…That I am aware of the challenges in front of me?
Today I had a light bulb moment.
There are pieces of life that sometimes seem to repeat themselves over and over and over. When this happens a multitude of questions will fill my head and invariably my notebook journal as I work feverishly through the ongoing classroom that is my life.
“What is wrong with these people?” “Why is this happening to me?” “When is this going to stop?”
Sound familiar? Here are the answers: Nothing. It isn’t. When you are ready.
Life is filled with challenges. For everyone. I don’t have an exclusivity in that department. Fear (which I learned long ago was False Evidence Appearing Real) is prevalent when we aren’t in sync or balance. If I am experiencing overwhelm, lack of sleep, too much work and not enough play, a loss of communication or any beginning or advanced loss of personal esteem… I am in trouble and in line to feel the need to defend myself from all of life’s slings and arrows. In certain places and periods they are many. This month, in particular is filled with potential problems.
One key, however, is in the word “potential”. I have learned that I am able to change the outcome of many things even if the appearance or reality of what they are is the same as a problem in the past. I have learned many times that it is not about what is happening, or what is being said or done. It is, instead, about my reaction to it. If I am going to be a victim, a martyr or just a man in resentment or anger, the problem is not only there… but it infests my personality and my life. THAT is where the real disease takes hold. That is where the problem becomes mine alone to handle.
Another key (and perhaps the light bulb moment I experienced) is in realizing the FACT that problems are doomed to be repeated until we work through them and solve them once and for all. Granted, I am always going to be aware that the “problem” itself does not necessarily go away… but the way I see it, hear it, deal with it and resolve it can change and create an entirely new perception of the issues for the future.
What does this mean? In short… if I am going to SOLVE a problem or beat a challenge… I must work through it properly. Fighting my way through it in anger or resentment is blindly dealing with life. If I don’t resolve the reasons that it appears or feels like a problem in the first place I am not solving anything at all. I may get to Z from A… but I am often not sure how I got there or why. I may feel a sense of relief from its completion but there is no real sense of “peace” for its accomplishment because somewhere deep inside I know it is only going to come back and bite me again.
For SO long I have been talking about the need to “change the chapter” in my life. There is nothing wrong with the chapter I am in… but there are times when it feels that it has gone on too long. Life is short and I have had my share of interesting chapters… I suppose I don’t want to spend TOO much time in this one. But part of me has become completely aware of a personal rule that sees too much pattern in how I behave, respond and AM. If I am not resolving the challenges in front of me I am doomed, or re-challenged to repeat them over and over again. This would not bode well for a person who wants to flip the page to an entirely different part of my life. If it were grade school… it would be akin to being held back until you “get” what you are there to learn.
Perhaps that is the point. Perhaps the challenge is not about what needs to be done… but in how I do it?
The bottom line is that I, and the light bulb have made a deal. Where I use awareness as a tool to change habits throughout my later life… I will now incorporate it into the plan to make sure that I change my whole outlook on the challenges that lie ahead of me this month. This time the awareness will be the page-turner bringing me closer than ever to the next chapter.
I don’t know what that chapter is going to be… but armed with the tools that I see in front of me I am absolutely sure, as all chapters have been up until now, it will be better than the last.
Bring it on.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Opening paragraph was a kicker!!!! Good read cousin. You are a Master of Seeing!!!!