Not that I have been over-reacting to anything these days… I have become much better at the calm and dignified response over the past several years…  but it is important to remember that I, like most humans, have triggers.

In alcoholics anonymous there is an acronym called HALT.  It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  These are buttons that an alcoholic should be aware of and keep in line.  It’s natural that we should feel all four of these separately and sometimes a couple in combination, we are human.  But if and when the alcoholic is not in sync with the tools at his or her disposal and all four of the triggers are pushed and played… there is a danger of becoming the victim of your untreated “ism”.  You are weaker and vulnerable.  It is at times like these that we will react different, hastily, often without thinking and sometimes in anger.

Reaction can be dangerous to our happy quotient.

One of my favorite authors also writes about the reaction:  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements” the agreement that states “Don’t take anything personally” advises us that ‘what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream’.  Where that advises us to remember that anything that may appear or feel combative or judgmental is only within our reaction to their experience, we should remember that even those who are not intending a negative may elicit one simply because we are not stopping, breathing and thinking before we respond.

In my current landscape I am not feeling the love for the work environment that I am within.  What I have learned over the past several months, however, is that the environment is what it is… and does not necessarily provide me with the experience I am perceiving.

My REACTION to that environment is what I am experiencing.  Nothing anybody does or says is important enough to adjust the way I think, believe or respond if I am working with the tools of my program the way I have to overcome so many other mountains in my life.  If I am responding with any sort of anger or resentment (whether outwardly, in my head or on paper) I am not keeping my mind open to ALL the possibilities that the situation at hand may be offering.

When I am in resentment I am probably hungry, angry, lonely or tired…. and more than likely a combination of at least two or more.  If that is the case I have made a pre-judgment on a situation…. I have made up my mind and I am not going to like what is in front of me.  That shuts the door on any number of elements, possibilities, positive challenges and future successes that may not be in the realm of my limited scope because my mind is closed.

Stopping, breathing and thinking about my reaction does not make me a doormat.  On the contrary, it has allowed me to become a happier soul.  I am not looking for the problem in the conversations within a stressful environment… I am, instead, becoming the solution or seeking it without any altercation or negative vibe.

It is important as another year starts drawing to its close that I am able to map out my new horizon on a path that involves feeling better about myself, the world around me and God.  I am growing and this is an ongoing stage (a staircase if you will) towards more enlightenment.  The sound of that is one that I would have a very positive reaction to.

… after I stop, breathe and think.

Be Happy, Be Well, Be.

I haven’t been in my blog for a while and although I don’t have any regrets in my life… I do feel I should be sharing the freedom of expression and ever-present reminders I offer myself by putting whatever is on my mind out there.

It isn’t for lack of writing.  I have been busy writing up a storm with a wonderful bond I have been given in London.  With this person I am writing, sharing, growing, changing, living, laughing, crying and becoming a different person entirely through the grace of my God and a LOT of good program.  This relationship along with the many I have continued to cultivate on this side of the ocean is building my strength and self-worth tenfold as I work through the daily life and begun to change the very way I think in order to build a better future.

At the top of my list regarding transformation is the way I think.  I am an intelligent man with a great many assets of life education and a constant craving to learn and grow.  One of my character defects, however, comes in the form of a stubborn streak that does not allows recognize or utilize the tools for change that I have under my nose.  They are always there… and many I have used countless times before.  But when a soul finds themselves in negative patterns built by selfishness, resentment and anger at environment, individuals or themselves…  there is no growth.  What happens is a one digs a hole that gets deeper and deeper.  In some moments the light at the top of the hole cannot even be seen.

This is the dark night of the soul.  I have been there before and it is entirely possible that I will be there again.  But what has been important for me is to recognize where I am in any particular moment (the past and the future being important but the present being vital.)  For me the issues I have been facing is a burnout in my professional world.  I work too much and I am not really growing within it… getting more to do is not necessarily the type of growth I can succeed with.

So I complain to myself.  I write in my journals about how I am being taken for granted and I am not appreciated or utilized to the fullest of my extent.  I wonder why other people are getting things that I feel I should be getting (comparing myself to others) and I internalize the threats of pulling out (I’ll show them) and moving on somewhere else.

That actually COULD happen… but it is not wise spiritually to do anything out of resentment or reaction.  What has to happen is within the way I think.  I have learned that I must change how I see these things, those individuals and the way that I am doing the job in front of me.  When I remember that I am there (and everywhere) to be of service… and remember that there are people out there nowhere near as fortunate as I am to be receiving the paycheck and the opportunities that I do… that is when I must STOP and transform.

I wrote to my soul bond in London on the day of my dark night of the soul.  I asked for help.  What I received outside of the honesty, support, love and wisdom, was a workbook called “A Spiritual Transforming with Luke 21st Chapter.”

For years I have built a program with the idea of a higher power.  Growing up Catholic and seeing the general direction of our country and religion within it has stopped me from wanting to use the word GOD and most definitely from associating myself with the Bible… a tool used by many as a weapon.

But what is more important?  The judgments I have about the Bible, religion and God or the transformation I am seeking?  I need to open my mind and look at the tools that exist in the world for how they can help ME if I am able to listen and learn within.  Reading this transformational workbook is helping.  It is a side by side comparison of a chapter from the Bible (Luke 21) done verse by verse with an alcoholic who is looking to transform.  The gist of the workbook is NOT about the Bible.  It is about the way we can work on ourselves spiritually.  It is about questions, 38 in total, that correlate to the reactions this alcoholic had to the reading of each of the Luke passages in chapter 21.

It is working.

Each day I answer a question.  Each day I take that question and I concentrate on how it is important to me… how it has effected me and what I think about it with no edits.  The result in a couple of weeks is change.  I am changing.  I am seeing the world differently.  I am growing in a connection via my friend in London (connection being the thing that I most crave within my worldly existence..)

I am transforming.  It is a process.  I am willing, able and more than excited about the future as a result of this daily TOOL that I am working on and with.  It is amazing how we can stop and start again in new directions.  This would not be the first time I have done so.

I pray to God it is not the last.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

During the course of my life I have learned that many people and situations were not trustworthy.  I have felt abandoned, lied to and taken advantage of.  It has not broken me… and in most (if not all) situations has taught me valuable lessons that have strengthened my resolve, personality and ability to work and coexist with the world at large.  I do not live in fear but when it comes to some aspects of my life I hold on to a control issue with such vigor that the only person that it is truly hurting is myself.

But I am not a victim of any circumstances, people, or places.  I am completely aware that the idea of victimization is born within my head and I do not wish to live in that space.  This is why trust is most important, even if it does feel awkward or scary.  This is why I must take the leaps of faith that some trust requires and why I must willingly take a bullet in some situations where the trust is not met.  Learning about and living through trust “issues” in the past does not make me an expert on identification or living with (or without) trust of others.  I believe the situation of trust within different people is as unique as the individual.  I do not have the capability of knowing the outcome of any event or situation.  I do not know when someone is lying or simply in their own state of fear when it comes to any interaction with me.  I do have my intuition.  I have my gut feelings.  I have my sense of right and wrong.

But I must also be very careful not to think too much.  Many of my issues come from over-analyzation.  I am aware that the intuitive sense is the innate feeling or impression that first arrives.  What happens after that initial feeling is the thought-process… an internal debate with scores of offerings heaped on the original thought to weigh pros and cons of the situation, person, place or thing.  Do you trust God?  Do you trust yourself?  Trust must begin with the basics.

I either do trust God or I don’t.  There is no middle ground.  Anything in-between is second-guessing and more than likely my own control of the situation.  Anything in-between is that over-analyzation of whatever is at hand.  My bottom line is that I must trust God or I am not going to be able to ever learn to fully trust myself.  Without that I am out of luck in trusting others and the true meaning of life becomes mired in fear, anger and isolation of the soul and the spirit.

Hardly a happy place to be.

When I open my eyes in the morning I am learning to instantly see the gratitude of the day.  I communicate my faith and trust in God to allow me the chance to move forward covered in that blanket.  When I pull away from that motivation (even the most serene and spiritual must allows admit and allow their humanness) I stop, take a breath and surrender myself again.  On some days I do this rather constantly.  I must.  I consider the consequence or alternative if I do not.  I ask myself do I want to be right (control) or happy (surrender)?  I am not always quick to the answer on that question… but I have been in this classroom long enough to identify the self-willed and self-piteous moments and do something with them.

Self-pity is nothing but a time waster.  I haven’t got THAT many years left on this planet in this form.  I don’t want to find myself removed and consider the regret of having not done things I felt were destined for this particular path.  Some would argue, naturally, ,that if it isn’t done it wasn’t meant to be.  I would tend to agree but I also know that within my path I hold some power.  God may know the ultimate plan but I tend to believe that there are options as to the full scope of the path.  There may be more originally planned options for a path that may need to be revisited, albeit re-formatted, for a future existence because they had not been “met” or “experienced”.

Why not?  I have read books and heard speakers talk to the spirit traveling and coming back to repeat life lessons that had not been fully learned.  There are days that I feel like an old soul…. meaning I sometimes think that there are many lessons I had already learned in past incarnations.  But… I am not completed because I am here in this classroom continuing to learn.  I am willing, that is a lesson within itself.  With that willingness comes the opportunity to see and hear what is meant to be seen and heard.

My life trudges on.  I see glimmers of difference and change.  I believe some major shifts are due to come for me in the near future.  Are they a result of lessons learned or are they new classrooms that will begin an entirely different flow of information?  I don’t know the answers to these questions.  All I know is that I bought myself a few new notebooks and a couple of boxes of pens.  I am a note taker.  I am a “logger” of information and life.  I will listen and I will retain what it is that I am meant to.  I will grow and I will change.  I will sieze all this information as if drinking water in a desert.  I am more powerful as a result of this classroom.  I am fortunate for having a life that has seen that the classroom is there.

Yes, there is still so much to learn.  Thank God.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

Now you may ask… what does my mantra have to do with the spirit of compromise?  You may also be asking how I could look at the world with what would appear to be an apathetic attitude.  I will answer both of these questions in a moment.  Suffice it to say for me they most definitely work in tandem and, in my experience, very well.

To many people compromise can either mean losing or possibly just “not winning.”  And for some to say “It doesn’t matter” runs against the very fabric of the caring society that is strived for.   If it doesn’t matter it would naturally mean that one does not care, right?

Wrong on both assessments… at least wrong for me.

When life is black and white for me I am often not in the best of spirits.  Black and white indicates a structure that holds me into it’s framework.  It is not malleable or flexible.  I am not allowing myself to see things from more than just one angle or perspective.  What that provides, more than often, is personal struggle.  It means that I am not always going to like what I see happening or what it is I am doing.  Granted even with the addition of compromise there is no guarantee that I am going to like the process or the result… but the ratio of “enjoyment” or one’s ability to learn something or change the way things are viewed is much larger.

For me compromise is essential.  I have to look at the world in front of me and all the plethora of changes it offers with a modicum of elasticity.  I need to bend and grow and understand that comfort zones, however well earned and appreciated, are often not the best arenas for growth and life education… and no matter how much one loves said comfort zone.. it is bound to end one way or the other at some point no matter how comfortable it is.  If my mind is open to the changes around me and I am of the mind that I can “compromise” what I feel is “right or wrong” or even step into something that I don’t want to do with a compromising spirit I am undoubtedly going to win in many more ways than I would with a closed mind.

If I am willing to live with the benefit of the doubt and grow personally whether I am growing in other ways (initally), than compromise is a sure-fire way to expand horizons and see the world, a relationship or a job through different eyes and options.  NO, they don’t always work… but the experience is the treasure.  If I do something and it doesn’t work I can be happy knowing I have tried.  If I don’t do it because I just won’t… I am living within that aforementioned walled structure and missing opportunities.

And even the opportunities that fail are eventually something that allows us to grow and find better all around life experience down the road.

As for the mantra “It doesn’t matter”… I will explain it this way:  how often do we make a mountain out of a molehill?  How many times have we found ourselves angry about something or someone that has absolutely nothing to do with us?  For me it is about making sure that I don’t become to passionately involved with something to the point of taking things personally (one of The Four Agreements is “Don’t take anything personally”)  Just because people say things with conviction and relative sincerity… it doesn’t make it true.  Just because people are disagreeing or even trying to make things more difficult in our perception, this is not a reason to allow it to become our burden or take it on as a personal weight on the shoulders.  The fact is it really does not matter.

Again… I know there are things that really DO matter.  I do not for a moment want to claim that nothing ever matters.  I think people like me are able to discern the difference between what really DOES matter and what is something that we are taking too much stock in and allowing too much space in our heads and our lives.  There is a difference between what does matter and what does not.  Stop, breathe and think for a moment before you make it the issue it can become.  Understand that many, many, many things are created solely as a point in our heads to be right.  It is that old “black and white” philosophy I illustrated earlier.  Open your mind and know that if it is getting to you and it isn’t about the most important things in your life, it just does not matter.

On the road to a goal of happiness, these are tools that work.  I have that experience.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

In the past several weeks I have been stepping up on the changing of routines, focus, thought process and the results have been very, very nice.  I see the value at taking an inventory and creating the changes I desire as opposed to only sitting within my life and hoping for things to happen.  Change created can illicit change desired….  or further to the point, sometimes giving the change a bit of a push can inspire shifts that could exceed the expectation or desire one had in the first place.  Any way you look at this it beats sitting around and waiting for differences and adventures in your life.

One of the things that makes me who I am is the “ism” trait that finds me forever looking to be somewhere else.  I have battled this for my entire life.  There is a distinct and obvious point to this sort of thinking or behavior… it means I am not very good at being in the moment.  If I were I would probably be more apt to enjoy the places that I am… rather than wanting only to be where I felt I would be more satisfied.

Perhaps this would explain my constant craving for travel?

Trying to live in the moment might actually be the toughest piece of the puzzle that is my life.  I often wonder if I would be able to work through more of the things I desire to conquer if I were able to stop pushing myself out somewhere beyond where I am.  It doesn’t help that the times that I am able to honestly stop and recognize the place I inhabit completely I am on a vacation or somewhere different than the routines of my “normal” life.

I suppose this is normal.  And the fact is that I am not unhappy with the regular routines of my life.  I am extremely fortunate at all levels, I am not going to deny or forget that.  In a world filled with suffering the fact is I am not.  I have worked through every single difficulty I have ever allowed myself to and have a few on the plate that I know full well that I will conquer as well.  I am committed to living the best life possible and although there are times that I forget that truth, I am reminded simply by reading the words that I write over and over in journals and blog entries.

I absolutely insist on enjoying my life.

So what of those times that things seem to be in a rut?  You don’t perceive the advantages and believe that people are not really taking you seriously.  If things are seemingly set in a pattern and you don’t feel the growth that is required for a human LIVING (as opposed to simply being) it is important to find other avenues that will instill inspiration and motivate the changes that the stagnancy is lacking.  For me the changes have come in many different ways.  I have stepped up my life outside of work by becoming more involved with friends and fellowship.  Being sober alone is not enough.

I have also taken the bull by the horn and made the decision to make some changes with my personal self.  I am currently cleansing (literally) and have been doing so for 8 full days.  I plan on going from 10 or go up to 14.  It is astonishing what it has already done for me.  I am full of energy, faith, hope, patience and clarity.  I am feeling astonishingly better in body (in the first 7 days I have lost 10 pounds of that “ism” weight that was making me uncomfortable).

With the cleansing of the body, it would seem, comes the cleansing of the mind and soul.  Who knew?  Once this cleanse is completed I will start a new and different regimen to make sure that I can feel this way as much as possible after and in-between the cleanses.

And then there is a holiday coming on May 30th.  That doesn’t hurt either.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

Inspiration provides motivation.  Motivation potentially leads to action.  Action will always bring about the results and lessons.  And, for me, results and lessons fill me with inspiration.

This is the sort of cycle I have been working on incorporating into my life.  It’s not the first time I’ve worked in this arena… and it won’t likely be the last.  When I am there it provides a result that ultimately reaps rewards but there are also times that I am not in the frame to accept inspiring people, places or things.  Ultimately it is in those times that I need to be inspired the most.

There are tools in my life that provide a way to grow, learn and gain awareness about that things I really want to do and be.  It never ceases to amaze me that there are periods that I will not use them even knowing that they work… have worked and will work again.  Being in anger, resentment and holding any amount of negatives within you is ultimately going to burst out somewhere and somehow in ways that will not provide or invoke anything close to inspiration for others.

What inspires me?  People with motivation, people who are real and honest.  People who have taken their lives and changed them while accepting the struggles that it can sometimes take to “trudge” that path.  I am inspired by messages of hope and by people who are selfless.  It is common knowledge with the program that you have to give it away to keep it.  Honestly… this is true for life in general.  The “it” involved in the phrase could change from scenario to scenario.

Through the years I have not been immune to inspiration or inspiring others.  I am well aware that when I was giving something of myself I was always in better spirits and spirituality.  Life, however, can sometimes shift its gears and throw different priorities in our faces.  We can sometimes make choices (none of which I believe to be the wrong choices, just opportunities for growth and lessons…) that take us out of the inspiration cycle and into a fevered path to success.

Don’t get me wrong.. there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for or believing in the success model.   There are ways to work with the successes in life that can lend to the cycle of inspiration.  I have found them… but it took me a while, and, as noted above, I sometimes have the tendency to separate goals and forgo one for another completely.  For me there were years of intense focus on changing my life into one of service and gratitude for having a platform to learn how to live a better way.  As life would have it I then grew tired of the complete focus and pulled away to find my own individual “normal” life.  For the record… I did just that.  I moved myself into a very successful career, a happy and fulfilling social and traveling life and an astute awareness of how to keep the things I had been working so hard to get by using the essentials I had been taught.

But essentials are not always enough and finally I have come into a part of my life where I am working to honestly concentrate on the balance that will provide me the best of both worlds…. even during the times when it doesn’t feel that way.

And there WILL be those times.

So I seek out the people who can remind me how it is done.  I look for inspiration and I put forth my best effort to inspire others myself.  It is not necessarily my goal to inspire, however… the goal is to live with an honest and real intent to give to others what has been freely given to me.  To help through my own experience and to help simply by listening.  The most important thing I have learned in the past couple of decades is that I am not alone by a long shot.  I am amongst many who share the same fears, hopes, dreams and troubles.  If I hear you talk about your life I am likely going to find the similarities and work with them to live better myself.

Inevitably, I will feel better for it…. and then the cycle is in motion.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

For me, it seems, it has been largely what I do not have, what I have considered unattainable and whatever might be coming next.  So, it would seem, I am happy by the prospect of what my life could be.  This , I suppose is not necessarily a bad way to be, considering that sort of thinking is of an optimistic nature as opposed to believing the worst about  what lies ahead.

Although happiness can be wished for, dreamed about and earned… it is an emotion and can only actually be felt in the moment.  So it would stand to reason that the hopes and dreams of the future happiness is all good, but not truly the definition of happiness that I would be looking for.

Don’t get me wrong… it isn’t as though I am never happy in the moment.  I’m actually rather satisfied with my life.  I am blessed and I am fortunate, there is no doubt that I have become a person that I can be proud of and live a life where I am able to do and be so many things that I truly want to do and be.  This in no uncertain terms makes me happy.

The problem has been that I don’t seem to be as happy as I could or should be.  It seems that the aforementioned projection into what I could be is taking a lot of the emotional part of my living moments and moving me further away from the experiences I should getting more out of in the now. So although I am not an unhappy person, it has become obvious to me that  I am not fulfilling my full potential of happiness.

And it stands to reason (at least one would hope) that I am in a place  I had at one time been projecting myself towards… a place that I assumed and hoped would be a happy and possibly even happier time in my life.  Sounds a bit like a vicious cycle doesn’t it?  A little of the “grass is always greener” syndrome or a perpetual carrot being dangled in front of me.

The problem is it is I who constantly dangles the carrot.

My life is much like my journal pages.  I experience (and write) things over and over and over hoping that they will somehow change and my life with them.  Sometimes they do, most of the time they do not.  The willingness to repeat the behaviors, habits and patterns is, in most places, classic “insanity” (by definition this is where one does something repeatedly expecting different results).  But in my journal pages I learn through repetition.  I am of the school that tends to beat their head against a wall repeatedly until they are bloodied and finally surrender… and learn… and move on.  The journal pages have allowed me to see the patterns and, although I would love to believe that it would be the ultimate lesson, I will forever find gratitude for the therapy and growth experience it constantly provides.

I make habits, I can break habits.  But that requires action.

I will be redefining what happiness is and should be to me again as I start out a new week.  I’m realistic, however, in knowing that I will redefine it again in the future… perhaps many times.  I’m fine with that, because it stands to reason that all this thinking, plotting, defining and writing defines ME and the the hope for the future.  That makes me very happy.

I’m here for a reason.  I can’t say that I completely understand what that reason is… or if I am supposed to understand.  What I do know is that it makes me happy to know that I am in my classroom learning what it is that is going to take me to that place one day,,, day by day… while doing my best to be happy within the moments that make up those days.  I can ask for no better than that.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

At least that is someone I have been for the greater part of my life.  It was important to me that I be validated, recognized, coddled, complimented, or simply noticed or acknowledged.  Granted, any one of these things on its own is not necessarily a negative trait.  We all deserve and desire attention in one way or another.  I expect, however, my needs were magnified by an obsessive compulsive personality trait coupled with a (perceived) lack of attention in many aspects and certain types of attention that weren’t very healthy at all…

The recipe provided me with a modest dose of neediness and fear along with loneliness and resentment when my overactive mind processed the things I was doing as more than they probably were… and focused especially towards particular people or for specific goals.  As with anything out there in a world filled with humans, this sort of behavior becomes counterproductive and one-sided.  How does a goal become reached if there is no communication that there is a goal desired?  Not everyone is apt to provide regular feedback that validates a job done… and certainly wouldn’t be prone to do so if they aren’t aware that the “need” is there.

For me the process of learning how to live better started when I knew that I could.  Before such a time I had no handbooks, no instructions… and no clue that I was even doing anything wrong.  What I did understand is that I lived by trying to get people to notice me one way or another.  I tried by being cute, by acting out, by over-achieving, by sexualizing, by pushing you away… and although there were pieces of each that worked for me… more than not, I was unsuccessful.

The more I failed, however, the more determined I became to achieve the approval I craved.   Even in the sobriety years I would find myself achieving more and more and within the realization of my own powers of potential I began to live the double personality of confidence and doubt… needing, whether consciously or subconsciously, to HEAR that what I was doing was working, that everything was good, or that I was accepted.  Without the validation I would sometimes feel used and foolish, as if without some form of approval what I was doing was no longer worth having been done.

Fortunately I have moved out of that sort of mindset.  These days I look at the world and me within it as a challenge of positive steps along a path I am destined to walk.  Over time I have come to learn that my intent is what is important.  The projects themselves are vital on my canvas, but it is my intention towards how or even why I am doing them that makes the difference in their outcome (and the journey)… whether the achievement reaches the expectations of success I anticipated or the lessons of failure I always appreciate but never look for.

Today there are goals.  There are challenges that I like and some that I do not.  There are avenues on the path that are becoming  a bit more clear as options to stroll.  Each and every one of these things is about how I shape myself and the life I am living.  It will prescribe who I am around others and how I am remembered (in bits and pieces) when I am gone.  I am thrilled by the life in front of me… and grateful for the life behind that has brought me here.

But I no longer require the approval of others to do the things I want to do.

It is important to note that I will always accept the constructive criticisms, well-intended advice, validation and appreciation for the things I am doing, as much as I will be sure to provide all such things to others around me with good intention.  There is a difference between needing approval in order to feel warranted or whole…. and accepting approval from people whose opinion you trust and admire.

The road ahead is becoming more interesting by the day.  It may just be that the next chapter I am forever speaking about is taking its shape.  Until that time, however, I have waved yet another flag of surrender and pulled myself wholeheartedly into each and every project that I am involved with.  Onward.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

It is entirely possible that I have ADD…. or perhaps I am over-tired on many of my days.  Sometimes I feel that I am doing too much and my brain becomes filled to the brim and simply cannot handle anything more.  Other times I just fall into my familiar world of self-obsession and begin thinking about the things I need to do, the places I’d rather be, the people in the room or any number of other things that aren’t involved with whatever is being said to me or around me.

And sometimes I just don’t THINK that what is being said is very interesting so I tune it out.

What happens when I am not paying attention to the world around me is that I rely almost entirely on the world within me.  As I mature and am able to bank more and more experience I become able to pull from this account and make intelligent decisions, hold my own in conversation and act around others in ways that I would consider appropriate and helpful to my own legacy for all aspects of my life.  I want to be proud of myself and it is important that I am able to pull the right information at the right times to help aid this goal.

Work in progress.

But this is why listening is important to the cause.  No matter what it is I am listening to…. or who, there is the potential for archival information that will not only help me to make good choices and decisions but will build up that treasure trove in my head to help me survive and flourish in times that I am relying only upon myself to make important decisions in aspects of my life.  Those times that I am not asking for advice or help…

There is no guarantee that I am going to enjoy or agree with what it is I hear when I am listening to the world around me… but there is more of a chance that I will miss opportunity to grow, change and benefit in many different ways should I shut the world around me out.  It is amazing the way my mood, day, job, relationships and life in general can lift when I am listening to the associated people, places and things in my midst.  I will hear the tidbits that turn on the light bulbs.  I have felt the spiritual awakenings.  I will recognize my ego and arrest the behaviors that do not serve me.  It is 100% possible to shift perception and attitude if I move out of the self-obsession and pay attention to the world around me.  It is highly likely my attitude will only get worse if I do not.

I write this today as a reminder that I have heard many very vital things to my own personal strength and path in recent days… and as a result I enter a new week of my ongoing existence with the proper perspective to churn out a successful and happy result.  That is the goal.  That is what I talk about ad-naseum.

The question, I suppose, is whether or not I will listen to this advice and carry on with it.

It’s time for change.  Taking the actions are going to yield the results.  These are words I speak to a lot lately… so if listening to the world around me is a tool in my box that will provide me with results that allow me to feel any less restless, irritable and discontent… I’m in.

Listen to that and hopefully it will provide you with a better day as well.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.

It would appear that I am in a very long (and sometimes arduous) crossroads.  It isn’t the first time I have realized transition and if I am lucky it will not be the last.  What it does to me personally, however, is create inner struggle and, as always, far too much thinking, thinking, thinking.  That is the objective of transition… it is the basis of growth and point of the lesson.  Struggle IS faith, as long as one does not let go of it and takes the ‘trudge’ through to the point of delivery.

First and foremost I must remind myself that I am fortunate.  There are so many things to be grateful for and so much that I need only remind myself to recognize and enjoy for whatever they are.  When I look at the places I have come from and the path that I have behind me I am astonished at the accomplishments and the progress.  Where I am is a blessing… but even in saying so I am astute enough to recognize when a ride is ending and the next plan of action is in order.

Every life should contain motivation and passion.  It is understood that not every person achieves this in all they do, but I feel I have in almost every area.  I am passionate by nature.  I can be passionate to a fault.  In all facets of the path I have taken I have thrown myself into the work and play that encompasses my life with a vigor that can only be described as spirited and genuine.  For me there really are no half measures.  I commit to my writing, to my friends, to my passions.  I am honest with and about them and live by a positive intent.

Right now my path is not filled with this energy.  There are always going to be challenges… potholes that create the need for a shift of gears and mini-transitions inside a thriving passion.  But avoidance and denial are not answers to the best results in growth should I want the path to continue in an upwardly mobile direction.  Sometimes it is necessary to refocus.

I am currently lacking passion in the main area of my life.  It feels stale and somewhat lifeless where it once held a great deal of power and truth.  That is not to say that I am passionless.  There are pieces on the current path that are giving me a lot of energy and excitement.  I thrive within them and I am happy when around them.  Currently, however, they play minor roles in waking hours and that has made me realize that the transition has begun.

Knowing and taking action are two very different things.  My motivations towards growth and challenge are not a secret.  I have been actively looking into the next chapter for some time now… and have had bites and prospects start to sprout all around me (it is Spring, after all).  Some things are actually exciting in a courting aspect… others are not very realistic, but fit into a validation or reminder that I am more than I feel I have become where I currently am.  The story will play out … but isn’t moving as quickly as the man who wants more would like (and although people I believe in would tell me that constantly searching for more is classic alcoholic behavior I would remind them that this is not a new development in the current scenario…)

But this is where trust comes into play.   I have always felt amazingly guided by an angel (or angels).  I have been in situations throughout my life that presented me with insurmountable odds and been lifted out and beyond any imaginable height expected or dreamed.  Why would where I am today be any different? Add to that the expectation of results in my own time and there is a recipe for disappointment and resentment where none need be required.

So I stop.  I breathe and I remember that there are no rules in the world of guardian angels.  There is no law that gives me governance over how that guidance is to be done.  All that I must know is what I have already experienced.  Deliverance, growth, passion, joy… and always through questions, struggle and a bit of a trudge through the muck and mire of alcoholic thinking.

I trust and therefore I trudge.  To my angel: credit where credit is due.  I’m ready when you are.

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.