying sack of ... well you get the idea.) Once Chris is once again on to the little tycoon lady she will go boo-hoo-hooing to (you guessed it) JACK. This is the man that I fully see as the soul mate for Erica (if it were possible for her to have one.) The twist? MAYBE they will actually give Jack a new relationship. THEN (and only then) will Erica FINALLY see him a little differently (again). Whether or not she is with Chris at the time, Jack is going to suddenly look all that much more appealing if he is with someone else.

Mateo is back.... oh goody. Oh... did I say that already? Could it be that I am just so excited that the one man snarling Napoleonic complex macho dude is once again pointing fingers on a TV screen near you?

One of next weeks scoops says that a MYSTERY person will be stalking Vanessa. Another one claims that David is going to hear Vanessa talking to a ghost. WHY do I get the feeling that there is more to this picture than we have previously considered. Let's review: MYSTERY would indicate something besides what is expected or known. GHOST would say that it is supposedly someone who has 'passed on'. MY THEORY: (and I have eluded to this one before) is that David's dearly departed father is NOT DEAD. I would say that he is now coming to get his own brand of revenge on the woman who made his life miserable enough that he would have to PRETEND to commit suicide all those years ago. It could also be that he is STILL very much a part of this Proteus TEAM and that is where this missing money that was eluded to by Trey has gone. SO... David gets his father back after all? Vanessa isn't alone in this charade? PERHAPS it will be David's father that is going to end up taking the big fall for all of this after all thus leaving MARJ to fulfill her 4 year contract and find a form of redemption? Don't worry Greenlee.... I don't think that Leo had a clue about any of this. Leo has very few clues in the first place AND Trey is simply trying to get into your panties. Don't let that bookish look fool you....

All of the Chandler family is so worried about Liza that they decide they will support her in an unusual way. She goes into surgery early next week and as would be appropriate they are going to shave her head to get to the problem. Adam, Stuart, Marian, Mia, JR, Winifred and even little Colby are ALL going to have their heads shaved so that Liza will feel better about the troubles she is going through. Isn't that sweet?

Ok... if you bought that one I have some land in Pine Valley I would like to sell you.

Liza DID bring in Colby to the hospital room in order to make sure the little blonde tyke knew mommy loved her. She put the kid on her lap and petted her. Mia looked on sheepishly and with an air of pity. Liza picks up the petite little cheese and tells her how she must bilk daddy out of millions if mommy does not make it. Cheddar and Mia wink at each other and the scene is complete.

And last but not least... does anyone get the grand picture of just how SMALL Pine Valley can be? IF Erica does marry Chris (and she probably will considering just how long it has been since she has been married) AND Ryan were to marry Kendall.... (hey, anything is possible in soapland), that would mean that Kendall would essentially become yet another extension of her family above and beyond the daughter banner she already doesn't want to wave? Is this a set up for some comical twists as the father and son marry the mother and daughter? Do I smell a sitcom? It could happen.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/04:

Say it isn't so... Michael Nader has filed a lawsuit against ABC for breaking his contract. The suit alleges that the network lied to him and damaged him emotionally after writing his character (Dimitri Marrick) out of the show. The suit seeks $1.74 in unpaid wages, $25 million in compensatory damages and $5 million for intentional infliction of emotional distress, according to court papers. NOW... that is what has been reported by various periodicals, which would tend to make the story something worth reporting as truth rather than a rumor. Beyond that I don't think I will offer up anything more. WHY? Because I have already seen this tried and true topic receive its outpouring of war-mongers on the various boards. We thought it was over... but it would seem the vehement Dimitri haters, ABC-boycotts, alcoholic/addict bashers and high and mighty elements of society who apparently feel drugs are bad but judgment, hate and condemnation are ok.. are all back weighing in their 'opinions' (God bless Karma). Well, kids... it looks as though that holiday being taken by Dimitri and Alex might just have to be extended... ;-)

Speaking of Dimitri... there were more heavy handed references to his neice Gillian today. Esta is NOT suing the show and therefore could possibly still return... All these hints and the fact that it would appear that she is the ONLY thing that is keeping our currently celibate pal RYAN from jumping the smart-ass bones of one Kendall Hart could add up to a surprise visit from the funny Hungarian. Today Ryan talked about feeling her presence for a long time after her death. What is to stop that from happening again? What is to stop the show from doing some sort of Heaven Can Wait or second chance storyline? We already know that soap operas tend to create a triangle for every possible love affair... whether we know it or not... Ryan and Kendall ARE in a triangle right now. Gillian is the third party.

Erica adds yet another feather to her cap today as the model/media mogul/entrepreneur/fashion maven became a motivational speaker and therapist to Mr. Crabby. As usual she got her way and had the guy on his feet before she was able to storm out the door in typical Diva style. He'll be carrying the wee CEO up the stairs to a love nest in no time at all. Who needs doctors? Who needs physical therapy? ERICA is in the house and LOVE cures everything!!

Haywards exposed: Anna took the big leap today and defended her man over the implied threat of losing her job as Chief of Police (Chris can assume the position now that he is going to be UP and around.) There they were Mr. and Mrs. sticking up for each other like a couple of love-sick puppies. "I can't let you do this..." "No.. I can't let YOU do this!" Jackson is roling his eyes as his case against the doctor goes flying out the window... Later there is Hayward Pillow talk and both are uttering the word "love" in a sentence directed towards the other. Who'd of thunk it? Is it possible there is something here? Will the EGOs they share damage the real possibility of love in the future? Will there be an 'official' wedding? OR is Dixie going to continue making our English lassie all tense and grumpy? Doc Dave seems to have it bad for the spy lady... and God knows she is slightly out of her character's dry, humorlous and detached traits. As traditional love stories go... these two don't seem to fit the mold of candlelit dinners and romantic romps on the beach... but then again, why not?

Greens, it would seem, will stick her tongue down the throat of any man who gives her the proper compliment. She will ask them to repeat it before she dives in... but she WILL go for it. She must be attending the Erica Kane school of necessary validation, constant attention and knee-jerk reactions.

Speaking of Greens: She wants LEO. Well I'll be a monkey's uncle... did you see THAT coming?

Ryan and Kendall, by the way, are fated. They are already a couple in the eyes of soaps. They have argued endlessly in a flirtatious manner, stormed out on each other numerous times, teased each other with sexual innuendo, and NOW she is lying to him. They are as good as married.

PLAY ON WORDS: There is Ryan being the parent to Chris who is having his pity party at Myrtles. Ryan is doing everything in his power to make sure that dad gets angry enough to get up out of that wheelchair and claim his life back (a method that later worked for the DIVA). Chris then becomes the parent and moves into a diatribe about Ryan moving on with HIS life. He actually uses the word 'paralyzed' to describe the place that Ryan's life is at this time. YUCK. Don't worry boys and girls... I fully expect to see Ryan and Chris playing catch in the back yard of Myrt's in no time at all.

Liza was not on today. Apparently she had a headache.

Scoops now indicate that Liza will have amnesia as a result of either the tumor or the surgery. For some time now she has been feeling a sense of regret about her relationship with Adam. It would appear that she no longer has to worry about it. It might also be interesting to note that the last case of amnesia on the show was Stuart. Perhaps they all just want to get away from Adam?

Some time ago there was rumor that the role of Del would be a lawyer that comes to town and has 'ties' to Mia. Well... we now know that Del is not coming to town at this time BUT Trey IS. Trey is a lawyer. Could it be that HE will be the tie to Mia that we were told would arrive? Mia has been freely talking about the kid she gave up for adoption... maybe it's Trey (just kidding... I wanted to see if you were paying attention.) Perhaps Trey is the father of the child that was given up several years ago? Maybe he was a lawyer that had something to do with said adoption? We have been tying Trey to Leo and David somehow... but I am beginning to think that may not be the case at all.... I think he's there to deal with MIA (and, of course, VANESSA.)

Has anyone else noticed that our man Jack is ALWAYS so exasperated? Life is really not a great deal of fun for him these days. Isn't it about time that the poor guy had a DATE? Isn't there someone in town that can make the suave DA a bit more 'relaxed'? Howz about it, ABC? Give the guy a BREAK. Let him wear something besides that tie and jacket. How about a ROBE?

Erica was all smiles at the end of the show today. It might have appeared that she was simply elated that the man she loves was standing up. It could have been that he actually listened to her... but the REAL reason is that she now knew for sure that Chris was NOT paralyzed "down there" anymore. Her smile was one of RELIEF.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/03:

I don't know about anyone else.... but it would seem to me that Greenlee Smythe is capable and destined to run Enchantment. She is on her game and almost, dare I say, better at the manipulation than Erica. Granted Erica is the master... but it would seem that Greens outsmarted the diva today in getting Kendall to bow to the whims of the corporate mini-skirted one. If I didn't feel that Rebecca Buddig will more than likely jump this ship and move on to some rather lucrative film or television work... I might suggest that our little peanut IS Erica for the new millennium...

Names that Kendall called Greenlee today: "Toadie", "Munchkin", "Petite Gopher", "Greensleeves"...... Kendall is beginning to sound like ME!

Today we learned that Bianca doesn't want to go to college right now because she needs to discover herself and find out what she's all about. WELL... one thing is for sure.... she turned down the new Enchantment lip-liner so that must leave out LIPSTICK Lesbian. AND: Where is Erica's head? Is she forgetting what college is all about? Momma is so anxious for her daughter to get away from Kendall that she forgets about the plethora of other WOMEN that will be around and eventually all over Bianca in the dorms? In Pine Valley Erica can (and usually does) stand guard over who is in Bianca's life. If Binks left there would be NO telling what might occur. I can read those tabloids now... "Erica Kane's daughter elected President of the country's first ALL lesbian Sorority: It must be her mother's fault."

And so it begins: Kendall gives Greens the first BEEYATCH slap of their tenuous relationship. There will be more. Let the hissing commence.

Dixie, Dixie, Dixie... it is obvious to me that this character is NOT riding off into the sunset as might have been the case with Cady on a recurring status. NOW... since Ms. McClain is planting herself on to another soap I suspect that the ABC brass will probably do what they can to make sure the character of Dixie lives on IN PINE VALLEY. It seems to me that Dixie left because Cady did. They were leaving the character free for a return should Cady have changed her mind. IF Cady has moved on it would make sense that this gives the producers free reign with the direction of the character. I fully expect that Dixie will be back in town before you know it. She might look a little different... but it's all in the name of progress and change. The only problem I see with this scenario is that TAD may not get that other fling that we might have hoped for with the departure of his now EX wife. Unless... he finally moves on and meets someone that could be special just in time for Dixie to show up in town again holding the baby. Yes... that sounds about right to me.

Speaking of returns... yesterday I wrote about the budding romance and smouldering heat that is currently between Ryan and Kendall. I questioned who would be the third person in that relationship considering there is rarely a love affair in the Valley without someone else coming between the couple. SO... last night I was looking at the trusty and very complete IMDB database for cast names on ALL MY CHILDREN and noticed something very curious. For every single person that they have listed past and present for the cast of AMC there is a time frame in which they were on the show. For Esta Terblanche that time frame has been removed. Don't ask me why but I would have to guess that the fan favorite may be making a return... I don't know HOW... I don't know WHEN... I don't know much at all. It's just a hunch and often my hunches prove right.

I loved it today when Erica looked Greens in the eyes and blamed her for Bianca slipping away... then she told the peanut that the conflict in the Middle East, Gwyneth Paltrow's Oscar outfit and the making of the movie "Glitter" were all Greenlee's fault as well.

After MTV's success with "The Osbournes" ABC has decided to take the everyday shenanigans of the dastardly DOC and his former amnesiac and current super COP bride and created a reality program called "The Haywards". Episodes will take place either in the Valley Inn, the Cabin in the sky, or the portal in between the two locations.

You have to admit at this point, however, that no matter what we THINK about the couple... Anna and David are actually in love. BOTH of these two hardened builders of GREAT WALLS to keep people at bay were in tears to some extent today because of their inability to truly breakdown and express feelings beyond those of mistrust and paranoia. Who'd of thunk it?

HAIRPLAY DAY: The ladies in Pine Valley were tossing their locks back and forth, to and fro all day long. In the cases of both Erica and Anna (natch!!) there was some major playing going on as they fluffed and touched and reshaped their do's in the middle of conversations.

If you ask me: the mere mention of the lack of a mother figure in the life of MAGGIE would indicate to me that this is a character that will soon be a part of the Pine Valley landscape. It makes sense to me. There will come a point that we will want and need to know a little bit more about little Maggie (and Frankie as well.) It could also figure into the future of the character of Vanessa... considering that she can't always be this un-hinged Proteus character if she is on a four-year contract. The question IS... will Maggie's mother, who happens to be Vanessa's sister, be a means of giving Marj Dusay something else to do while Vanessa sits it out in prison (or Oak Haven) for a spell? It is already proven that our Marj Dusay is rather versatile in her characterizations... why not give her yet another? It could happen.

There was also mention of the future of RYAN today. Of course nobody said what that future would entail... just that it seemed sort of stagnant and boring INDICATING that there would be growth (Finally!!) He has been the brooding, snarly, moody mess living in the rat trap and barely working for TOO long. What is his NEXT incarnation? It will be some sort of mogul thing. Perhaps he will be taking over for Liza at the television station. Nobody is running that right now. What about taking over the reigns of Chandler Enterprises? This could be a storyline pitting the six packed one against the Silver Fox (who thinks he is getting what he needs while wifey is having her head opened up and he's sent TAD out of town...) Ryan could find some other venture separate from the established moguls in town as well. WHO KNOWS? Could it be that Incredibledreams.com might return?

I think that it was ROGER who sabatoged the pipe in the evidence room. Roger owes the Doc a big favor AND hasn't been all that obvious around town for a little while.

Did anyone else notice that ALLIE (who used to go out with Jake and David way back when) was in the commercial sitting at an Opera? I looked at her for a moment and wondered where I had seen her before. She looks good in something else but scrubs.

Last but not least: Another Pine Valley success story. Mags comes to town to check up on the death of her twin sister Frankie. She is harrassed and kidnapped by relatives and followed around by young lesbians... but after her intensely long and somewhat unnecessary hospitalization she is OUT and all of a sudden she has a hotel room (free of rent) AND keys to the cabin in the sky as well. She'll stick around. But what will she do? Is she going to work? Is she going to start scamming on someone's boyfriend? Is she going to establish more than a relationship with Bianca? My guess is that Maggie will have something to do with TREY. I think it is a given that Trey would like Maggie because she looks like a carbon copy of Greens... This would set up the conflict for Greenlee because Trey will seem all that much more attractive and desirable IF someone else is chasing him...

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/02:

Brain tumors sure do make people all snarly don't they... Liza, who yesterday was plotting to continue stealing millions from Adam was perturbed today because the hubby wasn't in the room when she needed him. Adam was off playing photo games in order to vent his obviously displaced anger against David (who may or may not be guilty of this devious plan to take advantage of Liza in her moments of confusion.) And then there was Hayley, who today was nothing short of a little blonde Hitler. She marched around and barked orders as if she owned the joint. One had to wonder who was the parent while she was yelling at Adam and telling him just what he was going to do and when.... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

And apparently RENZO is now learning how to speak Spanish. Hayley giggled that perhaps he would teach her to speak the language. This just in: Renzo will be SORASed and come back to town by the time May sweeps roll around. They are talking to Ricky Martin to assume the role. Nobody is coming to his concerts anymore and he needs a job. No mas la vida loca.

You have to wonder if Patti Labelle could have forseen that she would be taking her hit tune "New Attitude" and parlaying it into a daytime television commercial selling menopause medicines.... Life is ironic, ain't it?

Jake needs a haircut.... or perhaps he is going to attempt to be the new HIP sort of Chief of Staff.

BOY oh boy is this 'union' between Erica and Donald Steele going to blow up in the little Diva's face. She thinks she is very clever here with this plan.. and up to a certain point she will appear to have the upper hand in this game she is playing. BUT... as I have said here before it will never work. She forgets that she is dealing with a carbon copy of herself in Kendall. That girl is DEVIOUS and crafty. She is going to catch on to this RUSE before long and probably get our little Donnie Steele to work with her to counter-attack the big DIVA. HOW? I'm not quite sure yet but it will tie in neatly with the REVLON storyline that is brewing up. Kendall is going to fall for this AT FIRST by taking the bait and going for that job to work for mommy... but sooner than later she is going to see the light and continue on with a charade. MEANWHILE: By contacting Donald she can swing his vote easily. He is pond scum and has nothing to lose. He knows that Erica is playing the game and supplying the dirt on herself and therefore has that information to hold over Erica should she get 'mad' at the munchkin. Kendall is going to come out well in this one... It seems to me that Erica has yet another lesson to learn about the games people play. She will, of course, come crying to Chris about it... and that might help matters in that department. I have a feeling that Chris is threatened by how strong and secure she is with herself and the things she does to run other people's lives.

But how transparent is Chris? His HUGE display of insecurity and jealousy over a hug in the hospital with Adam Chandler was silly. WHY would Erica be pursuing something like that? Does Chris believe that she is staging it as a part of yet another game to entice him back to her fold? OR is he just a big macho jerk who isn't able to hold in certain reactions? What he did in the hospital today had Our 50-something Diva blushing and grinning like she was in High School. Oh geeeeezzzzz...

More about Erica: If Enchantment is going under (which it probably isn't.. I suspect that was for Kendall's benefit) there would only be ONE reason. Could it be because the CEO goes into the office for 5 minutes at a time and then runs out for emergency after emergency in her oh-so important life? Who the HELL is running that place anyway? Have we ever seen another executive, marketing person, salesman or any other staff member aside from VAL and the ever-functional Greenlee? A little corporate homework, my friends... there are usually more VP's, SeniorVP's, Directors, Managers, and all manner of other TITLE in a place that would rank as high as a place like Enchantment. Revlon could wipe that place out with one coat of foundation.

Note to Ryan and Kendall: Just sleep together for God's sake.

One has to wonder if we are going to see a period of time where Liza is wearing bandanas. It would seem to me that the pretty blonde neatly coiffed hair isn't going to cut it after a round of brain surgery. AND WHO, by the way, is going to do this surgery? Do we have a world-reknowned brain surgeon that has been flying under the radar in our hospital of fools?

Line of the day: Greenlee to Erica when being told that she would have to go out and recruit Kendall for Enchantment: "Kendall hates me more than acne!"

Trey is making his first move: He tells Greens today that she should stay away from Leo because he is "going down". She denys vehemently that she is going after Leo at all. They are over. (blah blah blah). Trey is 'just warning her'. Shall we put this into perspective? Some of the most horrendous crimes in Pine Valley have been met with a slap on the wrist and some community service (something like 50 hours of drinking Martini's at SOS). WHY would Leo be going down for flushing a couple of pages from a FILE? is it possible that the DA's office couldn't have made a COPY of that deposition? Have they lost their case against Proteus? Doubtful. So what's the big DEAL? Perhaps Leo is a fall guy for ALL the bad people that got away with murder? Perhaps the show just wants to set a precedence and have all three people in one family go to trial at the same time. A Pine Valley version of a three ring circus...

And speaking of DAVEY... What pod came down and grabbed him? He is all of a sudden the voice of reason and tolerance. He is playing Anna like a FIDDLE. "You have to do what is right for you. Maybe you should testify against me in order to save your new job..." YAWNNNNN... what do you REALLY want, David. Of course our tough-as-nails Chief of Police is melting slowly in front of him. She was all snarly and indifferent until he was telling her to do what she was hanging over his head in the first place. Gee... aren't relationships FUN?

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY04/01:

The Sisters UNITE: After all the hard words and evil glances, accusations and suspicions.... it takes a little ol' brain tumor for Liza to look doe-eyed at little sister Mia and bring her into the fold. Suddenly we are FAMILY.. I've got all my SISTAS with ME... It probably doesn't hurt that we are talking about MILLIONS of dollars and Mia might stand to make a few of them buckaroos....

Brotherly love: In another hospital setting David and Leo, once estranged and hateful themselves are hugging and being generally grateful for each other. Leo is going out of his way to protect his big BRO and David is becoming the father that Leo never had.... So what is it that they are pumping through the vents in this hospital that is making everyone so gosh-darned NICE?

And whatever is being pumped into the hospital is leaking out into the general populace. I had to rub my eyes and focus over and over as I watched Adam and Marian bonding at Chandler mansion. ARE WE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE? Suddenly Adam is all sweet to the mother-in-law? And Marian is defending Adam even after he has blamed himself for the problems at hand? I know... we are actually in POD Valley and these are not the real characters.

Did I miss the announcement? I am now told that Marcy Walker (Liza) is preggers... could that be why she is going to be in hospital gowns for a while? Will she be sent off to recuperate for the period of time that she would need to be birthin' the baby? If this is all true my congrats go out to Ms. Walker and her family.

I do love the way that Liza is looking all guilty and feeling all bad... "oh... I stole millions because I wanted to protect Colby... it's all my fault.... I don't blame Doctor Hayward... bad, bad me..." And then she turns around and asks for Mia's help to continue the plan to rip off Adam. Does EVERYONE have split personalities in the soaps?

Just how long is Maggie going to stay in that hospital for hypothermia? She was looking pretty good to me today. She was dressed, had her hair done, and fully made-up. So... who is footing this bill anyway? David? The ghost of Frankie? Binks as a secret show of love and support? Perhaps Pine Valley hospital is not aware that she is there?

LOVED the sarcastic security guard in Vanessa's room. PERFECT foil for the over the top antics of our favorite snake charmer. The guard is s keeper.

I did NOT think it was possible but it would seem that Opal is regressing with her hairstyles. She is now back to about 1963... somewhere around the Kennedy administration. And how convenient was it that she brought her snake rattle with her to the hospital today?

Oh... one more thing about Opal. Opal and Palmer sittin' in a tree... K*I*S*S*I*N*G. She wants him. They'll be together frumping over each other by May sweeps.

If Trey had half a brain he would take the hint on this first "date" at a HOSPITAL, where the girl he brought out is fawning endlessly over her EX and already asking the lawyer for FAVORS. If he were smart he would run like the wind. But we all know that the power of the little red dress and the tease who is wearing it is great. These triangles are so hard, aren't they? Just like in my life.... whenever I meet someone there is always someone else there fighting for my affections. (April Fools...unfortunately)

Anna is not only a spy... she is an English Dolly Levi. She is a matchmaker. She is a peacekeeper. She is the voice of reason and truth. Anna is becoming a matriarch. She is the CHIEF of police and all shall listen to her. Never mind that she is actually RIGHT in all of the scenarios that she has done this sort of thing... but the fact that these characters are listening to her so quickly and taking the advice is making me wonder if she might not be an Angel coming to Pine Valley to heal all wounds. (Ok... April Fool again...)

OH MY GOD... is Marian actually getting a storyline here or is she just being pulled out of the mothballs to shed a few tears on various shoulders? Give the old gal a martini and let her find Arlene in a bar somewhere. I MISS MARIAN!!

Did anyone think it was funny that Colby sat up in bed, looked at Adam and said "MOMMY" today? Did anyone notice that Adam was making all sorts of Stuart faces while talking to Colby. I've never seen him do that before... I was beginning to think there was a switcheroo going on there...

Why oh WHY do all these Pine Valley heathens ALWAYS go to the chapel in the hospital? Not one of these people is remotely religious. I would half expect them to use a cell phone in that hospital to call up God with a request or two. But the chapel? No comprende...

Does anyone miss Mateo yet? I didn't think so.

Nessy UNWOUND: Marj Dusay continues her priceless performance of sheer lunacy and terror. Was that snake there? Is she really seeing it? Is it possible that she is the "victim" of a gaslighting? Is someone trying to make her think she is crazy in order to get her to admit that she is pretending? Is it possible that she is being slipped some form of drug (this is PV where any drug can be made up) that would make her THINK she is seeing and hearing various things? Who would be doing any of this? Opal? Palmer? David? Leo? Roger? Mags? Dr. McMillan? Anna? Dr. Joe (why not?), a MYSTERY person? Whatever is happening or whomever is doing it I hope it lasts a while. I am loving Ms. Vanessa and her antics.

David actually cried today. The man, the myth... has feelings. Once he accepted the news about dear old DAD he seemed to move on rather quickly. What happens now? Does he find himself somewhat more tolerant of mother with this news? Does he hate her even more and become nastier than ever? I am voting for the second option..

All of the sudden there are so many CHIEFS in Pine Valley. CHIEF of staff, CHIEF of police. You know what they say about too many chiefs..... you don't? I thought you could tell me... something about spoiling the broth.. ;-)

And there was David pleading with the new Chief of Police for favors.... "You can let Leo go, can't you? It was only a small break in to a DA's office stealing evidence to a major crime that is going to trial!!" I half expected someone else in the room to ask her to take care of their parking tickets.... ain't Pine Valley grand?

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/29:

"The Story of Us": Let the games begin.... again. Our new Lawyer/smart guy/geek/future sex god/man with an agenda and secrets/romeo is out to make the move on our pretty little peanut. JAKE WHO? She's all beeyatchy to Gomer at the door (yesterday) but then decides that she must make a man squirm (what with both Leo and Jakey out of the running). BAM she's in the hot little red dress and going out on the town with some guy who just showed up at her door. My, my, my... so trusting in Pine Valley... how would she know that Goober isn't a serial killer out to pick up mini rich kids who want to be Erica Kane? I DIGRESS. What I should have been writing about here is the fact that Greens has ALREADY bounced back AND although he is bouncing off walls like a goofball on valium LEO isn't missing a trick when it comes to his magnet either. These two are about to go into another round of "he said, she said" with the emphasis on TEASE. After all, Jake might be out of the picture but now it would seem that Goober is IN. To make matters worse Leo will never be able to accept that Greenlee's new beau is trying to defend Mommie Dearest. What a sitution, eh? And to make the matter just a little MORE confusing it is possible too that this puffy lipped model-type is related to Leo in some way shape or form. While all this is happening, however, we will have to watch the magnets drawing towards each other over and over again.... Ain't love grand?

So basically Adam (a man that might benefit from one of Leo's valiums from time to time) doesn't have the case that he thought he might with the evil and calculating Dr. Hayward. Sure, David is one that would take advantage of a situation, there's no doubt about that. But it is LIZA that took control of this situation in having the deal drawn up for David that has Adam all up in arms. Liza may have been doe-eyed and confused with the current landscape in her brain... but she took up the discussions she had over tea and crumpets at the hospital and RAN with it. I would suspect that the whole brain tumor thing has brought her to new heights of paranoia in her world... ESPECIALLY when it comes to Adam and protecting her daughter... but all of these plans to destroy Adam and ruin the company are far more complex than all of that. Somehow and some way I have to believe that this is something that Liza has wanted to do for a LONG time.... More will be revealed.

I hate to keep laughing at that place they call a hospital in Pine Valley... but have you ever noticed just how much fighting and other nonsense goes on in that place? There is never a dull moment in that place. People yelling and screaming at each other. Criminals running around. It would appear that the new REIGN of Martin's hasn't immediately done much about the fact that people seem to come to PV Hospital to vent their problems and difficulties in life. I must also question where the logic came from to call the highest security code in the hospital CODE ORANGE. Why orange? I'll bet that almighty powerful hospital board took days to come up with that one. They had to seal off that hospital on code Orange because LEO was loose. That makes a great deal of sense when they've allowed Missy Proteus to roam the hallways unwatched.... When I move to Pine Valley to get the dream job and the instant riches I will have to keep in mind that I am most certainly going to die if anything happens to me and I am sent to that hospital. I can only hope there are no snakes in MY bed....

I keep wondering who it is that could be setting up these gaslighting situations for our favorite "crazy" diva. She is convinced personally that Mateo is the man behind all of these events that are occurring to her in the hospital room. Voices in the air, phones that appear nd disappear, snakes in the bed.... To me, however, Mateo is TOO easy a solution to this mystery. There are far more subtle ways to look at this. Personally I would like to see something out of left field. Something like Derek Frye having a connection to her past and looking to pay her back. Maybe She really IS going looney tunes and all of these things that she is seeing and hearing really AREN'T there? My favorite theory, however, has to be that David's father, who we never stop hearing about lately, is NOT DEAD. He is coming back to do a little payback of his own.... One way or the other we are going to have to see Marj become a victim of some sort here because that is the process required for a redemption that is necessary to keep Marj on the show. KEEP the gaslights coming... they are a great deal of fun. I love watching the reactions that Vanessa is giving.

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/28:

Well Goooolllllyyyy! GOMER arrived in town today. There is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that TREY is a character with ties to David and/or Leo. There was no quesiton that Vanessa knew him FAR differently than a client would new counsel. Her uttering of 'It's about time' when he entered her room was telling of a MOTHER to a son that she expected things from. Trey LOOKS like Leo, if you ask me. BUT where would this boy have been through all the years that he grew up with the free-spirited NESSY? Leo might want to hold off on the publishing of that book for a little while. AND YOU KNOW that Greens is going to be using this guy to gain access into the arms of Leo once again. Only in Pine Valley can the hunks appear just at that appropriate moment to create the right chemistry for key characters to forget their dearly departed romances and christmas ornaments. ONE MORE THING: Should we have a pool as to how long it will take before GOMER is shirtless?

THE SINS OF THE FATHER: They've even brought in a framed picture of the dearly departed father that Vanessa supposedly killed all those years ago. The poor misunderstood Doc Hayward is out to get Mommie Dearest to avenge the death that he mourns whenever it is convenient. BUT.. a house doesn't have to drop on us, does it? How many times in one show alone do we have to be given the solid clues that Daddy was not a saint either? At one point Leo even told COPAnna that the revealing of his father's true identity would 'kill' him. HUH? Somehow I just don't see David as this shattering flower. I don't picture Doc Hayward blubbering into Anna's not so ample breast about the father he thought he knew... it just isn't going to happen. So what purpose does this revelation REALLY take? Is there ANY chance whatsoever that the character long thought DEAD may not be at all? Could it be that TREY is ALSO a son of this man that fathered DAVID and has been with the man all along? How good a look at the picture of David's dearly departed father did we get? Something tells me that Momma never killed David's father at all.

Strange Justice: Only in Pine Valley could a person be caught breaking into the DA's office and awkwardly laugh his way out of it. Only in Pine Valley could the new Chief of Police simply have a pleasant and revealing conversation with the person that had just done the breaking in. Only in Pine Valley would the DA enter and be pretty much put in his place by the new Chief of Police. Only in Pine Valley could the Chief of Police let the criminal aspect GO only moments after having that element claim this was entrapment because he didn't know the former spy was the new Chief of Police. I just love this town.

Warm Fuzzy family love is suddenly exuding from the otherwise mean spirited and non-trusting Chandler family (and those around them.) I suppose that this is normal considering the sudden brain tumor threats to poor dear Liza... but what about MIA. Only weeks prior to this (or less) she was bitter and rather angry at her supposed family for not accepting her or allowing her to be a part of them. She was a snarling mess and now she is the shoulder to cry on and the guest in everyone's home. Suddenly she is one of the many people who LOVE Liza. I missed something here.... When did all this love happen?

Pine Valley vs. David Hayworth: Talk about a man with NINE lives.... it would appear that the case that is now being built around the funds and experiments that David Hayward did at the hospital are not going to be able to hold water..... literally. As Anna goes back and forth in her decision of whether or not to be that witness for Jack in the case that is going to go to court... there is a FLOOD that destroys all of David's evidence due to a bad pipe in the warehouse that holds evidence. (Because after all PV needs warehouses with all the crime that occurs there.) Suddenly there is no reason for that trial at all... and David is going to get away with yet another crime against the good folk of the Valley. I can just see all the Martin's sticking their needles into their David Hayward Voodoo dolls. BUT... who is responsible for the flooding down at this warehouse? Who was it who SAVED the Doc. MY THEORIES: It could be LEO who is trying to save his brother. It could be ROGER who is doing payback for the fact that David SAVED his ass. It could be TREY under the orders of Vanessa who still, underneath, wants her son (David) to love her. But it WILL be Anna who is accused of this tampering... bringing she and JACK head to head in a courtroom. And yes, I still say that Anna and Jack have chemistry....

Spirituality in the Valley: anyone notice how the Chandlers found their spirituality today? First there was ADAM talking about his HIGHER POWER. That almost scared me. Then later we had Liza speaking to MIA while looking at her through doe-eyed martyr eyes. Liza: "Everything happens for a reason".... Yes, Liza, that would be true... but in the case of the soap opera it is merely to further the storyline's goals. If these people start meditating and going to YOGA we might start looking for the casting of a young man with long hair, a beard, a bright halo and a peaceful air. That's one character that can help bring back some of the characters we all love from the dead.

About Maggie... is the actress who portrays her (Elizabeth Hendrikson) really back or not? Here we had this big stink about the character of Frankie being killed off, a miraculous second chance for the actress who portrayed her, the 'shocking' revelation of the character coming to town, and then BAM! She's nowhere to be found. Is she or isn't she going to be a part of this show?

I wonder if SKYE is causing as much IRE and ANGST for the General Hospital fans that ANNA seems to be doing on AMC? Personally I like Anna.... I will admit that her front and center role is undoubtedly just rubbing the cross-over queen's character in all of their faces (I have ended up more than once with a glassy eyed look of shock and humored disbelief at some of the things I have read on certain message boards). But here's a question for you: If Skye were to come back to AMC for any reason in the future... Would that make her a GH star? Or is it really just the character of Anna that has caused her to become the poster child for angry fanatics that need to hate a character to feel better about the world at large. Somewhere Laura Allen (who played Laura) is reading the message boards and laughing maniacally because she is so relieved SHE is no longer that target.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/27:

The soap opera of the future will be entirely interactive. Each fan will be able to sit at home and create the storylines they find suitable to their needs using the characters that they prefer. The only problem with this scenario is the message boards will no longer be at all useful because nobody will have a clue as to what anyone else is talking about. For some fans the shows will end up being two character's only because they've hated everyone and killed them all off. Oh... and about character 'history'... this will also be a thing of the past considering each character will be molded to suit the individual need. Then, of course, if you hate anything you will have no one to blame but yourself. So for every message board poster who has the answer for those nasty writers, evil producers and horrible actors that belong on other shows... beware of what you ask for... you just might get it. ;-)

IT IS REPORTED that Eva LaRue Callahan has been signed to VISIT on General Hospital in April. It is not clear at this time whether or not she will be appearing on the show as MARIA or if she will be some other character. To me it would not make sense to take an actress who is beloved as an established character and bring her on to a potential crossover show as a new character. SO... my suggestion is that SKYE is going to SEE Maria in Port Charles and turn around and bring the news to someone in Pine Valley when she makes HER visit in MAY. The potential for this storyline is immense. Maria could be an amnesiac who has somehow found her way to Port Charles. Being spotted by Skye could mean that the character could be mentioned to Adam or Rae in passing and leaked to those who would be interested OR it could be thrown in the faces of people like Eddie or Brooke, who Skye never had much of a camaraderie with in the first place. This would be a storyline NOT ONLY for the obvious characters like Brookie and Ed, but for those with the established cross-over appeal like ANNA who could be sent to Port Charles in her capacity as Chief of Police to investigate the sighting thus opening up a few old windows to past relationships herself. Should be an interesting MAY sweeps, folks.

Another storyline theory brought to my attention by a friend in email revolves around the dealings that Erica has been having with Donald Steele. WHAT IF: Erica, who planted the stories that she will claim Kendall leaked to the 'press', was stopped in her tracks by none other than BINKY? Bianca could catch on to what Mommie Dearest is doing and claim that She (Binks) and NOT Kendall was responsible for the story that made it to the INTRUDER. I am picturing Erica with her mouth hanging open right now. Erica, caught between a rock and a hard place, would be trying to figure out how to prove that Bianca didn't do it (while suffering from the public display of hatred for her by Bianca). The only way to prove that Bianca DIDN'T do it would be by admitting that Kendall didn't either and that SHE (Erica) planted the story in the first place. She'll be devastated and knocked down a peg or two. Then in about a week she'll be back to normal.

Did anyone notice: Erica storms out of Jack's office where she has just left Chris. Anna is there and is sincerely sympathizing with queen Thumbalina. Erica: "Do I LOOK like I want your sympathy right now?". She then proceeds to whip around and walk into a tree.

And is Anna setting up a triangle for Erica? Here she is talking Chris into realizing that Erica is actually doing something that he should be grateful for AND telling him that she could go running to Jackson. HUH? Why would Anna KNOW that? Why would she CARE? Seems to me, however, that we are being set up for a love story that will pull Jackson into that mix again. More fodder for that book he is going to have to write about dating DIVAs.

IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG: "Days of Our Lives" has announced that they will be doing a cross promotion with Mrs. Fields Cookies on the long running soap. Cast members will be seen eating and carrying identifiable products on the soap that correlate with a storyline that will run clear through next February. And NO, I am not kidding.

Pine Valleasy: In today's bend of reality to make life in PV go easier we have the break-in of Leo at the DA's office. Wasn't it a little too easy for LEO to get into that building and access these FILES that have all this incriminating information about this HUGE DRUG LORD? What they didn't show on screen were the signs on the wall with arrows and big letters saying "This way to the evidence about Vanessa". Leo had no problem going into the office and opening the file because there were NO security guards. There was, however, a check out person as Leo left. He was there to see how Leo wanted to smuggle out the files. Clerk: "Paper or plastic?" Today in SOS you will notice that Leo chose the plastic.

Later when Leo thought he would get rid of said evidence... he went to the men's room and started to dispose of it by flushing it down the toilet. WHY didn't he just go to the Pine Valley branch of Andersen Financial and use one of their paper SHREDDERS?

Do you suppose that there is a friendship in the looming for Greenlee and SiMOAN? I just don't see them battling it out over LEO in the future... and we have already seen Greens turn the corner from her nasty buyout of the apartment building. Something tells me that these two might actually work TOGETHER in some capacity in the future....

TERROR ON WHEELS: Did you just love the way that Chris "the MAN" Stamp came barreling into Erica's office doors FLINGING open to make way? It is my guess that he needed to apologize to avoid the show doing ANY more of those cheeeeeesy montages. I am also picturing Chris over with Phoebs learning the finer tuned handling of the wheelchair from an elder stateswoman... Phoebe: "Now watch carefully and I will show you how to pop a perfect wheelie..."

Did anyone notice #2: Greenlee has this warm fuzzy flashback to Christmas time at the fireplace with Leo. The problem? She has the same haircut and color as she does today... one that she just had done in the last couple of weeks.

LEO with Bianca: He's got the evidence against his mother that he would like to use for the book that he is writing about Proteus and all his adventures with the bad Momma growing up. Leo wonders who would play him in the movie. I have a suggestion: Why not get Josh Duhamel. I hear he may be leaving his soap opera as his contract expires in October in order to hit Hollywood. He might just be perfect for the part.

FINALLY: Head of ABC Daytime Angela Shapiro is taking a new job running ABC Family Channel. What does this mean? It means that the woman who didn't want Michael Nader to come back (supposedly) is leaving. One has to wonder whether there might be some minor changes that come about as the result of this new development in the upper echelons. According to sources the job looks to be handed over to Felicia Minei Behr... (who has been in charge of All My Children in the past...) This could be a nice change for the shows.... or it could mean absolutely nothing at all. haha

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/26:

Erica Kane has cursed the very ground that Donald Steele walks on and yet today there they were conspiring in vague terms to make sure that the tiny terror could have her way and get that daughter of hers out of town. MAN is this one going to blow up in her face or WHAT? AND... don't you love the way the intruder is conspired, written, printed and distributed overnite? It's funny how things can move so fast in Pine Valley... the very same place that New Year's Eve lasted 10 days...

I am loving our favorite Grey Billionaire ADAM and his suffering wifey Liza right now. She is paranoid beyond belief and smelling rotten eggs in these moments before her head explodes. She is convinced during an earlier part of the show that Adam is trying to have her committed which would lead us to believe that she may have been warned by the errant Dixie (who was pushed into Oak Haven way back when by Adam because he wanted JR). Liza would have NOTHING to do with this. She looked Adam straight in the face and told him she was "smarter than his Pigeon Hollow wife.." You'll notice that Adam could not argue either of these points.

Jackson has been on TWO DAYS in a row. What is going on here? Could it be? Is it possible? Are they going to.... give him... a STORYLINE?

I was wondering after hearing the rumor that Myrtle might be killed off on the show. What did they ever do about the death of Louis Edmonds (Langley) last year? Is he supposed to still be around with Phoebe in Pine Valley? Or will Myrtle be joining him in that big CARNIVAL in the sky?

Isn't Jack's office in the Courthouse of Pine Valley? At the very least I would expect that he is in some form of Federal building... right? SO... how is it then that Chris Stamp can come in with a gun? How did he get through security? OH WAIT... I know... they thought that beeping was because of the wheelchair.

And speaking of Chris Stamp... Does the FBI love him or hate him? Can they make up their minds? It was only a week ago when Chrissy was holding court from his bed in the hospital. ALL the man had to do was make a call and Anna Devane was given the job of Chief of Police. The show has made it clear that pivotal governmental characters in Pine Valley were not HAPPY with this choice and demand. IN FACT... Chris seemed to be snapping his fingers and barking orders quite regularly from that bed. So... why is it then that all of a sudden he is being thrown out of the FBI? Not only is he thrown off but it is with bitterness and accusation? If this guy was screwing up so bad why is it that he was able to bark the orders and create the job openings in the first place? Gosh... sometimes Pine Valley can be so confusing.

While examining Liza today I was half hoping that an alien creature might pop out of her head and eliminate a couple of the more annoying characters in a bloody horrific manner. I thought maybe Jake could be a good place to start.

It's pilot season... can't you just see our little Erica in a new prime time show called "Spy Diva"?

GOOD GOD... I thought Dixie left the show. They keep talking about her and bringing her up. LET HER GO!! Dixie, Dixie, Dixie....

Is it me or is it a little too easy to get a job at SOS? It seems to me to be the place to go when one first arrives in town OR if one's wife is pregnant and just about to go into labor. It doesn't matter if you are a street urchin or underage. It makes no difference if you have any experience. HELL... if you just came in for a drink you can be pulled behind the bar at any time. Your hours are basically your own and very rarely do you actually have to worry about a customer. HEY... look how easy it was today. Chris pulled more strings to get jobs for people in Pine Valley and POOF: little Missy Kendall is now a waitress. Ryan comes in to lurk around dad and the bimbette and ends up becoming a bartender. (I am still wondering why the bartender went to work that day in the first place... could it NOT have been a possibility to get a new bartender a bit sooner than when Ryan walked in?) I can hear the phone call now. "Hey, Mateo... sorry to bother you on your vacation. Can Ryan be a bartender here in the club? Your wife is with you so that shouldn't be a threat, right?"

RUMOR: The rumbling begins that The Powers that BE are going to be recasting the role of Dixie Martin in time to have her back more than likely with a baby in tow.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/25:

It PAINS me to think of Leo writing and selling a book before I do. It will only remind me that I need to move to Pine Valley to make some of these things happen. With Leo doing his current dirty detective work and the erstwhile and unemployed SiMOAN writing all the little notes down on her yellow legal pad we are BOUND to see the couple on the best sellers list by May Sweeps. Come Fall they will have won the Pulitzer. Pine Valley: Where your career dreams come true.

I was sitting in my office in Culver City on the lot of SONY STUDIOs and I looked out my window today ONLY to see a truck with the HUGE face of Erica Kane driving by. A Revlon commercial perhaps... but I found it almost jarring that this woman is following me around like this. I am thinking of getting a restraining order.

The RUMOR at the moment seems to be that SKYE Chandler Quartermaine is going to be in Pine Valley in May for a few episodes. According to Robin Christopher, the actress who portrays Skye, there is a very special event occurring. When one hears 'VERY SPECIAL' they think of weddings or parties or babies or something HAPPY and PEPPY.... according to some sources this may not be the case at all. ONE source tells me that this is about the passing of Skye's grandmother. If you will all remember what storylines have dictated Skye discovered that her mother was Rae Cummings last year. Rae, if you will recall, discovered earlier that Myrtle was HER mother. So does this mean that Myrtle is going to be 'killed off' from the show? YES, according to that source. The actress who portrays her (Eileen Herlie) is having health problems and wants to bow out. I will have more on this once I hear it.

All these constant mentions of players from the past makes me wonder if we won't be seeing a good number of familiar characters (whether played by different actors or not) in the near future. CASE IN POINT: We have heard mention of Maria, Del (not happening right now), Dimitri, and Arlene of late. ALL Of these characters for whatever reason are perennial fan favorites that could find their way back into the Valley sometime this year. BUT that isn't ALL that we are seeing. Recently there was the return of Kendall (with a splendid Alicia Minshew filling the shoes), and at this time the show IS recasting the role of a grown Frank Hubbard to join the hospital staff. NOW... if Frankie is coming to town could it be long before the actor who played his father Jessie (Darnell Williams) comes back in some way, shape or form? The hospital could also use to have the talents of Dr. Angie Hubbard on its staff once again. And there's MORE: Now there is the rumblings of the DILLON family moving back to Pine Valley. Actually all that has been rumored is the return of Tim and Amanda.... but it seems to me that Uncle Porkchop and Janet would be likely to join them at some point if the "kids" were to find their way to the Valley. One way to keep the ratings UP is to invigorate the interest of both old time viewers and the newer fans by bringing back some history to Pine Valley.

Did anyone else notice Anna rubbing her breast today. MY THEORY: is that Finola is a smoker. IF she is that would explain why she is always playing with her hair while portraying ANNA on a set where nobody smokes. Considering that today her hair was tied back and unavailable for entanglements... I suspect that her hand needed to find something else to do. She stood there in front of Jack, unbuttoned her blouse and started rubbing her breast. Damn she's butch.

And IF you ask me this "relationship" between doctor evil and the chiefy of police is a GONER... (if anyone could consider that it was ever really there to begin with.) NOW I would like to suggest that this is an opening for a love affair between Anna and the far too under-used JACK. The way they snarled at each other today was inherent of the beginning of something big. Didn't you just love the way he waxed poetic about love and the wrong person? ALL that experience with La Kane... perhaps it is HE who should be writing a book. A HOW TO about relationship DON'TS.....#1 Don't fall in love with a Diva. #2 Don't fall in love with a Diva. #3 Don't fall in love with a Diva again. #4 Stop carrying that little beeyatch up the stairs. #5 Tell the writers to give you a real romance or you're walking.... I digress.

And last but not least for today I must commend the writers for the humanizing of Kendall. There is a person in there and not just a vindictive beeyatch. She is going to be the center of a love story with Ryan. It is OBVIOUS the boy has feelings for her already. I have read comments giving Ryan crap for talking about still being in love with Gillian today. According to some posters Ryan is a hypocrit for saying this now when he was sleeping with both Mia and Liza earlier on. To them I will offer this: There is a difference between what was happening when Ryan was with both Liza and Mia and what is happening now with Kendall. It is called FEELINGS. For the two previous women it was about AVOIDING the feelings and just having a little sex (you will recall especially with Liza that was ALL it was about was avoidance.) NOW he has met Kendall and there is a spark. Along with that spark comes the thought of 'replacing' Gillian, whereas with Mia and Liza that just was NOT an issue. Because of this 'fear' or reality, Ryan is now meeting his memories of Gillian again. OF COURSE... we have also heard the name Gillian bandied about a lot lately... who knows... maybe SHE will be coming back to town too.

FRIDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/22:

The Mia storyline seems to be coming on strong. NOW we are seeing that the reason that she is all freaky-deaky is that there is an intern on the new list for Pine Valley hospital that is OBVIOUSLY someone who knows a bit more about her past than she cares to share. Everyone's got a secret, right? Theories could include that the intern is the father of the child that has been rumored to be coming to town. Another angle would be that Mia has a little more hospital experience than we were lead to believe. The problem is that she had a "mishap" or accident with some poor individual wherever it is that she worked in the past and NOW someone from that place is coming to Pine Valley. They will see her and spill the beans. Since we also know that there is a casting call for Frankie to be coming back to town is it possible that he knows Mia? Whatever the story behind this intern may be it had our little gal rather rattled and seemingly trying to "WARN" Jakey that she is a screw-up. When the time comes she will always be able to tell him... I TRIED to resign...

Liza was a piece of work today. At this point we pretty much KNOW that there is a brain tumor going on in blondie's head. She is clutching her noggin and wincing effectively in front of doctors. She is also going to pass out at an appropriate time so as to fall into Adam's arms on Monday. David is going to fix it and once again be a "hero" that is indispensible, once again giving him lisence to be arrogant about his many faults. In the meantime, however, we get the pleasure of the many moods and "personalities" of our gal Liza. I HATE you... you're so nice"... "I will have your lisence!!" You're so interesting..." She's angry, she's giddy... it's all so split personality.... a theme that seems to be running rampant between this show and One life to live.

Liza was throwing daggers at David in the hospital. She agrees to tea and comes back fluffy and doe-eyed.... this begs the question: What exactly was IN that tea and where can I get me some of that?

TO HELL WITH THE RULES: Another mention regarding the use of the cell phones on the hospital premises. They must be getting a lot of mail. They are, however, reminding us that it isn't really a hospital as the world reknowned doctor reminds Liza that they 'frown' upon the use of the instruments and she returns (with a chuckle): "To hell with the rules". David agrees and everyone makes a call on their cell. I guess they told US.

And isn't it fortunate that Dixie just happened to have one of those cell phones that can work anywhere in the world? Here's a gal who makes it as far as Pigeon Hollow for the most part. She decides that she is leaving for Zurich to have her miracle baby and is calling David, Adam, and JR long distance on this cell phone... I want one of them too. Send my bill to Adam.

Oh... and TAD, why don't you check the cell phone company for records of phone calls to Adam and JR. Perhaps that way you might be able to figure out where Dixie is actually calling from.

Better yet... stop hunting for the beeyatch and get a new storyline.

Speaking of which... it is now in the scoops that Adam is going to send Tad out of town with JR to 'get the boy away' but at the same time Adam is going to be scheming to steal back Chandler Enterprises from Tad. GEEEZZ... who even knew that TAD was still running that company? So here we have Tad and Liza running a company that they NEVER seem to EVER be at. I am rather glad that I don't have stock in THAT company...

And what of the deal that was made over the magic tea between David and Liza at at the hospital? I suspect that this is future storyline in the making as well. Liza has papers drawn up. Liza goes into brain surgery. Adam tries to take back the ship. Liza and David have this deal that throws a wrench into the mix. Adam tries to discredit the deal. Tad, who now hates both Adam AND David ends up siding with Adam because he hates David more. Maybe Adam even decides that he can USE Tad in the company and ousts Liza because of her association with David. Whatever the deal is I would BET ANYTHING that it has something to do with the drug research that David is going to end up winning prizes for... grants... subsidies... all of which would benefit Chandler Enterprises in the end as well... unless ADAM has his way. LOTS of angry testosterone on the horizon.

Is it my imagination or is Anna getting butcher and butcher by the day. It must be the job. General Hospital east. Solving crimes in Pine Valley? Where is Derrick? Who WAS the Chief of Police? Who were the choices that these men who swore Anna in were preferring over her? Anna is now going to be SUPER COP... fighting justice and probably DAVID each and every day.

And she thinks that David GOT Dixie pregnant... which can't be good for their relationship. WHOOPS.

I love the swift justice in Pine Valley, too. No sooner is she sworn in but the new Chief of Police served with a summons for the David trial. The guy was waiting outside for the pounce. What's a Chief to do?

Sorry... but I have to believe that there is something in the water in Pine Valley that makes all of the residents feel sorry for themselves. NEVER have I seen a bigger bunch of whiners and snivelers feeling sorry for their poor little rich selves. Today: Mia and JR took the cake. "it's ALL my fault. I am BAD.... I should leave and not poison you all with my presence any longer." Find the nearest portal and GO!! Or get some CHEESE and CRACKERS to go with that Whine!!

Did anyone else feel like there was a scene skipped today? Ryan is feeling sorry for himself in his dingy hotel room (see whiners above) and kicks Kendall out into the cold in her slinky little red dress. We have a few scenes with other characters and all of a sudden Ryan is running outside to a crying Kendall and telling her that everything is going to be OK while holding her in his arms. HUH?? Where did that come from? This is some mighty weird foreplay!!

THURSDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/21:

If you ask me... LIZA is back to the place that I always used to like her. She's a BEEYATCH again. When she came back into town in 1995 she had an agenda. I have missed that hard edge and the nastiness in her voice whenever she speaks to... well... pretty much anyone. The doe-eyed monster that has inhabited her body for so long was b*o*r*i*n*g. ADD to the mix a bit of that sense of LUNACY that seems to invade pretty much everyone in Pine Valley at one timne or another and we have a LIZA that we can sink our teeth into. YOU GO, Girl.

Is Adam paranoid? It has been MONTHS since he talked about Chandler Enterprises. A man of that stature and means would have had Barry check out what was happening to his company LONG before now. He's been busy I guess. NOW he is finding out that money is being siphoned out of the company. Is it that easy? Is it a foregone conclusion that Liza is doing it? I don't think so. Here is a woman that seems to run Chandler Enterprises AND a television station. Yea... right. Do we ever really see the woman working? Does Adam do anything but bark orders to people on his cell phone? I suggest that someone ELSE is taking the money from Chandler Enterprises... someone that we will find out about soon enough. When a multi-billion dollar company goes pretty much without supervision it might be a little bit easier to siphon. And besides... I don't think that Liza is out to 'destroy' Adam (although she certainly doesn't seem to like him very much right now.) She's just distracted with a little brain tumor (or something of that nature..)

Speaking of paranoid: Tad is a bit OUT there himself. Someone might want to suggest a therapist to the guy. He leaves town and arrives back only to lunge at DAVID in the place that half his family works. Has this ever solved his problems before? And it sure didn't pay to leave town for a few days... Tad comes back to find his father retired, his brother running the hospital, Eddie & Brooke engaged and his mother running around town dressed like Cruella DeVille.

And why is it so hard for these Martin men to believe or accept that Joe would retire? For GOD's sake the man is about 100 by now.

Hypocrisy: Jake will only 'break' the rules or bend the 'laws' when it is for HIS purposes. That would mean that is for the good of mankind. When anyone else (including his brother) wants to do such a thing it is against his moral fiber. SPEAKING of fiber... perhaps Jake needs some.. because he is really FULL of it.

Dr. McMillan is going to be one busy guy in that hospital. I wonder if he is the world's leading shrink? PV hospital seems to attract the best of everything.

Theory Time: Yesterday Vanessa was grabbing Jamie and referring him to the son she lost. I received quite a few emails about the possibilities of Vanessa having ANOTHER son. I already mentioned here that there is a rumor regarding another brother for Leo and David. Perhaps it is Trey, who will be coming in to defend Vanessa as a lawyer. BUT... yesterday's performance by Vanessa may not have been about that at all. I looked at Jamie and I saw a young Leo. Wouldn't it be possible that she was accentuating the breakdown in public by doing this with a boy that looked like Leo as a kid? Didn't she "LOSE" Leo just recently? She had a gun pointed in his face and their relationship as they had known it for years was OVER. I suggest that Jamie was a ploy to help Vanessa in her bid to be viewed as NUTS. But Vanessa best be careful what she asks for because it would seem that it is coming true for her...

The File: Was the file that Mia picked up in Jakey's office that of someone that has ties to her child? It would be my guess that whomever's file she is looking at is going to be the key to the beginning of this new storyline? Oh lordy... you don't suppose that Mia has a SECRET?? Gosh.. lucky for us all this exact file would be the one that is sitting on Jake's desk.

WEDNESDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/20:

Vanessa is a HOOT! What they are doing with the character is smart and what the actress is doing is Emmy worthy indeed. Save those tapes, Marj and we will see you at the ceremonies in 2003.

Is she crazy? Is she faking? This is a question that could very easily be one of the better storylines coming from Richard Culliton since he took over the helm last year. There are different ways we could look at this and all of them would fit. I maintain that I believe our latest nutcase is the 'victim' of a gaslighting. Yesterday I threw out a few names of who could possibly be doing this. It would appear that IF this is a gaslighting as I suggest it would have to be an inside job (in the hospital.) Whomever is doing this needs to be able to have access to the room and to certain equipment that would make what is happening possible. That would SEEM to eliminate some people but then I remember that we are talking about Pine Valley hospital... where pretty much anything goes.

MORE POINTS: The prime suspect for a gaslighting would be MATEO. He would be the one that has the most to gain by his little revenge plot. BUT... supposedly he is on vacation. OR IS HE?

What if: The gaslighting of Vanessa were a collective effort of MANY of the Pine Valley players. Have you ever seen the film "Murder on the Orient Express"? The story is about a murder on a train with many key passengers as suspects. Turns out that each and every one of them took part in the slaying. Each and every one had a different and most often secret motive from the past. VANESSA may not be crazy NOW... but it could be that all of these people in Pine Valley are going to get her to come out screaming that she is PROTEUS before they are done with her.

Sorry kids: Little Jamie needs a few more acting classes. CLASSIC overacting today. Of course in a scene with Vanessa... who can really tell?

And what was it that Vanessa was seeing in Jamie? Was it a younger LEO? Was it a young TREY? (Who I am suggesting is yet another one of her sons to be revealed.) She grabbed on to that kid like he was her life jacket... and here way have Trey arriving as a lawyer who will defend (or SAVE) her.

Trouble in Paradise: What was Brooke doing at the hospital anyway? Wasn't she putting out fires at Tempo? Even if that was done with why would she go to the hospital? And how would she already have known about Vanessa's "Breakdown"? Is there a bulliten board in the lobby announcing the latest in deaths, births, surgeries and breakdowns for all incoming visitors? She sees her son who is having a meltdown of his own and chastises her fiance for bringing him to the same place as Vanessa. HUH? If Vanessa were so dangerous WHY then would the hospital be allowing her to roam around at will? And isn't this a rather LARGE hospital with many floors? Why would Jamie need to be kept away? RUN, EDDIE, RUN!!

Question: If Mia has a kid (which is the rumor), would that kid be MINI MIA? Better yet... would he or she call her MAMMA MIA?

Request: Could someone PLEASE tie down Ryan and SHAVE HIM? Who does that boy think he IS, anyway? George Michaels?

Apologies in advance: I would like very much to slap Erica into another dimension. What she is doing to Kendall now is precisely the reason that Kendall is what she is. Erica is going to get what she deserves and I for one cannot wait to see it happen. The problem IS that she will not learn anything because she never pays attention long enough for any of it to sink in.

Opal: Lose the fur.... or paint it white with dalmations spots, get a cigarette holder, white pancake make-up, some bright red (Enchantment) lipstick and laugh really loud with your mouth wide open.

Did anyone else notice that they were playing the Elton John song "I WANT LOVE" in BJs while focusing on Ryan and Kendall? Both of these people are the epitome of what the lyric of that song is all about. Nice job with the music choices.

LAST but not least: We had another STARE between Leo and Greens today at the hospital. MY QUESTION: Why was she there at all? Did she have a reason to physically be there aside from the daily run in with Leo? I suppose she COULD Have been there to tell Jack about the need to postpone her deposition about Proteus.... but how would she have known he was there and even if she had found that out WHY didn't she use her cell phone? Answer: How else would we have been able to see the two star-crossed lovers stare at each other from across a room today?

TUESDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/19:

I was simply crushed today to find that the blonde bimbo that BOUNTY (the quicker picker upper) picked up yesterday was a reporter. OH MY.... If you can't trust the random bar pick-up in Pine Valley who CAN you trust? THANK GOD for todays "it's a small world" part of the show. Simone, of course KNEW the reporter because she had once interned for her. Do we have any idea what might have happened if SiMOAN didn't come along? Leo, poor fellow, might have gotten LAID.

Did anyone else notice Erica trying to be HIP and possibly ethnic today? There she was talking to Opal and being reprimanded for messing with other people's hearts, minds and hearts. What does Erica do? She throws her tiny little paw up in front of her as if to say "Talk to the hand"...

Fortunately Ryan is showering again but has yet to remember how to shave.

Mia is at work already... and training for physical therapy at the hospital. Did anyone else notice that there was NOBODY training her? She was pretty much on her own and checking the charts and HER other patients. I guess it pays to know God...er...the Chief of Stiff.

Chris shows his stripes as an equal opportunity grump today by barking at Mia. He then proceeds to leave the hospital UNNOTICED in a wheel chair. They discovered him about an hour later on a local street popping wheelies and doing wheelchair drag races with Al from One Life to Live.

My heart ached today when I realized that Jake: Man of the masses might actually have a problem relating to the little people now that he's the big cheese in the Our lady of Constant Mishaps Hospital.

You may have noticed today at Joe's heartwarming (or was that heartburn?) surprise party that it was made clear that Dr. Joe would remain doing what he does best: laying down and letting people walk all over him... I mean... treating people as a doctor. I guess this means that Ray is NOT leaving the show. It makes sense to me, actually. In case J. Eddie Peck goes on vacation and there are hospital scenes.... there HAS to be a Martin present in order for the hospital to run efficiently. There are only the two for now. Before long there should be another Martin coming back from the attic or surprising everyone as a long lost relative so Joe can officially retire.

And what is all this new rumbling about Vanessa NOT being Proteus? BULL. That isn't what is happening at all. Some smart cookie (Mateo? Derrick? Dr. McMillan? Maggie? Palmer?) is GASLIGHTING the acting Diva into starting to believe that the ACT she is putting on about all the personalities is a little more real than she had anticipated. VANESSA is Proteus... but whomever is doing this to her wants HER to admit it and go to prison. Don't ask me why just yet... but my money is on PALMER.

TOLD YOU SO: Erica actually used the words 'you're just like a daughter' while speaking to Greenlee today. This storyline was predicted here on this page MONTHS ago.

YAWN of the day: Let the staring begin. Or should I say continue. We have actually seen this scene with Greens and Leo standing on each side of a closed door before. They have been here. They have done this. Even THEY must be tired of it. Now they will simply stare at each other from across crowded rooms for a while. We call that the RYAN and GILLIAN. It's like one of those films where key characters stand in normal time while the rest of what is around them is in fast forward. It is done to accentuate their standing completely apart from the world that is surrounding them. In other words we will see a little of Greens and Leo in their own yearning place (for each other)but neither will be able to make the appropriate move towards each other. ZZZZZZZ.... By the time these two might actually REALLY be a couple they will both have to be treated for ULCERS. Does Pine Valley have a world-reknowned STOMACH doctor?

A couple of weeks ago I was rooting for Jake and Greens. After this past week and listening to the toast to his father today (the one he didn't want to make but then proceeded to go ON and ON and ON) I had to call up NELL CARTER to see where I could get some INSULIN. They are doing this to JAKE that we may actually start to like DAVID again. It's working.

MONDAY IN PINE VALLEY03/18:

On Monday we saw the Leo that arrived in Pine Valley making his return. There he was marching out to the very same bar that Greenlee was in and all he had to do was walk up to the bar and some bimbo blonde was on him like velcro and handing over her jewelry. HUH? I hereby dub LEO with a new nickname fit for the scene played out today. We'll call him BOUNTY. Why Bounty you ask? Because, my friends, by the looks of things he seems to be the 'quicker picker upper'....

And there were the two snarling sisters Bianca and Kendall making nicey today in the halls of Myrtle. What is this all about? Is this a plot twist whose time is due or a hidden agenda on BOTH of our young Erica Kane siblings parts? IMHO there is a new chapter being written in the relationship of these two. NO, there will not be peace in the valley for ever and a day... there is a lot of warming up to do and a good many things to live down in both of their pasts. But we ARE dealing with the likes of Erica Kane here and SHE is the ultimate piece of work that is creating the problems in her life by the bushell. If Erica had a lick of sense she would start to do the opposite of whatever comes naturally to her. Since we know that isn't going to happen, however, it could be a safe bet that the battling sibs are joining forces for real. Ladies and gentlemen... Binky is growing up and seeing life through Kendall's eyes.

I can't believe I didn't see this before.... WHO ELSE noticed today that what we had sitting there in Greenlee's office was none other than a modern day Lucy Ricardo and sidekick Ethel Mertz. As soon as Erica threw her hands up in the air and tossed her hair in that inimitable manner announcing that she had a "PLAN" I knew that what we REALLY had here was two women about to do another lamebrained scheme that would cause NOTHING but trouble and grief for all involved. The question remains... is this going to mean that Chris Stamp is Ricky and Palmer is Fred Mertz?(that one actually works..)

And who else besides me saw Erica waltzing around with that scarf around her head and got pictures of Isadora Duncan? If only she would have gone out for a ride in her convertible....

WHERE'S TAD?

I don't know about anyone else... but MIA struck me as someone with an agenda today. She came back to turn down an offer that she already had turned down the other day. She had a gift for a man that she practically swooned over AND it took all of 3 minutes for her to change her mind and accept the offer that had been put on the table by Jake BEFORE he had been promoted to GOD of the hospital. Hmmmmm... something tells me that she knew ALL ALONG she was going to take that position. Gee... it was either that or stay as a waitress over at BJs.... And I am SURE her mother probably always told her that it would be a good thing to marry a doctor, especially a doctor who is self-righteous enough to believe that he is kind and a gift to the people. In other words he believes his press written by those who are trying to get something from him by saying it in the first place. Doctor Jake is NOT going to be the Martin that his father was in the role of Chief of Staff. Instead I expect that we will see a new character entirely. One that bends rules and becomes a tyranical shadow of his former kind self. A monster is coming alive and Mia may about to become the Bride of Frankenstein.

Last but not least today I have to say that I might actually enjoy the Gunfight at the OK Corral scenario with Jake and David. The show is always at a peak when it takes two strong personalities and pits them against each other in adversarial ways. For years it was characters such as Adam and Palmer and their huge multi-billion dollar corporations that fought to make the other one squirm. Of late we have had the powers of arrogance in David and "good" in Joe Martin to watch... but Joe is TOO good (and too old) to really be effective in this sort of a match up. Taking the character of Saint Jake the Sanctimonious and Sir David of Arrogance and putting them (literally) face to face to snarl their Clint Eastwood/Arnold Schwarzanegger "I'm gonna be your worst nightmare" lines is what good soaps are all about. Boys will be boys... but this should make for some VERY interesting confrontations.... and there was ANNA at the door ominously looking on as if she could tell that her new job was going to be no picnic with all the calls that she would be getting to run down and break up the testosterone fights in the hospital....

THE WEEKEND IN PINE VALLEY03/17:

JUST A FEW NOTES: the word out today is that JOSH DUHAMEL has relayed a message that the rumor regarding his leaving in October could be just that. Of course there are SIX months left for those contract negotiations or the ever-popular call from Hollywood... but who knows? It ALSO appears that any hope of Jake and Greenlee is finished at this point. Jake the big bad evil Chief of Staff is going in another direction. He will be paired with MIA, who is now about to finally get a storyline. What about Leo and Greenlee? It ain't over till it's over. NO... I don't see them getting right back together but perhaps another triangle is in order?

SPEAKING OF TRIANGLES: So who might that triangle be with? Who better than Vanessa's new lawyer Trey? Trey, by the way, is NOT going to turn out to be Del (SOW reports that the role of Del is being shelved for now.) This leaves the secrets that Trey is holding (or I believe they said he has an AGENDA) to be something other than dealing with Kendall. IT MAKES SENSE to me that Trey is going to be the other rumored SON of Vanessa. This, of course, would play into the triangle theory quite well considering that would put our little ERICA 2 into a three way with two BROTHERS. So.... what will Vanessa think of THAT?

Greens is going to be turning herself into a real ERICA in the near future with the addition of REVLON to the cast of AMC. It seems that they are offering Peanut a job and Erica is going to disguise herself to nip that in the bud. Instead... she is going to be sending daughter Kendall over to the enemy to infiltrate the ranks. Greens is getting closer and closer to becoming Erica everyday.

AND if you ask me... Liza is going to be suffering from a brain tumor. Perhaps she will end up having to borrow from the wig collection of PHOEBE after they operate? This is going to weaken her STRANGLEHOLD on Chandler Enterprises and bring out the devil in Adam again... which is where it belongs. JR, on the other hand may be leaving the ranks if the pilot that he's been cast in is picked up for production. Or maybe he could follow his mommy over to ATWT.

BY THE WAY: I still would NOT be surprised if the powers that be gave us a little surprise in future sweeps by bringing back one COUNT. I know what we've heard. I know there are those who would find this unsatisfactory. BUT... this is a soap and the return of Dimitri would probably garnish a fair amount of controversy that would bring in a goodly amount of ratings. That, my friends, is what it is all about. ON THAT NOTE: I must congratulate Michael Nader on the passing of his first anniversary in sobriety.

>>>>

<<<<

TO VISIT MY MOVIE REVIEWS PAGE

TO VISIT MY HOME PAGE Counter