…That it might help to redefine happiness?
What makes you happy?
For me, it seems, it has been largely what I do not have, what I have considered unattainable and whatever might be coming next. So, it would seem, I am happy by the prospect of what my life could be. This , I suppose is not necessarily a bad way to be, considering that sort of thinking is of an optimistic nature as opposed to believing the worst about what lies ahead.
Although happiness can be wished for, dreamed about and earned… it is an emotion and can only actually be felt in the moment. So it would stand to reason that the hopes and dreams of the future happiness is all good, but not truly the definition of happiness that I would be looking for.
Don’t get me wrong… it isn’t as though I am never happy in the moment. I’m actually rather satisfied with my life. I am blessed and I am fortunate, there is no doubt that I have become a person that I can be proud of and live a life where I am able to do and be so many things that I truly want to do and be. This in no uncertain terms makes me happy.
The problem has been that I don’t seem to be as happy as I could or should be. It seems that the aforementioned projection into what I could be is taking a lot of the emotional part of my living moments and moving me further away from the experiences I should getting more out of in the now. So although I am not an unhappy person, it has become obvious to me that I am not fulfilling my full potential of happiness.
And it stands to reason (at least one would hope) that I am in a place I had at one time been projecting myself towards… a place that I assumed and hoped would be a happy and possibly even happier time in my life. Sounds a bit like a vicious cycle doesn’t it? A little of the “grass is always greener” syndrome or a perpetual carrot being dangled in front of me.
The problem is it is I who constantly dangles the carrot.
My life is much like my journal pages. I experience (and write) things over and over and over hoping that they will somehow change and my life with them. Sometimes they do, most of the time they do not. The willingness to repeat the behaviors, habits and patterns is, in most places, classic “insanity” (by definition this is where one does something repeatedly expecting different results). But in my journal pages I learn through repetition. I am of the school that tends to beat their head against a wall repeatedly until they are bloodied and finally surrender… and learn… and move on. The journal pages have allowed me to see the patterns and, although I would love to believe that it would be the ultimate lesson, I will forever find gratitude for the therapy and growth experience it constantly provides.
I make habits, I can break habits. But that requires action.
I will be redefining what happiness is and should be to me again as I start out a new week. I’m realistic, however, in knowing that I will redefine it again in the future… perhaps many times. I’m fine with that, because it stands to reason that all this thinking, plotting, defining and writing defines ME and the the hope for the future. That makes me very happy.
I’m here for a reason. I can’t say that I completely understand what that reason is… or if I am supposed to understand. What I do know is that it makes me happy to know that I am in my classroom learning what it is that is going to take me to that place one day,,, day by day… while doing my best to be happy within the moments that make up those days. I can ask for no better than that.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.