…That the theme for September is “Don’t Panic”?
I may have to come back in here and read this a few times.
I remember years ago when I was newly sober I had a sponsor who insisted that I should pray for patience. Being the good and willing student that I am I would get on my knees nightly (a futile tradition that I soon ceased) and prayed. Then, naturally, the sober and analytical mind kicked into gear. What if, I wondered to myself, I am praying for patience and God (or whomever I was calling that higher power that we all search for vehemently) was now giving me things so I could practice the patience I was praying for? Maybe, I thought, if I didn’t pray for the patience, I would find myself in better, happier and less frustrating situations?
I did mention I was in early sobriety at that time, right?
Many years later I am constantly reminded that the world does not normally run as I would have it. I’m not quite sure when I resigned myself to this and let it go… but fortunately I have. That being noted it is important to remind myself and anyone out there reading that I am about as human as they come. The point? Although I am at a 90% point of driving through Los Angeles traffic without the agression of an angry and impatient New Yorker… there is still that 10% that visits. Much like that sort of practice in patience I am importantly aware that there are events and times in my everyday world where the measure of the intensity within and around me is amped up.
Warning: September has the potential to be one of those times.
So, as often as I talk about it, I should be pleased that I have the level of awareness (and this might be a very important part of the entry to revisit as the month proceeds…) The awareness will be the sounding alarm that I can hear and push myself into the better habits I have learned through the experiences that did not necessarily go as well as I might have liked in the past.
For instance: Today I had a phone call from someone who just was panicked. Their voice was at a pitch tone and the speed at which they spoke to me was a pace that almost confused me but definitely was able to change my perception of a situation instantaneously. In the past I would have fed into the fear I was hearing. Fear and panic are contagious and spread like wildfire (which we here in California are all too familiar with…)
I stopped my friend (although it was not easy because they were not listening… just speaking furiously). When I did… I spoke in a softer and calmer tone. I asked them to stop and breathe. I told them that their panic could potentially panic me and two people panicking in a phone call was certainly not going to resolve the situation that was being perceived here. PERCEIVED.
He stopped. The phone call from that point out became cordial, comfortable and filled with solution. This is not necessarily going to solve the bigger matters or issues that we confront in the intense times.. the crunches and the demands that the world offers when communication isn’t at prime or the accuracy of priority becomes skewed and jumbled (sorry… but no matter how we look at life and the world… in any aspect… not everything can be a priority.) What it will do, however, is allow those who must solve the problems a chance to actually solve them. The panic does not do anything but waste precious time.
Now. When mid-month approaches and my plate is filled with priority and the solutions are few and far between I will need to be reminded of this FACT. I would welcome anyone who reads this and knows me to print this out and hand it to me. I do, however, definitely see the process that I am working with personally as a huge step in the solution of the angst that I have experienced in some of these past situations of intensity. Perfectionism is not pretty, my friends and my first step to creating my happiness is to recognize the disease that is within. People are not perfect. Things do not go perfectly. Life is not perfect.
Why on Earth would I ever strive for it completely? I will do no less then the best that I can possibly do and while I am doing it… I will do my best not to panic.
Sounds like a plan.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.