…That it is ok not to care?
Although it sounds like a negative it is actually a positive extension of my mantra.
I am a passionate and emotional being. I do not want to change that. It is important to me to be a person who cares about the world and the people within it. I am always going to be an ear for those in my life, as I care deeply about how they feel and are doing. I care about the causes in the world, the problems we all face and the general direction for the future. I am therefore I care.
But I do not need to care about everything…. AND… I must be very careful that I understand the best way to FOCUS upon what it is I do care about. In my current surrender, and paying very close attention to the new mantra (“It doesn’t matter”) I want to also remind myself that there are things that I will latch on to that are simply not issues that I need to internalize and keep. Therefore (as a good friend and I decided today) there is a SUB-mantra that I will adopt from here on out to remind myself that the surrender is best achieved through a general detachment from the “buttons” that have been pushed within me in the recent past… causing my “dis-ease” to be more important and prevalent than my happiness.
The goal of the surrender is to enjoy my life fully once again. I had lost that to some extent in being overly caught up in the muck and mire of the world around me. It is true that I cannot control what it is that happens in the world… but I can certainly become aware, once again, of my reactions to it. If my reaction is to remind my living thought process that the things “bothering” me are not worth the trouble of being frustrated, fearful, suspicious, unhappy or angry about… I am taking the proper steps in the process of surrender that I am working towards. This does not mean that everything doesn’t matter, some things do. It does not mean that I should become apathetic or uncaring about the situations, people, places or events around my life that potentially create dis-harmony. I do not want to ignore things that are, in essence, challenges because they are steps to growth and personal learning. I want to recognize situations for what they are… and my experience tells me that both instant reaction and obsessive dwelling are obstacles on my path.
To say “It’ doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care” I am creating a new habit of re-direction to what DOES matter and what I SHOULD care about. The unfortunate truth for me has been a tendancy to make everything important… and in doing so I find myself in a place that doesn’t allow for the proper channeling of the solution or the possibility of a positive angle. I must be solution oriented. I cannot live (mentally or physically) where I am unable to focus and prioritize solution and the potential for advantage or growth. In the proper mindspace I am reminded that there is opportunity for a positive in every situation… even if it is not to be seen directly or immediately.
There are those who would argue that last point. I am not going to say that anyone is wrong, we must all live our own reality. This is the way I am choosing to see the solution for me. This is something that I have lived and practiced before with success. But I have to remember that human nature, life re-direction and environment have aided me in creating different and less successful habits and behaviors as well. I am able to see how this is possible and generally natural for any one of us to become caught up in all that is around us. I will need to maintain a distinct line of thinking in order to reap the life benefits of a full surrender. Like in any sort of “addiction” recovery it is important to remember that every day is a new day. I can neither be fully “recovered” nor fully “surrendered.” To best achieve what I aspire to I will want to remember that I am always recovering and that it is best to surrender over and over again. But surrendering does not have to be a trial. It is merely a habit that can be created. I know this to be true from personal experience. If habits can broken, they can be created. It is a test of character and commitment.
So today I say I care about the result. I care about what is important. I care for what is real and requires proper attention… but for all those potholes, misconceptions, suspicions, resentments, frustrations and anything else that will block my progress towards what is rightfully my human experience: “I don’t care.”
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:09 am
My sponsor’s been teaching me about acceptance, and the distinction between acceptance, surrender, and resignation. It’s slowly coming. I’ve been enjoying reading your blog, so thank you.