…That I am working a successful ritual?
Or perhaps I should say that I am stepping up the ritual from something that already exists.
It is no revelation that resentments are an ongoing problem in my life. I would imagine that they are a problem in most lives but it would probably be best if I concentrated on my own before worrying about the rest of the world’s business. Writing about resentments is nothing unique for me either. I have done so for years because they are a mainstay. They creep in with the everyday thoughts without provocation. They exist and they will continue to exist because the world is not serene by its nature. There doesn’t seem to be much of a choice in the matter… I think and therefore I resent. But that, as I have learned (over and over) is not the end of the story… merely the beginning.
I am a man of ritual… which, if you think about it, is only a better or more sophisticated word for habit. I create them all the time… whether consciously or unconsciously… we all do. It’s what makes up who we are, what we do and how we do it all throughout or waking moments. So if my thinking produces resentment I must continue to learn that the rituals that I create around them should be in how I handle, react or even simply pay attention to them in the first place.
Awareness.
So identification of a random thought that sparks a bitterness and could lead to the change of the mood or a decision that produces any form of negative is a plus. This is a habit that may not always be perfected… but there is a game in there somewhere and I have actually found myself bypassing the resentments simply out of finding the identification slightly humorous. Perhaps it is the self-involvement and the realization that sometimes this “process” or ritual of noticing the resentment could be seen by others as slightly daft. To me, that is funny. Perhaps it is a little but of that sense of getting caught. But I am a city boy through and through and we all know city people do tend to sometimes appear like they might be talking to themselves. How do we know they are not simply identifying a resentment and arresting it before it becomes something more?
That brings me to the second stage. What DO I do with a captured resentment. I have identified the thought and realized its negative bent… so… now what?
There is that aforementioned laughing thing. But as much as I would love to be someone who can laugh all the time I must have alternative answers to this stage of the ritual in order to make sure that I don’t start resenting that I am not in the mood to laugh.
Scary that I think that way, isn’t it?
After identification comes acceptance. I accept that the resentment has made its appearance and accept that it is my choice to do with it what I will. Just what would that be? I turn it away. I turn it down. I flat out think it down. I am simply not going to have anything to do with it. Ladies and gentlemen… I know this sounds like a tall order but the simple fact of any ritual (or habit) is that if you do it enough…. it becomes something that is not going to be as hard as it may have felt or been in the past. If I create that habit it is also likely that I may simply go through this distillation process with the same subconsciousness as I used to in creating and following through on the resentment in the past.
Problem solved? Not always….
So I have taken to writing down the resentments that persist. In a world of rituals (like anything that you do during the course of your day, week or life…) you are going to be confronted by things that don’t necessarily present themselves the way you would prefer. It is not BAD for us humans to wish things to be other ways. What is BAD for us is how we react. So If I am going to take the nastier or more repetitive resentments and put them aside when I am unable to actually rid myself of them (however temporarily that can sometimes be…) I must find a method or yet another stage of this ritual to deal with them later.
So I have decided that on a daily basis I must take that list and dispose of it. I could burn the resentments… or perhaps take them to a shredder. I could cut them up with scissors or crumple them up and throw them out. It may not be as important as to the method by which they are disposed of. What will be important is that there is a ritual in which they are destroyed.
And then comes acceptance.
Much like anything else in this world resentments are not necessarily going to go away completely just because you’ve created the ritual, written them down and burned them. They are likely to return…. but what I have learned over the course of time that I have made the ritual of awareness a top priority, is that they are not as important.. they don’t take as much out of ME as they used to. They become easier to identify and arrest. They become less of a stranglehold and eventually… some even quickly… they go away.
This practice does not take long. It does not have to be hidden. It is not embarrassing and it is most definitely a healthy attitude and outlook changer. It is also a challenge… and God knows I love a good challenge.
Be Happy. Be Well Be.