This boils down to perception and a reminder that I cannot control most things in my life (outside of choice.) People love to suggest what you should be doing and how things should be. For the most part these suggestions are honest and sincere. They are welcomed and since I would never claim perfection, sometimes necessary. But they are not the definition of my character. They are not an illustration of who I am. They are often snapshots in a very large and often crowded collage filled with pieces that build a whole. I rather doubt that anyone can claim perfection (and we all know all who do are usually a bit oblivious to reality anyway.)

In knowing who I am I must always look for ways that I can improve. Change is a luxury and a willingness that will provide a bigger and better palate to help further define my life canvas. If my world were a mural it would be a very diverse and interesting one. I have been through many things… some that I considered deal breakers, some that have made me aware of a spiritual guidance. Everything blends from one scene to the next… many things showing up in different forms and colors throughout the ongoing work of art. It is all very colorful with smatterings of darkness that always presents itself with an indication of a light ahead.

What people see is not always an accurate representation. Nobody can be the same person each and every day without being disingenuous to some degree. Perhaps, however, a little bit of a “cover” is necessary from time to time. An acting job to represent yourself in some places or with certain people in order to make sure that the patterned world is kept in line. I can create characters and have done so many times throughout my life.

But sometimes it is not my character that may need to be changed.

I have worked very hard to build a life and lifestyle lined with karmic thought and sincerity in action. I am honest and I am committed to the work and relationships that I have within my daily life. In my personal life I have maintained a very gracious and admirable persona. I am honorable, and I am sought for advice, help, guidance and friendship. I am helpful and always honest (there is no reason for me to lie…) I do what is in front of me and I am helpful because I believe through life lessons that one must “give it away to keep it”. I am not acting in my personal life unless somebody hands me a script. I am what I am and that person is happy and well-adjusted. I have tried it other ways and they did not work.

I wonder sometimes if there are times in my work world that produce a behavior that I am not happy with if the change is something that should be required within or if, in fact, I should ask myself if it is not the environment where the reaction is produced? I sometimes wonder why some places do not examine the stresses of a workplace and provide some form of training or sensitivity program to acknowledge what could be dealt with in different ways. For some it may be easier to look to the employee as the issue but, in fact, it may be important to recognize the situation as well. I do not and will not absolve myself from any behavior I produce. I do not point fingers nor do I wish to do anything but walk through any piece of my being that is not working 100% to my liking. One must walk through to resolve, any sidestepping would only result in the issue reappearing in other ways or places. But if I am to be the soul reason for something that must be recognized I am forced to ask myself if I am better off finding a situation that would not produce the stresses in the first place… or should I say “abundance” of stresses.

In July I am examining my future. I know who I am and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Every person is different. Every person handles life (and stress) differently. But there is no reason I should be defined by mistakes. I am not willing to be afraid of them or to feel that is what people will see in me. If it is, that would be a perception I have no control over… but it would also be an incorrect one. To try and avoid mistakes is like walking on a landmine. If I had avoided the mistakes of my past I would not have become the person I am today.

I suppose the difference today is in learning that I am not willing to allow others to define my character. It is a rising in personal strength and a reminder that I am a hell of a lot better and stronger than I have given myself credit for in the past. I know who I am, I know my motives and intentions. I am absolutely comfortable with it all.

Be Happy. Be Well. Be.

I love the moments when I stop, breath, smile and remember that there is always another way to look at literally anything in the world. Granted it is not always easy to grasp the nature of an alternate view, but it is ALWAYS an option. We always have the choice to change a thought, a habit, a response or the very direction we are taking within our lives.

Perception is not always about drastic change in thought or action, however… but spiritually it could make all the difference in the world regarding the way we feel about ourselves and the moment by moment existence we are experiencing.

How I look at or perceive a situation, be it the way something has been said, done (or not done), or a piece of my reality which claims priority within my very busy and active mind…it is not always what it seems. That isn’t to say that I am always wrong… simply that I may not always be right and a review is in order. The lesson is in where I put the full importance and how I hinge that upon the state of my entire being.

The last statement was written with slight dramatic flair on purpose. It is in many cases a point in contention for the way I will pour priority into active thought and allow something that is simply not as important in the grand scheme to become the reigning purpose for being.

One of the things that has been a confusion in my years has been a highly intuitive sense. I know when something is happening… or when things are about to happen or change. This is a gift that is often mishandled and mislabeled. Intuitive nature is not necessarily a psychic sensibility. I do not predict the future by any means (although there was that dream the night before Elvis Presley died…) Intuition means ONLY that I sense a difference. Being that I am also sober as a judge (I ask myself sometimes if a drink or a joint every now and again may not actually be key ingredients that will stop the constant wheel turning. Could it really be that bad??) I am highly AWARE of these shifts in “perception” within people and environments around me. When I do I then do what a sober, creative writing, emotionally responsive Piscean will do: I create scenarios without even knowing that the process has begun.

That should be a master plan for a magnificent series of short stories, a twisting-turning screenplay or a novel with options for a series.

Instead what it can become is a series of answers built on fears of past failures that undermine logic and common sense. Now where this paints the picture of an unstable lunatic I would hardly fit that description. Instead I give you a real live, honest and loyal human being dead set on making sure that the path in front of him is the best possible one created.

And this is where the perception becomes important. I crave communication. It was never highly available to me in earlier more shut off years. When I am craving communication it is usually to combat creating answers to questions myself. Asking questions is an amazing gift. Seeking answers is the sign of a person who wants to learn and better themselves. I am that person and I am proud that I seek. But the important thing I must remember is to look at and weigh the options of the answers that are around me… whether created, spun, gossiped or hard-to-handle realities. Whatever I do, see, hear or feel is multi-faceted and amazing. One common response or reaction, whether verbal or held within is only that. To stop and remember that it is all different in the eyes of others, and in turn, my own eyes. Everything can be viewed in positives, negatives and everywhere in between. All of this is part of the mystery of my own intuitive nature.

I am not afraid of change. So I must repeatedly ask myself what I am actually afraid of. The answer for this intuitive is the unknown. Tell me what the change is and I will digest and regroup. Leave me to just know it is out there and I will seek the answers. It is who I am and if I don’t accept it I will hold myself in contempt and assume myself less of a human being than others I am around. Simply not so.

My perception is that even in moments that may not appeal to others… I am strong in recognition of the process. I think my way into things… and think my way out. I strive and succeed in everything I do. I do that because I can. I do this because perception of the result is positive.

And I remember as a good friend told me today. No matter what SEEMS to be “wrong” or out of place in a moment. No matter what it is that might cause me fear or dis-comfort. I am afforded all of these feelings as a human being LIVING. In my life there have been many around me who would love to be in these shoes today.

Be Happy. Be Well. Be