Ok. Not exactly what I meant. I don’t personally advocate letting people “go” if it means they will fall to their death. But sometimes it is a in our best interest… metaphorically… to let them go from your life.

First I should say that this is not an exercise in arrogance. It is not as though by letting someone go I am claiming any sort of superiority. I am no more or less of a human being on this planet than anyone else. We are all the same in foundation… but become different as a result of environment, experience, habit and choice. In varying degrees through my life I have found myself in places and situations that did not enrich me or help any part of the spiritual being I tend to spend most of my time chasing. The lessons I have learned have come rather often from holding on to people who did not belong around me.

You might ask… who am I to decide they do not belong? Who would I be if I did NOT decide that? We are all completely capable of choice. I find for me that most of the time I do not make choices out of fear of repercussions. I have come to know as years have gone on that I have the choices nonetheless. I could make them if I wanted to understand that every decision has its consequence (and that doesn’t have to be a negative.) Essentially there are no “wrong” choices… just the result of whatever it is you choose.

I have held on to unhealthy souls in my life for various reasons. Sometimes because I felt that I needed them. Sometimes because I more or less refused to see that they were toxic. Sometimes because I was toxic myself and unable to notice anyone else well enough to make such a decision (the lower companion periods.) Time and experience has changed how I see the world, the people around me and my own life. I am able to see something that isn’t working and move it away from me if for nothing else but to preserve the happiness and positive nature that I want to have within myself.

If that sounds pollyanna ask yourself how good you are to anyone else if you are not in a good place yourself. If you are an empath or not in a completely solid place in your life… anger or negatives within others will effect you detrimentally. You will soak it in like a sponge and happiness will be a word that sort of pisses you off… nothing more.

These days if someone is around just to spread their own doom and gloom… at any extreme, it is not hard to choose to move away. Especially in an age of the internet. My latest experience dealt with a woman whose very existence is to debate and rebut anything that anyone says. If you like something she will disagree because she is that person. On Saturday I wrote on an internet site that I had seen a movie that I liked. Several people came on and said they were looking forward and shared other aspects that were very positive. She decided that she would counter it all by saying she HEARD the movie was so-so. Fine. Then she needed to come back and say that she doesn’t like Tarantino. Ok. But she had to do more… she had to insist that Tarantino was overrated. I asked her to cease the negatives. She complained that she was not allowed to disagree with me. I told her… perhaps if she had actually seen the movie…. and then stopped.

This is where I began to feel her energy within me. So I put her out… on ignore. She is not important enough to me to keep around and I will be better for it. It isn’t something new… it is who she is. Now she can have eternal debates and take her “dumps” somewhere else.

And I feel better. She is not evil… I do not hate her… or even really dislike her as a person. I just don’t want to argue with her or listen to her grouse about the world and whatever is in it.

Sometimes you’ve just got to let go of negative people.

Be Happy. Be Well. Be.

Fear is incapacitating. It drives the car. It makes the decisions. It chooses the fates. It is so very easy for me to know how things are going to turn out because of experiences I have already had. If it happened before it is bound to happen again, right? History repeats? What’s the point of doing something if I know how it is going to turn out and Buddha knows it is not going to turn out well.

Does anybody know how hard that is on an intelligent thinker? It’s mind-boggling that I am able to put thoughts together rationally or complete sentences on some days much less work through the myriad of problems, jobs, challenges, fire-drills and flash floods that the world tends to gift me with. Tied up in a bow none the less…. handed to me with a smile and a knowing malevolence. Give it to Mikey, he’ll eat it.

But then… isn’t that what life is all about? Working our way through the maze? Some days I can navigate that puppy without a hitch. Left then right, then right and right again, left and back, up around the corner and WHAM… I have found my way through and to the other side of all the many things that I am here to accomplish.

Other days I am lost. I carry the shovel and find myself unconsciously digging until there is a hole that I am looking up from dazed and confused as to how the hell I got there in the first place. Funny thing about those holes, however. Look carefully. In every hole that I have ever gotten myself into there was a means to pull myself up. A ladder, some steps, a rope…. a means of obvious and easy escape from a trap that I have undoubtedly built for myself.

So… one might ask… why continue to dig the holes? Hell if I know. I suppose that is why I write these blogs… here is where I find my answers (outside of my journals where I can write about you without you knowing.) It is a known fact that we mere humans can talk ourselves into things and just as easily talk ourselves out of them. I do my schizophrenia much better in written form.

I am a very well adjusted man. I am a thinker. I am smart and I am aware. My human side is built on emotion and experience. I have had many of each. I live in my world sympathizing and empathizing. I abhor injustice but I cannot find myself too embroiled in the anger that is necessary for that side of the human spirit. Perhaps that will be my next glorious step on the path. I do know that when I find myself in fear in places that I have been in fear before there is a reason. It means that I am creating it and it may be time to move myself to different pastures… stop in the path and take that right or left into a new avenue.

Change.

But, then I ask myself. If I change… what will happen to this. Where will that be? How will I be able to that? Who is going to…? So I stop and I decide, instead, that I will plot out the path step by step and decide what the answers will be… even if I am not all that happy with what they may be. Sound familiar? Fear: False evidence appearing real. It stops me from growing and changing. It stunts my moments and stalls my happiness. It isn’t something I would suggest and it is something that we all experience whether we want to admit it or not. Can I stop it? I wouldn’t dream of it. Some of the fear I have experienced has provided me with the most cathartic and amazing breakthroughs in my life.

Right now I am about due for another one.

But fear isn’t how I will get there. Letting GO of the fear is. I am tired of many things to the point of fearing they will not end. By fearing this I am holding on to the results because I am trying desperately to figure out the way that I can manipulate and push them into the model of clay that I see fit for what I would “presume” my best answer.

Historically the best results come from heaving the heavy sigh…. and letting go of the results. Let the chips fall where they may. I walk through my day with the best intention and the promise to be and do my best. The results will happen but they will not be mine to choose. But the process is illuminating and free of the fear that causes the problems in the first place. The brush is already clearing on the path. Somewhere up ahead I will see the turn. I am packed and ready to go… I travel light. Breathing… breathing… sighhhhhhh…

Be Happy. Be Well. Be.