…That I can’t worry too much about what other people think?
The fact is and should only be that I know who I am and I am proud of him.
This boils down to perception and a reminder that I cannot control most things in my life (outside of choice.) People love to suggest what you should be doing and how things should be. For the most part these suggestions are honest and sincere. They are welcomed and since I would never claim perfection, sometimes necessary. But they are not the definition of my character. They are not an illustration of who I am. They are often snapshots in a very large and often crowded collage filled with pieces that build a whole. I rather doubt that anyone can claim perfection (and we all know all who do are usually a bit oblivious to reality anyway.)
In knowing who I am I must always look for ways that I can improve. Change is a luxury and a willingness that will provide a bigger and better palate to help further define my life canvas. If my world were a mural it would be a very diverse and interesting one. I have been through many things… some that I considered deal breakers, some that have made me aware of a spiritual guidance. Everything blends from one scene to the next… many things showing up in different forms and colors throughout the ongoing work of art. It is all very colorful with smatterings of darkness that always presents itself with an indication of a light ahead.
What people see is not always an accurate representation. Nobody can be the same person each and every day without being disingenuous to some degree. Perhaps, however, a little bit of a “cover” is necessary from time to time. An acting job to represent yourself in some places or with certain people in order to make sure that the patterned world is kept in line. I can create characters and have done so many times throughout my life.
But sometimes it is not my character that may need to be changed.
I have worked very hard to build a life and lifestyle lined with karmic thought and sincerity in action. I am honest and I am committed to the work and relationships that I have within my daily life. In my personal life I have maintained a very gracious and admirable persona. I am honorable, and I am sought for advice, help, guidance and friendship. I am helpful and always honest (there is no reason for me to lie…) I do what is in front of me and I am helpful because I believe through life lessons that one must “give it away to keep it”. I am not acting in my personal life unless somebody hands me a script. I am what I am and that person is happy and well-adjusted. I have tried it other ways and they did not work.
I wonder sometimes if there are times in my work world that produce a behavior that I am not happy with if the change is something that should be required within or if, in fact, I should ask myself if it is not the environment where the reaction is produced? I sometimes wonder why some places do not examine the stresses of a workplace and provide some form of training or sensitivity program to acknowledge what could be dealt with in different ways. For some it may be easier to look to the employee as the issue but, in fact, it may be important to recognize the situation as well. I do not and will not absolve myself from any behavior I produce. I do not point fingers nor do I wish to do anything but walk through any piece of my being that is not working 100% to my liking. One must walk through to resolve, any sidestepping would only result in the issue reappearing in other ways or places. But if I am to be the soul reason for something that must be recognized I am forced to ask myself if I am better off finding a situation that would not produce the stresses in the first place… or should I say “abundance” of stresses.
In July I am examining my future. I know who I am and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Every person is different. Every person handles life (and stress) differently. But there is no reason I should be defined by mistakes. I am not willing to be afraid of them or to feel that is what people will see in me. If it is, that would be a perception I have no control over… but it would also be an incorrect one. To try and avoid mistakes is like walking on a landmine. If I had avoided the mistakes of my past I would not have become the person I am today.
I suppose the difference today is in learning that I am not willing to allow others to define my character. It is a rising in personal strength and a reminder that I am a hell of a lot better and stronger than I have given myself credit for in the past. I know who I am, I know my motives and intentions. I am absolutely comfortable with it all.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.