…That acceptance really is the answer?
The alternative tends to give me heartburn.
Tonight I had a very pleasant evening of fellowship and correct thinking. This is not so hard to come by… and often is done in my world by writing out the path to a better solution within blog passages and journal entries. Where I have discovered that my writing is always going to be my top and most effective means of therapy and communication (both inwardly and to the world,) I am not at all opposed to re-learning some of the skills I have been taught in the past in order to better situate myself for the next chapter of my life.
My path is like anyone elses. Some days I walk along and it is lined with trees and flowers. I can smile and I can feel the sense of accomplishment and pride. Other days I am out of sorts… I am distressed or in dis-ease. I am hungry, angry, lonely or tired. The path feels like mud and I can either be stuck or moving painfully slow. It is as if the path is blocked… a shield, a door, a barrier. But it is, as I learn over and over again, only as temporary as I choose it to be.
Choice, as I have discovered is my friend and my enemy. With it I am able to do the things I would like to do… and be the person I want to be. Without it I can feel trapped or imprisoned… thwarted and victimized. For the most part I have learned that I am the one choosing the latter. Rarely, if ever, it would seem, am I actually without choice. What I am actually experiencing is the inability to act upon a choice that I may want to make. In other words… I can choose to do something but that doesn’t mean it is going to be done. I can choose right now to move to London but the frustration or aforementioned ill feelings disguised as a lack of choice are actually my human “inability” to follow through on the choice that I would like to make. It is better stated that I am not actually making a choice if I am not following through… so the feelings of frustration are about that old cement shoe: FEAR.
What, you may ask, does this have to do with acceptance? Pretty much everything, the way I see it.
If I am in acceptance of the world around me.. the way that things “are,” the place that I may be and the pieces of the puzzle that are causing me any sign of the dis-ease that disguises itself as problems and drama.. is no longer given the priority it can demand. The line says: Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. It would be an easy choice to take the acceptance each day, would it not?
Although life is not that simple, it isn’t as “difficult” as it sometimes can be made out to be either. The fact that I relearn again and again is that I can be my own worst enemy. I would tend to believe that this is not my infliction alone, but it is my experience to share and grow from. In the amount of self-examination and thinking I do it is always rewarding to see results. When I woke up today I knew that a choice had to be made and because I knew of my inability to know what that choice should be I have found constant struggle. Suddenly remembering that the acceptance of my world AS IS is the form of surrender that I want to do each morning and evening… I felt that I could breathe and allow the choices to reveal themselves when the time is right. I accepted the results that would come as opposed to needing to create the results myself… thus eliminating the need to “choose”… for now.
If a choice is to be made mine will be acceptance. My choice tomorrow will be the same. This is the renewed mantra for the surrender that is necessary for me to make sure that my goal to live each day as a happy man is achieved. I accept the results… and stay out of them. I accept that I will more than likely stumble, fall and need to pull myself up again. I accept that I am human and that some of the moments that are not “happy” will only provide me with the balance and education to enhance the moments that are. I accept that I will need to be patient and aware for those moments.
I accept it all.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Thank you cousin. This one meant a lot to me as I read it, and with where I am in my world of acceptance and change. Once again, a pleasure to read your mind. Love ya. Let’s do District 9 this weekend.
Kevin