…That people won’t always like me?
And the beauty of this is that I just don’t care.
There was a time when the most important thing in my world was to make sure that I was pleasing people and liked by all. A bit disgusting, although I did not handle it as much outwardly as I thought about it inwardly. A quiet desperation.
In time there has been a change within me. It isn’t as though I am not worried about what people think… I believe that we should all care enough about others in order to make sure that we are treating them as we would like to be treated ourselves. But I don’t believe that I have to over-compensate or become a doormat in order to make sure that my karmic plate is clean. I am cognizant of the behavior I present in order to best portray myself to those around me… but I am not now, nor never will be able to control the perception and opinion in others.
That is probably the key. As has been stated within many passages before, I am fond of and believe wholeheartedly that I shouldn’t take anything personally but at the same time I can’t expect that others won’t do so. Does that matter? Sometimes yes, and other times most definitely not.
I think the answer for me is my intention. If I am being a character that does not mean harm and is delivering with honesty and peace, I can only accept that if there is a negative reaction that I am not going to be able to do much about it. If I actually did do something to hurt someone without knowing it my best recourse is to let them know it was not intended and apologize. If they are going to be angry no matter what I am to do or say… it is best to simply let them be angry. No amount of defense or explanation is worth the trouble. Anger does not see logic… anger has motives.
I have been on both sides of that equation. I know when I’ve been angry I am not thinking rationally. I know when I am angry I am not listening. I just want to be right. I have learned that removing the anger is helpful to learning about my own intentions in human interaction.
I will always be uncomfortable around anger. I dealt with a lot of it in my life all around me. I felt its ramifications and I lost a lot of faith because of it. I have worked through a lot of these things but I will never quite understand how people can hate so easily… whether it be just at TV show characters or the world around them in general. This discomfort brings out the questions from me and that comes across from time to time the wrong way… especially to an angry person. I have tried to reason my way around this sort of situation by removing judgment and trying to explain where I am coming from. The most important thing to remember is that I am not trying to be right. I am just cleaning my side of the street. If I am trying to be right I am doing it wrong.
But life isn’t perfect and people just aren’t going to accept or like who I am or what I represent. After all these years I am actually all right with that.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.
July 15th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I like ya!!!!!