…That I resent my resentments?
And I resent that I resent them.
What is the key to happiness? Every so often I believe I have that key and I am able to illustrate what it looks and feels like. Sometimes I lose the image due to temporary memory loss or insanity… and when I am lucky enough to find it again the picture is never really quite the same. The loss is usually as a result of inner-anger, frustration or some form of DIS-ease that comes from being a human in an all-to-fallible world. For years (especially since I have been sober) the idea of these ‘resentments’ being the problem has been drummed into my head endlessly as if there were some quick, easy way to package them and send them merrily on their way. I know… let’s just “get rid” of our resentments!
I’ve had resentments with people who think that is easy. How about you?
When (and if) I do find this quick solution I shall bottle it, sell it for minimal amounts and find myself retired the joyful life one dreams of when in resentment. Sounds a bit like a vicious cycle, doesn’t it? Why? My guess is because it is.
I suppose the first thing that I might teach myself about the fact that resentments are not something I can instantly rid myself of… (like fear) is that awareness and classification is key to resolving. Resenting the resentment is not going to do me any good…. but recognizing that it is there is going to tip me off to the existence of the problem and point me towards the ultimate solution(s) in order to achieve the increasing moments of satisfaction, contentment and JOY.
Forgive the resentment.
Actually I can do that. I have done that. I find myself with ordinary situations and silly things making me want to send snarky answers and negative vibes and realize that the source of what I am interpreting (for whatever reason) as a problem has nothing whatsoever to do with the resentment I am ‘acting out within my head’ at all.
Stop. Forgive. Review. Laugh. Yes, laugh. That’s my next step. Because laughter is not only contagious… but if you really look at some of the things close up that you are resentful at they are sublimely ridiculous and such an utter waste of time, energy, vibe and attitude that if you didn’t laugh it might be a good idea to cry at the loss of time and energy.
This is where I might find myself resenting that I resent things. Whoa… there’s that vicious cycle. Beating myself up for doing something that isn’t going to ever NOT happen entirely is like walking up to a brick wall and pounding your head against it repeatedly…. it is futile and you will end up hurting yourself.
Laugh again. It’s funny, trust me.
The key to handling resentments is much like the key to most anything that you want to do something about… It is much like the habits I have broken in the past and will hopefully break in the future. There is repetition involved and it necessary to allow the meager mind to recognize the behavior, arrest it, laugh at it, write it down, take it out to dinner… do whatever is necessary to change the reality of the thought into something a bit more positive and less detrimental to your working thoughts. After all… it is you who is suffering from the resentment. Although there is every chance that we will do something foolish or necessary when we are in resentment… with the exercise prescribed it is also entirely possible that you will not.
Make it a game. “WHOOPS, caught another one.” Before you know it the laughing part of this is coming naturally. We can laugh at ourselves… that’s allowed. That’s actually healthy. That ends up feeling good and feeling good is what ends up making the chance for a resentment less and less.
Positive cycle.
So tomorrow when I wake up and it is humid and I hear a couple of things that I just don’t want to hear, get asked to do a few things that I may not feel I either want or should have to do and drive behind the person who is probably still asleep (in their defense… sleeping could mean they are not yet in resentment themselves..) this is when I start the exercise. Turn ON the button for the game and let the resentment trap get to work.
Before you know it you are laughing out loud and people think you are slightly nuts. But at least they don’t think you are angry or resentful.
Game won… at least for now.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.