…That I must get out of my own way?
It is so easy to create a problem.
I love solutions, peace and a happy existence as much as the next person… perhaps even a little bit more. But it is obvious to me that no matter what I have done to improve the way that I live and think, I am usually, in some manner, creating problems in my head that don’t actually exist in the real world…
…well they didn’t exist until I created them.
I have an active imagination. I over-think and I am analytic. These are magnificent tools for thinking, reasoning and resolving… but can (read: does not have to) be a detriment to living life lightly. I am under no illusion that life is always going to be an easy, breezy ride… but the fact remains that it isn’t a difficult one unless I am taking the reigns and driving the vehicle.
Solution: Take a deep breath. Stop. Smile. Evaluate. Is this thought I am creating fear-based? Is it that I am afraid of losing something or not getting something I believe (read: I am often misguiding myself) I want? Have I surrendered this to God and asked for what I need? Is it a stretch for me to believe that what I NEED can also be what I determine as the thing that I want?
If I am thinking (or perhaps obsessing) about “it” the chances are great that I have not surrendered. If I am thinking about “it” the chances are great that I have assumed control. Control, for the most part is a dangerous place for me to be. Being able to handle situations, steer towards solutions and let go the need to steer the result is the “control” that I am best suited for. Other than my worldly use of mind and body I prefer to turn over the control to God and know without the shadow of a doubt that the answers and results that I require will be mine.
It would seem, with professed trust and faith, that surrender to God’s will for me would be simple. Sometimes I am easily within the consciousness and I am light and trouble-free. But the ism’s I was born with are stealth and powerful. It is easy to find myself within the grasp of a disconnection that creates the thought processes and subsequent problems that can be a minefield to simplicity and serenity. Fortunately my ongoing sobriety teaches me that it is not impossible to create the habit of stopping when the behavior (or desire) to control seizes me. My willingness for solution and action are imperative to this process. Basking in problem, ill-thinking, resentment and anger are places that the ism adores. They are natural playgrounds for the martyr and partners to low self-esteem and elevated ego. It is difficult at times to seize the willingness and move swiftly from self-created problem into surrender and God-consciousness. It is, at times, as though we cannot move.
And what if I have not created the problem?
There is no difference. My reaction to what the world is offering… inwardly or outwardly… is all the same. Naturally there are degrees of difficulty in perception and reality. It is entirely human to require human emotion and process what is happening around you. Even in more difficult situations that I may not have created out of nothing (the more prevalent variety of God disconnection) I have been afforded the ultimate tool of consciousness through prayer, meditation and surrender. The choice of accepting God’s help and guidance and going the road on my own are very much black and white. One provides comfort and happiness (be it immediate or gradual) and the other results in discomfort and elevated levels of anger and further disconnection from my source.
What is most unusual is that my intuition provides me with God’s guidance every time. My human nature and over-analytical mind may hear/see/feel that guidance and ignore it as the blanket of fearful thoughts begin to cover me. This happens out of what I have always felt to be self-preservation. I am protecting myself from you… from them… from the world… from myself… from everything. One of my longest and most productive classrooms in this lesson of life has been to re-teach this feeling of preservation and to abolish the negative habits that pull me away from God.
As I end old habits I am slowly and effectively adding new ones.
A solid example of both what I want and need in my relationship with God.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.